HARRY POTTER
AND THE AWFUL RANDOMNESS

Chapter 1 The random snake in the random place in a random situation with a talking snake who we will soon learn that can't talk but Harry is a parseltongue.
Just in case you were wondering.

It's a lovely day in the Dursley household. Well not really but for the sake of randomness we'll just say it is even though the Dursleys will be horrible to Harry. (Whoever that is.) "Harry!" Came the voice of Petunia Dursley.

"What?" Came the annoyingly heroic of Harry Potter. (Whoever he is.)

"Cook Dudley's breakfast."

"Why?" Harry (whoever he is) asked in a voice like a dieing squirrel.

"Because then we can show that you're mistreated and then we can go the zoo thereby beginning the story." Petunia said annoyed. "Duh."

"Good point but for the sake of being random. Small but very dangerous south American tree frog!!" He (this is Harry by the way.)(whoever he is) shouted in a random, random way that was random. (Hee hee. Random)

"That's very true. Can we please get on with you random, random boy."

"Look." Said a rather irritated reader. "We get that this story is about this is a story about things being random but can please stop saying the word random in random situations randomly. Oh crap you've got me doing it."

"Sorry." Apologised a guilty, guilty author.

"The llamas are hungry, I should smell them." Harry (Whoever that is) said suddenly.

Then the reader said. "Well it's a slight improvement." And then disappeared. Harry then got up and began to make breakfast while Dudley ran in circles singing the Doo Dah Song.

"Doo Dah, Doo Dah, Doo Dah." He said. Harry brought over breakfast and the family ate it and were at the zoo.

"Wait, how did we get to the Zoo?" Uncle Vernon asked.

"Plot device." Replied the author wisely.

"Oh." Said Harry. (Whoever he...) "Don't say it, I am so sick of you saying that. I'm the main bloody character, I mean... I mean... I MEAN I'M SITTIN' HERE ON THE BENCH, I'M SITTIN' HERE ON DE GROUP W BENCH AND YOU WONDER WHO I AM EVEN THOUGH I'M IN THE TITLE!"

"That was random." Exclaimed Vernon who from now on will be called Mary.

"Thank you." Said Harry. Suddenly they were all in the reptile house and Harry had some pointless dialogue with a snake who comes out of his box and becomes the star of the second book. Just in case you wondering.

THE END OF THIS CHAPTER