The aroma of tomatoes and spices greeted Elliot as he entered the restaurant. Colorful signs were posted near the entrance reminding entering patrons that the restaurant would be forever closing its doors. For nearly fifty years, Scarentino's had been a staple in the New York area for authentic Italian food. Ownership passed hands through the generations and the current owners were starting to get on in years, just wanting to retire somewhere quietly.
It had been a few years since the last time that he had eaten at the restaurant, but he remembered that he always liked their manicotti. But the restaurant decor seemed to be the same with the faux Tiffany-style lamps hanging over each table, covered with the deep burgundy tablecloths that he remembered. There was a time when the Stabler family would come here to celebrate whatever milestones entered their lives. Promotions. Birthdays. Anniversaries. Pregnancy announcements.
Before he could think too much about the reason for being here, a pimply-looking waiter made his way over with a menu tucked under one arm.
"Good evening. I'm Jeff and I'll be your waiter tonight. Would you care for something from the bar or maybe start with any appetizers?" The waiter asked, handing Elliot the laminated menu.
"Uh..I'm waiting for someone. But I'll take a Miller Lite if you have any." Elliot answered, sliding the menu to the side.
The waiter then left Elliot to his thoughts, which returned to the purpose of meeting Kathy tonight. They had to discuss what they were going to do now that she was pregnant. Again. One moment of weakness and they were both now paying the price.
He closed his eyes briefly as the memories of that night flooded his mind. The reason that he sought solace in the arms of his estranged wife? Malcolm Royce.
As much as he wanted to blame Royce for that night, Elliot knew that he was responsible for his own actions. Royce just started his downhill spiral.
Malcolm Royce led a double life. A married man, father of three, who fell in love with another woman. Funny how sometimes life managed to throw a person's circumstances right into their face. Wasn't he, too, married and in love with another woman? The only difference between him and Royce was that he didn't kill his children in cold blood. There was nothing in the world that could get him to do that. Nothing.
It wasn't until the middle of the investigation of the other woman's murder that it really started to rattle him. Realizing that he was living an almost parallel life with Malcolm Royce. The night that the three Royce children were found shot and killed in their own beds was when Elliot sought out his own children, needing to know they were safe. Away from the harm and darkness.
He remembered that he had stood in each of their doorways, just watching them sleep, listening to their soft breathing. For a split moment, fear did strike him when he didn't see Dickie right away. The boy always had to sleep with his entire face covered with a blanket. But they were safe. Afterwards, he had thanked Kathy for allowing him to come by so late to check on them. Even through the separation, she never once stopped him from seeing his kids. She must have known that he needed to see them that night.
Thanking her was when the situation turned. Turned towards something that he wasn't really prepared for or even thought about. Kathy sat in the middle of the bed and just softly said one word. One word that led him to do something that he would later regret.
Stay.
That was the only thing Kathy had said. Wearing a light green nightgown with a few of the buttons undone. She never did like anything close to her neck. She looked beautiful in the dim light of the nightstand lamp, looking up at him with expectant eyes. It was her green eyes that he first fell in love with and they then held his own confused gaze.
Shutting the bedroom door and undressing, he knew it was wrong. His subconscious was screaming at him to leave. That sex was not the reason that he came over. But he just needed...something. When Kathy clicked off the lamp, he thought that he had hesitated for a second. But it was like he was on Autopilot and was unable to stop his legs from walking towards the bed. No words of love were exchanged, nor were words of a reconciliation. It had just been something that they both apparently needed from each other. A connection.
It wasn't until Kathleen had confronted him in the kitchen afterwards that the guilt and full realization of what had transpired fully filled him with regret. What was the phrase that she used?
Booty call. Even his lame excuse that he had called and had been told that it was okay couldn't explain his actions and it made his daughter see right through them.
"Either come home or don't. There's nothing in between." Kathleen had chastised him.
He didn't want to face the truth, but Kathleen was right. While it wasn't fair to Kathy, Elliot felt that it wasn't fair to him either. He wasn't the one who had asked for the divorce. He wasn't the one who had taken their children and moved in with his mother. He wanted to try to work things out, but Kathy refused to hear anything that he tried to say. He tried explaining that she knew that he worked odd hours of the day. Sometimes having to leave family functions because some new dirtbag attacked somebody. But Kathy only heard one thing. Work. And to her, that meant one
person that he would rather be with.
Olivia.
He felt so pathetic admitting to her in the middle of the courthouse that Kathy was pregnant. Elliot wasn't about to forget her look of surprise and the hurt in her eyes. Damn. He never wanted to hurt her, but yet it seemed the harder he tried to avoid it, the more he was doing it.
Her only response was asking what he was going to do. It had been his guilt over getting his soon-to-be ex-wife pregnant and knowing that he was the reason for that look of hurt in her eyes that made him snap at her. He didn't mean it. But he couldn't help but ask what she meant by that. It was an innocent question. One that he asked himself a million times since Kathy's confession in the locker room.
Elliot was so lost in his thoughts that he barely paid attention to the waiter as he set the beer bottle in front of him. With a soft sigh, he glanced at his watch. It was now nearly ten after eight, and no signs of Kathy. Maybe she forgot. But that wasn't like her. It was him who forgot the minor details of his life. Wasn't the divorce evident of that? Work came first, anything else got swept to the side?
