"It was cool of you to invite them and everything," I say, looking at April as I brace my hands on the steering wheel. "But sometimes I think you're too nice."
She looks at me, both feet resting on the dashboard. With the breeze coming in from the cracked windows, her red hair flutters around her face. I can smell her shampoo in our close proximity, but I can also smell Alex's BO, too.
"They've never been outside Washington," she says, glancing over her shoulder at Jo and Alex, who are sleeping with their heads rested against one another. "It would be cruel not to invite them along."
We're road tripping Los Angeles, because it's a city that April and I have always wanted to see. We've been thinking about Hollywood and the sights since we started college, and now that we're seniors we finally have enough time and money to go. Jo and Alex weren't part of the original plan, but they aren't too much of a hassle. They're helping with gas money, but planning stuff for two people is a lot easier than four. Especially when that second person is your best friend who you know like the back of your hand.
"They make you laugh," April says, smiling at me.
I roll my eyes. "Unintentionally."
"Because I'm the funny one around here," she says.
"Yeah," I say. "But looks aren't everything."
She socks me in the arm and I crack up laughing.
"Come on," I say. "You walked right into that one."
"You're still an ass," she says, then glances back at them again. "Do you think they're comfortable? They're all squished."
There's a lot of stuff in the back seat, being as it wouldn't all fit in the drunk, so the three seats have been made into two. Alex and Jo are hip to hip.
"Don't worry about it," I say. "There's not much we can do."
She sighs and rests her chin on her fist, watching the world out the window as it whizzes by.
"The stars are bright here," she says, after a while.
"I know," I say.
"In the city, we don't get to see them that much," she says.
"Does it make you miss home?"
She nods, a nostalgic smile on her face. She's from a rural town in Ohio, where the stars are probably blinding. She's told me about it a few times.
"My mom's worried," she says. "She's scared I'll get mugged in LA."
I scoff. "Come on," I say. "You got me."
"Plus, 3 months of karate," she says, giggling at herself.
"I don't think that stint when you were 7 counts, sorry to say," I laugh.
She rests her head against the headrest and lets her laughter die off. "Still," she says. "I'm not worried." She yawns.
"You can go to sleep, you know," I say.
She shakes her head. "I'm not gonna leave you alone," she says. "Then you'll get sleepy and crash us."
"Nah," I say.
"It's okay," she says. "We should stop soon anyway."
But just a few minutes later, I look over in the silence and see her head turned to one side, neck flopped so it rests on her shoulder. Her lips are parted just slightly and her hands are slack in her lap, completely gone. I smile to myself and tip her head back so the angle is more comfortable, and she stirs but doesn't wake.
I drive for two more hours before my eyelids start to get heavy. I pull into a decent-looking motel and park the car, which wakes everyone up.
April blinks hard against the bright light coming from the sign. "Are we staying here?" she asks blearily.
"I thought it'd be smart," I say.
Alex grunts. "I'll check in," he says. "Be back." Jo gets up to follow him, slamming the door behind her.
April stretches and makes a loud screeching sound as she does. Then, she lays her head down and looks at me, blinking slowly. She's cute when she's sleepy.
"How long was I out?" she asks.
"About two hours," I say.
She nods, smacking her lips. "I feel like I could sleep for a year."
When Jo and Alex come back out, they wave us in and we grab our backpacks. We walk along a row of doors outside, following the two of them until they come to a stop and Alex hands me a set of keys.
April holds her hand out, too, but Alex looks at her confusedly.
"Where's mine?" she asks.
"You're sharing with Avery," Alex says. "Only two rooms open."
Her mouth opens in preparation to say something, but no words come out. Her eyes flit to me, and I shrug. She sighs and shrugs, too, knowing we don't have much of a choice.
Alex and Jo disappear into their room and I open the door to ours. The first thing I notice is that there's only one bed, and I know that April notices, too.
She throws her backpack on the floor and stands in the middle of the room. "So, I'll take the floor," she says.
I frown. "No, no way. I will."
She shakes her head, digging in her bag until she pulls out a toothbrush and pajamas. "No," she says. "You drove for a long time. You deserve the bed."
"I'm not taking it," I say. "You are."
