A/N: So, this is my first fanfic, don't be too harsh. :) It might not be so believable, but this is what I truly wish had happened after Edward had left Bella in the woods in New Moon. The italicized words are the thoughts of the person who is doing something. If you read Twilight and New Moon, then it shouldn't be too hard to figure out who's who. Chapters 1 is set in Edward's PointofView. Please Read/Review, of course. Oh and Valdez is a city north of Denali, Alaska. Kay that's all the spoilers for right now:)
Disclaimer: I don't own twilight or new moon, Stephenie Meyer has dibs. She's awesome of course, so I'm here to support her!
Away, I have to go away. Bella, I just...away. That's where I'm going. Away. I couldn't tell her these things. Only she and God know that I decided on a clean break. I had run through the woods, past the trees, and the rain, and the damp.
DON'T look back. Don't. You can't. And I didn't. The farther I ran, the more trees I passed, and the closer I got to my car. The wet splattered my face, and acted as the tears that would have escaped my eyes, were I human. The thought of the hurt inside of both of us played frenzy within me. Not warming me like Bella could, but a burning that tortured me. I realized how much the hurt had spread through my empty soul like venom. The irony, I know.
I landed in a puddle next to the door. I looked at my face in the window. The reflection was unbearable; I couldn't think straight, let alone look myself in the face. I opened the car door with unusually strong force, slid into the driver's seat and slammed the door simultaneously. I had to go. Find a place, a place that I might call away.
--
I was passing Valdez, driving along the coast for God knows what reason. I pushed the gas pedal of the Volvo evermore, even though the arrow in the speedometer was as far to the right as possible. Passersby were nothing but a blur, and I shook my head, thinking of how these sights so resembled the thoughts swimming in my mind. Bella's brown eyes looked reproachfully at me in my head, and I slapped the steering wheel. It's for her own good. She needs a happy life. She can't have that. Not with me around. Why can't she understand that?
I drove north to Denali, which had annoyingly become a constant place of refuge. Why? I turned left towards the village which had surprisingly stayed hidden for many years. A light in the distance brought a force upon me that urged me to stay away. Not for danger, but for me to go back. I couldn't. Not now, not yet, at least.
I continued, a bit slower, straight up the dirt rock road and looked into the darkness. I glanced at the speedometer, if only for a second, to think about something else. My mind wouldn't let me. The darkness flooded in, we were so much farther north than Forks. Bella brought me out of the darkness. She was so warm. So, so warm. She was beautiful; both her body and soul. I slapped the steering wheel once again. Stop it! Stop thinking of her! She doesn't deserve you. Just keep driving. She'll understand.
My jaw tightened. I didn't want her to understand. I didn't want her to have to understand. No one should have to be forced to understand the lie that the love of their life didn't want her, that I didn't love her. It wasn't true. It was complete blasphemy. I wanted to be human. I wanted that to be reality, but it never would be. My chest, as empty as my comfort, my place of Bella, tensed.
On instinct, I drove to the side of the road, as a courtesy to other drivers on a most deserted road. The dark didn't scare me. The emptiness scared me above all. The emptiness that was a sign, telling me of my scarred future. The future I could have, the future I would have, if I left her like this and abandoned the feeling that my heart unmistakably felt.
I breathed deeply, knowing that the air would never reach my long lost lungs, and that the gesture was completely useless. The lights on the dashboard of the car were still illuminated, as if they were telling me that there was still hope. Hope to right my dreadful, stupid, immature wrong.
I slowly reached toward the gear shift, clicked the stick to the drive gear, and made a U-turn, back to Forks, back to love, back home, and back to the woman, whose love made my cold dead heart ache before I even reached 'away'. Back to my Bella.