A/N: I own a Blackberry, not Degrassi.
Summary: The way she walked, the way she moved the hair away from her eyes, the way she did everything. I couldn't keep myself away much longer. But, the closer I got, the further she seemed. I had to end it…
My third fan fiction and hoping to add more to the count. I am thinking maybe 3-5 chapters. Tell me what you think. Enjoy! = )
Who am I they ask. Why am I like this. How do I live. I'm Eli Goldsworthy. I am who I am because of my past. My parents are amazing, when they're sober at least. I practically raised myself but I don't care. Greif is filled up my head and drained when I get a release. You could call it my only escape, or my life, but its my secret.
Sometimes I wish I could sit behind her and then I could actually see somewhat of her beautiful self. But instead, I sit in front and can only imagine what she's doing right behind my back. I sat in my seat coloring my nails with a sharpie listening to the teacher go on about Romeo and Juliet. Personally, I loved the storyline.
Days went by, I sat alone watching from a distance.
I silently drove home hoping to find my parents had gone out for the weekend. Dropping my backpack on my bedroom floor, I jumped onto my Facerange account. I added Clare as a friend but I've never had a real conversation with her before other than a few hello's here and there.
I was never considered the shy type, mostly because most people were scared of me just because I wore black. When you get inside, I'd say I'm quite trustworthy. Only one other person has, and it ended in tragedy for me.
"Eli! We're home." I heard my dad yell from downstairs. He sounded sober but I'd learned to not always believe that. "Could you come down and help me with a few things?" Okay, now I knew he was flat out drunk, but if I didn't go down it could have ended worse.
"What?" I stood at the top of the staircase.
"I thought your mother told you to do the dishes. And why are they not done?" he started to walk towards the stairs, stumbling as he went.
"No one asked me to do anything." I said blandly.
"Elijah, don't lie. Now get down here right now."
"No. I'm not doing what I wasn't told to do." I protested, knowing how it might end up.
He had it with me. I went back to my room and just before the door was closed all the way, he had it open again. Total blackness.
When I woke up it was 2am. I could feel the pain in my body, and only hoping nothing was seen. Trying to even sit up was like getting shot in the chest. Intense pain rang through my torso and neck.
Stress.
Anger.
Emotional Pain.
Sadness.
Five minutes later…Red is streaming down my arm, dripping into the sink.
Relief. My secret.
Monday morning in class, Clare and I were assigned English partners. I couldn't wait but she didn't need to know that. I also had my next class with her, Health. I loathed it just like anybody else who had to suffer through it. We had a speaker come to talk to us about violence and self-harm.
Apparently it can kill you, but I already knew that. I try and stop myself all the time but it just stares me in the face. Ever since Clare came along, I've done it so much less, but it makes me feel so much better. No one really knows what's inside the mind of a cutter they say. But they're wrong, I do.
It's hell. Living with a reputation, people thinking you're some kind of murderer. I can't explain why it happens.
"So, can anyone tell me why someone might harm themselves physically?" the speaker asked.
Some redhead raised her hand. "They have no other way of talking."
"Okay, but what do you mean by talking?"
"Like they don't need words. The knife, or whatever they use to cut, is their way of letting off steam. Even if it could cost them their life."
I winced when I thought of death. The speaker must have noticed because he called on me to give my opinion.
"They feel emotional pain constantly over grief or death. They want to get rid of something." For me, this was partially true.
Before anything else could be said the bell rang. I'd have to say that was the worse class ever. As I was walking out the door, I ran into a girl slightly shorter than me with short, curly hair. I caught her arm before she fell over.
"Sorry, I didn't see you." I helped her up and bent down to grab the rest of her stuff she dropped.
"It's fine. Oh, by the way I like your point of view on the self-harm topic. It really makes sense." She regained balance.
"Thanks, hey when do you want to work on our English assignment?" I had to take a chance.
"Um…anytime is fine with me. How about The Dot tomorrow after school?"
"Sure, I'll drive." I walked out to my car to go home. Tomorrow should be good.
Hehe…I loved how that turned out, I just hope I can keep updating ASAP. Give me your ideas and reviews. What should I change? How could it be better? Keep it going slow or speed it up? I think I hear that little button calling your name…go ahead and press it!
And I have changed my pen name to Life-Love-Death just so ya know.
~Love.