Glancing towards the entrance he noticed Kathy walking towards him, wearing the same brown leather coat that she had worn a few days ago. Sliding into the booth across from him, she breathlessly gave her apology. He just nodded, feeling the pangs of nervousness starting to roll around in his stomach.
Jeff made another appearance, asking Kathy if she would like anything from the bar and handing her own laminated menu. She just smiled friendlily at him and asked for hot tea. Tea had always been her favorite drink, especially when it was as cold as it was out.
Picking up his menu again, he began looking at the dinner choices as she shrugged out her coat. Silence fell between them. Elliot wasn't sure that he could trust his voice. He was still dealing with bouts of anger of being put in this situation. He didn't ask to be a new father, especially with a child whose mother he was about to divorce.
Damn. He felt a headache starting to gnaw just behind his eyes. Trying to keep his anger in check, he rubbed at his forehead, never taken his eyes off his menu. Not wanting to upset Kathy, he tried to get his anger handled.
"So, does Olivia know?"
That made Elliot quickly raise his eyes to look at Kathy. Where the hell did that question come from?
"Yeah." He answered cautiously, not knowing where Kathy was going with the conversation.
"Figures." Kathy mumbled, never meeting his eyes.
What the hell did it matter who knew? Besides, it wasn't like he was going around boasting about the fact that he got Kathy pregnant. Pregnancy wasn't supposed to be included in impending divorces.
"I don't want to talk about Olivia, Kathy. We're here to talk about us. Not about Olivia or who might know about the baby." He knew his tone sounded angry, but he couldn't stop it.
"You make it sound like I trapped you or something. You were the one who willingly came to me, Elliot. You remember? You could've said no. But instead you came to me. Don't try to play this 'poor, innocent victim' bullshit with me." Kathy hissed.
"You're right. I could've said no. But this is your fault just as much as mine, Kathy. I called asking to see the kids, not to get my rocks off." He growled quietly, not wanting to cause a scene.
"Fine. We're both to blame. But what are we going to do now? Huh? Continue living separate lives?" Kathy asked tilting her head slightly to the side.
"Living separate lives? Kathy, we're getting a divorce. You threw me out, you remember? You took my children and moved in with your mother until I could find a place. You make it sound as if I just willingly left."
"You haven't been a part of the family in a long time, Elliot. I had to do what was right for the kids. You can't constantly just come and go and not expect there to be consequences. Every time Olivia called you, out the door you went. No explanations. No reasoning. Nothing."
There she went again. Steering the conversation to include Olivia. Everything was Olivia's fault. There were a few times when it had been Munch or even Fin calling, but Kathy only seemed to remember the times when it was Olivia. And it wasn't like they were social calls. She called him when they caught new cases. He was doing his job as a sworn police officer. Wasn't that what he was supposed to do, take care of his family? How could anyone fault him for doing his job? But Kathy seemed to blame him for it.
Yes, there were times when he couldn't join his family for something as simple as going for ice cream or times he had missed some dance recital or school play. But he would rather have been there with his family than having to look at a dead body or hearing some little girl's story about what her father had done to her. No matter which direction he moved, he was always getting punished for going the wrong way.
"Didn't I just say that I didn't want to talk about Olivia? This is not about Olivia, okay? This is about the fact that we're now facing another pregnancy."
"Fine. God forbid anyone badmouths 'Saint Olivia'." Kathy sighed with frustration.
Elliot was thankful when Jeff made his reappearance, giving them both time to calm down.
"Are you ready to order or would you like a few more minutes?"
You're definitely earning your tip tonight, Jeffy boy, Elliot thought as he looked at the menu.
Kathy ordered the antipasto salad with a mineral water, while Elliot ordered his usual manicotti dish. He doubted that he had much of an appetite, but he hadn't ate all day and figured he needed something.
Jeff left them to their conversation, but neither said anything. Still angry and frustrated at how the conversation had been going so far. Elliot could feel his headache getting worse. Silently, Kathy reached into her purse and gave Elliot two of the aspirins that she always had with her. Some things still didn't need to be said between a husband and wife. Didn't matter if they were facing a divorce.
"I meant what I said, Elliot. I need you back for me. I don't know want to face this pregnancy by myself. But I understand if you don't think you could move back in, but I'd like for you to at least think about it." Kathy softly admitted, watching for Elliot's reaction.
"I..don't know. It almost feels like it's giving the kids a false hope, you know? And what about the divorce? Do we continue with that? Will we be a divorced couple who just happen to live together because they're expecting? I don't know, Kathy. I just...don't know what to do."
"Why does it have to be a false hope? Maybe this is what we need to get us back on track." She smiled softly.
"What, an unplanned pregnancy?" Elliot frowned.
"Brought us together the first time."
They both laughed softly. Maureen had been that "first time". Two teenagers who got carried away one night, not giving birth control a thought even though premarital sex was frowned on by their religion. Twentysome years later, they added three more children to the brood and now were about to add a fifth one.
Just like Scarentino's made connections within the area, this baby could be the very thing that they needed, just as Kathy had said. And he did make a vow of "for better or worse" all those years ago.
The rest of the night was spent enjoying the food, while trying to find that same connection that had somehow gotten lost through the years.
Connections were now needed that would allow them to be called "a family" once again.