9:05 PM – 25 May 2011
Okay... Well. This is one story based off of a doujin that shall be adapted somehow into my other fanfic Miproe, but I decided to type the doujin itself separately so people would know what it actually was.
Warnings: Yaoi, Underage Sex/Drunken sex/Rape, Incest?, Psychological Tension, Denial, Puberty (the root cause of all problems LOL)
Tobenai tori to toge no hana (Earthbound Bird and Flower of Thorns)
Note: I always make sex scenes really descriptive and probably much longer than how they seem in the actual doujins, so watch out! :)
ENJOY!
The real me wants to fly away freely in the sky
to somewhere far away like that bird can.
Everything is your fault.
"Arthur! We're at your home now. Wake up!" America was carrying the older British nation on his back, having picked up the drunkard after the bar manager had called him to pick the other up.
"Yeesh... It's up to you if you want to get wasted but I don't want to go through this much trouble." Alfred set the other man down and took off the Briton's suit jacket, rummaging through it in search of keys.
"Let's see... Where is your key..."
He saw little lights floating around him. "Huh?" A quick look in the jacket. "It's not there..."
"Oh well," Alfred mumbled, ignoring the strange tugging on his hair and the key being held by a tiny winged being.
"Let's just leave him like this!" Alfred cheered, loudly enough that Arthur was slightly roused from his drunken sleep.
"Tsche elefsch!" (The elves!) Arthur said, before he coughed lightly. Alfred sighed, having wanted to ignore the faeries before.
"Yeah, you're so..." Alfred picked up the other again onto his back and began to quickly Nation-Hop to his own house in America.
"If you wake up, it's a bother, but if you sleep, it's also a bother to me." As they exited the portal, America pulled his key out of his pocket to open his front door. He gently opened the door, making sure that Arthur wouldn't fall off of his back.
"This is only for today."
A little while later, England was flopped onto the bed unceremoniously.
"Here you go," America said, sighing. He lay down on his right side, head pillowed by his bent right arm. He gazed at the Brit, who continued to sleep.
The bed creaked slightly as he moved over to the other, closing the distance between their faces...
Ever so slowly...
"No, no!" America sat up, seized a pillow and shoved it onto the other's face. He turned onto his left side, left hand to his forehead. "Oh, yeesh..."
A faint mumble from under the pillow sounded like, "I can't breathe."
Alfred felt his cheeks turn pink.
Not in embarrassment or romance.
Out of guilt.
"When you're around, I keep thinking of things I don't want to think about."
–
"Then it's time for me to go home." Arthur said, looking over to his colony.
"Huh?" Alfred jumped up and ran to the other, holding tight to his clothes. "No! I don't want you to go home!" He almost began to cry.
Arthur knelt down to the other's level. "I'm sorry. I'll come back again soon. Do your best and be strong."
Alfred wanted to cry as the soothing hand of the other left his head and disappeared along with the rest of his older brother.
"Okay... I'll be strong."
Later that night, tears in his eyes, Alfred knelt by the side of his bed, hands held together in prayer.
"I wonder if Arthur will stay with me more... If I get big and strong."
"God," he said, wanting the Lord to hear him. He had still retained a more religious aspect of life than Arthur, being Puritan instead of Protestant. "I want to get big and strong soon.
"So I can protect Arthur next time we meet."
–
"Alfred!" Arthur shouted to attract the younger boy. "I came here again, as promised."
"Arthur, you really came!"
Arthur smiled, turning to where his brother was. "Oh, Alfr...ed?"
"Huh?"
"What? Huh...? Wait a little..." Arthur pointed in shock at the boy who looked about sixteen years old, having been a nine-year-old only a century ago...
"Have you shrunk, Arthur?"
"Ah, well... Eh...?"
That night...
"Arthur?" Arthur turned to see his sixteen-year-old brother walking over to him. The two were already dressed for bed and Arthur was lying in his own. Alfred came forward, clutching to a pillow.
"I want to sleep together with you..."
