Summary: Tag to 8x23 "Sacrifice". Angels are falling, the world is falling to pieces all over again and yet, all Dean can think about is his little brother who is dying right beside him. A hospital can't help Sam and God is MIA. What happens when the brothers finally make it back to the Batcave? Can Sam and Dean survive this new hurdle life threw their way?
A/N- Warning: This is a death fic, so don't like, don't read!
Words Not Spoken
Written by: Erin
This was Dean's worst nightmare.
If there was one thing on this earth that scared him, that made him feel like the world's worst failure, it was seeing his little brother standing right in front of him, his left hand dripping with blood and staring at him as if he had absolutely no clue why his brother even cared for well-being. Why even cared whether he lived or died.
This was not right, Dean knew that…and he was going to stop it. He had to. There was no other choice, there never was a choice. Ever since he found out just moments ago that Sam would die if he completed these trials, that Metatron lied, there was only thing and one thing only on his mind.
Get to Sam. Save Sam. And screw the whole damn world.
The older Winchester brother had just assumed that Sam wouldn't fight him, would agree that his life was worth living and would stop the trials without fuss. Because he didn't want to die. Sam had said so himself when he had first taken the trials upon himself. Dean clearly remembered that night after Sam had killed that hellhound…the hellhound that Dean had planned on killing.
"I want to live and so should you. You've got friends up here. Family. Hell, you've even got your own room now!"
"You're not a grunt, Dean, you're a genius!"
"You're the best damn hunter I have ever seen. Better then me…better then dad…"
"I see a light at the end of this tunnel and I'm sorry you don't. But it's there and if you come with me, I can take you to it."
Those words have never left Dean's brain, those words spoken by a still healthy little brother…a little brother who had yet to start coughing up blood and getting thinner and thinner by the day. The same little brother who was now standing in front of him, tears brimming in his pained, hazel eyes as he said the one word that broken Dean's heart into pieces.
"Metatron lied. If you complete these trials, you're dead, Sam."
"So?"
Who would have thought that one little word, a word that on normal occasions Dean would find himself laughing at, would send his heart plummeting into the bottom of his stomach. Would cause his heart to shatter into a million pieces. No, no, this wasn't happening. Sammy couldn't be agreeing to sacrificing himself for this god-forsaken world AGAIN…would he? He knew how important, how loved, he was, right? He had to have known, there was no other alternative-
"Do you want to know what I confessed in there?" Sam pointed to the door behind his brother, leading to the small confessional where just hours ago, Sam himself had been,
"What my greatest sin was?"
Dean stared hard at his little brother, choosing not to say anything for the time being. If he was going to save Sam's life, he had to shut up and be quiet-
"It was how many times I let you down."
Dean's green eyes softened drastically and his mouth dropped open slightly as he stared at his brother, guilt, fear, love, pain and a whole bunch of other emotions swarming through him. What the hell? How many times Sam let him down? Dean's heart pounded loudly in his chest as he stared up at his brother, willing himself to hold it together for right now.
"I can't do that again…"
"Sam-" Dean lowered his eyes and listened as his brother cut in.
"What happens when you've decided I can't be trusted again?" Sam's lower lip quivered and the tears brimming in his pained eyes started to spill over,
"Who are you going to turn to next time instead of me? Another angel? Another…another vampire?" The younger Winchester's voice trembled as he spoke, the tears that he had held in for so damn long, for so many years, now slowly making their way down his face,
"Do you have any idea what it feels like to watch your brother-"
"Hold on, hold on!" Dean cut in, raising his voice slightly to get Sam's attention and then looked back up to meet his baby brother square in the eye. Chick flick moments be damned, he had been breaking ever single chick flick moment in time for months now and he would do that again for Sam….because this time, his brother needed it more then anything right now,
"You seriously think that?" It had been so long since Dean had seen this type of helpless look in his little brother's eyes and it broke his heart when Sam didn't deny his question,
"Because none of it…NONE of it is true!" He watched as Sam turned his head, attempting to hide the look in his eyes,
"Look man, I know we've had our disagreements. I know I've said some stuff that have set you back on your heels. But Sammy…come on." His voice was filled with nothing but love and seriousness as he spoke, watching as Sam lifted his head again to look back at him, pain written all over his face and the tears slowly making their way down the cut on his right cheek,
"I killed Benny to save you. I'm willing to let this bastard and all the sons of bitches that killed mom walk because of you. Don't you dare…think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you! It has never been like that! Ever! I need you to see that. I'm begging you." Dean couldn't remember the last time he had allowed this much emotion to take a hold of him; he couldn't remember the last time he had willingly said these words to his little brother who was trembling from head to toe in front of him.
