Shinju: Ossu minna-san! Waz up?!
Kyuki::sighs::
Shinju: Nani?
Kyuki: Nothing....
Shinju: Okay... anyway, this is my FIRST Gundam Wing humor fic! I'm so proud!
^_^
Kyuki: I'm Shinju's long suffering muse, Kyuki Souzou...
Shinju: . Quiet Kyu-dude and do the disclaimer already.
Kyuki: Okay...
The Disclaimer!
Shinju Meg Uchuno owns NOTHING, here me?! Nothing! Bwahahahahaha!
Shinju: That was a little MEAN Kyuki...
Kyuki: I'm having a bad day...
Shinju::sweatdrop:: Okay then... I got the idea for this fic from a Foxtrot
comic in the
Sunday newspaper, so the idea doesn't belong to me.
Kyuki: See? Ya own nada.
Shinju: . On another note, I'd like to dedicate this fic to Kaori. She let
me be in one of
her hilarious MSTed Jokes and was the first person to ever read this. Thanks
Kaori!
Kyuki: Now... on with the insanity.
__________________________________________________________
Coffeeeee
Quatre Winner smiled to himself as he drank his morning tea. The sun had only just begun to rise over the mansion he and his four fellow gundam pilots lived in. He drank some of the warm drink and listened to the birds that sang outside the window. The beautiful morning tranquillity was shattered when a loud voice roared though the house.
" MAXWELL! " Wufei Chang shouted as he heard the braided teen run out his meditating room. He narrowed his onyx-colored eyes, grabbed his nearby katana, and went to go find the idiot who had interrupted his morning worship. Quatre sighed as he returned to his tea.
" Just a normal day... " he said to himself as Duo went running past him,
with Wufei close behind.
" This is the last time you interrupt my meditating with your useless
babble, Maxwell! " The Chinese boy ranted. Duo just turned around, pulled down his eyelid and blew raspberries.
" INJUSTICE! " Wufei shouted as they ran past the stairs. Suddenly a
gunshot sounded though the house. It narrowly missed the feuding teenagers. Both turned, wide eyed, to look at the stairs. There stood a very angry Trowa, holding a smoking gun. He was wearing a pair of boxers and it was evident that he had just woken up. He pointed his
gun at Wufei and Duo.
" It is 6:30 AM. I want to sleep. Disturb me again, and I won't hesitate to
shoot you all. " The usually quiet clown said before turning around to get back to bed. Duo and Wufei
looked at each other. Then , with a shrug, went back to chasing each other. Quatre, who had seen everything, sweatdropped.
Heero Yuy walked down the stairs, half-blindly. His Prussian blue eyes
were opened only the tiniest crack. He stumbled into the kichen.
" Coffeeeeeee.... " The perfect solder said. Quatre looked up from his
newspaper and pointed to a counter.
" Over there, Heero. " he said. Heero walked the opposite way the blond
had pointed. He slammed into a wall.
" Coffeeeeeee... " he again chanted in an almost zombie-like state.
Quatre looked up again from reading.
" Over THERE! " he said. Heero walked the correct way this time. He
stopped in front of the counter. Two blurry gray shapes sat on the marble countertop. Both slightly looked like a coffee brewer. Heero looked at them both, confused about the identity of the
devices. " Hn... " He said and picked one up, trying to pour it into the
coffee mug he held.
" Coffeeeeee...."
" Heero! No! Wait! That's the answering machine! " Quatre exclaimed.
**********
After that morning, Quatre got to thinking. Heero had been a real zombie
that morning. He hadn't started acting like his normal ' Omae o korosu' self until the caffeine had begun to take effect.
Heero must really love his coffee. I remember how he decked Duo one
morning for forgetting to make some. He really isn't a nice guy without that caffeine in his veins. He almost acts dependent on the stuff! Oh my Allah! That's it! Poor Heero must be dependent on coffee. I'll help my friend overcome this problem! I, Quatre Winner will
save Heero from the evil grip of caffeine! The blond smiled and quickly began to remove every single bit of coffee from the house.
**********
The next morning started the same way all mornings at the Winner
household start.
" MAXWELL! INJUSTICE! Get your braided baka ass back here right now so I may serve justice on you in the name of Nataku! "
" Catch me if ya can, Wu-Wu! "
" Don't call me that! "
Yup. Normal. Heero again walked toward the kichen, his robe tightly
wrapped around him.
