Disclaimer:

I DONNOT own Final Fantasy characters (but I would be

more than happy to own Irvy Kennepooooooo) anything in this fic,

therefore don't sue me.

Please? Also, much to our surprise, I put this in the form of a script

for your viewing pleasures. Enjoy!

::Note::

( and ) mean action

** is a sub for italics

CAPS is screaming

and is what a character is thinking.

==Final Fantasy X-Story of Crap==

===Clash of Leo, FF8, and her Middle School Teachers....THE HORROR!===

[Place: Some random town]

[Time: Hell if *I* should know! After the game?]

Here stands Leo in the middle of a street, she-to our surprise-is doing

not much of anything other than....standing there.

Leo: "I'm bored."

(Suddenly, the FF8 cast appear out of nowhere.)

Rinoa: "I have arrived! BOW DOWN TO ME RIGHT THIS INSTANT!"

Seifer: "Okay!"

Rinoa: "Thank you.... Thank you."

Leo: (blink) (blink) "I'm still bored."

Squall: "Who are you?"

Leo: (shrugs)

Zell: "You mean you don't know who you are?"

Leo: (shrugs again)

Quistis: "When did you get here?"

Leo: (shrugs once more)

Selphie: "I'm a dumb burnet."

Irvine: "We knew that from the start."

Leo: "....can't *do* much with that."

Rinoa: "BOW DOWN TO ME I SAYS!"

Leo: (blink) (blink) "....why?"

Rinoa: (stops and thinks) "Good point."

(suddenly-out of nowhere *again*-appears Leo's English Teacher, Mr.

Bennett)

Mr. Bennett: (holding up two hands and the peace sign)

"Four scores, and Seven years ago, our fathers brought forth this

continent, a new nation. Conceived in liberty and educated to the

proposition that all men are created equal. Now we are engaged in a great

civil war, testing weather that nation or any nation conceived and so

dedicated and long endure. We are met of a great battlefield of that war.

We have come to dedicate a portion of that field as a final

resting-place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It

is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this. But in a

larger sense, we cannot dedicate, we cannot concentrate, we cannot

hollow this ground. The brave men, living and dead who struggled to have

They're concentrated it far above our poor power to add or distract. The

world will little note nor long remember what we say here, but it can

never forget what we did here, it is fir us, the living rather to be

dedicated here to be unfinished work, which they fought here have thus far

so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to

the great task remaining before us-that from these honored dead we

take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the full

last measure of devotion-that we here highly resolve these great dead

shall now have died in vain, that this nation under God shall have a

new birth of freedom, and that government of the people, by the

people, for the people shall not perish from this earth."

(blinks, and walks out)

=======================================================================

::NOTE-yes, that was the full and actual speech, and

the reason why I put this in was because he read this to us once, and I

just felt like putting this in for your educated pleasures.::

=======================================================================

All: "Oooooookay."

(suddenly-out of nowhere *yet again*-appears Leo's other English

Teacher, Mr. Graves)

Mr. Graves: "I'm really STOLKED man!" (walks out)

Leo: "I think he is a surfer at heart."

Irvine: "Okay, something tells me that Leo's English teachers coming

out of nowhere isn't normal."

(little then said, Leo's Math teacher, Mr. Costello, walks in)

Mr. Costello: "Has this been enough said?"

Irvine: "Yessir."

Mr. Costello: "Now, I'll give you all a Math quiz. If you pass, then

you live. If you fail, I OWN YOUR SOUL, MWAHAHAHAHA!"

Leo: "YIKES! He's even *more* scary when he is evil than when he

taught."

Mr. Costello: "Okay, now a test." (conjures up a desk and chair for

every one, gets them paper and pencils, and makes them write a math

test, as he stands there laughing insanely) "Hehehe....they'll never

get it all right...."

Zell: "....the hell? How am I supposed to know what 100 times 100 is?!"

Mr. Costello: "Then you fail. You *are* the weakest link. Goodbye."

Zell: (falling through a black hole of fire below) "NOOOOOOO!"

FF8 Cast & Leo: (-gulp-then start working on the test)

Mr. Costello: Mwahahahah, once I fail you all, I'M GONNA TAKE OVER

THE WORLD!