What in the world had he done?
Had he really been so consumed by his own feelings of betrayal and anger over the years since his return from Hell that he didn't see his little brother falling apart, little by little, in front of him? Sam had been holding all of this inside of him for how many years and Dean had just assumed that his brother had just let it all go and had forgiven himself for those past mistakes. Dean knew that he was far from innocent, Sam wasn't all to blame for everything that had happened that had caused the beginning cracks in their relationship. But as the older Winchester flashed back to everything that had happened since he had returned from Hell, every word, every action…Dean knew that he had pinned a lot of the blame on his brother, all the while hating himself for his own part in it, but had never come forward and told Sam that he had forgiven him long ago.
He had never come forward, told him he wasn't a failure, he wasn't a let-down and he sure as hell didn't hate him for it! Just the opposite. But once again, Dean never said those words to him because he was still angry; they had lost so much in their lives…their parents, Bobby, Ellen, Jo, Rufus, just to name a few and yet not once had to pulled his brother-the most important person in his life-and told him how he really felt about him. That he wasn't disappointed in him, that he was proud of him.
What kind of brother did that make Dean?
Could Sam ever forgive him for all the ways he had failed his little brother?
Before Dean's thoughts could go anywhere else, however, Sam's voice interrupted him again and he continued to stare into his brother's pain-filled eyes, all the while ignoring Crowley who was still chained to the chair in front of them.
"Dean, I'm so sorry…for everything…" Sam's pained voice caught in his throat and the older Winchester watched as the tears that were falling down his face rolled off his chin,
"I'm so sorry…" The younger brother's shoulders started trembling uncontrollably and just as Dean took a step closer to Sam, he watched as Sam took a small step backwards, legs shaking,
"Dean…do you want to know the real reason I didn't look for you in Purgatory?" He blinked his tortured hazel eyes quickly, trying to clear his vision so that he could see his brother clearly. Ignoring the searing pain from the cut on his palm as the blood continued to drip from it, Sam continued,
"I couldn't…After you went to Hell, Dean, you know how I fell apart without you; how I started drinking the demon blood and shacked up with Ruby. Because I chose a demon over my own brother, it nearly destroyed us…our relationship…"
"Sammy, don't do this to yourself-"
"I have to," Sam choked out again. His heart was so heavy, so filled with guilt, grief, hurt…He had to get all of this out in the open. If he was going to accept his brother's words for what they really were…fully and completely accept them…then Sam had to get this off his chest and he had to do it now,
"You remember that time…back when I was stuck in that time loop?" He waited until his older brother nodded in confirmation, a sadness of his own showing on his face,
"It wasn't just the Tuesdays the Trickster put me in, Dean…I woke up on a Wednesday and you were still killed that day…but this time-this time, I didn't wake up. I went for 6 months without you, Dean; and I turned into a different person…a monster…I wasn't me anymore, Dean…"
Dean could have sworn he felt his heart stop beating at his revelation. He wanted more then anything to just fold his baby brother up into his arms and hold him to shut out all the pain that he was revealing. But Sam had to do this. For himself. And Dean wasn't about to stop him.
Sam shook his head in despair and was about to continue explaining when he started to feel his legs give out from under him. Just before he crashed to the floor of the church, the younger Winchester felt his brother's hands grab him under the arms and helped lower them both to the floor. The younger brother's tear-filled hazel eyes closed tightly for a few moments as he attempted to catch his breath before he opened them again to see Dean kneeling right beside him on the floor, his hand now resting on his shoulder in silence.
"I…I thought you were dead, Dean," Sam quietly continued, breathing heavily as he looked straight into Dean's eyes, unable to tell just what his big brother was feeling right now,
"I really thought you were dead…and although there was still a small part of me that wondered 'what if?'…I thought you were better off without me; I would have just failed to rescue you anyways, Dean, just like I failed you in the past. And wherever you were, I thought that if you were finally in Heaven…you could finally have an afterlife free from me. You would have just been disappointed in me again if I attempted to get you out and failed…" Sam brought his trembling right hand up and wiped it over his face, attempting to smear away the tears flowing freely from his eyes,
"I didn't want to become that monster again, Dean; I just wanted you to be proud of me…to finally do what you told me to do when something like death happens to one of us…" He huffed slightly,
"So I did…and then you came back and I realized all over again, that even though what I thought I was doing was right, I had let you down all over again-"
"Sammy," Dean gently interrupted, keeping his hand on his little brother's shoulder,
"You did not fail me, little brother. You never did-"
"But you said-"
"All those words I have ever spoken to you, those fits of anger, were just that. Anger. It doesn't excuse hurting you with my words and I am so fuckin' sorry my words have caused you to believe them…to doubt how I really feel about you, Sammy. You've never been a disappointment to me or a failure, brother," Dean's voice shook slightly and he made no attempt this time to stop the tears that were threatening his own eyes,
"I've forgiven you long ago, kiddo, and now you just need to forgive yourself."
