It was night when Morty was strolling through the Bellchime Trail to get to Taco Bell (which was really the Bell Tower, but he was too damn blazed to realize this) until his Pokegear rang. It took him three minutes to answer the annoying device, which pissed off the Hoothoots, but that didn't matter because the person calling him figured that Morty didn't have the finest skill of answering Pokegears at the moment… or any moment for that matter due to his constant state.

"Meow," Morty greeted to the Pokegear. The voice he heard was no other than Eusine's, and this mystical magician needed to talk to his brah about his woes. The neighborhood Sudowoodo got sick of Eusine's creepy and audible bullshit about Suicune, which happened to include the dog/beast/pony's Netherlands. Sudowoodo knew about these things. It was, in fact, a spy tree.

Indeed, this aggravated Sudowoodo paid Eusine a brief and unanticipated visit that involved beating the shit out of Eusine with a chair while he was shaving his chest hairs and snapping his prototype Suicune dick in half before coming back to block the road between Ecruteak, Goldenrod, and Violet City.

"Morty!" Eusine croaked. "Morty, you need to come over, man! I am so upset right now!" He also wanted to use his scarf for his tears, but he didn't mention that.

"Meow," Morty said and climbed up a tree, which took him close to ten minutes. After, he paused for a while as he sat there with the Pokegear pressed against his ear. Eusine could hear him breathe obnoxiously on the other line until Morty finally said something.

"Eusine, I don't know where I am, anymore."

"God damn it."

Eusine found Morty stupefied thirty minutes later when the sun was rising. He slung the gym leader on his shoulder, and they stayed at the back of the dance theater where all the creepy old men hang because those old-timers were just that sexually repressed. Morty just sat there, dazed, as Eusine was blowing his nose on Morty's scarf. A jock strap from one of the reckless old men slapped Morty in the face.

After realizing that his face was hurting, Morty muttered, "Wait a minute…" as he leaned over and picked up the nearest newspaper and stared at it. "Eusine… look at this."

Eusine made one last blow. He took the paper and examined the front page. "Pokemon egg discovery? Who the hell cares about eggs?"

Morty placed a finger on a different article without looking. He intended to point at the article about the serial killer running around in the Ilex Forest, proclaiming in one of the trees he has carved on that he was going to kill Eusine next, but he apparently missed.

"A zoo is opening in Route 38 because the Miltank died, and the farmers went bankrupt? HOLY SHIT, MORTY, WE GOTTA GO TO THE ZOO RIGHT NOW!" Eusine grabbed Morty's wrist and slithered off the chairs until Eusine slipped on the jock strap and smashed his face against the door's window where he saw Suicune prance off into the distance, never to be seen again.

"Bro, the zoo doesn't open until later," Morty mumbled to the floor, and with that they instead stayed indoors and got high to pass the time.

Morty and Eusine were standing in front of the zoo gates, for some reason being way too excited for their own good. They were chuckling and stumbling about until they actually remembered why they were there. They entered the zoo.

"WHAT IS THAT?" Eusine exclaimed immediately after, pointing at a giraffe. "WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT IS THAT?" They walked closer to it.

Morty stared at this giraffe. It reminded him of a Girafarig, but it was so much bigger and much more plain except for the fact the spots on it were shaking and changing into different saturated colors. That may be because he was stoned, though. He was laughing at the giraffe even as the animal turned around and made this loud ass and nauseating fart that caused Eusine to bend over and vomit. Morty didn't have a care in the world.

They saw an elephant, too. It bewildered the two dingleberries so much that they started arguing about what it was without even bothering looking at the description. They forgot those things existed.

"Morty, is that..." Eusine breathed out in amazement, tugging at Morty's sleeve, "Suicune?"

"Man, you've been chasing that pony for years, and this whole time it's been here," Morty said. "That is one big vacuum for a world so small. I think I want to go to the moon someday."

"Morty, fuck, you're fucking retarded. Does that even look like a vacuum to you?"

"I guess."

"Dude, you're not my friend, anymore."

Morty bursted out laughing, spitting all over the sidewalk in front of him and on this boy that wore a red and white hoodie until he could hardly breathe. After what seemed like forever, he finally at least partly controlled his laughter. He sighed really deeply, "Ah ha ha ha… meow."

The next thing he knew, they were inside a cave with limited lighting, and suddenly, Morty forgot where he was. Eusine wasn't helping because when Morty asked him where they were, he forgot, too. They wandered around inside the cave as other people were walking as well. Not only that, it turned out they were walking in circles, and somehow along the way Eusine acquired a bag of cookies.

"I'm hungry," Morty said. He turned his head and saw Eusine just standing there, shoving a cookie in his mouth and chewing loudly. Before Morty was able to make his move to gain some delicacies, Eusine realized something.

