Grace
-Sfortuna
-Legion-
At seven years of age Audrey Anderson had already grown into a precocious and pretty little girl. At every party that her parents held at their house she was shown off like a dearly won prize; yet, not as a dearly loved daughter. At this point in her life she knew her parents loved her. In their own way. It was the special moments when her mom would come home from work early and take her to the mall or watch chick flicks with her and when her dad would take them out to the lake for the weekend and ignore any phone calls he would get. Those times were when she knew without a doubt that they loved her, but the in betweens were a deadly drought that sapped her of strength and life.
Audrey died a little inside every day that her parents forgot about a school play, ignored her stories about her day, and stayed out late leaving only the maid to watch her eat her dinner and lock the house up for the evening when eight o'clock rolled around. So at seven years of age Audrey Anderson was also a tremendously good actress. She could even cry on command.
One Sunday Audrey was up earlier than usual because her father wanted the family to go to church. They went occasionally, mostly to satisfy Audrey's grandparents on her mother's side and sometimes because it reflected well on her father due to others at his corporation. So she put on a yellow sundress and tied a ribbon in her hair to look like the little angel her grandparents called her and went downstairs. Typically, both of her parents were on a phone and dancing around each other as her mom ate some yogurt and her dad guzzled coffee while doing at least two other things at once.
Audrey made herself a bowl of cereal and sat at the table, waiting for them to realize that if they didn't leave in the next ten minutes the family would inevitably be late. As she finished up (and with five minutes to spare) her mom caught sight of the time and quickly ended her conversation (with Debbie, the owner of the salon that her mom went to) and hurried her husband off the phone as well. Also typically, they rushed Audrey like it was her fault that they were about to be late and got into the car.
Making it to the church with a couple minutes to go before service started, the Anderson's found the Hardy's (the surname of Audrey's maternal grandparents) and greetings were exchanged as they made themselves as comfortable as possible in the pew. Audrey listened as closely as she could; she was at church so rarely that service tended to be interesting for her, having never lost it's shiny newness in her eyes. Her dad didn't like to spend too much time there, having mostly atheistic tendencies, and he tended to usher them out after a few minutes of conversation with his in-laws. This time though her parents were cornered by part of the congregation that was close to the Hardy's and knew Audrey's mother since she was younger. They all cooed for a few minutes over Audrey and her cute dress, then proceeded to ignore her and chat away about things inconsequential to the seven year old mind. Audrey wandered over to where some kids around her age huddled in a corner with a hacky-sack.
"Excuse me, can I play too?" Audrey asked brightly. She knew no fear in the face of strangers.
A few of the kids looked at her, but other than that she was ignored.
Audrey frowned. "Hey, I asked if I can play!"
The boy directly in front of her turned around and frowned right back at her.
"Sorry, but we're not supposed to play with strangers."
Gaping, Audrey put her hands on her hips and took the indignant stance that her mom and maid knew to mean trouble.
"Well that's dumb, I'm not a stranger, I go here too. And so do my Nanna and Pop-pop!"
A girl next to the boy chimed in, "That doesn't mean anything. You're just one of those 'come and goers' as my mommy says. That means you don't care about God, you're just here cuz you think you should be."
The girl turned back to the game that had continued on during this short interlude and the boy did the same after giving Audrey a shooing motion with his hand. Feeling embarrassed and more than a little hurt, Audrey stormed off. Everyone else in the church had segregated into little cliques and none of them looked at all inviting. She walked over to where her parents were and found that, even though her dad had that pained look on his face, they would still be a while. Wandering around the outskirts of the aisles, she decided that going outside would at least be a little more entertaining than looking like a little lost sheep. She slipped out of the fancy doors and wandered around the corner of the building, knowing that if she explored near the street or parking lot and her parents found out she would be in big trouble. Lucky for her, Audrey discovered that in the back there was a small playground.
Finding the gate to the chainlink fence that surrounded the playground, Audrey slipped in and ran towards the tire swing. She stood on the worn tire and tried to use the motion of her body to get the oversized swing going. She had limited success; it occurred to her that with the help of some of the kids inside they could have a good time and there would be plenty to take turns pushing.
