Disclaimer- If it were mine it'd be out in North America already.
A/N- Being at home sick can really influence your creative juices. AxS, because I'm so fucking sick of writing IxA…but I'm sure that's just temporary.
Summary. - Words are powerful, ancient things. You should heed mine.
This was crazy. She knew it, and it made it that much more crazy. What did she think was going to happen? What great mystery did she think she was going to discover? If he wanted to keep something from her, she was not going to find out. It was that simple. He might have been crazy, but he was crazy like a fox.
She sat outside on the cold stone floors adjacent to their adjoining rooms. It felt good. It was quiet…peaceful, almost. For a moment she leaned her head back against the wall, pretending she was just another stone. Just an observer to all this chaos.
…It didn't work out very well.
Secretly she was dying inside. She understand. Nothing made sense, it just didn't add up at all! How was she supposed to be a good girl, just like she was raised to be?
Deep within her she knew she wasn't good at all. She hadn't been good since she impaled that man on one of her family's good silver forks.
It killed her. She wasn't good, but she wanted to be. She wanted the choice, not that ability. She would never have that again.
It didn't stop her from trying though.
She still prayed every night, just like her mother had taught her when she was young.
Did God stop listening once you were damned? She didn't know. It didn't matter; it wasn't doing any harm in any case.
Her prayers were full of hope, full of a desire to good. Everything that she did was out of a desire for calm. For death.
She pulled her legs closer to her body.
Perhaps praying for her Master was a bad idea. She was probably just making God angry for wasting his time. Hell, maybe he thought it was funny. She didn't know.
God may not be angry, that was an anomaly. However, she knew of one red clad killer who was furious, and she was the cause.
He'd always been impatient with her. He had always talked down to her, made sure she knew she was insignificant and lowly. He had been sure to make a point on how she was a silly creature and unworthy in his eyes.
He'd always been vocal in his disapproval, to say the least.
In the beginning she took his disapproval to mean that she was doing something right, for surely if thought it was a bad idea…well, maybe it meant that she was getting closer to her humanity.
It was soon, however, that she realized how wrong she was. Eventually she figured out what he had been telling her the whole time.
She was a monster. A creature. An 'it.' She was not human. She did not need humanity.
It was the truth, she realized too late.
She began to see, it was not what she was…but how she behaved.
A half starved vampire wasn't any good to anyone.
So, she began to make herself stronger. She drank her blood. She practiced her otherworldly skills. She even tried to be more serious.
Well, it had gone…interestingly. Indeed, she had become stronger. She had become more effective as a tool and she now had a few abilities she could fall back on.
However, it was her change in demeanor that had caught the attention of Sir Hellsing. The woman, as bright as she was, knew that not all was right in her servant's fledgling.
Seras had assumed that Integra wanted to monitor her, because just as soon as she had made herself able enough to take on a real enemy she was given a desk job. Integra gave her the post that her late butler had once held. She acted as a secretary and coordinator of everything in the mansion. It was a tedious job, and she was glad that she'd always gotten good marks in maths.
It seemed after this demotion Alucard didn't have the time of night for her. It saddened her in a way that she couldn't understand.
It had its perks though.
Her new job gave her a lot of time to think. The work she was required to do didn't call for great attention to detail constantly. For instance; the act of stapling various things was a highlight of her day. She would have to staple page after page after page.
Those were good times for thinking, that's why she liked them so much.
She couldn't understand why Alucard turned her. She wasn't really very special. Even now, her place at Hellsing was something any human could do with a slight education.
Why create her and then forget her?
Alucard wasn't as uncalculated and insane as he was given credit for. He almost had an ultimate purpose. She wasn't buying that she was some closet child, created for sheer amusement.
She was probably right, he probably did have higher plans for her…but she couldn't figure them out.
That was the predicament that had led her here, sulking around their dungeon, looking for trouble.
She sighed and got to her feet. He would be home soon, she knew. If she was going to this, she needed to do it now.
Cautiously she walked over to his door. It was an illusion, she knew. She knew he didn't spend anymore time in the room she was standing before, then he did in the loo in the morning.
She went in anyway. She knew he slept somewhere near her, she could sense his presence.
It was a dark sort of chamber, gloomy. It was dank and smelled faintly of mold.
She scrunched her nose. No, Alucard would never sleep here. He could never be so sparse. He was a materialistic creature: look how he dressed! He had a taste for beautiful things. This would never suit him.
Besides, it was missing one key element. Amid the table and chair and dust bunnies, there was one thing missing from this place.
A coffin.
Even the great Alucard must retire someplace. He would never let his final domain reside in this rat hole.
Seras walked to the wall. She was sure his resting place was near.
She closed her eyes and let her mind extend…searching. Behind closed lids she saw flashes of things. Her room. His fake room. Some piping. A washing machine.
Then it hit her.
It was a room. A red room. It was extravagantly decorated with rich fabrics and old looking objects. There were a lot of books and even some scrolls.
She rolled her eyes. It would make sense that her master was a pack rat. He seemed to enjoy hoarding what he thought was his.
She allowed herself to be lead to the pace with her mind's eye. She felt herself being pulled to the place. It was still strange to her, and sometimes she had trouble letting go.
As she felt herself go through a wall and come to a stop, she knew she had arrived.
She opened her eyes to look around her.
The room truly was breath taking. Although, she didn't take the time to appreciate it.
