Title: Samson
Synopsis: He was Samson, she was Delilah and in the end, no one was saved. /AllenxLenalee, full of angst, some Noah!Allen, a bit of Tyki/
Rating: T
A/N: First decent thing I've written for this fandom in quite some time. Enjoy~.
Disclaimer: I don't own DGM, its characters or anything affiliated with it.
…
"I cut your hair myself one night, a pair of dull scissors in the yellow light and you tell me that I done alright and kiss me 'till the morning light. You are my sweetest downfall. I loved you first."
-'Samson' by Regina Spektor
…
"It's terrifying," she tells him as she clutches his shirt. "This black feeling that I have. I don't want it anymore; I just want to go. I just want to leave here… with you." Beseechingly she looks up at him, begging him, wanting him, and needing him. "Please, Allen, please. Let's just go away from here. Run away. We would be fine if we just left the Order behind."
"Lenalee, I…" There are no words he can think of to say to her. If he were to run, he would not be walking forward. If he were to leave with her he would never be fulfilled. He loved her with all of his soul, but he cannot do what she wants; it goes against every principle that he's ever known and cared about.
She puts her head on his chest and throws her arms around him. Though it is an awkward position, he wraps his arms around her as well. The two of them are sitting on the edge of his bed surrounded by the strange artwork and knickknacks that he has collected during his travels in the Order. It seems unromantic and creepy to him. He wonders, briefly, how she could claim to love someone as strange and unnatural as he. Still, he does not mind having her there with him. The world seemed just a bit brighter when Lenalee was in it, even if she was just there crying on his shoulder.
"Allen, you don't understand. You're going to die. If the clan of Noah doesn't do it, then the Order will. It's only a matter of time. And I… I don't want that to happen." She speaks into his chest, her warm breath sending prickles up Allen's spine. "I don't want to live without you, Allen. Before you came here my life seemed so empty. All I had was my brother. Now I want something better, something more. I have a purpose now and I don't want to give it up. I want you, Allen, and I don't want to let you go."
Nightmares had filled her head since the day that she had encountered that Noah. The one with the top hat and playing cards who had told her that it would all be over if his Innocence were gone and he had no reason to fight any longer. He had told her that Allen would have no part in the fight if it were gone and they would have no reason to kill him. If there were no Innocence then Allen could live for another day, happy and free. Maybe that Noah had known the secrets in Lenalee's soul and maybe he had said those words just to make her second-guess everything that she knew, but they still had leeched into her mind and began to tug on her hope. It was a thought that she could not possibly forget now and it haunted every passing moment with its memory.
If the Innocence were gone, Allen could live.
"Lenalee," he says, moving his arm to stroke her hair gently. "I'm not going anywhere. Even if the Order were to make me their enemy I would still… I'd still try. I'd still try to be there for you, Lenalee. You know that. Nothing could keep me apart from you now." He tried to keep his voice from shaking, but it was becoming increasingly hard. He knew that he meant his words, but if it were to become a lie at some point, he would never forgive himself. Yet, the daunting thought that maybe it would someday become a lie plagued his mind in his darkest hours. "But what brought this on, Lenalee?" His voice is now no more than a whisper. "This isn't like you."
The insecurities that had been pushing at her since she had gotten to the Order had broke her; that is what had happened. Though she was unable to admit it to herself, her fear for what would happen to Allen –her most important person- had taken the strong person who she had once been and had crushed it. Her own well being no longer mattered to her anymore. The meaning in her life had become Allen, and if he were to leave her, there would be nothing left. Every breath was for him and all that she did would be for him. Until this scare was gone and they could just be together with no strings attached, she would stop at nothing; he would live and they would live happily ever after.
"I'm scared," she tells him. "That's all."
"Scared of what? I've literally died before, Lenalee, but I'm still here. Count the number of times I've almost been killed," he says with a forced laugh, remembering each time that he thought that he would not return to her but did anyway through some act of God. "I'm still here. Still here to hold you and tell you that everything will be okay. There's no way that I will leave you, now, Lenalee. I'm too stubborn. This is my life, this is my cause. This Innocence is what keeps my heart beating and my world turning. I wouldn't die so easily-"
"How do you know?" she asks him, looking up at him now with tearstained cheeks, challenging him. Gingerly she puts a hand over his heart. "If I had a knife right now, you'd be dead, Allen. It's that easy. You're so fragile. We all are. They ask us to do so much and yet we get nothing but pain from it."
"That's not true," Allen tells her as he puts a hand over hers, trying not to worry about what Lenalee was threatening. "If it weren't for this fate then I would have never met you." He smiles sadly. "I don't curse anything and I don't regret anything. This is what gives me a reason to live. It's what gives us all a reason to keep going. I think… I think God chose us for this reason. Look at the people who are exorcists, Lenalee. Miranda had no one and barely made it through each day, but now she has a family who cares about her. Krory was so lonely before he came here, but now he is happy all the time and learning every day. Lavi could not open up to anyone, but now he'll at least have people who will listen if he ever wanted to. We're the people who would have no one to love us, nowhere to go if it weren't for this Order. We're all the same; all handpicked because of who we are and what we can do if given the opportunity. God took the strongest, loneliest people he could find and gave them all that he could afford to give them. Fighting for his sake, and for the sake of humans, is what we need to do to pay him back. It's a large price, but it's one that I'm-"
It happened in an instant.