Unexpectedly, a tear formed and made a faint wet trail down her cheek. Audrey sniffled and wiped at the drop as it reached her chin. Loneliness opened its great maw wide in Audrey's heart and she hugged herself in a vain effort to make the pain go away. It certainly wasn't the first time she had been turned away from others but that didn't mean it hurt less to her. As Audrey grew older the world looked colder and more grim to her eyes and she wondered why her parents would want to spend so much time in it and away from her.
"Is the pain that bad?"
Shocked, Audrey whirled around and grabbed at the swings chains to steady herself so she didn't fall. A tall man in a waist length black leather jacket and blue jeans stepped inside the fence and let the gate swing shut behind him.
"What?"
The man stepped closer and Audrey picked out more of his features: a chiseled face, pale skin, night-dark hair and eyebrows, amazingly bright blue eyes, generic tennis shoes, a plain green shirt under his jacket, and a strange collar around his neck.
"The pain in your heart." The strangers long legs brought him before Audrey and she had to crane her neck back to be able to look at his face. "Does it hurt that much?"
The tear that had formed in Audrey's other eye fell and made her flush in embarrassment; crying in front of a strange man of all things! She didn't even cry in front of her parents if she could help it. She ducked her head and wiped at the other drop of rebellious fluid and frowned in consternation.
"Yes." she whispered and her lower lip trembled, a forerunner to more tears that were burning their way to the front of her eyes.
The grass rustled as the man in front of her kneeled. Audrey looked up and found that in that position they could speak face to face.
"What is it that pains you so? I can see it but I cannot fathom it."
The voice was deep, like a large hole, but somehow filled with something so that it didn't sound hollow. To Audrey's ears it vibrated with something undefinable to her that made it pleasing to her. His eyes almost scared her though; they were just too eerie in an otherworldly kind of way. And the conversation they were having was just too weird, but there was something about him (maybe it was the thing in his voice that she couldn't name) made her want to tell him everything. It was like he would listen and make everything better.
"I'm so lonely." she sniffled and wiped at her eyes, trying to head off the oncoming tears. "Mom and Dad are gone all the time and hardly anyone likes me. But all the grown ups talk about how cute and popular I am and I don't understand what's wrong with me. The friends I have can be so mean and I don't know why. Everything is just so wrong and I just want to hide in my bed until it all fixes itself."
"Your parents do not stay with you?" the man asked, a dark eyebrow rising slightly up his wide forehead.
"They live with me..." she frowned, not quite understanding what he was asking. "But they're gone all the time with work and other stuff. Parties and things. I never get to go to them unless they're at our house, and only for a little bit, then I have to stay in my room" More tears, more ineffectual wiping at her own face.
"Your friends? They are cruel to you?" He reached up and his hand loomed large in Audrey's vision. Yet as it brushed at some hair that clung to her damp cheek she felt nothing but gentleness in his touch.
"Sometimes I tell them secrets and they tell everyone else and call me names behind my back. But when I talk to them about it they laugh it off. Like it's nothing." Her shoulders trembled with the weight of remembered transgressions.
"That does not sound like true friendship. You should find others that are kind and willing to keep your secrets." he said and let his hand fall from her face to beside her body on the tire swing. "I have heard that the whole world is not like you say. You only need to find the ones that are worth your efforts."
To Audrey it was like every word the man said dropped something inside the hole in her and gradually filled it, making it smaller until she felt she could manage it on her own. Like the weight of every wrong-doing and casual brush off unloaded from her body so she could stand a little taller. It was a miraculous feeling that worked it's way to her heart and healed.
"Why are you being so nice to me?" she asked, feeling a little of her usual courage rise in the wake of the reparations made to her soul.
The stranger cocked his head to one side, drawing Audrey's eyes to the large collar. Before she knew what she was doing, her hand outstretched and her fingers made contact with the metal. It felt warm to her; she ran those fingers along the solidness of it only to have it carefully captured and removed by the greatness of the man's hand. He gathered her other hand up and cradled them in both of his large palms. She felt signs of harsh usage, callouses, scars that could be felt but not seen.
"I have no answer that will satisfy your question." he finally replied and softly squeezed her hands as if in apology. "But I can tell you that your secrets are safe with me."
Audrey smiled shyly and ducked her head, only peaking up at the man through her eyelashes. And then, as if from a great distance, she heard a bell toll. It was like the bell of a church, only more brassy. The sound thrummed in her ear drums and surrounded their bodies and she looked to the stranger in confusion. He obviously heard the sound as well and almost immediately he seemed sad.
