Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy 7, David Copperfield, Squaresoft, Popsicle fudgesicles, Incubus, AC/DC, Orlando Bloom, Dungeons and Dragons or nimbus. I borrowed nimbus from my friend, who borrowed it from DBZ (which I also don't own).
This is a recollection of a dream that I had a couple nights ago. I own nothing except credit for dreaming this up. It has been put into story format, but rest assured, this is what happened.
How I kicked Sephiroth's ass
A black mage floated on a cloud somewhere in the Overworld. This was no ordinary black mage. First of all, this black mage was a woman. A (very) little girl named Alyssa, whose name is, incidentally, Gaelic for 'little'. Second, her wide brimmed, standard issue mage hat was pushed back on her head, revealing her youthful features. Alyssa was floating along, having the time of her life chasing a butterfly, when she noticed movement on the land below her. Curiosity peaked, and butterfly completely forgotten, she zipped down on her cloud for a closer look. There was a few trees around, so she hid herself in the branches of an oak and sent her cloud back into the sky to hide. Turning her attention to the scene unfolding before her, her green eyes widened. There, right in front of her, three people were fighting a tonberry.
"That's rather unfair," Alyssa said to herself, "three on one? Why would they gang up on a poor little tonberry?" As she spoke, the tonberry stabbed one of the women, who promptly dropped to the ground. "Okay, maybe it's not so unfair..."
"TIFA!!!" Alyssa heard the male of the party yell. Tifa? Tifa Lockheart?
"I get it!" Alyssa said delightedly. "This is a dream! And those people down there are Cloud, Yuffie and Tifa!" Watching Cloud use a phoenix feather on Tifa while Yuffie attacked the tonberry again, Alyssa thought they looked kind of pathetic. "I wonder what genius thought this party up," she said sarcastically. "I could do better all by myself!" this sparked an idea in the little mage's head. "I'm powerful, prioritized, and dreaming," she said to herself. Why don't I just do it myself?" then she remembered something. "Because I don't know how to get to where Sephiroth is." Then she remembered something else, and said to herself, "Self, two things. One, you're dreaming and can do whatever. Two, you're a black mage, so therefore could do whatever even if you weren't dreaming." Wheels of creativity turning, she whistled for her cloud, leaving Cloud and his friends to their battle with the fat, shell-less turtle.
Later that same day, a cloud zoomed across the sky, heading right for the northern crater. Atop this cloud perched the very same black mage, with her pushed back hat and blue robes, a bag containing her supplies on her lap. She had stopped at ye locale evereythinge shoppe to get her battle stuff and victory dance. Manoeuvring her cloud into the crater, she spotted a big lump covered in dust. Curious, she wiped some of the dust off the lump with her sleeve, to discover that the lump was made of mako. "I found it!" she cried in triumph. The classic victory theme played, with her vocal accompaniment. "Yatta! Watashi wa tatase!"
"Okay, Cloud would probably go to Shinra inc. or the lifestream (after finding a whole bunch of materia) and fight Sephiroth's psyche, but that's why I'm smarter! Right for the physical body, that's my policy. Now, how do I get this thing open?" Alyssa felt along the mako cocoon, using her magic to probe for a weakness, when her hand brushed something metallic on the bottom. Leaning down to examine whatever it was, she found a metal latch holding it shut. Go figure. Not bothering to question the unlikely (if convenient) turn things had taken, she unlatched the cocoon and zipped backwards, jumping off her cloud as the cocoon fell open, revealing Sephiroth.
"Who has awakened me?" he demanded hoarsely. Spotting a little girl in a black mage's getup waving cheerfully, his emerald coloured eyes widened in disbelief. "A child?" he said, to no one in particular. "What is the meaning of this? I had expected at least an adult, but instead it's a little girl who should by all accounts be playing with dolls?"
Alyssa's smile vanished as her temper soared. "I AM NOT A CHILD!" she screeched, "I'M FOUR-FLIPPING-TEEN!" She thrust her hand into her bag and pulled out a scroll. "MAGIC MISSILE!"
Sephiroth dodged the missiles sent his way so they careened into the rocks. "An infant Harpy, then?"
Alyssa suddenly remembered what she had come to do. "Alright Sephiroth," she shouted, "I'm Alyssa, black mage extraordinaire, and your worst nightmare!"
Sephiroth stared incredulously at this girl with the temper like Bahamut's fury. "Alright girl," he smirked, "I'll play along. Just don't expect me to go easy on you."
Recognizing this as the beginning of an evil speech, Alyssa put her plan into action. Quickly delving into her pack, she brought out two more scrolls and unrolled one. "Magic Missile!" she cried, sending another fleet of explosives towards Sephiroth as the song 'Megalomaniac' by Incubus started up. Halting in his speech, Sephiroth saw the missiles coming toward him and knew it was too late to dodge. The spell was a direct hit. Through the smoke of the explosions, he could see the girl had unrolled the other scroll and was powering up. The missiles were only a distraction? She waited until I was off guard and used her first spell to divert my attention before starting her main attack!
Alyssa smirked. "Say goodbye, Sephy!" she yelled, readying her spell to fire as the last of the missiles struck the helpless Sephiroth.
Sephiroth was livid. This can't happen! I won't be defeated by a girl child!
"HAAADOOOKEN!!!"
Cloud, Tifa and Yuffie made their way to Sephiroth's hiding place.
"Let's do it!" Cloud said confidently, and kicked open the door. He stumbled backwards as loud music hit his senses.
"I'm TNT, I'm dynamite, TNT, gonna win the fight! TNT, I'm a power load, TNT, watch me explode!"
Alyssa looked up from her fudgesicle to see three people staring at her, dumbfounded.
"What can I say, guys? You snooze, you lose, suckers!"
End Dream
Haha, I have a bit of a twisted mind, and low self esteem. Don't hold it against me.
Flames will be used to make s'mores!
Hooray! I did it/win!