Flaming Feats and Candy Treats
Author's Note: Ah, Halloween, one of my most favorite time of year. Nothing beats the thrill of running around in the dark dressed as Freddy Kruger and scaring the living souls out of unfortunate trick or treaters. But our story today, my children, is far from any horrifying experience like you've ever imagined! Because with every terrifying Horror story, comes an even more enjoyable Humor. And that, my children, is the theme of this year's holiday two-part special. Please, don't hesitate. Dig in! Muahahaha!
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Chapter 1: Big Things Come In Small Packages
"Game Set!"
"Aw, you got to be KIDDING me!" shouted Captain Falcon as he threw all his cash to the ground of the Battlefield.
The brawny blue haired swordsman on the other side of the stage slammed his blade into the ground, dropping his bag of loot at the same time.
"Sorry, Falcon, looks like I won the Coin Match," said Ike as he made a triumphant pose by crossing his arms.
Falcon glared at the swordsman and stomped over to him, completely ignoring his lost change below his feet.
"That's totally unfair! I had you with that Falcon Punch! It should have blasted right past your Counter attack! Like wham!" cried Falcon as he made a quick motion with his fist.
"Hey, hey, take it easy, I was just playing the game. I won fair and square."
Falcon stuck his chin up high at the shorter fighter, but then turned back around and started pacing in the other direction.
"That's the fifth Coin Match I've lost in a roe! I've nearly gone broke! And it sucks because I lost to those damned Ice Climbers TWICE, so I got to pay them QUADRUPLE the cash!"
"Ah, that's just hard luck," replied Ike cooly as he produced a large money sack and started collecting up all of Falcon's coins.
"I need to win! If this keeps up, I'll have to sell my car! Maybe even the Falcon Flyer! Why me!?"
Falcon looked up at the sky with his arms held high, as if he was preaching to the heavens.
"Well, Halloween is tomorrow. Why don't you get some candy and sell it? I'm sure Kirby and Wario would bid hundreds if they were hungry."
Suddenly, Falcon stood up tall with an odd smile on his face, as if a lightbulb had just popped on over his head.
"That's a great idea, Ike! If I get a ton of candy and sell it, I could even profit! Wario's rich!"
"Heh, well good luck getting candy," said the swordsman as he picked up the last gold coin.
Falcon irked a bit and turned to the blue haired boy sharply.
"What do you mean?" he asked seriously.
"Do you really think people would give candy to a 37 year old man wearing nothing but tights?"
Falcon glanced at his clothes and then back at the swordsman.
"What?"
"People don't give candy to adults, they give them to little kids remember? That IS the whole point of Trick or Treating," said Ike as he walked back across the stage to retrieve his other bag and sword.
"Well, then how the hell am I supposed to get candy?" asked Falcon eagerly, as if Ike was the answer to all his questions.
"Beats me," replied the swordsman as he shrugged his shoulders.
"But I'm sure you'll figure something out. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to count my winnings. Good game, by the way."
With that, Ike summoned the lift to take him off the stage and back to Smash Mansion. Captain Falcon stood there with his hand at his chin, puzzling.
"Hm... So people will only give candy to children eh? Huh. Maybe if I... No that won't do... But what if... Nah, Ganondorf would never pass as a munchkin... Hmmmmm..." Suddenly, something clicked in Falcon's head, causing him to snap his fingers in success. "THAT'S IT!"
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"What?! You want me to go trick or treating with you!?" asked the little blonde boy as hid beneath the coffee table in the living room. "No way! I'm scared of monsters!"
Captain Falcon sighed and crouched down to the PSI boy's level.
"Come on Lucas! Be a pal! Don't you want any candy?" pestered the racer.
Lucas hesitated a bit before replying nervously.
"Why don't you just ask one of the others to go with you?" he asked hopefully.
Falcon slapped himself for having to repeat this to the boy a second time.
"BECAUSE I already asked Ness and Toon Link, and they said they were going to pull some pranks on the others on Halloween night, Mario's too ugly to pass as a kid, the Ice Climbers won't get out of the ice cream freezer (for some reason), Pit's too old, Olimar has no friends, Sonic's a spazz, Kirby, Pikachu and Diddy can't talk, AND ROB's a robot! I asked Snake earlier too, and he was willing to go along with it until I told him he would have to shave his beard, which made him ditch the whole idea. So, you're my only hope left now!"
Lucas still cowered beneath the table, a bit afraid of how to react. He's always been known as the kind of person to stick up for his friends, unless it meant him harm. But there was nothing wrong with Trick or Treating was there? Don't judge him, Lucas loved getting candy on Halloween. Candy was one thing, but monsters, no, they were a whole different story.
"I'm not going!" said the boy stubbornly as he put his hands over his head and closed his eyes.
Falcon stood up unimpressed.
"Lucas, I'm sorry I have to do this..."
"Huh?"
"Falcon!..." cried the racer as his fist ignited into flames.
"Wait wait hold on!"
"PAWNCH!"
Captain Falcon exploded the dry wood of the coffee table, completely obliterating it into nothingness.
Lucas was lying on the carpeted floor, hands over his eyes, as charred pieces of black fluttered down on top of him. Falcon stood triumphantly.
"Don't make me do that again!" he threatened.
"Okay okay! I'll go Trick or Treating with you!" cried the boy as he jumped to his feet. "Just stop setting things on fire!"
"Oh, sorry," said Falcon blushing a bit. "Ahem, anyway, I'm glad you saw things my way. Now, we haven't got much time left. Halloween's tomorrow night, which means we don't have much time to prepare. SO, I took the liberty of throwing this thing together for you!"
Falcon produced a folded black and white skin which the little boy accepted nervously. Lucas held the costume up high, allowing gravity to unfold it on its own.
"A cow?" asked Lucas raising an eyebrow, as if it was some sort of joke.
"Hey, I was on a tight schedule! And a cow was the first thing that came into mind! You'll have to wear it unless you have a better idea."
"Can't I just go as myself?"
"Yeah, if you want Mother 3 fanboys swarming you in the dark..."
"Gah! Okay, I'll take the cow!"
"That-a-boy! Now let's go grab us some candy bags! Oh, and we better make sure everyone knows we're gone so they don't freak out or something," said Falcon as he turned and headed for the door.
Just as he and Lucas took the first step, Master Hand floated into the room.
"Ah, Falcon, there you are," he started. "I was wondering if you recorded that match you and Ike..."
The giant hand stared at the large black marks staining the carpet; he also took the time to glance at each and every one of the black particles floating about the room.
Falcon's face went red again as he rubbed the back of his head with his hand.
"Heh heh, look sir, I can explain every-"
"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY COFFEE TABLE!"
"Oh snap! Come on, Lucas! We're getting out of here!" cried the racer as he grabbed the costume and dashed at the speed of light past the hand, dragging the unfortunate PSI boy behind him.
Lucas held on for dear life as he felt the fabric of his cow costume stretching before his eyes.
"Captain Falcon! Slow down!" he pleaded as he bounced up and down from the wind blowing by him.
Falcon refused to let go and pumped his legs to their limits down the hall.
"Don't worry! Everything is under control! When we get back, we'll give Master Hand some candy! He'll be sure to forgive us then!"
"You mean forgive YOU!"
"Hey, be quiet, or else you're gonna be wearing the princess costume I made as a backup!"
Lucas zipped his lips tight as the distant image of the angry floating white glove disappeared at the end of the hall.