AN: Not mine - and all that jazz. This story stands alone and is not a part of any series.

Answered Prayers

Away for three weeks, Mac noticed Harm's change in demeanour the moment she returned midafternoon one Thursday. Engrossed in his own fog, Harm didn't notice his favourite marine standing in the bullpen watching him enter his office. Just as she was about to follow she was summoned to Cresswell's office and while she briefed her CO with the professionalism expected of her rank and experience, her mind was in another office not too far away.

When Cresswell concluded the meeting and dismissed her for a three-day weekend, Mac headed straight for Harm's office only to be stopped by Jennifer.

"You won't find him there, ma'am," she said quietly, stopping Mac in her tracks. "He secured for the weekend."

"Already? On a Thursday?" she asked, checking the wall clock just in case her internal clock was off. No, she was right, it was only 1538.

"Yes, ma'am, he has taken a personal day for tomorrow," Jennifer replied. "And, ma'am..." she started before stopping.

"Yes, Petty Officer?" Mac prompted when nothing else was said.

"May we speak in your office please, ma'am?" she asked and then followed when Mac nodded and lead the way.

Once in the office, Jennifer closed the door behind her and then took a deep breath.

"Permission to speak freely?" she asked, before relaxing when Mac nodded. "Ma'am, I know you and the Commander have been closer of late...you both asked me to keep your new relationship to myself and I have. And the Commander has often told me to mind my own business...and I am trying...honestly I am."

"Just spit it out, Jen," she said, eager to hear what was on her mind.

"Harm hasn't been himself for the past couple of weeks," she said quietly. "Mattie called me and said she was worried about him but couldn't come visit because of exams, I told her not to worry as I'm sure Harm was fine...but I don't think he is."

"Has anything happened in the past few weeks that I'm not aware of?" Mac asked, now desperate to leave and go to him.

"Nothing work-wise, Mac," she replied. "I think it's something to do with his parents."

"What makes you say that?" she asked, picking her bag and cover up.

"I went over last week to borrow some flour and I heard him talking to his stepfather," Jen reported, "So, I went back later on and I'm sure he'd been crying. I tried to ask him about it, to offer some support but he was pretty unresponsive."

"Okay," Mac said with a nod. "I might just..."

"And another thing," Jennifer continued, hoping she wasn't going to get into trouble for saying too much. "He hasn't been eating or drinking enough. I don't think I've seen him touch anything here at the office for the past two weeks. I've tried to bring him coffee and Bud's tried to give him some of Harriet's cookies but he has refused."

Mac nodded again, he hadn't looked the best when she had seen him briefly.

Going home first, Mac had changed, packed a bag for the weekend, stopped by Sushi, Sushi, Sushi to pick up a range of his favourites before picking up a few more of his favourites from the grocery store. Knocking on his door, Mac was surprised when the door opened without force, the latch not having caught.

Dropping her own belongings inside the door, Mac bumped the door closed before crossing the room and depositing the shopping on the counter. Putting the sushi and perishables in the fridge, Mac left the rest on the bench and headed to the bedroom. There she found her sailor lying face down, diagonally across the bed, still in uniform, still wearing his shoes. Kicking off her trainers, Mac crept up alongside him and propped her elbow on a pillow before stroking his head.

"Missed you," Harm said, turning his head to face her.

"Missed you too," she replied, her fingers raking through his hair.

"Glad you're here," he said sadly.

"Glad I'm here too," she replied quietly. "Do you realise your door wasn't locked?"

"No," he said with an attempt of a shrug.

Mac leant forward and kissed his head. Desperate to know what was happening with him, desperate to take away the pain shining in his eyes Mac resisted asking questions, wanting him to talk on his own terms.

Harm took a deep breath before letting it out in a long sigh. "I really missed you," he said as a tear rolled down his face.

"Oh, honey," she said, shifting over and wrapping him up. "Come here."

For a long while they just lay there and Mac was almost sure Harm had fallen asleep until his stomach growled loudly and he gave a half-hearted chuckle. "Usually that's you."

"When's the last time you ate properly, Harm?" she asked, pulling back and studying his face.

"Lunch," he replied but when Mac raised an eyebrow he amended his answer. "Lunch yesterday."

"Come on then," she said trying to sit up but Harm wasn't ready to let her go just yet. Realising the issue she lay back down. "I am planning to spend the whole weekend here holding you if that's what you want, but I really want you to eat something for me...and drink something too."

