Disclaimer: The characters in this story are not my own but are the property of Wolf Productions and NBC.
Rated: G
Summery: A short Olivia scene. I know what it's like to watch a loved one struggle with alcoholism so I'm sure that my own feelings have found their way into my writing here. Let me know what you think!
--- Memories and Cheap Wine ---
She sat alone in the darkness of her apartment as outside, rain fell steadily. She loved the sound of the gentle patter of rain drops as they hit her roof. Somehow, it gave her a calming feeling especially when she'd shut herself in after a long day at work. But not tonight.
She stared once again at the bottle wine on the table in front of her where she'd placed it two hours earlier, intent tonight, on drowning away the sorrow that had been suffocating her for months. But somehow, she hadn't managed to talk herself into drinking even a single glass. There were too many memories.
Her gaze turned toward the clock across the room and although it was barely readable, lit only by the moonlight which only slightly lit the room, she was able to make out that it was one o'clock in the morning. In seven hours, she'd have to be at work and she was certain that she'd likely be awake until then.
Turning her gaze back on the bottle of wine, she slowly opened it and poured herself a glass. She merely stared at it as she held it in her hands. It was cheap wine and the strong smell of it suddenly repulsed her. But she knew in her heart that it wasn't the bottle. It was the memories that came with the bottle. Memories of her mother.
It had been six months since the day her mother had died. She'd fallen down a flight of subway steps on her way out the of the Velvet Room where she'd been drinking heavily and although Olivia had made it clear to her co-workers that she was alright, she wasn't okay. She was far from it.
"Why?" She heard herself ask out loud as though her mother might appear just then and explain herself.
"Why did you drink yourself into oblivion every night? Why didn't you see the tears in my eyes when you asked me to pour you another glass because you were too drunk to get it yourself? And why did you have to leave me without any family in the world?" She asked each question out loud but there were no answers and there would be no explanation.
She stood and made her way toward the kitchen taking the bottle with her. She stood in front of the sink, her eyes welling up with tears and threatening to stream down her face. Slowly, she poured the contents of both the bottle and glass down the drain.
Crimson red splashed into the porcelain sink before swirling down the drain as she pictured what her mother's body must have looked like at the bottom of those subway steps.
Sadness was quickly replaced by anger and she whirled around and threw the glass against the wall across the room. Her strength spent, she leaned her weight against the cabinet behind her and slid against it onto the floor. Tears now freely streamed down her face and she rested her head on her knees as she hugged them tightly to her chest
"Why did you leave me here alone?" Her voice was barely more than a whisper now. She never could stay angry with her mother for long.
Outside, rain continued to fall upon the busy streets of New York City, and to the sound of the gentle patter of rain drops falling on the roof, on the kitchen floor of her apartment, Olivia Benson fell asleep.
Kate
February, 2006