Allen sat on a bench in the Durnadal's park area fidgeting with a loose thread in his sleeve. She was ignoring him again. He only wanted to take her out to dinner- show her there was actually a world outside of KOS-MOS' maintenance room. But she would not even look up. She responded to his offers simply with nods and grunts and he retreated with his tail between his legs defeated. Allen was convinced if he looked up unrequited love in one of the old dictionaries in Jin's bookstore he would see his picture staring back at him- his eyes plagued with the same dejected look he always wore after Shion turned him away.
"Nice weather we are having?" Allen looked up to see who was speaking to him. chaos winked.
"Oh hey, chaos." Allen said half-heartedly.
"Moping around are we?" chaos smiled. Allen blinked. chaos' eyes glistened in the artificial moonlight.
"Am I that easy to read?" The two men shared a moment of laughter.
"Don't mind Shion. She just has a lot on her mind. I got shooed away too when I went to see if she needed anything."
"Easy for you to take it as a grain of salt, you're not in love with her." Allen rested his chin on his folded hands.
chaos shrugged. "You have me there."
Allen watched an environmental bug fly past them. "It figures she wouldn't like me. I'm just not the kind of guy who ever gets want he wants."
"Don't say that, Allen. Even the unlucky eventually get what they deserve."
Allen leaned back. "And what is that supposed to mean?"
"Well, I believe if we are good to each other, we will all be rewarded with happiness. We must be patient enough to wait out the sorrow and disappointment."
"chaos, I envy you. How can you be so calm and collected while I'm so depressed…?"
"As you said earlier, I'm not in love. Any strong feeling have a way of taking over your mind and making rational thinking all but impossible."
"Am I being irrational? Maybe I am…but I have never felt the way I feel for Shion about anyone else. Love is foreign ground to me."
"I see. You have a kind heart, Allen and unfortunately that means you can be easily hurt."
"Don't I know? But what about you chaos? You are able to be both strong and kind. If you were in my shoes I bet you could easily win Shion's heart."
"Let's leave her out of this. If we both waltzed up to her room and proclaimed our love together, she'd be liable to yell at us for distracting her."
"Don't say that. You make her out to be so self-absorbed. She really is not like that…"
"Perhaps I don't know her as well as you do."
"No one does. She does not let anyone get to know her. I have been watching her from afar for some time now and there is still so much I cannot do for her. I am nothing but a subordinate to her. She would never spend an evening fretting over my feelings. So why am I?"
"Because you are willing to feel for her, though she may not know it, Shion is very lucky to have you. I am jealous. I often find myself wishing I had someone who would love me that way."
"Really chaos? I wouldn't have guessed that."
"Why not? I am a guy after all."
"Do you love anyone?"
chaos' cheeks turned rosy. "I've been in love so I know how beautiful it can be, but I also have lost someone very dear to me. You can say I've been on both sides of the coin."
"I'm sorry, chaos" Allen went silent for a moment then chuckled. "I just realized you revealed a slight detail about yourself."
"You invoke trust in others. It is very easy for me to talk to you."
"Glad I can help you. At least someone appreciates me…"
chaos placed his hand on Allen's shoulder. "There are many people who appreciate you even if they never say so. People ought to get their feelings for each other out in the open. While it may be painful at first, it eliminates much misunderstanding and confusion later. You never know they may share your feelings. There is nothing worse than living with the regret of never knowing what could have been."
Allen's skin burned where chaos touched him. He was starting to feel uncertain. He loved Shion, didn't he? That's why he was sitting here sulking. He cursed chaos and his mysteries. Even when they were talking in earnest, chaos had a way of making mush out of his brain.
"Have you eaten yet?" chaos shattered Allen's train of thought. Allen looked up at chaos and for a second he saw worry in his eyes.
"I'm not too hungry. More tired, I'll probably head to bed soon. I'm sure Shion has lots of work waiting for me in the morning." Allen faked a yawn.
"Don't be silly. Skipping meals is never good. I'll stick with you since you sure look like you could use the company."
