inspired by: the xx - angels
She shouldn't have come to this stupid party.
Light reflects from your shadow It is more than I thought could exist
She spots him almost immediately, and hates herself for it. If her friends really wanted her at a party, they wouldn't invite him.
You move through the room Like breathing was easy
It was selfish, she knew, asking her friends to not hang out with him. She didn't have the right.
She'd still rather not see him as much as she does, though. His radiance drowns her, he is suffocating.
If someone believed me They would be As in love with you as I am
Not to worry; by the looks that he and the bluenette from across the room share, she had a believer after all.
She smiled. It's been a month, why wouldn't he move on? Why shouldn't Lucy?
And everyday I'm learning about you
She wondered if Blue knew that Gray hated spicy food? Or that his favourite scent was candy canes and seder wood? How about his favourite food being vanilla ice cream?
She's noticed that he smirks when he means 'I like you', too. Maybe that's why she can't move on. She keeps learning too much.
And the end comes too soon Like dreaming of angels
He's stopping his conversation with Loke, she observes. He's mumbling something to his orange-haired best friend while keeping eye contact with Blue.
Lucy stops breathing. She squeezes her solo cup harder.
And leaving without them And leaving without them
She wanted to leave, to run away, buy a plane ticket, and never look back. But she couldn't leave her angel; her salvation. Even if he has no qualms about leaving her.
Being As in love with you as I am
She goes to laugh as Blue looks about ready to fall over once Gray stops in front of her, but remembers that she needs air to laugh.
Too bad her air supply has decided to support someone else.
And with words unspoken A silent devotion I know you know what I mean And the end is unknown
Even if she wasn't good enough for him, she hoped Blue was. And if she wasn't, then Lucy would vow to be the stepping stones he uses to find someone better.
She remembers to breathe this time, and drops her cup.
But I think I'm ready As long as you're with me
Her friends tell her continuously that she couldn't keep doing this to herself. "Doing what?" She'd always ask, just to get another disapproving look.
Then she'd make an excuse to leave; "I forgot! I have homework due for advanced lit," and leave to go sob into her picture of them together, hugging, happy.
Lucy ignores that self-inflicted scratches over her face in the picture.
Being As in love with you as I am
Blue finally takes Gray's hand, and Lucy can see the content dancing on his features; has studied him long enough to tell when he is satisfied.
She's learned the look by catching him leaving from other girls' apartments. He didn't know she knew then.
He knows now, though.
Being As in love with you as I am
Beautiful, Lucy thinks, as the couple make for the exit.
Her cheeks turn damp, she feels, but Lucy doesn't care.
Being As in love with you as I am
He looks happy. And if he has happy, Lucy is breathing. Not truly alive, but breathing.
Lucy wants to be near the happiness, and away from the pitiful glances her friends give her once her shirt sleeve rolls too high up or his presence is near.
She wants to, but knows that she isn't allowed.
Being As in love, love, love
Love is for those who are worthy, Lucy ponders, as her light and his blue partner finally leave the crowded house.
If love is for those who are worthy, then Lucy might never experience it.