"I must go, Audrey." He let go of her hands and got to his feet, not bothering to brush at the bits of dirt and grass that stuck to his knees.
"You can't go, not yet!" Young Audrey panicked. "I - I don't even know your name." she whispered forlornly.
A soundless sigh escaped the man and his hands cupped her delicate shoulders. "I will tell you my name, if you do me a favor." Audrey nodded emphatically in agreement, not even thinking of questioning whatever this favor could be. "I want you to turn around and close your eyes."
Suspiciously Audrey did so, feeling still that this person, whoever he was, was not toying with her as so many did.
His hands returned to her shoulders and she felt him hover over her. Not in the way her teachers did, silent and judging, but comforting like a warm blanket during a rain storm. A breeze wafted over her face and for a brief moment she could have sworn something brushed her cheek. That was dismissed as she sensed his head over her shoulder, confirmed by soft breaths that exhaled past her ear.
"My name is Gabriel."
Gabriel's hands dropped from her shoulders and one grasped each of her hands, moving them to the chains on the swing. He manipulated her fingers so she held on tightly and then he stepped away. Audrey immediately wanted to turn around to catch one last glimpse of his retreating form but he gave a great push to the swing right below where she sat and set it into crazy gyrations. Audrey let out a squeal of surprise and delight, her hands automatically holding on tighter so she didn't fall and her eyes stayed closed to better enjoy the near-weightless sensation.
She laughed aloud and opened her eyes, trying to find Gabriel. But he was gone. As the swing slowed she saw her mom and dad come around the corner of the church and briskly walk over to the fence.
"Audrey Brianna Anderson!" her mom shrilly called in the tone that meant some form of punishment would be delivered in the very near future. So she climbed down from the still moving swing and hurried over to the gate, which her dad held open for her.
She endured a lecture all the way to the car and home. But even though she lost TV privileges for a month (which was nothing considering they were never home to reinforce that edict) she still thought of Gabriel whose face grew dimmer in mind except for the piercing eyes and she clung to the emotions that he had alternately settled and inspired.
-Legion-
At sixteen, Audrey Anderson could no longer be called precocious but instead rebellious. She slipped out the window of her bedroom at night to go to parties (mostly of the college variety) and no matter what her parents tried they couldn't stop her risk-taking behavior. So when they told Audrey that they were going to move of course she flipped out but what could she do about it? She thought that the car breaking down in the middle of nowhere by a diner ironically called 'Paradise Falls' was just another speed bump in their lives. She knew that nothing would change when they moved.
Yet things did change. First Michael came, then the horde of angels in stolen human bodies, and then the archangel of death. She didn't have time to confront the strange deja-vu, the sense that something familiar was near, until she had her arms wrapped around the archangels neck and they flew through the windshield of the cop car. Her arms brushed the collar, the warmth seeped down into her, and then Jeep slammed on the brakes and when they broke through the windshield she screamed out one thing:
"GABRIEL!"
The sound of their bodies hitting the pavement echoed in her head and she lost to unconsciousness as they rolled. Yet even in the dark of her mind the recognition reverberated fiercely. All else was darkness for a long time.
The gentle touch of a hand brought her around; her body cried in agony and just the thought of movement made the shrill pain worse. Tears welled up and fell and Audrey couldn't bother to do anything about it except beg for the hurt to stop.
"I had hoped it would not come to this."
Recalling the touch, Audrey focused on the head hovering over her own and blocking out the morning light. Gabriel crouched over her prone body in the middle of the road, only this time he did not intimidate her with his wings and armor. She remembered the stranger from so long ago, the memory now crystal clear after the years of distance, remembered his kindness and the hope he brought into her life for a time.
"Why?" she croaked out, the pain in her heart temporarily eclipsing that of her body.
Gabriel stroked more hair from her face, the calloused finger tips brushing softly against her face and coming back wet with blood.
"I am not Michael; I do what my Father orders without question. I must do what I was created to do." Audrey started to involuntarily shiver and as much as it should have hurt, it didn't. Numbness spread throughout her body. "It did not bring me pleasure." His tone came as close to pleading as this angels voice had ever come.
"I thought you said you would keep my secrets." She cried for all that had happened, the loss of her parents and the state of her body, the scarring of her soul that was partly self-inflicted.