"You are too kind, chaos. You should not have to give me a second thought let alone spend an evening with me. I'm sure you have other better things to be doing."
"Nonsense, there is no better use for time than consoling a friend." chaos offered Allen his hand to help him to his feet. Allen stretched out his arms and legs, which were stiff from sitting still. At the station, they boarded the tram bound for the restaurant.
The tram was empty expect for a few stray 100 Series so chaos and Allen had no trouble finding a seat. Despite this, they both elected to stand.
"You don't get motion sickness right?" chaos teased. Allen glared.
"Nah, I got over that really fast after I stepped foot on the Elsa."
"True that. You get used to a good deal of things living aboard the Elsa."
They tram stopped and the door slid open. The men exited and found their way to an empty table in the restaurant. On their way to collect their food from the chef realian, they ran into MOMO.
"chaos! Allen! How are you two?" MOMO waved with one hand. In the other, she held a tray.
"I've been better," Allen replied, shoulders slightly slumping.
"You need some help carrying that?" chaos asked MOMO.
"No thanks. Just thought I would bring Shion some food. She has hardly left her room all day."
"Don't worry she is just working again. She won't even notice if you gave her something."
"You seem awful resentful. Did Shion say something to you?"
"Nothing she usually doesn't."
"Allen was having a moment of soul searching. Isn't that right?"
Allen nodded and MOMO left. "MOMO tries hard for everyone. How much recognition and praise do you think she has gotten?"
"Are you comparing me to MOMO?"
"In a way, you are similar. Both you want to be noticed by someone you love. Many of us share that common thread. That was my point."
"You tend to lose normal people really easily."
"What was that?"
"Oh nothing…look our food is getting cold."
Allen walked alone to his room. As he passed Shion's room, he felt his stomach sink. What was she thinking about? Was she worried? Scared? Confused? The heavy grey door was not about to divulge any secrets.
Sleep did not come easy for Allen. He repeatedly rolled over as if changing the way he laid would bring the run away train that was his mind to a halt. Why was he putting himself through this? It had to be because of Shion, but he could not be resentful. Let her do as she pleased that would not change his feeling for her. Or maybe he was too kind too sensitive? It was easy for chaos to talk about kindness and love. He had the strength to backup his heart's desires. chaos must pity him. Why else would he spend the evening with him? No, chaos considered him a friend and friends were there for each other. He must have been worried and that is why he came. chaos had been thinking about him. This revelation unnerved Allen. He was used to being the one who worried. Allen could count on half a hand the number of people who had really cared about him and his feelings. He found peace in his thoughts about chaos and eventually fell asleep.
Work consumed Allen's morning and he was not especially distraught about this. Shion was near him and he would rather not think about her. If he got too distracted, she would only yell at him. He certainly did not want to cause Shion any grief. He did allow himself to think about chaos. He wondered what the boy was up to. He made a mental note to find him and say hi later. Shion walked past him out the door.
Allen scratched his head. "I'll be right here waiting…like I always am." The door closed and he was alone. He went back to work.
After Allen had called it day, he hurried to the restaurant to see if there were any scraps left. It was late- had been so busy he had not looked at the time. His meal had been more fun yesterday when he had chaos to chat with. Sitting alone in the restaurant depressed Allen so he left- his food unfinished. He tried chaos' room first, but no one answered. He checked the bridge and the casino, but all he found were weird looks. It was night after all perhaps chaos was sleeping. Allen did not want to accept that. He did not want to wait another day to talk to him.
Allen strolled into the park area. He planned to stay here for a while even if he did not find the one he sought so he could gather his thoughts. He returned to the place he met chaos the previous night. A figure sat on the bench- eyes watching nothing. Allen stood still and held his breath. He had not thought of what he would say to his friend when they met.
"No need to lurk in the shadows, Allen. Come sit with me. I could use the company as much as you." chaos nodded towards the vacant seat next to him. Allen's face went red. chaos had scared him, right? That was why he was blushing…
"Is something the matter, Allen? You do not look well." chaos attempted a smile. Allen shook it off and sat on the opposite side of the bench.