Squall: Hmm....let's see, the width of 12 square and....

Selphie: Yikes, I can't think! Hmm...ever wonder where I came up

with the line of "Booyaka..."?

Quistis: Hehehe, I remember that joke Cid told me, when two blondes,

a rabi, and a general walk into a bar...HEY! Was he trying to say

something...? Oh well....

Seifer: Hey I have a nose!

Irvine: I dunno why, but I get this urge to start shooting people.

Oh well, Selphie may be acceptable. Wait, is she even a person?

Oh well, free bait....Did someone say urge?!

Rinoa: I shouldn't have to do this, I'M A GODDESS! La la la....

Leo: Wow! Actually LISTENING to Mr. Costello paid off, I guess.

Mr. Costello: "Time's up! Seifer since you are going to fail anyway,

I banish thee to the under world!"

Seifer: (flaming black hole appears beneath Seifer and he falls

through) "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

(there is a long moment of silence, and then everyone just goes on like

nothing never happened)

Selphie: "Hey, no fair! You never even SAID there was a time limit!"

Mr. Costello: (grins) "That's the whole pleasure about it."

Quistis: "You remind me of an older version of myself."

Squall: "Yes. Too smart and too bitchy...."

Quistis&Mr.Costello: "WHAT WAS THAT?!"

Squall: (meekly, sliding under his desk) "Nothing."

Mr. Costello: "Well, so, now I'll give you a self test-"

All-but Mr. Costello: "WHAT?!"

Mr. Costello: (smiling) "Just kidding. I'm going to ask you

questions, and then you all have to answer to me....no wait, you all

stay there until I get these graded and then I'll be back, and then

I'll determine weather if I take-"

FF8 Cast Including Leo: (dashes off)

Mr. Costello: "-your souls....?" (grins) "YOU CAN NEVER ESCAPE THE

WRATH OF THE MATH TEACHER! YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE!"

[Place: Outside of the Random Town]

FF8 Cast & Leo: (panting) "That was....close...."

Squall: "We had the time to escape. Leo, something tells me you know

them?"

Rinoa: "NO, SOMETHING TELLS SQUALL THAT HE IS MY LOVE SLAVE!"

Squall: "Uhh....no."

Leo: (blink) (blink) "Aaaaaanyway, as we were saying-"

Irvine: "We were onto something?"

Leo: (rather long pause) "Okay, ya got me there."

(Leo's Science Teacher, Mrs. Honstein, walks in)

Mrs. Honstein: "Hi -------."

Squall: "What was that?"

Mrs. Honstein: "I said to ------- 'hi'."

Leo: (smiling) "Sorry. It's too dangerous to display my *real* name

on the net. You know, we have to fear those people who watch too much

'Scream' movies."

Selphie: "But there's only three."

Leo: "Okay, then they watched the three 'Scream' movies way too many

times-hey, how would you know about movies? I bet you haven't even

watched a single movie in general!"

Squall: "How could you guess?"

Leo: "Just look at her hair!"

All: "Ooooooo....ahhhhh....

Mrs. Honstein: "Hope you did well on your quiz, bye now!" (walks away)

(then, out of the mist, appears the most horrifying thing, more

scarier than a "Scream" movie....)

Eddie: "Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuger?"

=======================================================================

::NOTE-No, Eddie is NOT a guy. *She* is a friend of mine, helping me

write this fic, just to let you know that there isn't only one person

here with a problem::

=======================================================================

FF8 Cast&Leo: (stares blankly)

Eddie: "Suuuuuuuuuuuuger?"

Quistis: "Ohmigawd, what is *it*?!"

Irvine: "Another friend of yours?"

Leo: (trying to cover her face) "Nope. Never seen her in my life...."

Eddie: "Hi -----." (whispers) "I see dead people...."

Leo: (blink) "Yeah, I hear voices, and they don't like you."

Squall: "Figures...."

Eddie: "Who the hell are you?"

Quistis: "Whoa, *it* swears too!" '_'

Eddie: (in a low voice) "I resent that dumb assssssssss...." (takes

a deep breath) "....sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss-"

FF8 Cast&Leo: "SHUT UP!