"Okay," he conceded and let her go.

"You change into something a little more comfortable," she said as she scooted off the bed. "If we're going to spend lots of time cuddling together I don't need to be jabbed by all your pointy things."

Harm turned to face her. "Before you left on assignment you said you enjoyed being jabbed by my pointy thing," he said, raising an eyebrow.

"And I did, very much," she replied with a grin, glad to see a spark of humour in him. "And whenever you feel like it, I wouldn't object to being jabbed again."

By the time Harm appeared in the kitchenette, Mac had placed an assortment of sushi on one platter and was cutting up some fruit for another. Looking up, she smiled at the blue with white polka dot fleecy pyjamas he was now wearing. They had been a gift from Mattie and while he had never worn them before, preferring to sleep in as little as possible, he figured it was a cosy fabric and might encourage Mac to hold him a little closer.

"A present from Mattie," he said before she made comment.

"Very cute," she replied. "Now, do you want to sit at the table or on the sofa?"

"Table," he said before grabbing the napkins and the sushi platter. "All my favourites."

"I know," she replied. "Thought it might entice you to eat."

"It will," he replied as Mac joined him at the table with plates and bottles of water.

As Harm turned to collect the second platter, Mac stopped him and wrapped her arms around his neck. "In case you've forgotten or I haven't said it recently, I love you, Harm." She kissed him tenderly before using her thumb to swipe away the lipstick which remained on his lips.

"Love you too," he replied with a weary smile. "So much."

It was an hour later as they lay entwined on the sofa that Harm decided to broach the subject which was troubling him. He was just having trouble finding the words to start the conversation.

"I thought you would have asked by now," he commented as he raked his fingers through her hair.

"I want to ask...I want to know," Mac said without looking up at him. "I just don't want to pressure you."

"I want to tell you...I'm just having some trouble finding the words..." he admitted. "Because I know that once I actually say it it becomes real...and ...I don't want it to be..."

Moving to prop herself up on his chest, Mac gazed at him. "Honey, just take a breath and tell me..."

When Harm finally began to talk the words came rushing out. He told her of a disagreement with Frank when he was in La Jolla in March when he expressed his concerns about his mother's state of mind. Frank had told him, in no uncertain terms, that seeing his mother once a year and making the odd phone call didn't give him the right to express such concerns. This was then followed by a phone call from Frank in May apologising. It seemed he had had concerns himself and just wasn't ready to accept his wife was showing signs of dementia.

With work being very busy and trips home not possible. Harm and Frank had had frequent phone communication over the past six months and things seemed to be going alright for the most part.

"So, what's happened in the past few weeks to have you in this state, Harm?" Mac asked gently.

"Frank called to say I should come for Christmas and New Year as mom had deteriorated since last Christmas and he wasn't sure what state she'd be in next Christmas," he replied as his tears began to roll. Then I felt really bad that we'd gotten leave for this festive season and I had planned on our vacation ...not of going to see mom. I guess I was trying to convince myself that if I didn't go, then nothing would have changed. I mean the thought of going there and her not recognising me is...I couldn't bear it."

"She's not at that stage yet, is she?" Mac asked, her eyes never leaving his.

"No, no...she knows who I am when we speak...just doesn't remember certain things...like what we talked about last time, what I've been doing," he said sadly.

"Then Frank is right, you need to spend time with her," she said as she caressed his face.

"I know," he said with a nod. "But I'm sorry it leaves you at a loose end..."

"What loose end?" she asked. "I still plan on spending my entire leave with you and if that's in La Jolla and not in the Cayman Islands then so be it," she added before amending her response."Unless I'm not welcome...I don't want to intrude."

"Oh, Mac," he cried. "You'd be more than welcome...you wouldn't be intruding...I really want you to be there...be with me...it just wouldn't be the romantic vacation I promised you."

"I don't care," she replied, pushing up to kiss him. "So long as we're together, I don't care where we are...and I want to be there for you..."

"Are you sure?" he questioned, not wanting her to change her mind but needing to ask.

"I am," she replied. "It's not going to be easy for you and I would feel a lot better about it if I was there to hold and kiss you whenever you need it."

"I need it now," he whispered.

In the following four weeks, Harm and Mac concluded their work commitments and completed their Christmas shopping. As they were flying west on the 24th, Harriet held a special dinner for them on the 23rd and they got to share some Christmas joy complete with children, presents and decorations.