"Wait, so Ash had an egg?" the guy asked despite the fact he didn't give a shit about eggs, while reaching for another handful of cookies. He's going to be one fat fuck tonight.

"Yes," Morty replied. "He had sex with Pikachu and that's what happened."

"Wait, what." Eusine accidentally dropped his handful of cookies, which landed all over the floor. "Ash. Had sex with Pikachu?"

Morty leaned over, picking up the chocolate chip cookies and placing them in his mouth as if he was a pigeon eating breadcrumbs. "Their love is quite shocking," he said sagely as chewed up chunks of cookie fell out of his mouth.

"And that is their lovely baby whom he is giving away to Iris?" Eusine questioned with furrowed brows, and then he clenched his teeth, revealing what looked like shit smeared all over his pearly whites. Both had no idea who this so-called baby is. In fact, in the end they had no idea what they were really talking about because the author's a douchebag. "What a douchebag."

"There will only be more eggs in the future," Morty pointed out. "By the way, Ash laid that egg." This conversation ended when Morty coughed up cookies all over the floor when he and Eusine saw a shitton of bats emerge out of nowhere. They screamed like banshees as they clumsily made a beeline to the exit like a bunch of drunks. Then they tried to catch their breath for five minutes until they decided to sit on a bench, but when Eusine sat down, he felt a warm substance on his rear end a boy named Gold immediately stuck on the bench. Morty ended up having to pull wet gum off Eusine's butt in public.

They thought these turn of events were retarded, so they ended up walking around again only to stop and stare at flamingos. This was when Morty felt a disturbance in the force. This disturbance felt like a person with hypochondria and claustrophobia sitting in between two unhygienic and sick fat people on a nine-hour plane ride.

"Oh, fuck, it's Whitney," Morty muttered. "Don't look."

But it was too late. Eusine made a quick glance, and immediately Whitney's eyes aimed at him as if he was dinner. "Ohmygod, it looked at me," Eusine sputtered, hiding his face behind his hand.

"HEY, GUYS!" shouted the Goldenrod gym leader.

"Hi, Whitney," they both said apathetically in unison, but Whitney didn't notice. She was in such a bubbly mood that she was blind about these obvious things.

"Oh my god, did you two know you, like, are, like, both at the zoo? Oh my god, the zoo? What are you? Gay?" She bent over, looking like she was inspecting their crotches. As this happened, a double rainbow emerged above the group without them knowing. "Why aren't you, like, two holding hands? I always thought you two were kinda yaoi!"

"Ummm, yeaaah," Morty scratched his head. Dandruff sprinkled off his scalp, "why are you here? Wasn't there a weird tree in the way?" Eusine's woes about earlier events suddenly attacked him as this conversation took place.

"Oh! About that! It's kinda funny. Miltank and I were strolling by that area, you see! I, like, wanted to help the plant grow, so I sprayed Round-Up on it, you see! Next thing I knew, I killed it! I didn't know it had that effect!" she started doing this ear-splitting laughter, which progressed into her breaking down and crying. She dashed out of their view, sobbing into her hands after realizing how fucking retarded she was.

Eusine just registered what she said. "Wait a minute, she KILLED IT? SHE GOT TO IT BEFORE ME?"

"What."

Eusine grabbed Morty by the scarf. "MORTY! THIS DOES NOT SMELL LIKE SUCCESS! THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY DINNER!"

"What."

Eusine let go. He was violently shaking because sadness was coursing through his veins. "Morty, dude… I don't even know anymore." He slunk down to his knees, crying. The people walking around them thought they were a bunch of creepers, pulling their kids closer to them. Eventually the Officer Jennys were called, and they got kicked out of the zoo, being told to "GO BACK TO CHINA."

Because of these remorseful turns of events, the douple of durrs ended up chilin' in Morty's gym, and by chilin' I mean lying on the floor.

"Morty, do you think I'll ever catch Suicune?" Eusine asked. He waited for an answer, but he heard nothing from the other man. Eusine sat up and looked at Morty, who was sleeping. He also witnessed Haunter stealing his trainer's wallet, while Gengar teabagged him in the face.

"Goddammit," Eusine said. He left him alone and headed to the backdoor to contemplate the meaning of life. He tried remembering Morty's words of wisdom, but the only two things he could remember Morty say before was, "Pooping is different from farting." The other was mentioning female circumcision.

He sighed, but then he noticed that his crotch was vibrating. No wait; it was just his cell phone. He pulled it out and saw that he just received a text message.

"I can see your weenie. -Suicune"

Eusine gasped and quickly searched the area, but there was no Suicune around.

This didn't discourage him, though. He has found the path to his life once more. And with that, he turned and headed back to the gym to change his underwear because he came a little when he read that text.