"I have, Audrey. Only He knows them like I do, and I cannot keep anything from Him." Gabriel kneeled before Audrey for the second time and slid his arms under her shoulders and knees.
Her soul was a delicate thing; fragile from just sixteen years of living and already wounded nearly beyond repair. The surface damage was all done by Audrey, but the deep fractures came from others. Parents, so-called friends, boyfriends, flings. All left their indelible mark. Only one of them was a light, a shining thing in the darkness that had overtaken her; a small candle lit in a dark hole that burned just as strong and as bright as the day it was lit.
"You kept me just as safe as I kept you." Gabriel remarked, seeing that candle. It gave him pause and made him wonder if all was not as lost as he thought. So he sat and drew her body and soul close to his own and cradled her within his embrace. Wings enveloped them, making a quiet haven from the rest of the world gone mad.
"What else was I supposed to do?" Audrey asked, the tremors still dancing in her muscles. She watched her blood pool and stain, drip onto the angels armor. It was then she realized that he was badly hurt as well. "Gabriel...you need help." Her hand twitched as if to offer some kind of help but she could do nothing for him.
"All will be well. Do not worry."
She lost the strength for any more conversation as she curled into herself and coughed up dark blood. Breathes whistled in her mouth and wheezed in her rapidly filling lungs.
"Ga-" more hacking that made the agony sharply flare stopped Audrey from speaking and she did not try again. But she stared up into his eyes and begged with them as best as she knew how.
"All will be well." he repeated and did not break the eye contact that comforted her even as fear soaked through her body like the blood that had been freed of its natural barriers.
Gabriel waited for her to die as he held her close and whispered words that had no meaning to her. When the moment finally came she felt it for only a brief instant and then her body stilled of all function. The archangel stood, her body rolling off his lap but her soul held tight in his arms.
"I'm sorry." the soul of Audrey Anderson said, grasping to the angel like he was the only thing that mattered to her. "I tried so hard, but I couldn't be good, I couldn't rise above any of it."
"Do you truly seek forgiveness?"
"Yes!" Audrey's soul cried out and all angels heard it, listening to the prayer inside her voice. "Please, I just want to be whole. I don't know if I ever was. I'm so sorry."
"Then calm yourself, for all is forgiven." Gabriel held her close and let her feel the holy light that blessed inside of him and soothed her. "It is time for you to come home."
She looked into his injured face and could only feel contentment. Everything else would be taken care of in time, for she had plenty of it now. Her arms, unblemished by cuts, glass, or gravel, came around his neck and hugged tight, letting the collar press into her and feeling the warmth hum throughout yet again. He was right; all was well.
"Thank you."
Gabriel spread his wings and with one powerful flap was in the air. He flew straight up and never let go, protecting Audrey Anderson's soul all the way to Heaven where Michael waited for them.
"Welcome Audrey." He smiled warmly at both her and his brother. "Do you see now Gabriel?"
"We will talk later." Gabriel replied, still hurting from the rift that had divided them.
"It'll be okay Gabriel." Audrey said, trying to break the tension that began to rise in the angel carrying her. "Now I think you need to show me around."
He set her on her feet and Audrey was bemused to find herself literally walking on clouds. She took a few steps forward, trying to give them a little space if they wanted to talk for a minute. There was plenty for her to look at, such as the fabled Pearly Gates.
Michael watched for a moment as she wandered before turning his gaze back to his brother. "All they need is a little guidance, a little grace."
Gabriel couldn't look at Michael, so he kept his eyes on Audrey. "I still believe that I did what I should have." He watched as she reached out and tentatively brushed a hand across the Gate. "But we will discuss this later. After I settle Audrey."
Michael nodded and observed Gabriel as he strode towards Audrey and put a hand on her shoulder. She looked up and exclaimed; all of Gabriel's wounds were healed and his armor put to rights. He shrugged off her awe and put an arm around her shoulder, guiding her to the center of the Gate. He reached out and pressed at the seam and it easily swung open like it weighed nothing. He led her into Heaven proper and they were swallowed up. Michael smiled to himself, happy that Gabriel's trip to Earth ten years ago had finally yielded fruits.
-Legion-
My Christmas break is coming to an end, and I decided to get some writing in. In case no one has seen my profile, you should do that to get a peek at what I'm doing. I try to keep abreast of my writings.