"Did you read a scary book before sleeping again?" Arthur sighed and allowed the other some room, though there wasn't much.
"You should be able to sleep by yourself even if it's scary," Arthur said softly. "This bed is too small for the both of us."
"I will prepare a bigger bed for the next time you visit me." Alfred settled himself under the blankets.
"That's not the point."
Arthur sighed contently. "Well, it is kind of a relief to me. Even if you're big, you're still the same per... son..."
"Wait a-" Alfred started, until he noticed that the other had already ventured off into slumber. "Don't fall asleep before me!"
He closed his eyes and snuggled close to the other. "Uhh... You're so mean, Arthur..." He opened his eyes.
"Huh?" Alfred sensed something off. He smelled his brother closely. "He smells... kind of good."
He leaned in close.
Close, so that his mouth was closer than the rest of him.
Close, so that they were only inches apart.
Close.
Alfred turned away from Arthur, his back to the Englishman. "What am I doing? I'm going to sleep."
As he proceeded to sleep, Alfred thought, "I feel a prickling pain where my heart is...
"I wonder what it is."
…
"It's like it is getting stuck by thorns."
–
The next day, Arthur walked in, having gone to the market. He held a bag and a bottle of rum. "Alfred! Do you want to drink together with me?"
"Oh, can I?" Alfred looked at the other, surprised. "Earlier, you said I couldn't because I was a child."
–
Only a little while later, after drink and drink, Arthur lay with his head in his arms over the table, completely wasted. Alfred looked at him, concerned.
"Are you okay, Arthur?" Alfred asked, reaching to help his brother up and starting to feel a bit intoxicated.
"Huh?" Arthur struggled slightly to try and get another bottle. "I can still go for some more!"
Alfred adjusted his grip on the other and proceeded to lead the other to his room, feeling the drunken blush on his cheeks that most certainly matched his drunk brother's. "Don't say that when you can barely stand. Walk properly."
Arthur looked around with glassy eyes. "It's okay, I'm okay."
"You drank too much today." Alfred huffed as he lay Arthur down on his bed heavily.
"Well, that's 'cause..." Arthur slurred slightly, "You used to be so tiny... I was a little scared that you've become so big suddenly." He closed his eyes contently. "Still, drinking alcohol with you like this isn't bad."
Alfred looked at the other. "-
"Say, Arthur...
"Do you... like me?"
Arthur blinked and gazed at the other. "Huh...? Why do you ask all of the sudden? Well, I do... since you're my little brother!" He fingered his tie, feeling his body become slightly uncomfortable from the alcohol.
Alfred's eyelids fell slightly, watching the other solemnly. "A "little brother," huh?" Alfred began to reach his left arm towards the other. "I like you too..."
As he felt a hand cradle his face, Arthur stopped fiddling with his tie and refocused his slightly blurry vision on the other boy. "Hmm? What is-?"
He stared blankly towards space as lips connected with his own. Arthur felt the clumsy lips try to massage against him, feeling heat radiate off the adolescent body. A muscle went against his lips, asking permission. "Wait a-"
Alfred, being inexperienced, pulled away to breathe against Arthur.
"I feel the prickling pain again; it hurts."
Arthur pushed against the other, his right hand against Alfred's upper arm. "What are you doing? Are you drunk?"
His response was a hug. "- Maybe I am..."
"I think I heard him whisper "You shouldn't say things like that," but... My body felt so hot,
"Like it was overflowing from something,
"So I couldn't stop."
"Arthur..." Alfred said against his brother's neck, tickling the other with his breath. "I love you too... But I..." He swallowed. "Think it's in a different way than you do..."
Arthur took a moment to register what his brother had just said. "Idiot... It's not different. You also drank too much..."
Alfred pulled back to look at the other as he continued to lecture him. "Maybe you're confused 'cause your body became so big all of a sudden... You misinterpreted it."
"It's not like that! I...!" Alfred began to almost yell at the other. "I have always liked you... I just didn't realize it until now!"
Alfred grabbed the other's shirt and pulled it open, bringing his head down.
