Love To Span Time

By Miakoda

Lou cried inconsolably, she held the note Jimmy left on her bunk with shaking hands.

To my dearest Lou,

I love you so much. You already know that, but I can't put you through a life of pain, of not knowing whether I'll be on this earth tomorrow or the next. Always wondering who is going to challenge my next, or if I'll even survive the next gunfight. I can't put you through that. I love you too much to hurt you like that. I realize that I will be hurting you now, but hopefully it will only hurt a little while. I want happiness for you, Lou so please, go out and find the happiness that I want so badly for you.

Love always,

Jimmy

P.S. Don't come lookin' for me.

At her wits end, Rachel tried to comfort Lou, but it wasn't doing very much good. She couldn't believe Jimmy just left like that. She thought better of the gunslinger, thought he was different than other men. While she did understand what he was feeling, it did not make what he did right. He could've at least stayed long enough to explain it in person.

"Rachel what's wrong with me? Why would he leave like this?"

"There's nothing wrong with you honey, he just doesn't want anything to happen to you."

"He's a coward to have left like that!"

"I know, honey, I know."

Lou cried herself to sleep. Rachel stepped out on the bunkhouse porch. She came face to face with three very worried people. Teaspoon, Buck, and Cody all waited anxiously for news about how Lou was taking the whole thing about Jimmy.

"How is she Rachel," asked Buck.

"She cried herself to sleep. She's still very angry about Jimmy running off. I don't know if she'll ever get over it. She really loved him."

Teaspoon said, "If she's taking this real hard, what's to keep her from going after him?"

Rachel gasped, "I hadn't even thought about that."

Cody said, "Teaspoon's right Rachel, you know she's going to want to."

The Lou he knew wouldn't want to let Jimmy off the hook that easily. She would want to give him a piece of her mind.

The next morning, Lou got up and dressed in the pants she kept from the express days. She hadn't worn them since the day of the last run, Now she was putting them on she had serious work to do around the ranch. Now with Jimmy gone Buck and Cody were going to need her to help rather than spend her time with Rachel as she had been doing. The help she hadn't have to give, Instead spending all her time in the kitchen helping Rachel with the cooking and cleaning.

After the express ended, Cody, Buck, Jimmy, and Lou had stayed at the station and made it in to a horse ranch. They became very successful and bred very good stock. After Kid and Lou had a huge fight about him leaving for Virginia to fight in the war, she and Jimmy had started a relationship that they both had been wondering about since their first kiss.

The sight of Lou showing up to breakfast in pants brought on a table of shocked faces. Lou usually stayed in the kitchen and helped Rachel, she didn't need pants for those chores. She remained solemn throughout breakfast. Everyone was careful not to make any mention of Jimmy so that they wouldn't upset her.

After breakfast, Lou headed straight out to the barn to start the chores. She worked hard all day, until Rachel came out and told her she needed to slow down. Lou gave Rachel an angry look and stormed off. Lou headed for the little pond not far from the ranch. She sat down on a rock overlooking the pond. She just wanted to have some time to herself. She needed to think.

She couldn't believe he was gone, but she knew Jimmy and in a way she did see where he was coming from. That still didn't change the fact that he was gone. He had gone about it all wrong. He could have come to her and talked to her about how he was feeling. They could have sat down and maybe worked out a solution. Not to mention his trying to protect her made her feel like he didn't think she could take care of herself against anyone that may be looking for him. He didn't come to her and now she was alone.

Lou sat awhile longer, throwing rocks into the pond and thinking. It started to get dark. She needed to head back, but before she did, she looked up to the sky " I'll wait for you to return to me as long as it takes, James Butler Hickok."

She felt better, Knowing she had to let him go. She knew that if he truly loved her the way he said he did that he would return to her some day. She believed with all her heart that he did love her. She wanted him to return to her on his own, not because dragged him back. If there really was true love between them, it would find a way to bring them back together.

With this new resolve and confidence, Lou headed back to the ranch for dinner. When she got there everyone noticed something different about her. Buck said, "Did something happen? You seem happier."

Lou replied, "Yeah a little, but I still need more time."

"Can I ask why?" asked Rachel.

"I have come to terns with Jimmy leaving so ya'll don't have to watch what ya say anymore."

Cody's shoulders slumped "You knew about that?"

Lou chuckled, "Yeah Cody and I wouldn't have it any other way. At least I know you care."