Sam silently looked down at his bleeding hand, painfully clenching and unclenching it as the blood continued to drip onto the floor, seeping into his jeans. Minutes passed as the younger Winchester silently took in Dean's words before he looked back up and painfully asked,
"How?"
"Do it for me, little brother," Dean gently urged, taking Sam's bleeding hand into his own,
"Just like you stop these trials right here, right now; you let Crowley go, you let these bastards go free because there is no way in hell that I'm letting you do this…"
Sam felt himself trembling from head to toe as he looked back down at his hand again,
"How do I stop?" He gritted his teeth as he spoke, pain leaking through him with every movement.
"Just let it go."
The younger Winchester shook his head painfully as he held out his arms, watching as they continued to glow from the inside out,
"I can't…it's in me, Dean, you don't know what this feels like…"
"Alright, c'mon," Dean pulled a handkerchief out from his back pocket and without further words, took his little brother's bleeding hand up in his again and began to wrap it gently before carefully helping Sam back to his feet,
"We will figure it out, okay?" He allowed a gentle smile to grace his face for his brother, even as the look on Sam's face continued to break his heart,
"Just like we always do." He looked straight into Sam's hurting eyes as he looked from his hand back to his brother,
"C'mon. C'mon." Without hesitation, he pulled his shaking little brother into his arms and held onto him tighter then he ever had before. Feeling Sam clutching him back just as tightly, Dean closed his green eyes as his emotions started to get the better of him,
"Let it go, brother." Feeling the trembling of Sam's shoulders underneath his hands, the older Winchester just allowed his brother to cry onto his shoulder before he whispered into his ear,
"I love you, you hear me?"
Sam felt himself completely break as he buried his face deep into his older brother's shoulder and clutched Dean even tighter to himself. Those three little words which Dean hadn't spoken to him since they were little kids...how did Dean think he deserved to hear those, after everything that he had done? So many lives had been lost because of him; he had failed his brother so much and for so long…yet, Dean just told him that he loved him. Sam didn't know just how long he had longed for his big brother to tell him that, all this time, he just thought Dean no longer loved him, was just a hopeless cause and he only took care of him out of obligation. Even after the two brothers had finally chosen each other after letting go of Benny and Amelia, the thought of that was still hidden in the back of Sam's mind and he couldn't shake it no matter how hard he tried. The younger Winchester had wanted so desperately to believe that Dean still loved him and after the trials to close Hell's gates had started, his big brother had taken back that over-protective streak which Sam had feared was long gone.
He had feared it, but he was starting to accept it.
As he felt his brother's arms tighten around his shoulders and Dean's hand rubbing his back, Sam closed his eyes and felt the remaining tears fall from his eyes and onto his brother's shoulder. Guilt was still tearing through him, a guilt unlike anything he had felt since he had died in Cold Oak and Dean had sold his soul…but his brother was telling right here and now just how much he cared, how much he still loved him. No matter what he did. His hands gripping the back of Dean's jean jacket, Sam whispered back, his voice shaking madly and so quiet only Dean could hear it,
"I love you, too…believe me, please, Dean. You gotta believe me…"
"Hush, Sammy," Dean urged, giving his brother another squeeze before allowing Sam to pull back in order to look at him,
"Of course I believe you." He watched his brother's tear-streaked face as he looked down at his glowing arms and saw that the bright light was slowly starting to leave and Dean couldn't stop a small smile from forming on his lips,
"See that? You let it go, little brother."
Sam felt a trembling smile form on his own mouth as he turned his arms over and saw that the glow had finally gone away. But before the younger Winchester had time to say anything else, a jolting, electric pain shot through ever fiber of his being and he was unable to hold back a loud scream as he collapsed back onto the floor. The last thing he remembered hearing was his brother's voice calling his name.
"Sam!"
Dean couldn't believe this was happening. One minute, Sam was smiling his way, the next he had collapsed to the hard floor and stopped moving,
"Sammy!" The older brother knelt down immediately in front of his now unconscious sibling and reached down to Sam's neck to check for a pulse.
