I don't own any of this, and if I did... well that would be super cool. This contains many spoilers to the game, so if you want to play it, and still have some element of suprise don't read this. Also this isn't a stratagy guide, but if you end up being able to use the stuff I talk about to help you out in the game, and then end up beating it I want to know because that would be super cool. Anyway, her ya go. Enjoy yourselves.

Day One

Big scary mask dudes came to take me away to the land where all the horned kids go. They tell me that there is a waterslide, and a fun maze, so I am pretty much excited. I asked if there was a snack bar, and they told me to keep dreaming. I don't get it. I mean they have a waterslide, but no place to get your strength back up after you have been spent with sliding. It doesn't make any sense!

Day Two

Big scary mask dudes made fun of my today because they saw me writing in you. I told them it was none of their business, but they laughed even more, and then made me walk behind the horses. That wasn't very fun, and I smell like horse crap now.

I hate my life.

Day Three

Got to the place where the horned kids live, and it isn't anything like the brochure. It is a giant castle surrounded by water, and with no water slide in sight.

They took me over to the castle in a boat, and then they took me along some passageways until we reached a lift. When the door opened at the top we were in what reminded me of a bee hive. Only instead of honey comb it was stone, box, things. I wasn't to happy when they decided to put me in one of them and then leave. I defiantly didn't sign up for this.

I wonder what starving to death feels like.

Day Four

Had a really creepy dream last night. It involved me, some rain, a staircase, and a black blob in a cage. I was so freaked out when I woke up that I shifted, and was sent flying from the thing that was supposed to keep me locked up.

It was really exciting being out, but my butt hurts from the fall. Of course now that I am out I have to find a way to get out of here. I think I will rest my butt, and start early tomorrow morning.

Day Five

Started trying to find my way out of here, and ended up accidentally finding the room from my dream. So I climbed up to the top, and pulled the lever, and watched as the cage was lowered. The only reason I pulled the lever to let the cage down was because there wasn't a shadow monster in it. There was a beautiful girl.

Anyway, the cage didn't go down all the way, so I climbed around, and then jumped onto the top of the cage. Of course it fell, and the chick was released, but I hurt my bum again. When I was finally able to stand again I went to see if she was ok, but she doesn't speak the same language as me. Oh well, she's hot and helpless, and I want to help her get out of here with me. Besides, it turns out she is fairly useful, and not only for her looks. The chick can open doors like nobodies business, and doors that I am completely useless against. The only real problem about having her around is that monsters want to get her, and I have to protect her like nobody's business. It's a good thing those idol doors she opens can kill all the baddies in sight, because killing them with a big stick is no fun, and very hard.

Day Six

HOLY CRAP! OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH! FOR CRYING OUT LOUD SHE SHOULD NEVER DO THAT TO ME EVER AGAIN! Here let me elaborate for you. The hot chick and I were just walking along, minding our own business, I was holding her hand because A) I like too, and B) If I don't then she is prone to walking off, and getting captured by freaky ghost dudes. Anyway, we were walking along, minding our businesses when the bridge we were walking on decided to collapse under our feet! And guess what happened next! She fell! SHE FELL! I had her hand, but when a chick taller than you falls you are going to fall too. I was able to catch myself before we both went falling towards the ground, but it was a close call. My heart is still racing from it all.

Besides our lovely almost fall to our deaths, I was able to get us to higher ground for a nice little rest on a black couch. I see these things all over the place, and I have found they are very good for sleeping on. Of course hot girl wants to sleep on them too so I have to sleep sitting up. Last night I tried to sleep with my head on her lap but she didn't like that to much. I think it was the horns, or maybe she just doesn't like me like that… It was the horns.

Day Seven

Took hot girl on a trolley ride today. She seemed happy about it until we were almost killed by some creepy monster dudes. I killed them with my trusty stick, so it was all good.

Also helped her get down to a lower lever with a cool lift/crane/thing. It was semi complicated, but nothing I couldn't handle. I should pat myself on the back. Anyway, that was really tiring, so I am going to take a little nappy on one of those damn black couches.

Day Eight

Found really big room. I am trying to decide what I am going to do in here. I mean there isn't a lot. Just a big long bridge that goes to the other side with a hole in it, and some windows. Oh yeah, and a door that I can't get out of because of a gate. I think the hot chick was laughing at my mental blockage, and wondering if I would ever figure it out. I finally decided to climb up the windows (super scary by the way) and then jump onto the chandalier (way more scary than anything I have ever done). I don't know what possessed me to jump on the damn thing because it fell, and I fell with it. I hate falling. I don't know if I can ever really explain how much I hate falling. Anyway, hot girl laughed at me while I rubbed my bum, I hate her sometimes, and then I ran around while holding her hand, just to make her pay. She wasn't to happy about that, and then I felt bad.

After all of this I finally decided what I needed to do. So I took hot chick down with me to the lower level, and we blew up the support beam on the pathway, and made ourselves a nice little walkway out to freedom. Then as we were heading down to our freedom some of those damn monster dudes came and attacked me and my hot lady friend. She ended up doing all the killing when she opened the door on them. She is good for something.

Day Nine

This is the second most depressing day in my life. It is right after the day that my mom told me that I had horns, I was ten, and it was a huge shock. I thought I had two sets of ears. Shut up! Where I come from we don't have mirrors.

Anyway, we were doing fine, killing more dudes with the cool idol door, and then we saw it. The front gate. It was open, and just waiting for us to run right through it to freedom! Then it happened. The worst thing that could ever happen when you are trapped in a castle being chased by monsters. The door started closing. So I ran for it like I had never run for it ever in my life. I was dragging the hot girl behind me, and we were going to make it, we were going to have to make it because we are the protagonists, and we always have a happy ending, and then it happened. She fell. Hot girl fell, and the doors closed. I was devastated. I was still stuck here for even longer. I wanted to kick her I was so mad, but when I looked at her I noticed that she was just as upset as I was, and she is so pretty that I just couldn't be mad at her for long.

The out of the blue this creepy ghost like chick showed up, and told me to leave the hot chick (her real name is Yorda) there, and go home. She told me that I wasn't welcome, and some other stuff. I wasn't really listening because she was weird and I didn't feel like it. Then she was gone, and I was left to wallow in my grief of not being able to get out. Hot chick, I mean, Yorda, sat with me on the black couch thing, and held my hand to try and make me feel better. Once she thought I was feeling better she pushed me at all these lamp things, and more or less asked me to light them for her. I guess she is afraid of sleeping outside in the dark, so I lit them, and we are now getting ready for another sitting sleep. This whole sleeping while you are sitting thing cannot be good for my back.