Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. I write the characters according to my own views about them. In addition, I write them how I think they will react in the situations I place them in. So please refrain from leaving reviews stating they are OOC, since each person interprets such things differently.
Soubi's Awakening (Sequel to My Plea)
Opening my eyes to glaring off-white walls and streaming shines of sunlight, I flinch and try to turn away, to embrace the pleasant darkness of unconsciousness again. Unfortunately, doing so causes waves of perpetual pain to crash into my chest and arms, boulders pelting me would be much kinder.
Trying to adjust my eyesight to my surroundings, I can't help but notice the endless wires attached to me. Dread fills my mind; I am in the one place I despise more than most, a hospital.
Such a detestable place that seems so much dirtier than the white walls attest to. That is when my ears start to thrum with annoyance. Damn beeping machines, I am surrounded by them! Just how much damage did I go through?!
Unknowing to me, I must have hit a button, alerting others of my wakefulness. For I hear the plain creaky white door to my room open, letting a small yet comely nurse in. Her wide brown eyes soften with care as they meet mine.
"Oh Mr. Agatsuma! You're awake finally; we were really worried you may have given up." A bright smile makes her comely features angelic.
I stare at the merciful human angel until a question slams into my mind, demanding an answer now!
"How long have I been here?" This question holds so much for me. It will truly tell just how cruel Fate can be to me. Though, I have always felt it would eventually be merciful, I still have yet to see it.
I notice her chew her lip and shift her eyes with badly kept nervous contemplation. Oh no, this really was bad wasn't it? Fate either hates me or considers me their favorite toy, like someone else I know.
"Well…you were in extremely bad shape Mr. Agatsuma. Your legs had severe muscle strain damage, so we have given your legs deep tissue massages with menthol twice daily."
At that moment, the potent smell of menthol attacks my nose. My Kami! What did they do? Drench me in it! I truly cannot complain too much, my legs feel as if nothing happened to them at all. Even though they took the brunt of the strain many times, I had to constantly push back bright huge balls of magic that were hurled in Ritsuka's way.
"Your left arm was broken in two places, the humerus, and your radius bone. The right suffered almost a complete breakage of the wrist. Your left is completely mended, yet your wrist is not quite there yet. We removed your cast five weeks ago; you have been here three months."
I can't stop my eyes from becoming downcast. They truly hate me don't they? Why? All I have ever done was try to love and get it in return. I know there's more, a lot more. I can tell by how much pity has entered her face.
"The worst injuries I am afraid were to your chest, you suffered two heart attacks and a lung collapse while you were in a coma. Luckily, though you have an extremely strong heart, so there is only trace damage that will heal in no time with proper measurements taken." She notices my mouth is wide open, because she quickly walks to me and takes my hand in hers. "Don't stress yourself Mr. Agatsuma. You are truly out of the woods and into the light of a bright day."
I still can only stare at her. Not because of her, but how much I am realizing just how worthless I am to people. How the ones I love and loved truly see me, disposable.
"Are you hungry Mr. Agatsuma? I will get you something anyway, just in case you get hungry later," she says when I absently shake my head no.
Food or even water for that matter is the last thing on my mind right now. They were literally trying to kill me!
"Well I will let the doctors know you are awake," she makes her way to the door, but turns around and looks at me with an understanding smile. "I will let them know to give you some time first before talking with you."
I nod at her and thank you. It's a shame actually, I am becoming so unused to common decency and kindness. Maybe Kio is right, maybe I need to move away. Leave it all behind. Make all of this life just a bad dream, a horrific nightmare.
Really now, who could honestly blame me! The boy I loved and to my dismay still loves is in league with a man I had once trusted. Whom I had once cared for, but who abused me and caused me terrifying mental meltdowns, just because he could!
How could Seimei do this? Knowing what that man did to me. Then again, he was not much better was he? Even before he knew that information, he treated me disrespectfully. I just overlooked it as him showing his independence, just growing up. That was not it all; he is just as power hungry as Ritsu!
Nevertheless, to use your own little brother as a target? Just to get at me? Or is it what I felt earlier? That they wanted to kill me.
They both knew I would not only attack for such blasphemy against Ritsuka draining my power, but that I would also take whatever they aimed at the small boy. So the only conclusion I can come up with, is that two of the people I have ever loved, wanted me dead, just because they feel they can do it.
I try not to shake my body, not wanting to deal with any more pain. The screaming of my heart is enough.
My breathe catches and I can't stop myself from looking around frantically until I see him. There across the room is Ritsuka, lying curled up tightly on a couch. He looks so exhausted, my Ritsuka.
I gaze at him with all the need in my soul for him, until the bitterness I keep locked and hidden within me bursts free.
'Why is he here?' Bitterness asks snidely. It's not like he loves me, at times it seems as if he can barely tolerate me around.
Ripples of misery climb through my veins, clogging them with a raging despair.
Why can't he love me with just a tenth of how much I love him? I am willing to give him everything and give up anything to have him as mine. He should belong to me I have earned him damnit!
Look what I am willing to sacrifice! Look at what I am willing to through! Does that not mean anything to him?
I am so tired of being the lap dog to those I love and with him, love does not even come close to how I feel. He is everything I have ever naively dreamed of being mine.
When I look at him I see my future happiness that will never be, for he barely even cares for me. True he worries a little about me and he is here with me, but why? Afraid of losing his pet?
Anger rises along with my bitterness and misery. Wanting to make sure, he has someone to control? When he is having bad day, to have someone to disrespect and abuse must be a plus for him.
A small soft voice inside me says he rarely disrespects me, but who's to say he won't eventually fall into his brother's footsteps?
There is no way I can handle that. I can't and I won't go through any of this again. It's time I put him more at arm's length. He is everything to me, but it means nothing if I am not the same to him.
He should belong to in every way possible. He should bow to me for all that I hold for him. I worship him and want to make him mine.
I want to truly take care of him, shower him with everything I am. The need to show him that we could be blissfully happy together is tormenting. All of it means nothing though, I am nowhere near as important to him as others are. Even his fucking therapist has more of his heart than I ever will.
Damn him for making me so enamored with him, I would sell any part of me he wished, to anyone on this planet, if it meant, he would give me one of those rare sweet smiles.
Why is it so wrong to want him beneath me, squealing in pleasure? Is it wrong for him to submit to me, even though I would always take care of his need and wants? Can't I get just a little of the respect I deserve from him?
None of it matters though; he has no desire for me. His heart has no room for another. I am just something for the moment, that is all I will ever be.