"Cut it out, idiot!" Arthur battled against the other's body, feeling the other press kisses to his neck... His body was getting hotter. "I'm seriously getting angry!"
Alfred pulled back and stared at him with torrid blue eyes. "I'm also... I'm also serious!" Arthur would always see him as his little brother, always.
"Wha?" Arthur tried to pull his arms out of Alfred's grip, one hand holding his left wrist, as Alfred quickly unbuttoned the Briton's pants. "Stop..."
He shivered as the American in front of him gently devoured his manhood, licking, lapping at it in the heat of his mouth. Arthur placed a hand on the teenager's head, not pulling him closer... but not pushing him away. "St... op..." He cried out slightly, shuddering, as a certain lick and suck made him feel euphoric.
No, why was he becoming like melted maple candy in the other's hands? They were brothers.
"I don't... want this...
"I-I don't want to do this... with... you...!"
Suddenly, Arthur found himself turned over, onto his elbows and knees, Alfred's left hand over his fist. His pants were now around his knees. If he would've turned to see Alfred, he would've noticed a droplet of moisture going down his cheek. If it was tear or sweat, history erased it.
However, Arthur noticed how the other pulled back, a hand against his back and the left hand that had been covering his own now on his hip. Alfred bent over the other, his clothed hips touching the other's rear.
Alfred slipped himself out of his pants, hard with need and want. France had only told him a few times during his visits about sex, that it was between lovers, how to do it with a woman... how to do it with a man...
He gripped his erection and brought it to the other's entrance, watching as the head slipped inside and shuddering in pleasure.
Arthur felt the pain of intrusion and he felt tears come to his eyes. As Alfred began to thrust, the American placed a hand on the European's back and his other on his thigh to somehow get deeper, to indulge in that tight warmth pressing around him. Arthur gripped at the bed sheets, shaking as his prostate was accidentally hit several times, but the pain of not having been prepared was overriding any momentary pleasure.
"Alf...Red!" Arthur opened his eyes against the pain, and sometimes pleasure. "Stop it...!" This couldn't have been the boy that he raised, that thought he hung the sun, moon, and stars in the sky, that called him his big brother... That couldn't eradicate the euphoria that was now traveling through his body and prick as Alfred drunkenly figured out that the lump of nerves that he had been hitting before was making Arthur feel like he was feeling.
The Brit looked over his shoulder at the other as he heard his name.
"Ar... th..." Alfred was panting, lost in the adult's game of pain and pleasure. His hips were molding against the other's ass, making the sound in the room a sound of flesh on flesh. He leaned down to press his chest to Arthur's back and brought a hand down on grip the other's erection, making Arthur arch against him wantonly.
The Brit's eyes were half-lidded, seeing the world turn rose from the feeling in his cock. All from his brother, and that's why his tears were still flowing.
The two shook against each other and Alfred began to pound into that delicious heat, causing Arthur to be on his elbows again, Alfred closing his eyes to have that heat ingrained in his mind, along with other things that he loved about his Arthur. He licked the other's back, hearing a moan as he memorized the taste and the scent... He felt his belly burn and he pulled Arthur closer against his body, right hand on the other's left pectoral, feeling the heart beneath it. It was fast...
Arthur felt the other twitch inside of him during the uneven thrusting, as well as his own erection being stroked and squeezed driving his body closer.
The two moaned out their release.
"I... love you,
"Arthur."
–
England opened his eyes, feeling the hangover settle in as the sunlight of the morning lit up the room.
"Good morning, Arthur..." Said Briton looked over to his colony. America was gazing over at him, eyes slightly dazed and his shirt open. England realized that his torso was completely bare and he could feel that his underwear and pants were lower than they should have been.
He laughed nervously. "I don't remember much about yesterday. Did I go wild naked again?"
He got off of the bed, ignoring his body sensations. He picked up his discarded shirt and proceeded to walk out of the room while putting it on. "Ah, I've been drinking for two days; my head hurts. I'll go wash my face."