"I was startled. That is all."
"I'm glad. It is a nice night, isn't it?"
"Yeah. You can see many stars from here. It feels great to take a step back and relax every now and then." Allen sighed and took in the sights.
"Allen, have you ever imagined this park was not synthetic- that you were standing on actual soil and breathing from an atmosphere not some environmental support machine?"
"chaos?" Allen gazed at chaos with curiosity and awe. Every one of chaos' words came from the heart. Allen hung his head. He was unworthy of being in his presence.
chaos chuckled. "Sorry, I was just doing some deep thinking."
"When I first came aboard I missed having solid earth beneath me, but I guess I got so used to it I don't really think about it. Anyway, if you want to get technical most of our planets are not even natural."
"That saddens me. There is so much natural beauty in the universe and here we are- trapped on some steel contraption."
"Well, it is not like we could exist alone in space. We need these machines to see space so we can not be too mad at them."
chaos' eyes twinkled. "Of course not, shall we call it a paradox then?"
"That would work." Allen sighed. He was more relaxed now then he had been all day. When he was around Shion, he always had to be on his toes. However, chaos took things much slower- slow enough for Allen to think and react properly. He closed his eyes and leaned back. He could easily fall asleep here. chaos frowned at his companion.
"You are hurting yourself, Allen. How much longer can you put your mind through this?" chaos touched the tips of his fingers to Allen's face. Allen's pulse and breathing leveled out. He was aware chaos was touching him. His hand was soothing- it ended the raging storm in his mind.
Allen could feel the wind pounding against his face even before his eyes gave him any clue to his location. He stood under a canopy of twinkling points piecing through a cloak of darkness. Tall grass waved all around him. The air smelled different from anything he knew. It was fresh. It felt good as it went into his lungs. Dirt covered his feet. He laughed and picked the weed that had been rubbing against his hand. He inspected it, but hard as he tried, he could not identify it. A bug flew past him glowing. Allen ran to catch it but he lost sight in the dark. Allen frolicked through the prairie as if he was a child again. His heart leapt at the sight of each new plant. He chewed on one and a sweet flavor filled his mouth. He rested, tired from his discovering. He lay back with his legs crossed and arms behind his head. Soon after, he fell asleep under the stars.
chaos pulled his hand away as Allen blinked. Allen moaned and his eyes met chaos.'
"chaos, what was that?"
"I wanted you to experience what you should be seeing. I want to share my memories with my friends. If I can use my powers to bring comfort to the ones I love then I do not need to feel so guilty. I wish we were not where we are, but I do not have enough power to change that. Please Allen, do not let that place die. Even if it only exists within us that is something."
"I do not understand a word of what you just said. Was that your memory?"
"One of my many and I would say one of the more painful ones."
"But it was so serene. How could you be unhappy?"
"We can cry when we are happy, can we not?"
Allen noticed water filled chaos' eyes. He exhaled. chaos was crying. The boy feigned strength, but his eyes could never lie. Allen wiped a teardrop that rolled down chaos' face. He drew chaos closer, muffling the sound of his sobs.
"You understand me, Allen. You have learned to smile when you want to break down. You too want to take on the world's pain. But what about our pain? Who will catch our tears?"
"What am I feeling chaos?"
"Let us try to find out."
They sat together awhile longer in silence. Their hearts bound by a trust that transcended spoken words.
"We should get to sleep. The world will not stop for us." chaos whispered and began to pull away. Allen grasped his hand for as long as he could. chaos smiled, waved and departed. Allen trudged out after him. In his room, he went straight to bed. With the thought of chaos fresh in his mind, he slept well.
The next morning Allen strolled down the corridors to eat before going to see if he could help Shion with anything. He waved and smiled at everyone who rushed past him. He no longer tried to keep up with them. He would set his own pace. He had full faith that one day his path would meet up with Shion's. And when it did, he would keep his promise to chaos. He would show Shion the beauty that lied within him and his memories.