It was still there. Thank God. But what the Hell…Sam had not finished the trials, he had let them go; why had he suddenly collapsed with that loud scream like he was being killed?
Panic and desperation took a hold of Dean Winchester as he moved around to his baby brother's other side and grabbed a hold of his upper arm, gritting his teeth as he pulled all 6'4" of his brother up into a sitting position. But Sam never woke up.
"Sammy!" Dean shouted as he moved his brother's limp arm and pulled it around his shoulders. Ignoring the fact that Sam was a couple inches taller then him and a lot heavier, Dean wrapped his arm tightly around Sam's waist and pulled him to his feet. He was getting his little brother out of here, damn it, unconscious or not.
Still ignoring Crowley, who had now taken the opportunity to call his name and demand where the hell they were going, Dean's adrenaline took a hold of him as he half dragged, half carried, Sam towards the door of the church. Just as he was pushing the door open with his free hand, the older Winchester suddenly gasped and stopped in his tracks at the site in front of them.
What the hell were those bright lights falling from the sky? Each way he turned his head, one by one these bright objects continued to fall to the Earth…and if Dean saw correctly, something was burning off of those objects before they hit the ground.
Wings.
Angels.
What the hell?
Near hyperventilation now, Dean looked wildly around as he slowly put two and two together. Angels were falling from Heaven. That was all there was too it. Castiel was an angel as well…Looking desperately back to his little brother who was still unconscious, Dean once again reached over and placed two fingers on his brother's neck, feeling for his pulse.
It was still there…but his heart rate was picking up and none of the commotion going on outside was going to wake him up.
"Hold on, kiddo. I've gotcha, little brother, you're gonna be just fine," Dean whispered through gritted teeth as he started to steer himself and Sam towards the waiting Impala.
He just hoped he was telling the truth.
0000
Sam didn't know where he was. He didn't know how many days had passed, where his brother was or better yet, whether or not he was even still alive. The younger Winchester brother attempted to move a part of his body, but all he felt was a shooting pain so intense, he thought it would surely kill him.
He wanted to scream more then anything, scream for Dean to help him. If there one thing he wanted to continue living for, it was for Dean because he knew that his big brother wouldn't continue living if he wasn't. That's all there was to it. There was no way around it, no questions asked.
Sam had to open his eyes.
Suddenly feeling a gentle, soothing hand on the top of his head and feeling it run down to rest on the back of his neck, Sam gulped and forced his eyelids to pry open, despite how painful it was. His entire body was burning up with a raging fire, from his head all the way down to his toes. Biting his lip until it bled, Sam blinked his hazel eyes a couple times until they focused on Dean who was standing right over him.
In the Impala? What was he doing in the car?
His memories were starting to come back and if Sam remembered correctly, the last thing he remembered clearly was standing in the middle of the church, holding onto his big brother for dear life as if his life depended on it. He remembered breaking down for the first time in too many years…and then nothing. Blackness. Only to wake up here, sprawled out in the back seat of the Impala with his brother staring down at him, fear and desperation along with a 'Damn it, Sammy' clearly on the tip of Dean's tongue.
"You're okay, little brother, you're okay," Dean whispered, reaching down again to smooth back his brother's dirty hair,
"We're home now."
"Home?" Sam choked out, blinking his eyes again as he attempted to sit up but gasped as another shot of pain sliced through his whole body.
"Woah, Sammy!" Dean carefully pushed his little brother back down onto the seat and then looked around him. It had been a long…too long of a drive from that church to the Batcave. At least it felt longer then it really was. Looking around him, his heart pounding loudly in his chest, his fear continued to grow as the angels continued to fall from the sky.
One by one. Never ending it appeared.
Sam blinked his eyes sluggishly and leaned his pounding head back on the seat of the Impala, his brother's hand the only thing that felt good right now. As long as Dean did what he always did at times like this, Sam was good.
But for how long?
"Sam? Sammy! Don't you dare go unconscious on me again, brother!" Sam was just able to make out the tears leaking into Dean's voice and he felt his own tears start up again at that. The last thing he wanted to do was to make his brother cry again…he couldn't allow that. He had to stay awake…he had to stay awake…
"Sammy!"
But unfortunately, the darkness was pulling him down further and further and the last thing Sam remembered before passing out again was feeling Dean's hand come to rest on his forehead.
0000
Dean was wrong. He knew he was wrong.
He thought having Sam cure Crowley, thus finishing the trials to close the gates of Hell was his worst nightmare. He thought Sam sacrificing himself once again, being willing to die for the greater good, was his worst nightmare.