America called after the other. "Ah, Arthur...!"
Alone in the room, America sulked. "You suck at lying to me. No matter how much you drink, you'll remember what happened."
He pulled his knees up and wrapped his arms around them. "Is he trying to pretend it never happened? He pretends to forget the bad things I did to him when he was drunk. Does that mean he forgives me? I was drunk too, but still... I was serious."
America looked to the window, ignoring the headache that was attacking him brutally. His fingers were interlaced. "I know that you like me as a "brother"... That's why... I didn't say anything.
"But... you could just cut off our relationship if you can't accept me as something more than a brother... You wouldn't even do that... If you did, you could be comfortable again..."
He closed his eyes, thinking about his youngest days. "How will I know if you accept or reject my feelings if you ignored that it ever happened.
"Am I still your "brother" even after I embraced you that way? You're so cruel."
–
Arthur pointed to the child. England felt his imperial instincts kicking in.
"From today, you are my little brother!"
"Okay," little America, now Alfred, smiled, hugging his bunny. "I'm going to call you "big brother"."
–
"A little brother, huh? That time I was really happy..." America opened his eyes, determination burning in them.
"As long as I am your "brother", your feelings for me aren't going to change. If so..."
–
The bucket of water from the well was set down; its handle rattled slightly. England knelt beside it, towel around his neck.
"That bastard Alfred... Just when I thought he's gotten bigger, he was already rushing into puberty." England felt tears attempt to build at the corners of his eyes, his body throbbing in pain. "Still, he did those kinds of things to me by force! I'm your big brother, aren't I? What a brute! My whole body hurts."
Splashing water on his face and feeling the cooling sensation on his skin, England looked at the rippling water of the bucket solemnly. "... I wonder if he remembers it. He looked fairly drunk... It's better if he forgot it...
"Rather,
"I'll let him forget."
He remembered Alfred's serious face from last night. I'm also... I'm also serious!
"He couldn't have... been serious, could he?" England began to dry his face with the towel. "We're like brothers after all..."
–
Goodbye, goodbye
Because your "like" and my "like" are different.
I'll tell you goodbye now.
Since I'm never going to hear it from you,
You're going to get a goodbye from me.
If you'll hate me, I'm fine with it if I'm free to feel how I feel.
But still I wonder why.
When I feel that way,
… my heart hurts like it's getting stuck by thorns.
–
Francis sat at his small tea table in the sitting room one afternoon. A fairly normal day...
Until there was a pounding at the door.
Annoyed, he stood up and walked over to the door. "You don't have to strike the door so hard."
"Hi!" There stood a sixteen-year-old with corn wheat hair and sky blue eyes.
"Huh?" Francis stared at the other, shocked when he recognized the boy. "Are you Alfred? You have grown so big since I last saw you. You grow too fast!"
"Oh, Francis! Long time no see!"
"Why are you looking like that?" the Frenchman asked, eying the boy's face in particular. "You are soaked... and your face is..."
Alfred had been ignoring the pain in his left cheek. He smiled awkwardly. "I was hit by Arthur and then he threw water at me." Alfred wiped some of the water off of his face with his arm.
"But what he did to me is better than what I did to him."
Francis looked at the other in confusion. "Eh?"
"No, nothing...
"Francis, the truth is that there's something I want you to help me with."
The muddiness in the Frenchman's eyes still didn't clear. He invited the other inside.
–
"Independence? So that the reason why Arthur snapped?" Francis stared at the other suspiciously, watching the boy as he cleaned himself off with a towel. "But I never thought you wanted to be independent from him. You were so close to him just a little while ago."
"That was when I was little." Alfred, having pick up his tea cup just a few moments ago, held it with both hands. "I'm not a kid anymore. I can take care myself without depending on Arthur. Besides...
"I'm fed up being with him."
He bent over his tea cup, hiding his face from the elder country.
"In the first place, he sucks at cooking."
"Yeah." Francis could understand that.
"He isn't good-looking, he has no will-power, and he's a liar."
"Uh-huh."
