From the depths of internetless hell, I return! With no internet, there's nothing else to do but draw, write, and watch G4. On a whim of inspiration, I decided to begin typing this bizarre tale. Due to my current crisis, this will be updated on a "when I can" basis, and trust me, that won't be often. Don't expect any Reviewer Responses(tm) either. At least I'm writing something for a change, eh? I'm pulling out Fanfiction For Dummies while I update this so I can work on that too. But enough about me. Let's get this train-wreck a rollin'.

UPDATE: I just sold my soul to three free months of AOL. Yes, I'm THAT desperate. Hopefully I can update more, at least.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo. I do own their illegiminate bastard child, however. But I don't actually look at it much.

YUGIOH-OH OH-OHOH!

PROLOGUE: Standard Issue Introductory Sequence

Once there was a man. I mean, he was a dragon man. Or maybe he was just a dragon. In any case, his name was Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo, champion of all things that require shampoo for a silky shine. His adventures are many. His exploits are daring. His credit cards are Visa and American Express. But what happens when beings from another world rain in on his parade? And no, you can't say he uses an umbrella, because they're not really built to ward off solid human mass.

Give up?

Well, we thought you'd tell us the answer 'cause we don't know either.

BUT THAT'S OKAY. All things are mysterious until, in the fury of action lines, the truth is revealed. The future is built upon the choices we make, and in this world, each choice could very well be your last, so I'D THINK EXTRA HARD ABOUT THAT EXTRA EGG SANDWICH IF I WERE YOU WHICH I'M NOT BUT I USE YOU AS A METAPHORICAL EXAMPLE TO PROVE MY POINT!

BUT

ANYWAY.

This is a tale of Bobobo, his friends, and the abovementioned beings from another world. Yeah, they're kinda important, you know. Better take notes, for YOU WILL NEVER KNOW WHEN THE NEXT TEST IS AROUND THE CORNER!

Quake in F.E.A.R...it's YUGIOH-OH OH-OHOH time, bitches!

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(I wanted to use little stars to seperate my sections but they won't let me use them any more. Damn fangirls and their caret, underscore, caret crap.)

We join, surprisingly enough, NOT Bobobo as you would have been expecting, but rather...

Don Patch.

"That's right!" With a frenzied, colored background behind him, Don Patch-a short, orange, spiky ball with hands and legs and egos that happen to be as big as his eyes, points his mysteriously gloved finger at us. "It's about time you focused more on me!"

Yes, Don Patch. We don't know how we could've started this episode without you.

"I personally don't know either," Don Patch replies, leaning back in his recliner in the library.

Wait a minute! Don Patch! It was YOU!

Don Patch apparently looks shocked. "Why, whatever do you mean?"

YOU did it! You killed Mr. Boddy in the library with the candlestick!

Crying, Don Patch drops the bloody candlestick and falls to his hands and knees next to Boddy's corpse. "All right, I admit it! It was me!" His eyes sparkle pitifully as he looks up at us. "But you don't understand! I needed the money! Without it, my son can't go to college and be a main character just like his dear Poppa Rocks!"

But...you're not the main character.

"EXACTLY!" He blows his nose on his dark violet robe. "I'm a loser, a failure! I just wanted to give my son the chance I never had!" Tears stream down his face. "I'm so SORRY!"

Behind him, a tall man cloaked in a shadowy robe-which surprisingly manages to cover his blond afro-manifests, holding a scythe. DON PATCH!

Startled, Don Patch turns around, and his eyes swell in horror. "...W-W-Who are you!"

I am the ghost of Christmas Future! the grim figure pronounces. And for killing Mr. Boddy, you must pay the ultimate price! A red glow gleams behind his sunglasses.

"NO!" Don Patch trips over Boddy's corpse, and tries to run, but slowly, the power of the grim figure pulls him closer. "NO!"

He holds up his hands in a feeble attempt to shield himself, but he knows it is futile. "NOOOOOOOOO!"

Suddenly, Don Patch wakes up in his bed in a frantic mood.

What...what happened? Sweat glistened on his brow, his nightcap unadjusted. It was...just a dream?

Quickly he threw back the sheets and slipped his toes into waiting slippers, and runs to the window. Throwing it open, he looks down in the streets. "My boy! What day is it?"

The paper boy-his cap looking tiny as it sat on his afro-looks up at Don Patch through his sunglasses. "Why, it's Christmas Day, sir!"

"Excellent! Excellent!" Don Patch leaps and claps his feet together. "I know the truth now! From now on, I'll spread Christmas cheer everywhere I go!" Laughing, he runs out of the room, taking a moment to grab his cane and his tophat.

Well, it's seems like Don Patch learned the true meaning of Christmas that day. But you don't have to be scared shitless to learn the same lesson as he! Yes...I think, if we all pitch in, we can let everyone have a great Christmas! As the camera pans out to overtake the entire village skyline in its warmth, we wave. Merry Christmas, everyone, and to all, a good night!

"WAIT JUST ONE MINUTE!"

Suddenly, the film is halted, and on the scene walks a girl, sporting jeans and anime-standard pink hair. "Just what the heck are you doing? This has nothing to do at all with the fanfic!"

It does too!

"Does not!"

DOES TOO!

"DOES NOT!"

Beauty, listen. We're trying to tell these people what to expect.

She puts her hands on her hips. "By showing them the Christmas Carol?"

YES.

She blinks. "...I don't get it."

Just...sit back, Beauty. We can take care of it. Promise.

Beauty heaves a sigh. "All right." She begins walking off. "Just don't come crying to me when things go haywire!"

We won't!

Now that that's taken care of, let's get started with the story, okay?

"Hey!" Joey Wheeler interjects. "When do we come in?"

SHUT UP, YOU IDIOT! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE A SURPRISE!

"Oops!"

Damn it, now we have to wipe their minds!

Damn it, now we have to fix the mind-wiping equipment!

Damn it, now we have to wait until the hardware store opens!

Damn it, now we have to get a new tire!

Damn it-

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The screen goes black.

From offstage, Yugi Moto sighs, holding up a remote. "Let's just get to the story already."

He presses Play, and the story begins.