He did not know where she had kept the knife or why she was attacking him. Nonetheless, he could feel his hand being sliced through and he knew that her goal was not to cause him pain, but to take something out; his Innocence. He screamed, but she kept going, blood splattering on their clothes and his sheets. "Lenalee," he was able to say through the pain. He strained to keep consciousness. "What are you doing to me?" He screamed as she jabbed the knife into his hand again to try to get the fragment.
"I'm saving you!" she shouted to convince him, and herself, of what she was doing. She did not look at his eyes; her focus was completely on the job at hand and getting that Innocence. "I'm making it so we can live another day," she told him more quietly this time, inaudible to him under his screams of agony. With one more twist of her knife the Innocence was out of his hand and in her hand. As quick as she could she pocketed it and jumped on top of Allen, pinning him to the bed. "I love you, that's why I'm doing this," she told him as she plunged her knife into his heart.
The entire time he did not fight back. He did not tell her to stop or do anything to convince her to cease her actions. The only time he spoke was when he asked her if she had a reason. Other than that he had not tried to make her see the light or the problems with her actions. He loved her as much as she loved him; he would not have wanted to do anything that may have harmed her, especially in such a compromised mental state, even if that meant his blood, his Innocence and his life. Still, the look of betrayal in his eyes as she stabbed his heart was a look that was unlike anything else she ever saw.
It was full of despair and agony. To have this done to him by the person whom he loved the most was too much for even Allen Walker to hide behind a façade. As she stuck the knife through his heart there was nothing he could say or do, but tell her with his eyes that he was disappointed in her and, moreover, that he would lover her anyways, despite this.
Still, she did not need to worry about that look for long, because in a sparkle of green the Innocence that had kept his heart beating left his heart and traveled up through the wound and spread about the two of them in a misty fog before disappearing all together into the night. The light left Allen's eyes and he went limp on the bed, his shirt soaked in red, red blood and his blankets stained with Lenalee's sin.
She had not meant to kill him.
Not at all. She had meant to get the Innocence out of him, to save him from the poison that had infected him and kept him from living a normal life of love and happiness. That was all that she had wanted to do. She had not thought that he would stop breathing; the Noah had not told her that would happen. He had only told her that it would allow him to be saved from the things that were plaguing him. When she had seen what she had done to the person she loved the most she slumped down to the ground on her knees, dropping the bloody knife next to her, hearing it clank on the floor.
"Very nice," a voice said from behind her. "Fantastic job; better than I had thought you would do, actually." She turned to see a smiling face. "You really did not disappoint me, Lenalee Lee."
"You… You told me that he'd be saved. And… and now…"
She should have never trusted the Noah. But he had seemed so sincere; he had told her that he held Allen in the highest regard and wanted nothing more than for him to go on living without the burden of being in the Order. This Noah had told her that he had wanted to play Allen in cards without being on opposite sides of this war. He had said-
"You get me wrong, little girl. He is saved." The man took off the top hat that he was wearing and set it down on Allen's desk on top of the papers and books that were stacked on it. Papers that were now part of a life that Allen had lost because of her. She resisted covering her eyes with her bloody hands and screaming at the top of her lungs. "You can see it, if you look closely. I thought that you would have noticed it, by now." She tired to look at Allen, but all she could think of were those eyes, reminding her of her disloyalty, and then replaced with lifeless shells of the eyes that they had once been. She could not bring herself to look at him, and instead stared lifelessly at the floor. "He's being saved as we speak."
The Noah walked to Allen and grabbed him by his hair, pulling him up to a sitting position. Now she could look at him. Now she could see it; she could see the gray spreading over his skin, taking the Allen she had known and stealing him, turning him into something that he was not; turning him into a Noah. "No," she whispered as Allen's eyes opened once again, not registering what had happened.
"Hello boy, are you awake yet?" His skin was completely gray now, just like the Noah who was standing beside him. They looked like a matched pair. Lenalee wanted to be sick. "Because the Earl is expecting us and we wouldn't want him to get angry at you for being late for the first family dinner that you've been invited to."
"Of course not," Allen responds, blasé, like this is nothing new. "It's time to go see the Earl," he repeats after the Noah, as if brainwashed, as if he needs to remind himself.
"Allen," Lenalee says, horrified at what she had done and what she had made happen. "Allen, don't go." She cannot move; she cannot breath. All is lost. "Allen, don't leave me. Don't leave us. We all need you here."
There is silence between them for a moment and their eyes catch each other's. His do not blame her or mock her. There is neither pity nor any disdain in them. They are just the same eyes that he has looked at her with a thousand different times and nothing different. They do not hate her. "I loved you, Lenalee. Remember that," he tells her with the smallest of smiles.
With a nod to the Noah, the two of them disappear, leaving Lenalee alone with nothing but a pool of blood and her own sin and the memory that she had destroyed the thing that she had loved the most.
…
Fin