"He says one irritating thing after another. He only thinks about himself. When I don't act the way he wants, he looks like he's going to cry.
"I want to live more freely without being tied to him..."
Francis stared at the stripling for a moment. He brought his cup to his lips for a moment and then spoke. "Well, I can help you out if you don't want to see him cry. Alfred... Are you really fine with it?"
Francis made a reference to the other's every so slightly shaking shoulders and the bit of view that he had of his face, particularly his eyes. "You look like you're going to cry."
Alfred indeed had tears in his eyes, not letting them fall.
"It's more painful than I thought... being hit by Arthur..."
Francis looked at the other his body heating up slightly. "Alfred..."
"Now open up your body and mind to big brother France. I'll comfort you with my whole body and soul." France panted slightly.
"No way." Alfred blew his nose.
–
1783
It's a good thing that it rained that day.
Arthur sat kneeling on the ground, the rain dripping on his face and mixing with his tears.
"Damn... Dammit, why?"
I could pretend that it was the rain that made it look like you were crying.
"It's the rain," Alfred thought, the rain soaking him as well, his predominantly blue uniform sticking to his body. "It's the rain that makes it look like you're crying. It must be so."
"Otherwise, I... would run over to you, just like that day."
Little America ran over to the European nation. "Are you okay?"
As America walked away from England, he looked at the sky. "It stopped raining."
He stopped walking. "Now I'm my own person, right?"
He looked down at his uniform, eying the battle scars. "I fought just for that. He must hate me now." His eyelids dropped slightly.
He opened his eyes fully with inner fortitude. "Even if he does, it's okay."
He began to walk and then quicken his strides. "That's right. I'm going to forget about you and live freely on my own. The real me can go much, much higher and further away. I'm not going to be captured by someone like you."
With my love for you, I can't be near you while you only think of me as a "little brother." I would rather separate myself from you and be hated. If I do so, you can't capture me anymore. I'm going to be free, from you and from this feeling.
America stopped and clutched at his chest, his heart. "Oh... It hurts..."
But I wonder
How long is my heart going to hurt like it's getting stuck by thorns.
A droplet of wetness fell to the ground with a small drip. "... again..." America hunched over as the pain increased, threatening to explode his heart from his chest, and his tears flowed faster.
But I wonder why
It feels like I'm the one who is left behind
When I'm the one who is leaving behind.
America was dreaming now, his current self of a nineteen-year-old, gazing at England, who sat at a table with a birdcage atop of it.
The door was open and there was no bird.
"Oh..." America said when he noted the absence. "The bird that was in the birdcage escaped. It separated from you and became free.
"It's not coming back."
The Briton did not move.
When I was little, it felt alright being in your birdcage (protected by you).
Now that I'm big, the cage is too narrow for me and I believed I would be free if I got out of the cage.
"For how long do you plan being like that?"
England did not turn to him, but answered, "If I'm waiting here, it may come back."
America did not move, registering the other's response. His fist tightened and then opened. "It's because you're like that...! That I...!"He reached towards the other.
Alfred embraced his once brother, burying his face in the elder one's shoulder, inhaling the scent, the intoxicating scent of Earl Grey tea, scones... "I..."
Alfred opened his eyes, seeing daylight flood his room. As he sat, he adjusted his glasses, having fallen asleep with his clothes and glasses on.
"A dream, huh? I fell asleep without knowing it."
Even if I want to be free,
I love you after all.
He looked at Arthur.
And I'm still just a "little brother" to you.
In the end, I can't go anywhere.
"Although I escaped from your birdcage..." Alfred brought his legs closer to his body, crossing his legs. "I'm still an earthbound bird. No matter what I do, I'll never be free."
He leaned over, and Alfred placed a delicate kiss on Arthur's forehead.
"It's all your fault, Arthur..."
Now it feels like I understand...
The thorns still hurt because the bonds from that time tie me to you.
It hurts because I betrayed you.
I told France to curse you but...
You cursed me, too, didn't you?