She makes an indignant face. "I'm not," she says, then walks to the bathroom. She shuts the door, turns on the light, and comes back out brushing her teeth with her pajamas on. She's in drawstring shorts and a loose t-shirt, but it's chilly in the room. I can see the subtle pricks of her nipples poking through the light green material.
I force myself to look away and pretend I never saw. I take the bathroom after she's done and change, then come back out to find her making a bed on the floor.
"April…" I groan.
"I told you I'm not taking the bed," she says, laying a blanket flat.
I flick the light off, matching her stubbornness. "Well, I'm not either," I say, and lie down on the open half of the blanket she put down.
"Jackson!" she says defiantly. "It's not good for your back."
I get settled, pulling two pillows down from the bed - one for me and one for her. "Not good for yours, either," I say.
"But I'm… ugh," she says, then flops down on her back. "You're so annoying."
"Back at ya."
I watch her forehead crease in the low light, then she sighs loudly as she pulls her arms under the covers. As she gets comfortable, her smooth, bare legs brush up against mine under the stiff comforter and I tense because of it.
"Sorry if my cold feet touch you," she says.
"No problem," I say, blinking at the ceiling.
She turns on her side and falls asleep quickly - I hear the change in her breathing almost immediately. She wasn't kidding, she really was tired. But I'm not so lucky.
I lie there for what seems like hours. I don't know how much time passes, but it's most likely a lot. April stays still for a while, until she makes soft sounds in her sleep and starts to move.
She rolls onto her side, and I glance at her face. Her lips are parted slightly, face unworried and open. Her eyelashes are long, gracefully touching the clear skin of her cheekbones. I feel her soft, minty breath puffing onto my cheek, and as she situates, she makes little whimpering sounds under her breath.
I grit my teeth and close my eyes, begging my intrusive thoughts to stop. But that's nearly impossible when I feel her hand on my chest, fingers spread out, pulling herself closer.
I open my eyes and look at her, cuddling up to me with her eyes still closed. She rests her head in the crook of my shoulder, tightens her arm around my waist, and throws one cold leg over both of mine. I can feel her heartbeat, slow and rhythmic, through her skin. We couldn't be closer if we tried.
Her noises quiet down and her breathing evens out again. Her body relaxes against mine, and I can feel every slope and ridge of her. The curve of her cheek, the swell of her breasts, the push of her stomach against my side as she inhales.
I turn my head so my nose is in her soft curls, and I smell that floral shampoo I've grown so used to, mixing with a scent I know to be the lotion she puts on every day and night. I smile, growing used to the closeness, and realize I don't mind it at all. Actually, I like it. A lot.
I try and get my arm out from under her body so I can wrap it around her shoulders, but the movement wakes her. She blinks confusedly and frowns, looking up at my face before pushing away.
"Oh, Jackson," she says. "I'm sorry. I…" She covers her face with her hands.
"It's okay," I say.
"I'm so embarrassed," she continues.
"You were cold," I say, trying to sound nonchalant. "You were just trying to get warm."
"I wasn't supposed to snuggle up to you!" she shrills.
I shrug. "I didn't mind."
"Yeah, sure," she says. "I'm mortified. I…" She uncovers her face and looks at me, and I don't miss the way she scans my body. "So, are you gonna take the bed now, or what?"
"No," I say. "I can't sleep anyway. You should take it."
She lays back down, propped up by one elbow. "I'm fine here," she says.
"So am I," I reply. My eyes dart to her lips. I don't know why, it's almost involuntary.
She swallows, gulping loudly as she lies back down fully. She wraps her arms around herself and rubs her skin, most likely trying to make the goosebumps disappear.
"If you're cold, I really don't mind," I say. "You can come back."
She clenches her jaw to keep it from chattering. "I don't want it to be weird."
"Wasn't weird a second ago."
"Yeah, 'til I woke up."
"And made it weird."
She looks at me pensively for a moment, studying me and thinking of her next move. Finally, after much deliberation, she gives in and says, "Fine."
She scoots back over and presses her body flush to mine, and the contact is comforting. She's stiffer, more self-conscious this time, less free with where she puts her limbs. She keeps one arm tucked against her chest so her breasts don't touch me, and that's the part I miss the most. Admittedly.
She tries to situate to get more comfortable, but it doesn't prove to be an easy job. She notices me watching and sighs exasperatedly.
"I'm trying not to let my boobs touch you," she grumbles.