But it wasn't.
This, right here, watching his brother suffering endlessly, no matter what he did to calm him. Watching Sammy once again passing out, his heart still pounding a little too hard, and seeing his face take on an ugly shade of pale and feeling him burning up beneath his hand. What the hell was the point of stopping his little brother when he was dying right in front of him? How was this right in God's eyes?
"Damn you!" Dean shouted to the sky as the angels continued to fall, not even caring if one suddenly landed on the hood on the Impala, which surprisingly they never did. But Dean continued to shout into the night sky, his tears now flowing shamelessly down his face, which had taken on a reddish color. He was furious now,
"This was your plan all along? Have Sam die no matter what? What the hell is the matter with you! Fix him!" Placing his hand once again on Sammy's forehead and brushing his sweat soaked hair out of his eyes, Dean let a finger land on the cut on Sam's cheek and cursed himself all over again at the many physical scars showing all over his brother's body. Scars that weren't there when he had dropped this kid off at the church to cure Crowley,
"Sammy, you gotta wake up, dude…"
"You can plead with him all you want, Dean, but your brother's dying."
A voice behind Dean caused the older brother to straighten up and stiffen when he came face to face with the bastard that was the cause of all of this.
Metatron.
"You son of a bitch-"
"Dean, Dean, Dean," The Scribe of God paced back and forth on the gravel lot beside the Impala where Dean still stood, his back facing his brother, attempting to protect him as best as he could,
"You really thought your brother was going to get better if he stopped the trials?" He leaned his head back and laughed, rolling his eyes,
"You humans really are as stupid as they come, aren't you?"
"What the hell are you talking about?" Dean demanded, reaching into the waistband of his jeans for his gun. He knew it wouldn't work on this bastard, but it sure as well would make him feel good,
"Tell me what the hell is wrong with Sammy or so help me God-"
"I don't think God has anything to do with this, buddy," Metatron scowled as he took a step closer to Dean until he was practically nose to nose with the human,
"At least he hasn't in a long time." Mock sympathy contorted the angel's features,
"Your little prophet in there forgot one minor detail while translating that tablet, Dean." He nodded towards the Men of Letters bunker where the young prophet was currently staying,
"He's not as good as you thought, is he?" Without waiting for Dean to reply, even as he felt the gun pointed to his head, Metatron smiled broadly and took a step backwards,
"You complete the trials, you die. You don't complete the trials, you die quicker…and more painfully. Every part of Sam's body, from his head down to his toes, feels like it's on fire…kinda like how it was when he was in the Cage, really. Guess you shouldn't have stopped him from completing them, eh, Dean? You failed once again-"
"Shut up," The older Winchester growled under his breath, shooting a look over his shoulder at an unconscious Sammy,
"You lied to Cas, you lied to Naomi, who's to say you're not lying to me as well?"
With a shrug of his shoulders, the angel smirked,
"Believe what you want, Winchester. But it's true. You're brother over there is dying and there's nothing you can do to stop it. No doctors, no big brother comforting, nothing." He arched his eyebrow and tilted his head in Dean's direction,
"Oh, you really believed that I had never heard of you boys before? You think I don't know of all those times you two have sacrificed yourselves for each other over and over again? How you two have saved this God-forsake world?" He rolled his eyes again and shook his head in mock sympathy,
"Of course I knew all about it. I knew everything, from your twisted, co-dependent relationship to all the fighting you boys do…I know it all! But no deal and no modern medicine will work on Sammy this time, Dean-"
"Don't you DARE call him that!" Dean shouted, cocking the gun and pointing it once again at the angel's skull,
"Don't you dare call him, Sammy-"
"You can shoot me all you want, Dean; but I'm just gonna come back," Metatron interrupted, his voice laced with boredom,
"I'm not here to entertain you, Winchester. I'm just here to tell you that you don't have a lot of time and let you know that if you were wise, you should have shut the gates of Hell because before this night's over…your precious little brother will be dead."
Unable to take anymore, his face burning bright red with rage, Dean pulled the trigger just as Metatron disappeared in a flutter of wings. Feeling like he was going to explode with rage at any minute, the older brother just stood there for a few lone minutes, staring up at the night sky. It couldn't be true…it just couldn't be…
"D'n…"
The plea was so quiet that any other human being wouldn't have been able to hear it, but Dean heard Sam's voice, despite how weak and quiet it was. With just one long stride, he was back to backseat of the Impala and helped pull Sam back up into a sitting position and without any further words, looped his little brother's arm over his shoulders. As he wrapped an arm tight around Sam's waist and gently, carefully pulled him out of the car, Dean bit his lip to keep from crying out loud as he felt Sam's head come to rest on his shoulder and stayed there.
