I own nothing of Major Crimes. I only borrow the characters from time to time. Special thanks to gingersnapped907 for the inspiration and the TS song, Begin Again that gave my idea wings.

To Begin Again

Chapter 1

I press my face against the cold window pane. There is a sharp chill in the air and the gray skies envelope the city below. People hurrying down the sidewalk, coats snugged tightly against the wind. I see a snow flake, then another. I can't help but feel a bit of excitement. I pull a throw off of the bed and wrap up in it as I sit on the window seat. It is my favorite place. The window seat in my room has been my refuge for the past few months.

"Mom," Emily calls, "Rizz is here."

She startles me back to reality. I look at my watch as I bolt for the closet. I pull on jeans, a red sweater, black boots and black leather coat. I stick my head out of the door, "be there in a minute."
His smile lights up the room.

I grab my purse and keys off of the hallway table and give Emily a hug.

"Are we still going apartment hunting?" he asks.

I freeze momentarily giving him a wary look.

"Mom?" Emily questions. "You're planning on staying in New York?"

"I'm keeping my options open," I say. "I can't keep cramping your life by staying here."

"You know I love having you here." Emily smiles.

"Sharon, you could always bunk with me" Rizz offers, "you make a pretty decent roommate."

Emily looks horrified.

"I think I should look at the apartment Duke's friend is subletting." I say. Damn, now I'm going to have to explain Duke.

I quickly head for the door dragging Rizz behind me.

"Don't wait up, little ballerina," he calls back to Emily, "your mom's going to have a very late night."

Emily looked out her front window. She watched them come out of her building and head up the street. She saw him reach for Sharon's hand, and pull her to him, tucking her tightly under his arm.

As they faded from view, Emily hit a button on her cell phone. "I need your help. It's mom." She began to sob. "I didn't know who else to call. She went weeks never leaving her room. Now she's out drinking every night, sometimes not coming home for days. She's running with people from God knows where and now she's apartment hunting with Rizz." She wipes her eyes and listens to the voice on the other end of the line. "I don't know who he is, but he's no good for her," she continues, "and I already have dad, I don't need mom to be like dad too." She takes a long deep breath. "What happened in LA? Please can you just tell me that?"

As Rizz and I walked to the loft apartment, I realize that it's cold in New York in December. I try to control my shivers, but Rizz looks at me and laughs. "If you stay here, you're going to have to get some warmer clothes." He grabs my hand and pulls me to him. I fit nicely under his arm where it is safe and warm.

The apartment is on the second floor. It is an open concept loft with a bank of windows facing east. "Perfect for catching the morning sun," I notice.

Rizz calls from the bedroom, "you'll have a wonderful view of the sunset from in here."

I am looking out the window again when I notice The Nutcracker on a billboard down the street. I take a couple of deep breaths, but I can't stop the tears. I am afraid once I let them fall, they will never stop.

"Some asshole must have really did a number on you," Rizz says as he gives me a hug. I can only shrug and sob.

Funny how the smallest things can open the biggest wounds.

"Tell me what happened," he pleads. "You'll feel better if you talk about it."

"I don't know," I squeak out.

He gives me a questioning look. "I don't know what happened," my voice is nearly a scream. I begin to pace.

The words come tumbling out. "I'm furious with myself. I should have seen it coming. I'm a detective for gawd's sake. I should have detected."

"Sometimes you believe the lies your heart tells your head…. And refuse to believe the truths your head tells your heart."

I stop and wipe my eyes. "Pretty profound coming from such a hot dog."

He laughs as I sit next to him, "two weeks before it blew up, he had me picking out engagement rings."

"Cold feet?"

"That's what I suspected. Lord knows I wasn't looking to get married. He kept saying if you had your choice between this one or that one which would you choose?"

"And?"

"He started getting distant. At first it was the small things, like I squeezed his hand and he didn't squeeze back. He was quiet, would show up late and leave early. Then…." I felt sick.

"Then…. What?"

"One evening after an awkward dinner, he said he couldn't do this anymore. I'm confused. Do what? It turns out our relationship….he couldn't do our relationship."

"Did he say why?"

"That's just it. He said it's not you, it's me. It's better for you if you just move on."

"Ouch." Rizz says.

"Why the hell do men do that? Oh wait, my ex husband was quick to always say it was me not him" I shrug. "Maybe he was right."

Rizz was texting on his phone. I give him an exasperated look.

"Calling in the posse," He explains. "You are in serious need of an intervention."

"Oh, but there's more." I start to pace again. His blue eyes follow me. He runs his fingers through his wavy black hair. I notice that the tinge of grey at his temples sets off his olive skin. I momentarily lose my train of thought.

He rubs his hand across his stubbly chin, "So, who is the girlfriend?"

I stop dead in my tracks. "The day before I came here, I found out he'd moved back in with his ex wife."