The illustrious James Buchanan Barnes slipped on his brand new Nike's and recited the Bikini Bottom national anthem.
"Oh, Bikini Bottom! We pledge our hearts to you..." he sang like a gruff angel of delicate one-armed beauty and grace.
Just then Scotty the Hotty jumped into Bucky's hair via a flying pancake and screamed "PICKLES!"
Bucky wept for the antish dude had just ruined his solo.
Sam laughed at the Winter Soldier's misfortune and pulled out his righteous clarinet (that had abs). He then played a little ditty about seat heights.
Bucky grumped at the birdbrain and pulled out his turkey sandwich to dry his tears from all the cruel bullying.
Sam called upon Redwing to deliver him a spicy batch of cheeseburger sliders. He waved the tasty treat in front of Bucky's all-smelling nose.
"Sam, stop acting so offensive to my Bucky rights!" growled Bucky as he flexed his liberties as hunkiest super soldier.
Sam gasped at da stinkin' liberties. "Well, Steve will always have better pecs and/or abs than you."
Bucky felt the piercing words like hot abs through butter. "I must now go on a personal glorious conquest to prove my bod is that of a happening dude with killer 'tude."
Scott giggled and kicked his feet like an idiotic zebra named Leroy. "Mom says it's my turn to play XBox, you fools!" He then licked all the hardware including the Infinity Stone secretly kept in George Costanza's Holy Wallet.
"Deary me..." said Sam as he used chop sticks to nab the tiny man. "Stop being so bad at friendship, cool cat."
Scott winked and then grew giant. Then he dropped a sick nasty beat about his stupid upcoming sequel.
Bucky was in tears running through the woods like a Loki with his pants on fire (cuz dat man a liar!)
"I am so sad due muscular competition..." he wept bitterly into his metal sleeve.
Then Bucky's fairy god Clint appeared out of nowhere. "I'll grant you your own special wish, my child!" He waved his arrow wand like a diva and then Bucky blasted him out of existence.
"That was straight up terrifying..." said Mr. Barnes with fear adorning his delicious jawline.
Suddenly Steve rode by on his Extreme Gear. He did a sweet ollie, bruh! He waved to Bucky, but Bucky was furious.
"What's wrong, old pal?" asked Steve with his tuchus secretly hacking Hydra headquarters.
"You're no longer my friend because you stole my righteous rep!" grumped Bucky because he was in the right as always.
Steve smirked and licked his finger. He then touched the tight squeezers in the back and let loose dat sizzle sizzle bay-bay!
Bucky gasped at the horrid display of overwhelming macho madness that stood before him like an armoured pelican. "Why do you assert your savoury flavour, Stevy?"
"Was poppin', Bucko?"
"Nothing much, you?"
Steve nodded his head slightly and let out a silent chuckle. "Brooklyn," he said as he zoomed off into the sunset like a true American.
Bucky felt a single tear slide down his perfect cheek. "That man is truly dat hotness we don't deserve!"
FIN