A/N: Batman is owned by DC
The manor was unusually quiet. It was noon, and Alfred was cooking lunch for the people currently residing in the gigantic house. The sizzle of his pan and the easy roar of the fire were the only sound that could be heard to anyone outside their rooms, with each sleeping quarter being soundproof and all that. So as Dick Grayson catalogs crime scenes, Tim Drake programs software, Damian Wayne kneels in meditation, and Jason Todd blissfully snores, the Batman was busy working up a sweat with Barbara in his room.
"That's nine-hundred and ninety-five," She counted as she lay on the back of Bruce reading a heavy novel while he did push-ups. The Batman, as many would assume, was unsurprisingly strong and he could probably endure another thousand if Barbara wanted to continue reading her book on his back.
"Only five more and we'll reach our goal!" Barbara was unfazed by the ups and downs of the Dark Knight, calmly turning a page to find the plot has thicken and the man was actually the father all along. "Hey babe, hear this." She started as she patted Bruce's bicep. Bruce hummed in reply, continuing past his one thousandth pushup goal. "The man was actually –"
"The father all along. Yes I've read that book twice. Once in French."
"Oh you're such a bore. Come on, do another fifty." She dug her shoulder into his deltoid making the man turn his head to say, "As you wish," And so he took a deep breath and started doing another fifty when a light on the wall lit up.
"Well," Bruce began as he finished his tenth, "Alfred's made lunch." Bruce was still in position with Barbara still continuing to flip pages. "I'll give you a hot kiss if you get off of me." He bargained with Barbara but she presented a counter-offer.
"Finish your fifty in twenty seconds and I promise I'll shower with you." And by the gods, the bedroom vibrated from speed of Bruce's exercise.
"You should learn a thing or two from Alfred."
"Believe me Madam Gordon, Master Wayne has never shown to have an affinity for the culinary arts." The ever loyal butler and father confessed as he was pouring sweet tea into Barbara's empty glass. "I dare say even Master Todd has a better sense in the kitchen than him." And so Alfred continued his good-natured banter as the family ate with a particular wholesomeness that was both unusual and touching. When was the last time Alfred had seen his family eat a peaceful meal together. Surely Master Todd will say something that will egg Young Master Wayne the wrong way. Knives will get involved with smoke grenades as another biter. But to Alfred's surprise they were all laughing together. Given that it was aimed towards Master Bruce, but the thought of his children actively NOT destroying the dining area already left him be.
"He's right. I'm expecting some home cooked meals in the near future." Barbara voiced out with a smile. The food was spectacular and props to Alfred for adjusting the taste of her food, a tad bit saltier than the average.
"I have first-hand experience Bruce. What did you think I did when I wasn't in uniform? Alfred showed me how to make decent Italian and Mediterranean dishes that Barbara still misses." Dick pointed his fork over a piece of salmon, enjoying the aroma of the fatty fish.
"That's overstating things. I would give your Moroccan Braised Beef a passing grade. Edible, but I wouldn't ask for seconds." Everyone laughed at the statement and even Bruce cracked a tiny smile.
"Harsh, your words pierce my very soul." Dick deadpanned as he continued to eat his dish. "Kori praises my food every time I cook for her." He tried to save his face but it was the Batman that put him in his grave.
"Maybe that's because she hasn't tried real food yet." Bruce dropped in his comment and for a few long seconds the noise at the table turned mute. Everyone stared at the large man with varied expressions, Barbara's being the only one unsurprised.
"Did he just…" Tim pierced the silence. "I think he did." Damian added on. "Holy crap Batman told a joke." Jason sat at the farthest side of Bruce. He began to chuckle but pretty soon he was laughing. It was contagious and everyone started laughing, including Alfred. Bruce, however, remained stoic as ever. "I joke all the time…" he muttered under his breath, quiet enough for no one to hear.
"I have no idea what you're doing but to him but keep it up. I like this Bruce better." Dick raised his glass to Barbara. Damian approved of Dick's statement with a quick nod and a relaxed smile, Tim gave her a thumbs-up and Jason was asking Alfred when the next cooking lesson would take place. She reciprocated Dick's gesture in kind, clicking their glasses together.
"What'd you do to him?" A question that everyone at the table held their breaths as to not miss hearing the secret. Barbara placed her hand on top of Bruce's, gliding her thumb along the back of his hand.
"Oh you know," Barbara looked at Bruce, and winked at him with a grin that hid nothing from anyone. "promises here and there."
A/N: Just thought of this when I was actually having lunch with my family.