"You're okay, baby bro," Dean whispered as he finally pulled Sam out and shut the back door with his free hand,
"You're okay…"
"No, I'm not…" Sam uttered weakly, feeling another shot of pain shooting through his skull. His legs almost collapsed underneath him, but Dean's arm steadied him as they slowly moved towards the Men of Letters bunker door,
"D'n…"
"You're okay," Dean repeated, not turning to face his brother. If there was some tiny chance that douchebag of an angel was telling the slightest bit of the truth, he wasn't going to spend the last couple of hours or days showing weakness in front of his brother. He was going to show him as much hope as he could muster.
0000
"Here you go, Dean," Kevin Tran whispered as he walked into Dean's room and handed him another damp washcloth with a bottle of water,
"How's he doing?" Sadness leaked into the prophet's voice as he looked at Sam Winchester leaning against his big brother on Dean's bed, eyes closed, breaths coming out in short gasps and pain contorting every part of his face,
"Dean-"
"He'll be okay, Kevin," Dean replied just as quietly, accepting the washcloth and bathing Sam's face with it,
"It'll just take some time is all…"
Choosing it would be better to let Dean believe this, especially if he wanted to live to see another day, Kevin nodded his head and looked down at his feet. It had been over an hour since the two brothers had come stumbling into the bunker…actually, more like Dean stumbling into the bunker with Sam leaning on his brother, barely even alive. To put it mildly, he looked like death. And that was saying a lot, as ever since the younger Winchester brother had taken it upon himself to do these trials, Sam started to look worse and worse as the days went on. He was getting thinner, weaker, he was coughing up blood and Kevin could tell just by the look on Dean's face that the older brother was scared shitless.
Now, after he had helplessly watched Dean silently drag his brother into their home and heard the older Winchester silently giving his brother a bath before practically carrying him into his own bedroom, Kevin never felt more helpless then now. He had just lost his mother and that still hurt more then he ever thought possible; but now watching the two older men who had just taken him under their wing and given him a proper roof that morning…watching one of them slowly and painfully dying…Kevin didn't know what to think except for the fact that if Sam died, then Dean wouldn't be far behind.
Not bothering to say anything else, the young prophet turned around and shot one last look at the two brothers, who had always been joined at the hip. Now, that term described them more then ever. Sadness filling his gut as he knew he was not welcome in this room, Kevin nodded his head and turned to leave but Dean's rough voice stopped him.
"Kevin?"
"Yeah?" Kevin turned back around, sadness shining in his dark eyes.
"Thanks, I mean…thanks for trying," Dean replied, slightly uncomfortable as he faced the prophet. He wasn't used to going out of his way to say such things to Kevin Tran, but if he really sat down and thought about it, the kid had given up so much when he became a prophet and he deserved more then the curveball life through at him.
Kevin nodded his head, unsure of what to say as he looked in between Sam and Dean and back again, watching the rise and fall of Sam's chest as he lay limp against his brother. Attempting a tiny smile of his own for Dean's sake, he then turned back around and walked out the door, leaving it open. He wasn't sure what was going to happen now, but he had this feeling in his gut that it wasn't good. For all he knew, this could be the very last time he saw the Winchesters for the rest of his life. Unprepared for the few tears filling his dark eyes, Kevin huffed and swiped them away. He couldn't get emotional about this; he barely knew these guys…
Maybe so, his mind told him as he walked slowly back into the library and grabbed his backpack, but he couldn't deny the fact that Sam and Dean Winchester were great guys who looked out for each other and for their friends and they had done their best to protect him as well. And the thought of them dying…it just didn't sit well with him. Pushing aside more tears, Kevin swung his bag over his shoulder, placed the Men of Letters key back on the table and headed towards the stairs.
And as far away from here as possible.
0000
More hours passed and still Dean sat against the headboard of his bed, his arm draped over Sam's shoulders, counting each breath his little brother took. He was still breathing; that was still a good sign. As long as he kept breathing, then Dean could keep breathing…
"D…?" Sam sluggishly whispered in agony, wrenching his hazel eyes open and blinking up at his big brother who he found he was leaning against,
"Still here…?"
"Always here, baby bro," Dean uttered back, reaching his hand over and smoothing back Sam's now clean hair out of his eyes,
"Not going anywhere, okay?"
