Title: Marry You, A Wedding Special
(with apologies to the royal family of the United Kingdom)
Summary: The wedding day of Arthur and Guinevere arrives. Three things are guaranteed: singing, dancing and a ridiculous hat. Spoilers up to the Season Two finale. One shot, serious wedding crack.
Author's note: I do love a good wedding, and the recent royal wedding scored two thumbs up from me. Didn't Catherine look beautiful?
During William and Catherine's vows, an unusual plot bunny involving a wedding scene from Glee and the characters from Merlin attacked. No kidding. :-\
This story happens several years after the Season Two finale.
Characters: It's a surprise. :-)
Warnings/spoilers: Crack, with a brief hint of slash. Spoilers for the finales of Seasons One and Two.
Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, the lyrics to "Marry You" by Bruno Mars, nor the Glee scene (from 2x8 "Furt") which inspired this fic.
No offense was intended towards the Church nor the royal family in writing this story. I only had humourous intentions in mind.
After the passing of his father, the newly crowned King Arthur Pendragon lifted Camelot's ban on magic. Before long, he got down on one knee and proposed to his true love, Guinevere. The young woman immediately cried, 'yes!' and so began a period of merriment and anticipation of the wedding day.
Many nobles from near and far gathered in Camelot to attend the ceremony. Commoners lined the streets from Castle Camelot to the abbey to applaud the royal procession.
On the morning of the wedding day, Merlin (who frustratingly remained Arthur's head servant) was tasked with ensuring that the King's garments were in order, and to brush every strand of his sire's hair. Merlin took this in his stride, as it sure beat mucking out the stables and brushing Arthur's teeth.
After his hair was brushed (which took two and a half hours), Arthur asked an exhausted Merlin, 'How do I look?'
'Oh, you look gorgeous!' Merlin gushed a little too enthusiastically, seemingly snapped out of his sleepiness. Arthur gave him a funny look. 'Not that I'm saying I would rather wed you in Gwen's place, but perhaps if I had been born a girl...' Merlin said quickly, causing himself to sink further into the metaphorical hole he was digging, and the King to raise an eyebrow even further.
'Er...um...did I just hear a knock at the front door? I'd better go check!' Merlin couldn't skedaddle out of the King's chambers to the abbey fast enough. The Merthur Shippers Club gave a small squee, yet still conceded that Arthur/Gwen were endgame, yo.
Arther murmured 'okay...' and headed for the royal carriage that would bear him to the abbey. If he wasn't accustomed to Merlin's quirkiness by now, he never would be.
Inside the abbey, the guests were seated with a buzz of excitement. Merlin stood to one side. He tried not to feel too embarrassed about the hat he was wearing, adorned with brightly coloured feathers and what appeared to be a flag pole taken from a golf course. No matter, he decided, for it was a very joyous occasion.
The gathering quieted to a hush as the Master of Ceremonies announced, 'Lords and ladies, boys and girls, welcome to the first Camelot wedding special in 30 years. We will commence the ceremony with a song chosen by His Royal Highness.'
The band started to play a familiar tune. Merlin took a deep breath, for this was his cue to dance down the aisle. He sang, 'It's a beautiful night / We're looking for something dumb to do / Hey baby / I think I wanna marry you.'
Lady Vivian skipped down the aisle and joined Merlin. 'Is it the look in your eyes / Or is it this dancing juice? / Who cares, baby / I think I wanna marry you.'
Hunith and Sir Leon were the next to sing. 'Well, I know this little chapel / On the boulevard we can go / No one will know...'
'...come on, girl!' Leon sang.
The four performers sang, 'Who cares if we're trashed / Got a pocket full of cash we can blow / Shots of patron...'
'...and it's on, girl!' the men exclaimed.
The ghosts of Balinor and Nimueh, made visible thanks to Merlin's magic, sang while linked arm in arm. 'Don't say, "no, no, no, no, no" / Just say, "yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah" / And we'll go, go, go, go, go / If you're ready, like I'm ready.'
The voice of the Great Dragon sang, 'Cause it's a beautiful night / We're looking for something dumb to do / Hey baby / I think I wanna marry you.' The guests were confused, for they did not know the source of the voice. Kilgharrah the Great Dragon had been in a better mood compared to when he was imprisoned, since he had had a blessed marriage to his beloved Shazialuca. He agreed willingly to play a small part in Arthur and Gwen's marriage.
The guests' confusion turned to delight as King Arthur, Sir Bedevere, Sir Robin and Sir Gawain showed off their impressive dance moves, which they had practised so many times in the castle's courtyard.
Close behind them were Gaius and Gwen, the revered elder having agreed to walk the bride down the aisle in her deceased father's place. The guests smiled when they saw the beautiful young woman in her equally beautiful lace wedding dress. They sang, 'Is it the look in your eyes / Or is it this dancing juice? / Who cares, baby / I think I wanna marry you.'
Arthur and Gwen reached the altar as the song ended. The guests gave them, and the performers, a standing ovation.
The Archbishop said, 'We gather here today to unite this man and woman under God. If any in attendance should have any just reason why they should not be lawfully wedded, let him or her speak now or forever hold their peace.'
He was greeted with silence.
'Do thou, William Arthur Philip Louis take Catherine Elizabeth to be thy-' The Archbishop's councilor tapped him lightly on the arm and whispered in his ear. The Archbishop looked down at the book he was reading from, and his face turned bright red. A few chuckles were heard from the guests.
'I do apologise. There appears to have been a mix up. This book is destined for another couple, many generations from now.' He quickly swapped the book for another. Arthur and Gwen shared a look, shrugged and smiled. Nothing could ruin this day, as their love was so deep.
'Do thou, Arthur Elizabeth Bradley James take Guinevere Elizabeth to be thy wife, do thou promise to stay with her in sickness and in health, to cherish and love her, forsaking all others for as long as ye both shall live?'
Before Arthur could answer, Gwen turned to him. 'Elizabeth? Seriously?' Arthur shrugged. 'I am descended from a long line of English queens.'
'Oh, my apologies for the interruption then. Carry on.'
Arthur turned back to the Archbishop. 'I will.'
'...and do thou, Guinevere Elizabeth take Arthur Elizabeth Bradley James to be thy husband, blah blah blah repeateth what I said previously to the King, excepting that I replace "her" with "him"?'
Before Gwen could answer, Arthur turned to her. 'Hold on, your middle name is Elizabeth too?' Gwen responded with, 'Elizabeth is quite a common name, you know.'
Gaius stepped forward. 'She speaks the truth, sire. My middle name is also Elizabeth.'
'As is mine,' Sir Robin chimed in.
'Oi, you lot! Get on with it!' a guest called out.
'Okay, okay! I will!' Gwen exclaimed.
'Then bless this ring, oh Lord, and bless this couple so that their love will survive for eternity,' said the Archbishop. He gave the ring to Arthur. Arthur slid the ring onto Gwen's ring finger, and they both beamed.
The remainder of the ceremony was completed without a hitch. After Arthur and Gwen signed the abbey's ceremonial book and the royal ceremonial book, they were officially declared husband and wife.
Afterwards, a pleasant picnic was provided to the guests on the lawn outside. The kingdom of Camelot in the realm of Logres prospered and they all lived happily ever after. The names of King Arthur and Queen Guinevere, and retellings of their adventures (which are stories for another day), passed into legend.
The End
*awkward silence*
Those of you who spotted the references to The Producers and Monty Python and the Holy Grail win a cookie.
I might be going to heck for writing this story, but never mind. Review, please.