DISCLAIMERS: I don't own Transformers. They just came over from Hasbro to visit and be general pains-in-the-aft. Aegis is visiting from Fantasy Flight Games. Slipstone and all the humans are mine. Rags the dog is too.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I first wrote and posted Dream in 2006. Going back to it years later, I cringed in horror. So I did a massive edit and rewrite on it. This is the re-vamp of that first Transformers story. I think I've improved a lot as a writer since I posted the first version. Five years practice and an awesome beta reader have helped tremendously. Thanks Okamichan. :D Your awesome beta skills know no bounds!

This is also a bit of a satire. Let me know if you catch it. Cookies to everyone who does!

Dream v2.0

The femme laughed as she ran. He laughed as well, enjoying this game, chasing after her through the park. He caught her and took her into his arms. She laughed again, smiling up at him. He smiled down at her, stroking her back, reveling in her soft, sleek form pressing against him. He reached up to touch her hair…

WAITABREEM!

Soft? Hair! With a startled yelp Sunstreaker transformed and scrambled to his feet. Errors scrolled across his HUD from the crashed stasis program. He took some deep calming breaths, trying to cool his racing systems as he slowly rebooted his crashed subroutines.

What a horrible dream!

Systems reset and fully awake, Sunstreaker stood in the darkness of his room, sorting through the corrupted memory files of the nightmare. He needed to trace down the error in his coding that prompted his subconscious to create such perversions. Blue optics narrowed dangerously as he came to what should have been the end of the file. And widened in shock as he discovered the data stream still being updated, dream images filling his conscious mind.

The femme's features were blurry, as dream images tended to be but she was no mechamorph. She seemed to be human and… Nexus! That's disgusting! How could he even consider jacking into a human? Ugh, he didn't know they had ports there! Ghostly touches stoked his helm and traced down his back. His wrists tingled as if he was exchanging data intimately with someone. A phantom moan of pleasure echoed in his audio receptors. Argh, that's it!

Gripping the edge of the bunk where Sideswipe rested, Sunstreaker frantically traced the stream of images to their source.

What the frag?

The dream images were sourced at his spark.

That could mean only a couple things. One, he had some unconscious unfulfilled need. Unlikely because there was no way in the universe he'd be dreaming in that much detail about jacking some organic less than a tenth his size. That left option Two. The yellow warrior raised his head and glared at the red Dodge Viper, peacefully resting on the bunk he gripped.

Growling obscenities, Sunstreaker seized his brother's wheel wells and threw his weight backwards, dragging the red Exile from the bunk.

CRASH!

Sideswipe yelped and transformed into tangle, stumbling to his feet. He raised his tightly clenched fists, feet braced. "Ready for action!" he mumbled, peering around the dark room for opponents. Seeing only his brother's narrowed optics glaring at him in the darkness, he lowered his fists and stood there blinking in sleepy confusion. "Wazzup?" he asked.

"You were projecting again moron." Sunstreaker leaned forward to empathize his points with repeated pokes to Sideswipe's chest. "If you want to have sick, perverted dreams, you can fragging well keep them to yourself. I'd like to be able to wake up from my nightmares." Sunstreaker shuddered, phantoms still clogging his RAM and teasing his sensor arrays. He shook his head to try to clear it.

Sideswipe rubbed at his face, taking a moment to collect himself. "Uhm… what was I dreaming about?"

"Gah! Use that sorry excuse for a CPU and think back," Sunstreaker snarled, reaching over and with a resounding clang, smacked Sideswipe up the side of his head.

"Ouch! Sunny!" Sideswipe rubbed his head, optics narrowed in annoyance. "Uhm… ok, it's coming back to me now. What's your problem?"

"What's my problem? What's my problem?" Sunstreaker gaped at his twin. "You clueless fragger! I'll tell you what my problem is. My twisted brother keeps sharing his perverted, impossible fantasies about alien femmes with me. I-" He never got to finish.

"What do you mean impossible? Humans can 'face," Sideswipe snarled indignantly.

"Oh, so you are suddenly the expert on humans? Well, Lord Know-it-all, you don't know slag. Squishies don't 'face like us." Sunstreaker fought the temptation to smack Sideswipe again. It wouldn't cure his idiocy and just start a fight when Sunstreaker wanted to recharge.

"You know bro, frag you! You aren't supposed to call them squishies and you avoid most of them like a rust rash. What the frag would you know?" Sideswipe poked Sunstreaker's chest plating, optics narrowed in a glare. "So tell me smart-aft, how do they do it? Betcha you don't know either."