I bite my lower lip. "I… don't mind," I say.
Her eyes flash with something I don't recognize when she looks at me. Her eyebrows twitch but don't furrow, and slowly, she takes her arm away from her chest and rests it painstakingly across my torso.
"You don't mind?" she asks, curling into me.
I lick my lips and shake my head. "No, I…" I clear my throat. "I like.. Um, I like the way they feel."
"My boobs?" she asks, seemingly dumbfounded.
I nod. I wonder if I should be saying this, going this far.
"Oh," she says, and fans her fingers out. "I didn't know you… um, you thought about me like that."
"I didn't either," I say, staring up at the ceiling. "Until about an hour ago."
"Oh," she says again.
"I'm sorry," I say.
"No," she says. "No, it's okay. I…" She looks up at me through her eyelashes. "I just never thought you... um… would."
I turn on my side so we're face-to-face. Her expression is open and vulnerable, eyes wide as she runs her tongue over her bottom lip.
"I didn't either," I say.
"Oh."
I let out a small puff of air from my nose. "Would you stop saying that?"
She smiles. "Sorry."
We spend a moment in silence, just breathing each other's air. She glances at my mouth every now and then, and I look at hers, too. Her lips are pink, perfect and tempting. Right now, she looks so soft and I want more than anything to touch her.
We've been best friends for four years. We always get teased and asked if we're dating, so of course the thought of kissing her has crossed my mind. Just never this strongly.
"Would it be weird if I, um, kissed you?" I ask. "A little bit?"
She shakes her head, soft and then more confidently. She licks her lips again and watches mine as I scoot towards her, gingerly lifting a hand to rest on the side of her neck.
I move closer, leaning my forehead against hers as the tips of our noses touch, and feel her breathing quicken.
"Kiss me," she whispers, and tilts her head to one side so our lips fit together at an angle.
She tastes sweet and minty all at once, and her lips are so soft. We stay with our faces pressed together for a long moment, holding each other before we break apart to stare intensely at the other's face.
"Can we-" she begins, but I cut her off by kissing her again. I run my tongue along the pout of her lower lip and she opens her mouth to let it slip inside, whimpering a little when it does. I move to kiss her chin, the curve of her jaw, then the spot behind her earlobe, which makes her moan softly.
"You like that spot?" I ask, my tone playful and light.
She nods, pulling her bottom lip into her mouth. I go back to the place I'd been and suck on it, feeling her muscles relax as I do. I take the opportunity to push myself up and hover over her, straddling her hips with one knee on either side. From this position, I rest one hand on her hip and use the other to brush her hair away so I can kiss the swell of her throat.
As I'm kissing her, she grapples for my hand and pulls it up to her chest, overlapping it with hers as it covers her breast. I groan with my face in her neck, and she squeezes my fingers in tighter.
"Do you wanna touch them?" she whispers.
"God, yes."
She pulls her shirt up by the hem to rest above her breasts, and I see them bare for the first time. Her nipples are risen to a peak, puckered and flushed a dark pink as her ribs show through her skin when she breathes.
I take a deep breath and cover one with my mouth, feeling every ridge and bump under my tongue as I suck on her. I can feel her voice reverberating through her chest as my teeth brush the hardened bud, pressing down hard with my thumb on the other one as she writhes beneath me.
"That feels… really good…" she whines.
"Yeah?" I say.
She nods, bending one knee to latch her foot around the back of my calf, keeping me close. I nibble on the swell of her breast, moving up from the nipple, then tuck my face into her neck again. I spend an ample amount of time there, still massaging her bare breast with one hand, before moving back to her lips.
She kisses me back, slow and lazy, her lips lingering on my skin with every pause. When I pull away, my heart is beating fast and I have a boner that's past the point of ignoring. Her eyelids are heavy, though, blinking slowly as she watches me with intensity.
"You're sleepy," I say, brushing a thumb over her cheekbone.
She nods, pressing her lips together as she keeps her hands on me. "But I don't wanna stop," she says.
I lay down next to her, rolling off her body. "We need sleep," I say, trying to be the rational one between us. There's nothing I want more than to kiss her for the rest of the night. Kiss her senseless, kiss her until her lips are red and puffy, but I do know we need our rest. "C'mere," I say, extending my arms.