Hurriedly she started searching. A dairy, a journal, a record of some sort. Anything! She needed to know. It was her last chance to find out if she was just a waste of space, or a potential…something, anything.
She tried to keep things as they looked before she started pilfering through things. It wasn't easy. She wasn't stupid; she knew he would know she was here. She just didn't want him to think that it was intentional…maybe she could convince she was just practicing her 'powers' when she stumbled on it.
Maybe.
She poked around, forgetting her task. She would pick up various objects and study them. Everything in here seemed fascinating. It was like a whole new side to her master…a logical one.
She was on her knees looking under his bed when it happened.
"Why, hello Police Girl," said a deep, slightly agitated voice.
Seras whipped her head around to look into the red angry orbs of her master.
"Uh," she stumbled. "I was just…uh…"
He smiled at her, but it was not a good thing.
"Save your lies," he said calmly.
He was as imposing as ever, standing there. He was leaning against a wall. His arms were crossed and he looked bored and upset.
Seras momentarily let herself ponder the oxymoron that her Master was.
She bowed her head in shame.
"I was searching for something," she told the floor from her kneeling position.
He watched her.
"Get up," he said harshly. She moved to comply. "Come here."
She let her feet carry her to him. She stopped in front of his ruthless scrutinizing eyes.
He put a hand beneath her chin and raised her face so he could look into her eyes.
Now it was him searching for something.
"Why have you come here?" he asked again, rhetorically. Finding no answer he frowned.
A single tear fell down her cheek, he watched its path.
"Come," he said. "Let us talk."
He grabbed her arm and pulled her with him across the large room to where a lone chair sat next to a full bookcase.
He pushed her into it roughly.
She was frightened. She'd never seen him this sort of calm before. It was unnerving.
"Police Girl," he said, his tone washing over her. "Speak."
She closed her eyes. Now was her moment of truth, it seemed.
"I was searching," she began. "I was looking for something that would give me answers."
She opened her eyes and looked into his.
"I was looking for a reason for my existence."
Alucard's face seemed to fall. He studied her a moment.
"Why not just come to me Police Girl," he asked.
She snorted.
"I might as well ask a brick!" she replied angrily. She hid her face in her hands. This was what she had feared.
Alucard sighed in an uncharacteristically human way.
"You, girl," he told her. "Are a fool."
She sobbed.
He glared at her.
"This is what you've been reduced to?" he exclaimed. "After all your hard work you still retreat to tears after a few harsh words?"
She looked up suddenly, her eyes wide with shock.
"You knew?" she asked.
He starred her down.
"You knew!" she exclaimed this time. "You knew and you didn't try and help me? You didn't tell me?"
He continued to stare.
"I can't believe this!" she said, obviously upset.
He watched her in her current state. She was still beautiful.
He lowered himself to his hunches, putting his face on par to hers.
She looked up to find him there.
He gave her a small grin.
She slapped him.
"How disrespectful," he mumbled under his breath as he pulled her off the chair and into his arms.
She was too shocked to do anything.
"Police Girl," he said. "You have been making me proud."
She clung to him like he was her lifeline.
"I knew what you were up to," she told her. "But why would I interfere when you were doing so well on your own?"
She opened up her mouth to protest, but never got the chance.
"Shh," he said. "Ultimately my help would have been fruitless. Everything I say to you is poison…or so you think. You were better on your own."
Seras allowed him to support her.
"Why?" she asked.
He smiled to himself and shrugged.
"My dear fledgling, you were the perfect candidate," he said. "You had the ability, but none of the desire to be great. Exactly the qualifications a Hellsing pet needs to survive without going to pot."
"Do you not desire greatness?" Seras asked quietly.
"That has never been a prerogative of mine," he informed her. "My search was always one of power, not greatness. Now…I only desire completion."
She almost smiled. Almost.
Instead she just smirked, a little.
He gave her a small tug thing she assumed to be an attempt at a hug, and pushed her away.
"Are you better now?" he asked.
"Are you sorry?" she asked unexpectedly.
He cocked his head and looked at her quizzically.
"For what?" he asked.
She would have blushed if she could have.
"For turning me?" she asked in a small voice.
He laughed. She frowned.
"Police Girl!" He said, mirth in his voice. "I chose you to be in my family. You were no mistake. How could I ever regret my best work?"
Police Girl smiled.
"We're family?" she asked.
He raised an eyebrow.
"Do you have another name for this?" he asked.
That's when she lashed out. With her lips.
It certainly caught him by surprise. It was obvious she didn't know what she was doing, as her lips were slightly on his cheek, slightly on the corner of his mouth.
He wasn't complaining though.
"Mumph," he said, mumbled by their exchange.
She giggled. He pulled her closer.
She yelped.
He giggled.
Seras thought it was lucky he had that nice rug on the floor there; otherwise it would have made their landing on the floor a bit too painful for her liking.
It was a long moment before their kiss was finished.
Alucard was grinning like mad. Seras was trying not to look too thrilled; happiness was a rare thing for her lately.
There was a long pause.
"Master?" she asked.
"Yes?" he replied.
"Why have I been assigned that horrible desk job if you knew what was going on?"
He frowned.
"I didn't want you to get cocky and end up getting hurt," he told her honestly. "Plus it's fun to watch you squirm," he added.
Seras chose to ignore that last comment.
"I knew you cared, Master," she said. Maybe eternity wasn't too long after all.