It's because of this pain, that I can't fly not matter how much time has elapsed.
When are you going to set me free?
7:35 AM 28 May 2011
Wow... I'm sad now :(
I officially finished my junior year of high school yesterday. I'M OLD!
Well, this doujinshi really made me think about Alfred's psychological development as a colony.
CHARACTER ANALYSIS
To me, it almost seems like Alfred has a case of Oedipal Complex. Since Alfred only ever really saw Arthur as a child and his interaction with humans and other countries was severely limited, Alfred would idolize Arthur as his hero certain sexual object.
He does not see Arthur as a god in anyway because God (through Puritan beliefs -first religion in the original American colonies-) was pure, holy, and had already preordained your eternal sentence, making God Alfred's spiritual judge, but because he is a country, he would figure that God already gave him that status as a country and that Arthur is his master. Since Arthur considers him to be his brother, Alfred tries to fulfill this role to the best of his ability.
His master having given him his role, Alfred follows it, but because he is human, Alfred has a desire for company, making him pray to God. He still keeps his master (Arthur) in mind and wishes that he was big in order to protect his master. He does not count on any changes in his psychological development concerning hormones and what not, making this a bit anti-climactic.
Alfred seems to have had enough contact with other people in order to have developed a preference of sexual objects. Arthur somehow encompasses those needs and, knowing certain things from France, but not too much because of his Puritan beliefs, Alfred tries to hold back those unconscious desires.
When Arthur returns after the 100 year period of Salutary Neglect (1650-1750), those hidden feelings that Alfred has come up again because a man's sexual functions and arousal are brought on more by sight, as opposed to a woman who is more aroused by what she hears.
In this story, due to his first time at drinking alcohol, Alfred's convictions are loosened, causing Alfred to go off on a tangent with his emotions and have sex with Arthur, but because the act is based more on emotions than straight sexual attraction, he attempts (clumsily) to make Arthur feel good too, in an attempt to get Arthur to understand his feelings about him.
Arthur, being a Christian like his brother and not so drunk off of his rocker, struggles due to his ideals and values against incest. He considers his emotional brotherhood with Alfred worth more than his biological relationship to his older brothers. Still, because of the alcohol in his system, his love for his baby brother, and his weakness compared to Alfred super-strength, he can't fight back against his colony.
Of course, this causes tension because rape is a crime. This causes England to think that Alfred did not intend to have sex with him and was running on pure hormones. It would be better for Arthur to let Alfred forget, he reasons, in order for him not to have that guilt on his conscience.
This is the opposite of what Alfred reasons. He did force Arthur to succumb to his advances in order to figure out how the other feels about him, if Arthur's convictions of Alfred being his baby brother would prevent the two of them from having a loving and sexually active relationship. Obviously, he wants an answer to his strangely portrayed question, but Arthur wouldn't answer him at all, causing Arthur to continue the role of a older brother/father relationship and punish Alfred for "lying about last night".
So Alfred turns to the only country that could know him England from the perspective of colony and empire: France. France, being the magical expert of love and love-making, vaguely understands Alfred because he also sees Alfred as Arthur's brother, but he goes with Alfred's plan of independence in order to help Alfred find himself as a country... and get something else (maybe?).
Alfred, after the War and seeing Arthur cry, can still feel the pain of unrequited love. He believed that he could have escaped the pain by leaving Arthur. Being a newbie at love, he did not understand that would only make it worse for him. He lost a lover, brother, friend, and father by rebelling and paid the consequences of still being emotionally dependent on Arthur for it.
Arthur, still viewing Alfred as his brother, attempts to wait, wait for Alfred to come back to him. Alfred, thinking that the pain of not being loved the way he wants would grow stronger if he was with Arthur, never comes back,; it is also due to the fact that he cannot regress back to the innocent child that Arthur knew before the rape occurred.
In the end, he has accepted his unconditional love for Arthur, but still knows that Arthur would not accept his love, causing that pain of unrequited love to clench his heart in its mighty grip.
… Whoa, character analysis hurts my mind.
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