She falls into them. She nestles against me, head against my heartbeat, and falls asleep almost instantly.
I lie awake all night listening to her breathe.
In the morning, I'm woken out of a deep sleep by a banging on our door. April jolts awake, too, gasping as she does.
"Time to get up! We need to get on the road!"
It's Alex.
"If I don't hear some sign of life in three seconds, I'm coming in."
"We're up," I call out, as April's body tenses beside mine. As soon as I say it, she pulls away from me, sits up and adjusts her shirt. Her hair is messy, eyes foggy, but to me she's never looked cuter.
"We should get going," she says, and for a moment I think she's going to pretend that last night never happened. But in that same moment, she leans forward with her hands braced on my chest and nuzzles my cheek with the tip of her nose.
My stomach jumps. I close my eyes and smile, wondering how it's possible to feel so much for one person all at once. Where were these feelings two years ago, last year? Yesterday, for god's sake?
Seemingly reading my mind, she takes pause and asks, "Jackson, do you like me?"
I turn my head to look at her. She tucks a piece of hair behind her ears with one hand and rubs one eye with the other.
"Because I think I like you," she admits, her voice much quieter. "And-and I'm not sure where it came from, but…" She sighs. "I'm pretty sure I do."
I smile as I watch her. "Yeah," I say. "Last night… yeah." I shake my head slightly. "I don't know where it came from, but…"
"It came out of nowhere," she says, hands on me again. This time, she pushes my shirt up and rests them on my stomach, threatening to go lower.
I jolt to sit upright. "If we're gonna leave anytime soon, that… that can't happen."
She giggles darkly, but plays innocent as she stands. "I call shower first!" she calls as she walks into the bathroom.
A half hour later, we meet Jo and Alex at the car. They look less than welcoming as Alex slides into the driver's seat and Jo into the passenger's - today they'll switch off driving and April and I will stay in the cramped back seat.
"How'd you sleep?" April asks them.
"Horrible," Jo answers. "The bed was rock hard. How about you guys?"
We exchange a glance. April blushes. "Fine," she answers, a smile in her voice.
There's not much conversation to be had after that. Alex drives, Jo controls the radio, and April and I keep trading knowing glances. After an hour or so passes, I get brave and reach across the small distance between us to rest my hand on her thigh, and she widens her eyes. She shoos me away, shaking her head and nodding towards the two in the front seat.
I mouth 'I don't care.'
She widens her eyes even further, but can't keep the smile off her face. I put my hand back and edge my face closer to hers, blowing into her ear so her neck crinkles and she shies away from me. When she sits up straight again, she mouths 'stop,' but I don't.
I suck on her earlobe and she makes a tiny sound that's lost under the noise of the car, but I catch it. I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her closer, mouth moving to the corner of her jaw so I can taste the sweetness of her skin.
"Jackson," she whispers, pushing me away with flat hands. "No."
"No?"
She shakes her head.
I smirk.
"No," she says again, emphatically.
"Tonight?" I ask.
She nudges me away with her elbow, but the smile on her face tells me everything I need to know.
Alex drives late into the night. April falls asleep with her back against the door and her legs strewn over my lap, which I'm not complaining about. I rest my hands on her bony ankles and trace the hem of her socks, feeling completely at ease.
When he finally gets too tired to keep going, we pull into a motel that looks a lot like the one from last night.
"I can check us in," I say, not missing the way Alex looks at April's legs on my lap. I jostle her shins gently, patting her knee to wake her up. "I'm gonna go get us some rooms," I say, and she lifts her legs off to sleepily curl them into herself.
I find that they only have two rooms available, too. I come back out with two sets of keys and dangle one out for Alex and Jo, which Jo takes.
"April, if you don't wanna share with him again, I'm happy to room with you," Jo says.
"No," April says, quickly. "I don't mind."
Alex scoffs, laughing to himself as he nods. "Wonder why," he says, under his breath.
I ignore him, and April doesn't even hear. We head off into our separate rooms, and when April turns the light on it's obvious that the quality of our stay won't be much better than yesterday night.
I toss my backpack on the floor and look at her where she sits on the edge of the bed.
"Are you sleepy?" I ask.
She meets my eyes. "No," she says, unable to keep the smirk off her face. "Come here."