Coffeeeeeee.... Must. Have. Coffeeeeeeeee. He thought as he went in
search of the drink. Quatre was again sitting at the kichen table reading a newspaper and sipping tea. Heero ignored him. He hadn't been very helpful yesterday. He went to get the coffeeeeeee... I mean, coffee on his own. He didn't hear the happy bubbling of the coffee as it brewed so the pilot assumed no one had made any that morning. He grunted in anger
but decided to hold off killing the dumbass who had forgotten to make his
coffee until he had had some. He searched in the cabinets but no coffee.
" No... " he said as he searched the refrigiator. " It can't be... " he
grunted as he looked though the drawers. " Quatre just went to the store... " he stood up and walked toward the aforementioned teen.
" Heero? " he asked looking up.
" You didn't buy any coffee?!? " he yelled. Quatre smiled and shook his
head.
" I decided it was making you irritable. " Heero just looked shocked.
" Quatre, you don't understand! I need coffee to wake up! To think! To
function! "
" Heero, if that's true then you're addicted, and it's even more reason
to break free from caffeine's grip. " Heero just looked at Quatre in an almost confused manner. " See? Not even you can debate that. " Quatre said firmly.
" I need coffee to debate. " Heero said with his face in his hands.
Quatre just smiled and gave him a cold glass of water, to wake him up.
**********
" Why isn't Heero tearing off Quatre's head by now? " Duo asked from the
doorway. Wufei, who stood next to him, shrugged. Heero turned and looked at the two.
" I need coffee to kill people. " he said almost pitifully. Duo laughed
and Wufei gave a rare smile.
" Yuy? Being weak over a beverage? " he asked, joining Duo laughing.
" At least he doesn't worship his gundam. " Duo laughed. Wufei stopped
giggling and deathglared at Duo. " Um... " Duo said stopping his laughter. Wufei raised his katana high above his head.
" KISAMA! " Duo got a deer-in-headlights look and bolted.
**********
Wufei sighed as he ate his breakfast.
" I think what your doing to Yuy is cruel. " he said. Quatre looked at
Wufei, confusion written on his face.
" Asking him to go one morning without coffee? " he asked.
" Asking him to go without coffee in this house. "
" Why would he be better someplace else? " the Sandrock pilot asked. At
the other end of the table, Heero and Duo were eating.
" Duo, you're sure this is cereal I'm eating? " Heero asked as he
crunched into another spoonful. Duo nodded happily, a huge grin plastered on his face.
" Absolutely. More milk? " he asked, holding up a bottle of vinegar.
" No... how 'bout some more cereal? " Heero asked. Duo again nodded and
poured more elbow macaroni into Heero's bowl.
**********
" Bye, everyone. I have a mission. " a fully dressed Heero said. " Wish
me luck
destroying stuff without a drop of coffee in my blood. " Heero opened the
door he stood
in front off, and fell down a long flight of stairs. Quatre walked over to
the open door and
peered inside.
" See? Waking up wasn't so tough. Also, the front door's this way. " he
said
brightly, pointing. Heero walked up the steps and looked at Quatre.
" B-b-basement st-st-steps... " he said shakily before falling onto the
rug.
" Heero? " Quatre asked, confused.
**********
Quatre smiled happily as he as the other three pilots ate dinner.
" Good, everyone? " the host asked. Trowa, Wufei and Duo nodded. Just
then,
Heero walked in. Quatre looked at him happily.
" So how was the mission, Mr. Caffeine-Free? " he asked as Heero took a
seat.
" Rather remarkable. " was the reply. " I got to the base quickly, fought
off some
Leo's. Had a short duel with an Aries and then blew up the base. "
" Good! " the Arabian exclaimed. " See? You didn't have a drop of coffee
this
morning and you were still able to complete your mission! I hope you learned
something.
" Heero nodded.
" Well, at about noon, that I was at the wrong base... " He said.
***** Owari*****
Shinju: So..... the fic's over...
Kyuki: Thank the Gods...
Shinju: Well, minna-san... read and review while I beat Kyu-dude over the
head with a
mallet for all his dumbass comments...
Kyuki: O.O NANI?! ::runs::
Shinju: REVIEW! ::runs after the muse::