Sunstreaker put his face in his palm and groaned. He did not want to be having this conversation, especially halfway through his rest cycle. Of all the lectures Sideswipe had to skip out on, why did it have to be that one? He looked back up at Sideswipe with a growl. "That's a bet I should take, dumb-aft. I do know. I paid attention when Judy and Andre explained it to Ratchet, Perceptor and Slipstone. You can ask one of them tomorrow. Just let me know when, so I can watch you explain why you want to know." With that, Sunstreaker transformed and rolled back onto his berth. "And keep your fragging fantasies to yourself for the rest of the stasis period."

Sideswipe stared at him for a long moment, then shrugged and climbed back onto his berth, the soft sounds of his transformation drifting down.

Peaceful quiet settled over the room.

Sunstreaker tried to engage his stasis program but a thought kept nagging him. Sighing, he transformed and leaned against the bunk post. Might as well ask and get it over with, he was already awake. "Why?"

"Why what?" Sideswipe responded sleepily.

"Why are you dreaming about jacking a human? I don't see the appeal," Sunstreaker asked patiently. Nexus, did they share a logic chip as well as a spark? Might explain a few things.

"I've always liked small and pretty. And they give great wax jobs, as you well know." Sunstreaker could hear the smirk in Sideswipe's voice.

Ask a stupid question. Sunstreaker shook his head. Cheeky slagger. And people thought he was the crazy one. A thought occurred to him. He probably didn't want to know but he had to ask. "Small and pretty, eh? So who is it you are 'waxing' over?"

Sideswipe transformed and leaned down over the edge of the bunk, blue optics narrowed in suspicion. It would have been more effective if he weren't upside down, instead the effect was a little comical. "Why do you want to know?"

Sunstreaker smirked, optics gleaming. He had the upper hand in this verbal battle. "So maybe I could give them fair warning. Small and pretty? I should warn Gwen to lock up her daughter."

"Now wait just a slagging breem! What the frag are you implying? And you are calling me twisted!" Sideswipe's optics blazed furiously, actually putting out enough light that Sunstreaker could see the scowl on his face.

Sunstreaker grinned at him and blithely continued. "And her dog too."

Sideswipe snarled and leapt off the bunk, somehow flipping to land facing Sunstreaker. Sunstreaker had less than a microbreem to brace himself before the red fury pounced.

"You sick slagheap!" Sideswipe yelled as he rained punches down on Sunstreaker.

Under normal circumstances, Sunstreaker would be more than a little incensed but he did provoke his twin into a rare show of anger. Usually Sideswipe drove him to distraction. So Sunstreaker enjoyed the rare time he could one-up his twin.

A few dents was worth watching Sideswipe get all charged up over his pets.

oOoOoOoOoOo

Aegis stood outside the door to the Twins' quarters, listening to the shouting and crashing for a moment. He mentally berated himself for a moment for insisting that their room be close to his when he and Prowl were assigning them out. He sighed and with a tired twitch of his rotors, he entered his override code into the door panel. The door slid silently open.

They didn't notice him. At least not until their wrestling brought them into the rectangle of light cast by the open door.

Sideswipe straddled his twin, gripping the edge of Sunstreaker's collar armor, arm pulled back for a punch. Sunstreaker had one arm raised to protect his face, the other reaching to grab or block Sideswipe's punching arm. Both gazed at him in surprise as he leaned in the doorway, arms crossed.

"Hey Aegis." Sideswipe's optics were wide in an expression Aegis was more than familiar with. The 'oh fragging Nexus! Busted!' look that Aegis saw repeatedly in his career as a Guardian.

"Yeah. How was your trip?" Sunstreaker lowered his arms and gave Aegis a warm, sparkling smile.

Aegis blinked in surprise. Who was this mech and what had he done with Sunstreaker? That smile was usually found on the red Viper, not the yellow.

Aegis pushed that little mystery to the back of his mind and narrowed his optics at them, using his best 'the guy in charge is not amused look'. "The trip was fine. I am a little tired from the flight back and strangely, I find that I'm unable to rest. Care to tell me why?"

Sunstreaker chuckled, still smiling. "Well Sides here hrmph…," he began.

Sideswipe had hurriedly put a hand over Sunstreaker's mouth. "Just brother stuff, Aegis. Nothing really. Sorry for keeping you up. Won't happen again."

Aegis looked from one brother to the next. Too tired to deal with a couple of grown mechs acting like sparklings, he weighed his next words carefully. "Fine. Keep the noise down or you'll be spending tomorrow with Ratchet." He knew he was letting them off easy but strange as it was, he liked seeing that smiling mirth on Sunstreaker's face. It was so rare, he didn't want to do anything to lose it.

"Okey-dokey," Sideswipe replied as he climbed off Sunstreaker and offered a hand up.

"Will do," Sunstreaker agreed, accepting Sideswipe's help.