I kick off my shoes and she peels hers off, too, lying back on the bed after. With her arms strewn over her head and hair fanned out around her head, I crawl over her body and get used to being so close.
I kiss her softly, resting one of my legs between her thighs. She wraps her arms around my lower back and keeps them there, running her fingers through the light hair above the waist of my jeans as she opens her mouth.
I take her bottom lip between my teeth and suck on it gently, which elicits a moan from her. Her eyes flutter open and she asks, "Where did you learn to kiss like that?"
"I don't know," I say, lips to her cheek. "Where did you?"
She giggles. "I don't know what I'm doing."
"Liar," I say, swiping a hand through her hair. "You're an amazing kisser."
Her eyes glisten. She inhales like she plans on saying something, but no words come out. Instead, she pulls me back down by the neck and slips her tongue inside my mouth, breathing hot against my skin.
My hand sneaks lower, past her neck and over her collarbones to rest on the swell of her breast. I feel her nipple hard underneath the fabric of her bra, so I perpetuate it further by rubbing the pad of my thumb over it. She makes a desperate sound into my mouth, sighing with pleasure as I get her out of her shirt and suck on the skin that's spilling above the cup.
Her hips start to move, thighs clenching around mine as she searches for friction. I unclasp the front of her bra, letting it fan out to either side of her, and waste no time in getting a nipple in my mouth.
I feel her fingers weaving through my curls, back arching off the bed as she whimpers and moans. Her hips oscillate with more purpose, rubbing her center against my thigh with a specific destination in mind. She wants an orgasm, whether or not she knows it consciously. And I'll gladly give her one.
"Can I touch you?" I ask.
She cranes her neck to look at me, face flushed. "You are touching me," she says, chuckling.
"No," I say. "I mean…" My eyes flit between her legs, which are still clenched around mine.
"Oh," she breathes. She bites her lower lip and runs her tongue over it, nodding with a look in her eyes I've never seen before.
"Yeah?"
She nods again and reaches to unbutton her jeans, unzipping them after. I lean down and kiss her, keeping my lips against hers as my hand sneaks down her bare torso to slip inside the front of her jeans, the front of her panties.
Her skin is hot. That's the first thing I notice. She has a light coating of hair that I run my fingers through, and her lips go slack against mine. I doubt she's had anyone touch her like this before, and I feel a sense of pride bloom in my chest that I'm her first and so far, her only.
I trace her outer lips as her thighs trap my hand, running my middle finger along her entrance and teasing to go inside. I look at her face and we lock eyes, and she nods me along.
When I do, her mouth falls open in a heady sigh. Her inner walls are warm and wet around my finger, fluttering to accommodate it. April is breathing heavily, getting used to the new sensation, and I know this isn't enough. For me, it isn't enough.
So, I pull my hand out of her pants and get them off of her before she has a chance to ask what I'm doing. I toss them to the side and see that the front of her underwear - burgundy with lace at the hips - have a damp patch between her legs.
I'm about to make it much more than a patch.
I grip her thighs in my hands and look up to see her watching me. I've never seen her look more beautiful, lying in just her underwear as she prepares to give herself to me. That's the only way I can describe this. She's so open, so vulnerable, so very much mine. I've never felt like this before.
"Can I go down on you?" I ask, dragging one fingernail up her inner thigh.
She swallows loudly, rubbing her lips together. "Oral?" she asks.
I nod, running my thumbs along the waist of her panties. I smile to myself when I touch the peach fuzz on her stomach and she flinches, unused to such intimate contact.
"Do you want to?" she asks.
"I wanna make you feel good," I say, touching the tiny bow.
"Okay," she agrees, still watching me. "But just so you know… I know you-you felt… I have… I don't shave, I have hair, I-"
"I don't care," I say.
"You don't?"
I shake my head.
"I thought guys cared," she mutters.
"Douches care," I say. "I like your body any way you like it."
She makes a small sound that sounds like a whimper and lays back, giving me permission to get started. I smile to myself when her hips twitch, responding to the feather-light touch of my fingertip below the bow on her panties, edging my way towards the subtle swell.
But instead of touching it with my finger, I cover her with my mouth.
"Oh!" she exclaims, hugging my sides with her knees.
"Relax," I say, glancing up before licking the middle of her underwear, widening the damp spot. "I got you."