Sam nodded slowly, painfully. Every movement still hurt like a bitch; in fact, now that he was awake for a few moments, it hurt even more then it did a few hours ago back at the church. Was that even possible?
"D'n?" The younger brother weakly uttered, his eyes never moving from his brother's face.
"Yeah, Sammy?" Dean was gentle as he carded his shaking fingers through his little brother's hair,
"You need anything, bro?"
Sam shook his head tiredly, weakly reaching a shaking hand out to his brother and carding his own fingers through his brother's free hand. He was too weak to squeeze it, but he was happy just to have Dean's comfort again,
"No…just…" He closed his eyes as he felt his throat starting to close up on him and breathing became more and more difficult. Stubbornness won out, however, as he shakily squeezed Dean's hand with as much strength as he could muster,
"Just…I love you…"
"I know, Sammy," Dean choked out as he closed his pain filled green eyes, leaning down and kissing the top of Sam's head,
"I love you, too, little brother."
"Want you to have somethin'…" Sam weakly continued, his voice now barely audible even to Dean,
"In your desk drawer…"
Frowning, Dean hesitantly removed his arm from Sam's shoulders just enough so that he could towards his desk,
"Where, Sam?"
"Top," Sam whispered back, letting out a loud coughing fit and when Dean turned back around, the palm of his hand was covered with bright red blood,
"Top drawer…"
His heart breaking all over again at the sight and sound of his brother's loud coughing fit and the blood smeared all over his palm, Dean quickly pulled open the desk drawer and he nearly felt his heart stop at the sight that greeted him. There, resting loosely right in front of his very eyes, was the amulet.
His amulet. The amulet Sammy had given to them at Christmas when they were children. The same amulet he had carelessly and thoughtlessly thrown away almost 5 years ago right in front of his baby brother, willingly breaking both of their hearts.
Not sure if he could say anything as he shakily grasped the amulet and folded it in his hand, Dean turned back around and sat back on the bed, pulling his brother back into his arms until he was nearly in his lap,
"I won't even ask, Sammy…"
"Good…" Sam whispered, feeling himself slowly starting to fade away as the seconds and minutes ticked by. The pain was fully engulfing him right now and he didn't know how much longer he could ride it out.
Still clutching the black leather cord with the gold charm in his hand, his nails digging into his palm as he held it, Dean closed his green eyes as he moved that hand and allowed Sam to grasp it, the necklace held in between,
"You don't have to say anything, kiddo, alright?" Dean uttered, never noticing the tears streaming from his green eyes and falling down his face and into Sam's hair,
"Just go to sleep, little brother…"
As soon as the words escaped his mouth, Dean felt his brother's hand go limp in his own and with his chin now resting on the top of Sam's head, he felt the final rise and fall of his brother's chest. Closing his eyes in agony and heartache, Dean tightened his arms around his baby brother and cradled him close to his chest as the tears fell. Never once did he pay any attention to anything other then the feel of his brother's body in his own; nothing could hurt anymore then this type of pain, so when the older Winchester felt that intense, searing pain forming in his chest, Dean silently welcomed it.
Welcomed it and allowed it to take a hold of him. There was only one possible explanation for what was happening and Dean felt himself smiling through his tears at the realization.
A heart attack.
0000
Sam snickered, his face half covered with his beer bottle as he watched his brother attempt to put his bottle down but found he was unable to. The younger brother turned his head slightly, attempting to hide his voice from the would-be wrath of a big brother who now had his hand super-glued to the bottle.
Unable to take it anymore, Sam practically spit his beer out as Dean continued to shake his hand…as if doing so would shake the bottle off of it.
No such luck.
Dean's eyes widened as he locked eyes with his little brother,
"You didn't!"
"Oh!" Sam smiled broadly as he reached into his pocket and pulled out the now empty super glue package, holding it up for Dean to see,
"I did!"
"Merry Christmas, bro," Dean smiled as he held out his cup of over-dosed eggnog and looked into his little brother's hazel eyes.
Returning the smile, Sam held out his own cup and clinked it with Dean's,
"Merry Christmas."
The two brothers continued smiling at each other as they sat down side by side on the motel couch, turned the volume up on the TV and watched the football game in comfortable silence.
"As long as I'm around, nothing bad is gonna happen to you," Dean smiled over his shoulder at his little brother and was happy to see the complete and utter trust shining in Sam's own eyes as he took in those very words of truth.
"Dean."
Dean jumped and whirled around in his chair, the voice that came from behind him the last one he expected to see right now. Especially right now. But lo and behold, as the older Winchester turned around and saw Sam standing in the doorway of Bobby's library, Dean's eyes widened in shock and hope as he took in his brother's eyes.
