I'm back...unfortunately, I probably won't be finishing my Ashes to Ashes fic, 'Forget Me'- it's been so long since I worked on it that I've lost the feel for it. So I thought I'd write my first Spooks fic instead. This is set straight after Jo's death; mostly because I love how unstable the team is at that point, and I really wanted Ros to be in the fic, although I think the main pairing will be Harry and Ruth.
This prologue does center around Ros; it's set in her flat, straight after Jo's death, and those of you who've read my other fics will know that I have an annoying habit of starting fics with a song-fic. This is no exception. It's actually based on 'Innocent' by Taylor Swift (don't judge me, it's a brilliant song, and I thought the lyrics would be perfect for the situation). Hope you like it, please let me know how you feel about it :)

Innocent

Curled up on her bed, Ros Myers looks much smaller than she does when she's at work. Right now, she's not the head of Section D; she's not Harry Pearce's star officer. She's not even a grown woman; she's a child, lost in an adult's body. She's not part of a team; she's alone- everyone pretends to understand, but she knows what they really think. She's not stupid. She knows they think she's losing it. She knows they think she's not the officer she used to be. She thinks that too, but she's not about to admit it- not now, not yet.

The radio's on. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she remembers switching it on when she came in; something she never normally does. She just needed something to shut the voices out. She's focusing as hard as she can on the music; music she'd never normally listen to- just to fight the ghosts away. Up until now, it's just been mindless, computerised chart music; music that means nothing, that she doesn't have to worry about. But now, it's different. She can tell from in the introduction; sad, haunting...as if it were speaking directly to her.

Guess you really did it this time,
Left yourself in your war path,
She can't help herself; it makes her think. She starts having a mental conversation with the voice; perhaps she really is going insane.
Lost your balance on a tightrope-
It's strange- she's always had great balance. She did ballet as a child. How did I lose my balance? She asks, but there's no reply. Instead, it just keeps singing.
Lost your mind trying to get it back,
Yes, I've lost my mind. She tells the voice; there's nothing she can do about it now, she doesn't want to do anything about it. Not yet. What's the point? Why not just let the music take her away, just for a little while; she doesn't want to think straight.
Wasn't it easier in your lunchbox days?
Always a bigger bed to crawl into,
Daddy. She still remembers her childhood. Her father. She hasn't thought about him for ages- she's done everything possible to try and forget him, but she doesn't want to. When she was little, she was scared of everything; but not when he was around. When he was there, she felt safe. He chased all her nightmares. Why aren't you here, Daddy?
Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything-
And everybody believed in you?
Wasn't it beautiful when I believed in you, Daddy? Wasn't it? She's so used to lies- she's so used to lying. She doesn't trust anybody anymore, and nobody trusts her. They trusted me. She reminds herself. They did, before tonight. They all trusted her. She trusted me. And I... She can't bring herself to finish her sentence, and she can't bear to use the girl's name; that's all she was, she wasn't a woman. She was a girl.

It's alright just wait and see, your string of lights are still bright to me,
Liar. Nobody trusts her now; not after what she's done. She has no idea whose voice it is, but she's spent most of her life trying to find out the truth; and this isn't what the truth sounds like. The truth isn't sweet; stop lying to me.
Oh, who you are is not where you've been,
Where has she been? She's been everywhere; but right now, she can only think of one place. That 'panic-room'. The marble floor, stained with blood...she can't get the image out of her mind. It won't go away.
You're still an innocent,
Still an innocent.
No. She was the innocent. I'm not. I was, but I'm not now. She hasn't been an innocent for years; but up until a few hours ago, she could deal with it. She can't anymore, though. What she did to her colleague- her friend...she can't be innocent again. Ever.

Did some things you can't speak of,
My whole life's a secret- a lie.
But at night you live it all again,
It's true. She's done some terrible things; she's hurt people before, but she's always had a reason, they've always been bad people. But the girl she hurt tonight didn't deserve it. This time, the nightmares won't go away. She's had sleepless nights before; she's felt guilty, but she's lived through it, knowing that she did the right thing. But it won't work this time.
You wouldn't be shattered on the floor now
If only you had seen what you know now then,
If only I'd just walked away. Got a normal job- a normal life. She's regretted her career choice in the past, but she's saved innocent people, and that's kept her going. But I've killed them too, says the voice in her head, louder than ever.
Wasn't it easier in your firefly catching days?
When everything out of reach someone bigger brought down to you,
Her Daddy used to spoil her rotten. Anything she wanted, she could have. Daddy, go up to the sky and bring her back. Please bring her back.
Wasn't it beautiful running wild till you fell asleep,
Before the monsters caught up to you.
Running used to be a game. She used to pretend she was running away from monsters. But it's real now. It was real, and the monsters had caught up with her; but they hadn't killed her, as she used to think they would. They've turned me into one of them.

It's alright just wait and see, your string of lights are still bright to me,
Oh who you are is not where you've been,
But what about her? She doesn't have a string of lights anymore.
You're still an innocent.
I wish I could be.
It's okay, life is a tough crowd,
42 and still growing up now,
Normally, she stands tall. She's proud, she's cool. Nothing can distract her. Nothing frightens her. Normally. But this isn't normal- her life isn't normal. Right now, she's scared, she's lonely. She's nothing more than a lost little girl.
Who you are is not what you did,
You're still an innocent.
That's what she used to tell herself; but she can't think that anymore. I can't. There's no excuse this time. Nothing makes what I just did okay.

Time turns flames to embers,
You'll have new Septembers,
But time can't change what I did. Time can't bring her back.
Every one of us has messed up too,
Who is this woman? Talking to her like she knows what's happened? I've 'messed up' too, but I didn't mess up tonight. I killed an innocent girl, that's more than messing up.
Minds change like the weather,
I hope you remember,
Today is never too late to
Be brand new.
I've spent too long being 'brand new'; I'm a different person almost every day. It's my job, it's what I do. But being brand new can't save her now; no matter how much she changes, she'll never forget what she's just done.

It's alright just wait and see, your string of lights are still bright to me,
Oh, who you are is not where you've been,
You're still an innocent.
Who are you?
It's okay, life is a tough crowd,
42 and still growing up now,
She looks up from her hands, tears streaming down her face, but she doesn't make a sound.
Who you are is not what you did,
You're still an innocent,
You're still an innocent.
She can see a face in the darkness. A woman's face- a girl's face. Blue eyes. She's singing, looking right at her.

Lost your balance on the tight rope,
I know you. Suddenly, she recognises the face. For the first time in hours, she speaks, but the face is already fading away, into the darkness. "Jo."
It's never too late to get it back.
"I'm sorry."