"Thanks, Uncle Harm," AJ said, holding up the remote controlled fighter jet he had just unwrapped, "You had to choose this!"

"Actually, it was Aunty Mac," he replied, glad Mac had volunteered to do all the shopping, his Christmas spirit seriously waning this year.

"Oh, cool, thanks, Aunty Mac," he said, turning to hug her.

"You're welcome, AJ," she replied with a smile. "I'm glad you like it, it's getting harder and harder to know what to get you."

"I'd love anything you get me," he said simply, reflecting the values instilled in him by his parents.

It was an early night as the children still had school the following day and Bud had one more day before he secured for the holidays. With an early flight, they had spent the night at Mac's with their luggage by the door.

"Tossing and turning isn't helping is it, honey?" Mac said as Harm moved for the fourth time in five minutes.

"Sorry," he said, turning to face her. "Didn't mean to disturb you."

"It's alright," she said sitting up. "How about I get us some hot chocolate and we curl up on the sofa and watch something?"

"No, it's fine," he said shaking his head. "I'll go to sleep...honest."

"Harm, let's face it, you're too edgy to sleep and I'm not going to sleep when you're so unsettled," she said. "So, rather than pretend everything's alright, let's go do something else."

"Are you always right?" he asked, leaning forward to kiss her.

"Yep," she said with a grin. "You should know that by now."

Harm opted to make the hot chocolate while Mac decided on something to watch. Carrying the tray into the living room, Harm found Mac already on the sofa, the gas faux fireplace on but the television still off and soft jazz emanating from the stereo.

"Figured your mind wouldn't be on anything we watched so we may as well listen to music and watch the flames," she said, pushing the throw rug of her and swinging her legs back to the floor so she could sit and drink her hot chocolate. "Ooh, cookies too."

"I learnt long ago that food is the way to your heart," he said, sitting alongside her.

"You don't have to worry about food, Harm," she said caressing his face. "You already have my heart."

Smiling lovingly at her, he couldn't help but quip; "Does that mean I can cancel the year subscription I got you to Chocolates of the World?"

"Not on your life," she replied leaning in to kiss him.

While the subscription had been for Christmas with the first delivery due in January, the company had sent the first delivery the week before and ruined the surprise.

"I think it's the best present I've ever received...a year of chocolate!" she enthused. "What more could a girl want?"

"Me?" he said quietly.

"I already have you," she said pushing up to kiss him once more. "Don't I?"

"Definitely," he replied. "You definitely have me...forever!"

"Good," she said, picking up her mug and a cookie before settling alongside him.

When the mugs were empty and the cookies gone, Mac found herself in a tighter than usual embrace. Looking up at Harm she found his eyes closed and realised he probably wasn't even aware of his grip. Slowly, she shifted until she found a comfortable spot and it wasn't too long before they ended up horizontal.

"I know I haven't been a good son," Harm said quietly, not knowing if Mac was still awake. "As a kid I was preoccupied with my dad, as a teenager I was angry and as an adult I've made work my priority and not her," he said. "She phones me at least once a week...or she did before this year...Has visited me here at least a dozen times and I can count on one hand the number of times I've initiated contact in recent years."

Mac gently rubbed his chest but didn't speak.

"I love her so much but don't remember the last time I actually told her when it wasn't the final line of a phone call," he continued. "I am grateful for all she has done for me but I don't think I ever told her how grateful I was."

"There's still time, Harm," she said quietly. "Still time to tell her just how you feel."

"I know," he said with a sniffle. "But I feel if I do it now, it will kind of be like saying goodbye and I'm not ready for that."

"No one ever is, honey," she replied. "If your mom has declined, as Frank has indicated, she's just going to love hearing you say it. She's not going to understand the timing of it."

"But I know," he said with another sniffle.

"I know," she agreed, "But this time it has to be about your mom and not you. Lots of people don't get the chance to say these things...to say goodbye..."

"I don't want to say goodbye," he said. "I'm not ready for it."

"I know," she said before holding him closely and crying with him.

It was with heavy hearts they flew west and while everyone and everywhere was filled with Christmas cheer, Harm couldn't bring himself to enjoy any of it. Arriving at the family home, Harm pulled the rental car into the driveway before bracing his arms on the wheel and taking a few deep breaths.

"I love you, Harm," Mac said rubbing his back. "Whatever happens, however it goes, I am here for you, for now and forever."

"Love you too," he replied taking her hand. "And I'm very thankful you're here."