This had to be Sammy. He saw Death insert Sam's soul with his very eyes. So that could only mean one thing…
"Sam?" Dean hesitantly rose to his feet, his eyes never leaving his little brother's face, watching as Sam's face had the total and complete puppy dog look. He took a small step forward,
"Are you-" His words were cut off however as he suddenly felt his large little brother throwing his arms around him and holding onto him tightly, clinging to him as if he was his lifeline.
Almost hesitant at first, Dean slowly lifted his arms and embraced his brother back and when he felt Sam clinging even more tightly to him, the older Winchester closed his own eyes and held on just as tightly.
This was Sammy. His Sammy. He was really and truly back.
0000
"What the…?" Dean blinked his eyes rapidly as he looked around him, the sunlight shining down on his face and he frowned a bit as he looked down at himself. He was sitting on the hood of the Impala and…what the heck were all those memories he had just seen? Was he dead? Feeling another presence suddenly appear right beside him, the older Winchester looked up and locked eyes with his little brother, seeing the same look on Sam's face,
"Sammy…?"
Climbing off of the Impala, all the while his eyes taking in the beautiful, luscious scenery, the gardens that seemed to go on forever and right there in front of him…His brother. Healthy. Whole. No longer sick from the trials and not dying.
Sammy.
"Sam…" Dean bit his lip and reached a hand out until it came in contact with Sam's shoulder and once he felt the flesh underneath his hand, he lifted his head and locked eyes with his brother again.
"Dean…" Sam whispered back, his voice no longer holding the intense pain he had felt when he had died in his brother's arms back at the Men of Letters bunker. Biting his lip to keep from crying, both from happiness that he wasn't alone but also due to the fact that his big brother was in fact dead, Sam reached his arms out and threw himself full force at Dean, clinging to him just as tightly as he had that day when he had woken up with his soul intact,
"Dean…I think we're dead…"
"We are," Dean wrapped his arms just as tightly around his little brother, holding on for dear life before he felt Sam pulling away,
"Did you…I mean, did you…?"
"I think those were our real best memories, Dean," Sam nodded in confirmation before looking down at the amulet that was now hanging around Dean's neck,
"Remember the last time we were here?" Seeing Dean nod his head, Sam looked around him again and smiled,
"Those memories…I'm sure they were tweaked just to pull us apart, you know?"
"Shows what those angels know," Dean huffed, returning Sam's smile with one of his own, feeling lighter now then he had in…too many years,
"So we're in Heaven?" He fingered the amulet that had now started shining,
"I guess since this is glowing that means God has heard us all along, huh, Sammy?"
Nodding his head, Sam kept his eyes on the glowing amulet before turning back to face his brother,
"Before I met up with you, I had a meeting with God himself, Dean…" Seeing the complete shock on Dean's face, Sam explained,
"Everything that happened down there…Metatron, the angels, the lies…God never wanted it to happen, you know? I guess God finally took it upon Himself to kill Metatron after that little stunt he pulled with the falling angels…"
"You remember that?"
"Oh yeah," Sam nodded, his smile fading as he flashed back to just hours ago. Hours ago when he and Dean were still alive and attempting to close the gates of Hell,
"I remember it all, Dean. Do you?"
"Yeah," Dean nodded his head,
"So this is for real this time, huh?"
"I would assume so," Sam replied, his smile returning, albeit a little sadly,
"But you should still be alive, Dean-"
"Heart attack, Sam," The older Winchester interrupted, reaching out and squeezing Sam's shoulder,
"Not even an hour after you died."
"Dean…"
"But it just shows that this where we're supposed to be, Sammy; this right here, the two of us sharing a Heaven, this what's right, kiddo," Dean reached back over and gave his little brother another quick hug before letting go and nodding towards the Impala,
"What'dya say we take a drive, huh?"
Sam's face brightened up as he seemed to be seeing the Chevy Impala there for the first time since he was reunited with his brother,
"Let's do it."
With Dean climbing into the driver's seat and Sam in his signature passenger seat, the older brother found his keys in his pocket and turned the car on, the engine music to his ears as he listened to her purr,
"That's my girl." Ignoring the roll of Sam's eyes, Dean smirked and turned the radio on, Metallica being the first rock band that sounded through the speakers as he put the Impala into drive,
"Get used to it, Sammy!" He yelled, watching as Sam rolled his eyes again but he didn't miss the smile or the sparkle in his hazel eyes as they started driving.
They were safe. They were together. They were in Heaven together…and that was all that mattered.
The End