"Goodnight you two." With that, Aegis left to get his much needed rest.

oOoOoOoOoOo

Sideswipe turned and glared at his still grinning twin as the door slid shut.

"You slagger. If you actually think–" Sideswipe growled out, poking Sunstreaker's chest-plate for emphasis.

Sunstreaker batted his hand away. "Of course I don't. It's just fun getting a rise out of you."

"Hmph." Sideswipe turned and crawled back up onto his bunk. He cast one more glare at Sunstreaker before transforming.

Sunstreaker chuckled some more. It was so much fun razzing Sideswipe, mainly because it was so hard to do, even for him. And he wasn't done yet. He stepped over and activated the overhead light, banishing the darkness. Sideswipe groaned in protest.

"So," Sunstreaker drawled as he walked over to lean on the bunk post near Sideswipe. "Who's the lucky femme?"

"Slag off and go to sleep," Sideswipe growled moodily.

"C'mon Sides. Give." Sunstreaker poked him in the tire. "It's the least you can do after waking me up with it."

The red Viper vented in exasperation. "Fine. But only if you tell me how humans 'face."

"Fair enough," Sunstreaker smirked. This should be good. He even could remember something he could use as an example. "You first."

"Fine," Sideswipe sighed, sinking a little on his tires. "Tonight it was Lucy."

"Lucy? Tonight?" Sunstreaker straightened and gaped at him. "You mean…"

"That I dream about others too? Yeah." Sideswipe transformed and sat down on the bunk, dangling his legs. He stared at the floor. "Except for Andrea and Rags of course."

Sunstreaker opened his mouth and shut it again. What could he say to that? Sideswipe wasn't being weird, actually this was a good sign. The red twin was starting to heal from the loss of his mechfriend. Unfortunately, there really weren't many dateable mechs on this dust ball. Which explained the weird dreams.

"Okay smart-aft, it's your turn. Answer my question. How do humans 'face?" Sideswipe looked up and stared his twin challengingly in the optics.

Sunstreaker winced. He didn't want to tease Sideswipe anymore but he had agreed to explain. "Ok, fine. Just remember, you asked."

"Spit it out already." Sideswipe jumped down from the bunk, fidgety in his impatience.

"Remember when you went to that petting zoo with Gwen and her family?" Sunstreaker began slowly.

"Yeah, what does that have to with anything?" Sideswipe paused in his fidgety pacing to stare at his brother.

"Be patient lug nut." Sunstreaker leaned back on the edge of the bunk. The casual pose did little to hide the tension in his frame. "Remember those loms you told me about?"

"That's llamas and yeah, I remember. Gwen said they were making baby llamas," Sideswipe crossed his arms, confusion filling his features.

No way to put it gently. "That was llama interfacing. They interface to make baby llamas," Sunstreaker continued.

"Ooohkay. What does that have to do…" Sideswipe began, falling silent when Sunstreaker held up a silencing hand.

"Humans aren't much different," Sunstreaker finished.

Sideswipe's optics went wide. He stared at his brother, vocalizer struggling to form a coherent sound. Sunstreaker stared back, nodding solemnly.

"But llamas are just animals!" Sideswipe finally managed.

"Humans are advanced animals. They'll tell you so themselves." Sunstreaker struggled to keep a neutral expression. Maybe telling Sideswipe would be worth it after all.

Sideswipe looked like the coolant supply to his CPU had stopped. He gripped the edge of the bunk to steady himself. "Eeww!"

"Yup." Sunstreaker nodded in agreement.

"Ugh."

"Yup." Another nod.

"Glah."

"Yup." And another.

Sideswipe shuddered. "Blech. That can't be true Sunny. That would mean human babies…"

"They are conceived the same way, Sides."

"Gah!" Sideswipe's optics somehow managed to get wider. "That means Gwen… agh!"

"More than once too, considering she's got Andrea. Supposed to be good for them to do it frequently too." Sunstreaker couldn't resist adding the last bit.

Sideswipe moaned and leaned on his bunk, placing his head on his arms. He hadn't looked this ill since he had caught that trojan virus back when they were new builds. Sunstreaker mused that had he been human, he'd have been purging his tanks like Gwen was prone to doing.

Sunstreaker clapped him on the shoulder. "Don't say I didn't warn you loverboy. Let me know when the wedding is. I'll spring for the oil."

"Wha? Wedding?"

"Of course. Human femmes don't let you 'face them for nothing. You get stuck with them for life." Sunstreaker knew he shouldn't tease but, well, it was a brother thing.

"Slag off, will you?" Sideswipe growled and shoved Sunstreaker away.

"Good night bro. Pleasant dreams," Sunstreaker chuckled as he ducked a wild swing from Sideswipe and slipped onto his bunk. He smiled as he transformed, content that he'd finally get some quality downtime.