She exhales loudly, and I feel her eyes on me as I run my thumb over the wetness. Before long, I take her underwear off and am met with the most intimate part of her; I've never been more turned on.
I open my mouth and taste her, letting my eyes close as I push her thighs out to either side. She sighs - loud and breathy - and I feel one of her hands on my head, stroking my skin.
"Do you like… this?" she pants, twitching as I part her lips and run my tongue along the inside of her. Her skin is slick with her arousal, and I'm not sure she's aware.
"What's not to like?" I reply, slipping one finger inside and curling it upwards. She takes in a heavy breath, pinching her lips tight together as she whimpers.
"What's in it for you?" she asks, managing the words as best she can.
I don't answer at first. I keep moving my pointer finger inside the heat of her body, then succeed in finding her clit with my tongue. I graze over it then apply pressure, which makes her open her mouth and let out a long, desperate whine.
"Seeing you like this," I say, watching her chest heave as she breathes. I smile with my mouth against the wetness between her thighs and graze her skin with my teeth, which makes her squirm.
As I get her closer to her orgasm, her sounds become louder and closer together. She calls my name, moans it, actually, and holds the back of my neck so I can't move from where I'm situated, giving every single ounce of attention to her throbbing bundle of nerves.
When she comes, she lets it go with a short, broken scream. I don't let her catch her breath before making my way up her body, dropping kisses on her bare skin and finishing with her mouth. She's so spent she can barely kiss me back.
"Oh, Jackson," she breathes.
I smile. I take a moment to look at her face, glistening with sweat, then tuck a piece of auburn hair behind her ear. "April," I say, and she opens her eyes into mine. "I know we're best friends, and I don't want that to change. But… do you wanna have sex?"
She smiles now, too. "I thought that was kinda implied," she says.
"I didn't want to assume."
"Well, assume," she says. "As long as you have a condom."
I nod, my stomach jumping with excitement as I back up to get my clothes off. Once we're both naked, I cover her body again and smother her with kisses; she holds tight to my neck as she tries to match the passion behind my actions.
"I'm sorry," I say, palming her breast. "I'm just really, really turned on right now… and the way you looked when you came…" I sigh, flicking my thumb over her nipple. "I wanna see it again."
She bites her lower lip, a devious expression in her eyes. "What are you waiting for?"
The feeling of her body wrapped tight and slick around mine is one I can't describe with words. When I sink fully inside, my eyes roll back and her back arches, mouth falling open to let a soft whimper escape.
"You okay?" I ask, snapping my hips once.
"Yeah," she says, hands on my ass. "It feels good. You… you feel good."
I clench my jaw and thrust into her again, watching her breasts bounce as her back scoots up the mattress. Along with my movement, the headboard smacks the wall behind us, but I barely notice. The rhythmic sound gets lost in the whirlwind of sensations filtering through my mind. It's the least of my worries.
When April throws her head back and arches her neck, I take the opportunity and open my mouth on the swell of her throat. I can't get enough of the way she tastes, sweet and balmy under my tongue, moans vibrating through her skin.
I come first with a few powerful thrusts, which elicit loud, animalistic sounds from her. The headboard smacks the wall as I finish, and I grip one of the bars tight as I spill inside the condom, inside her. I don't pull out until she's had a second orgasm, though, but just as I'm tying the condom off to throw it away, I hear a knock on the door.
She instinctively pulls the sheet up to cover her chest, looking at me with alarm.
"Come back later!" I shout.
"No, now." I recognize Alex's voice, and April and I exchange yet another glance. I pull on my boxers and she wraps the sheet around herself to follow me to the door. I open it and find Alex standing outside looking angry and disheveled.
"What do you-"
"I need to get the fuck to sleep," he grumbles. "I'm happy for you two or whatever. Kepner, good on you for finally popping your cherry. But holy crap, dude. If I have to hear your stupid bed banging my wall and Kepner's girly-ass moans for one more second, I'm gonna fricken scream."
April stifles a giggle. I press my lips together to seem serious.
"Totally understand," I say. "Sorry 'bout that, man."
"Yeah, whatever," he says, trudging off.
As he walks away, I turn back towards April and we both crack up laughing. With no plans to stop what we've started, we pull the bed away from the wall so that's one less noise he can complain about. As our naked limbs tangle together again, though, I can't promise that Alex has heard the last of her moans.