Eddie: "Okay." (cringes)

Leo: "I don't know her...."

Selphie: "Really?" (everyone looks at Leo) "....*it* is a *she*?"

Irvine: "THAT'S IT!" (conjures up a violin and bashes Selphie in the

head with it)

Selphie: "Not again...." (falls over)

Mrs. Thomas: (walks in) "Hey, that's no way to treat an instrument!"

Irvine: "Yes ma'm!"

Mrs. Thomas: "NOW DROP AND GIMME TWENTY!"

(the FF8 cast do so, but Leo just stands there with her arms crossed.)

Leo: "I don't want you here. MR. COSTELLOOOOO!"

(Mr. Costello appears)

Mr. Costello: (in that deep freakish voice) "You raaaaaaang?"

Leo: (nods at him and then at Mrs. Thomas)

Mr. Costello: (smiles) "OH goody! I get to send the band teacher to

hell!"

Mrs. Thomas: (a black hole of fire appears under her) "NOOOOOOOOO!"

~~In The Underworld~~

( Mrs.. Thomas fall from the ceiling and lands on her ass bounces and

lands on Seifer)

Seifer: (in a muffled voice) "Get.....off......me.....oh cruel fate....

Can't.....................breathe............."

Zell: "Ma?....We thought-you was a toad?"

Mrs. Thomas: (gets up off Seifer)

Seifer: "OH! I see the light!" (angel's sing and a light hovers over

his head) "I....HAVE BEEN FORGIVEN!"

Zell: "Seifer? Since *when* did you become a preacher?"

Seifer: "Since the moon fell down on my face."

Mrs. Thomas: "Hey! YOU GET AN 'F'!" (eyes turn red....what's this....?

MRS. THOMAS IS A DEMON!)

Zell: "Dun-dun duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun....."

Leo: (appearing) "Humph! ....always *knew* she was...."

Seifer: (snaps his fingers, angels appear, and so do a whole bunch of

demons. The angels sing the melody and the demons sing the harmony as

Leo's Choir teacher, Mrs. Dolphin appears and starts to direct them

into a song, and Seifer joins)

Demons: (low and EVIL tone) "ooooooo...."

Angels: (high and-surprisingly-beautiful tone) "OOOOOO....."

(in the tune of Devil Went Down to Georgia)

Seifer: (continues to snap his fingers)

"Thomas went down to Balamb,

She was lookin' for a soul to steal.

She was in a bind,

'Cause she was way behind

And willing to make an evil deal."

When she came across this young girl

With a dud brain and thinking NOT,

And Mrs. Thomas jumped on a stone and said:

Mrs. Thomas:

"Girl lemme tell ya what.

I guess you didn't know it,

but I'm a brain abuser too.

If you'd care to take a dare

I'll make a bet with you.

Now your pretty dense,

But give your band teacher her due,

I've got a brain of gold to get your soul

'Cause I think I'm dumber than you.'"

Zell: (coming in dancing around)

"The girl said:

Leo:

"My names Leo and it might be a sin

I'll take your bet your gonna regret

I'm the dumbest there's ever been."

Choir:

"Leo play your video games and fry your brain hard,

'Cause hell is loose in Balamb and your teachers does it hard.

If you win you get this shinny brain made of gold,

But if you loose then Thomas gets your soooooooul!"

Zell:

"The freaky teacher fried her brain and said,

Mrs. Thomas:

'I'll start this show.'

Zell:

"And fire appeared from her thumbs as she kneeled down low,

And she picked up the Playstation and it made an evil hiss,

Then a band of demons joined in

And it looked something like this:"

(Mrs. Thomas played Mario Brothers with no plot-wait, none of

them ever have plots-anyway- and then after her brain was fried,

she gave the blank look on her face, and started stumbling

around, saying "I love you, you love me, lets gang down and

kill me....")

Seifer:

"When Thomas burnt her head, then Leo said,

Leo:

"Well your pretty good ol' sun,

Now you just sit right there in that chair

And lemme show you how it's done!"

(Leo picks up the controller and starts playing the first "Final

Fantasy", and after she was done, she starts jumping around singing

"This is the song that never ends, it goes on and on my friend. Some

people, started singing without knowing what it was, so they joined

in JUST because: This is the song that never ends...." *pauses after

two years, seven hundred days, and twelve minutes, then starts

singing "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's

nerves..." etc....)

Seifer:

"Thomas bowed her head

'Cause she knew that she'd been beat.

She knocked that brain of gold on the top of Leo's head,

Then the room filled with heat.

Leo after regaining her senses said,"

Leo:

"Mrs. Thomas, just come on back if you ever wanna try again,

I told you once,

You evil bitch,

I'm the densest there's ever been!"

Leo: (sniggers, walking off) "But not anymore...."

(demons risen their tempo as well as angels)

Mrs. Thomas: "I like this song!" (grins)

Mrs. Dolphin: "Yeah, sounds good so far."

Choir:

"Leo play your video games and fry your brain hard,

'Cause hell is loose in Balamb and your teachers does it hard.

If you win you get this shinny brain of gold,

But if you loose then Thomas gets your soooooooul!"

(the song ends)

(Choir demons and angels run up to Mrs. Dolphin and jump up and down)

Demons&Angels: "WE SUCK!"

Mrs. Dolphin: "God doesn't appreciate you criticizing about our lovely

music, children."

FF8Cast: (rest appearing) "What is the plot of this fic, dammit!"

Leo: "I don't know. Why don't you guys just *do* something?"

Squall: "Like what?"

Eddie: "Just give 'em a plot and make it interesting."

Leo: "Okay. You all have to try to kill Mrs. Thomas! Mwahahahah!"

FF8Cast: "Ooooooooooh!!"

Squall: "Fine with me!!"

Seifer: (dancing around FF8Cast stares blankly, but remains ignored)

(then everyone looks at Mrs. Thomas and she laughs and then disappears

to the 4th dimension)

Zell: "Duh-duh DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"

Leo: (says dully) "That was spontaneous...."

Eddie: "Cool can I see that again?!"

Mrs. Thomas's *VOICE*: "....No."

Eddie: "That sucks. I'm out of here, byeeeeeeeeeee!!!"

Rinoa: "Dude, Leo, does this fic ever end?"

Leo: "To a certain extent.....no."

Quistis: "You mean we're stuck in hell?!"

Irvine: "WITH SELPHIE AND ZELL?!"

FF8Cast-but Zell and Selphie: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Mrs. Thomas VOICE: "Well, since you are in need of a plot, I say that

if you can kill me, then I let you go...."

Squall: "Great....another proposition from one of Leo's teachers....."

Mrs. Dolphin: "But if you can't find her within the next twenty-four

hours, your stuck in hell forever. What is that, God? Oh, what about

Mr. Costello?"

Mr. Costello: (walking in) "Hi."

All-But Costello: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Leo: "Thanks allot, Mrs. Dolphin! YOU CURSED US!"

Mr. Costello: "Well, I have your quiz scores right here, and for those

who fail are automatically out of the proposition that Mrs. Thomas

offered."

Leo: "I-uh-gotta go clean my room!"

Mr. Costello: "Since *when* did you start to clean your room, -------?"

Leo: "Uh, since now?"

Mr. Costello: "YOU CAN'T ESCAPE THE WRATH OF A MATH TEACHER!"

All: "Ack!"

Eddie: (walks in) "Gah?" (walks out)

Mrs. Thomas: "Where are the quiz scores?"

Mr. Costello: "HEY -----! COME BACK HERE!" (starts to

run after Eddie but then comes back and gives everyone the sheets of

paper that they had earlier.) "Check 'em out, and wait here till I come

back." (runs after Eddie again)

Squall: "What's this...."

Seifer: "I thought I didn't take the test....?"

Zell: "Me either....IT'S HOT DOWN HERE!"

Selphie: "Like, freaky...."

Rinoa: "I'm still a goddess."

Quistis: "Leo, gimme your brain of gold."

Leo: "No WAY, I earned this!"

Irvine: "...."

Leo: (looks at her score) "WOW!"

To Be Continued....

N/A

If I get good reviews, then I'll make another chapter....hopefully not

as long....