This fic was written for THE GAZEBO FIC CHALLENGE: The Essence of Charlie Swan
Prompt used: Charlie/Renee – Renee leaving Charlie
Hold On To Who You Love
Charlie Swan was a simple man. He never needed much but his wife, job and baby girl to make him happy. He never thought his world would come crashing down on him, hard.
"Chief Swan, here," Charlie answered the phone. It's always busy at the station. For a small town, you would think that Charlie would be able to spend more time with his family and less with his coworkers. That hadn't been the case in years.
"Charlie? Are you coming home? You've been gone all day," Renee huffed out.
Things with Renee had been going towards a downward spiral ever since their baby girl, Isabella, was born. Charlie wasn't sure what he could do to remedy the problems that him and his wife were facing. He didn't want to lose her. He couldn't. She and Bella were all he had. The fact that the love of his life was having doubts tore at Charlie's heart worse than he ever could have imagined.
"Soon, Renee. I have a few things left to finish up here and then I'll be home. I promise,"Charlie pleaded, hoping Renee would understand, just this once, that his job was what put dinner on the table and a roof over their heads.
"You always make up excuses, Charlie. I don't know what to believe anymore. One day it's a burglary and the next it's some teenager causing a nuisance. Lying isn't going to help your case, so just tell me you won't be home tonight and get it over with," Renee sighed out impatiently.
Charlie didn't know how to respond. He had always known Renee to be a little ill tempered, but to not trust him about his work, was another story. He had never given her a reason to not trust his word. Granted, he often did get home late, long after both her and Bella had gone to bed, but it was for them. It's always been for them. From Renee's hair brained hobbies to Bella's future. What was the point in doing anything if it wasn't for them?
"Renee, you have to understa-," Charlie was cut off.
"No, Charlie, don't give me that anymore. There's nothing to understand. Your work is more important than Bella and I. I shouldn't be surprised. It's not as if this town really gets any true criminals. You use it as an excuse not to come home. Goodnight, Charlie," Renee's voice cracked as she hung up the phone, not giving Charlie a chance to respond.
"I love you," Charlie whispered to the dial tone.
Charlie sat back in his chair at his desk, putting his head in his hands. He had never been a man known for his emotions. The men at work had said before that he was as tough as steel. Little did they know that he was a broken man. He had a feeling that things weren't going to get better for Renee and him and he wasn't sure what to do. She was always the one to fix the little problems. She was the one he went to when he didn't know what step to take next. The more he thought about it, the harder it was getting to breathe.
"Chief? You leaving?" asked a newer young man to the station.
"Yeah, in a few minutes," Charlie responded, his voice gruff.
Charlie packed up his things and headed home for the night. During the car ride, all he could think about was how he hoped Renee was still awake. That maybe, just maybe, he could fix this. That he could make it better. Somehow. He'd beg if he had to. He couldn't lose his heart now. He just couldn't.
He pulled into the driveway and noticed the faint light from the kitchen through the front windows of the house. Which most likely meant that Renee was still awake. He still had a chance.
"Renee? You in there?"" Charlie called out softly, hoping not to wake Bella up. This wasn't something she had to see, nor hear.
"Yes, in here," Renee responded back softly from the kitchen.
Charlie hung up his gun holster and jacket and prepared himself mentally for what he thought might happen. Maybe he was just imagining all of this? Was this a dream? Or rather, a nightmare? He walked into the kitchen to see Renee sitting at the table, a full plate of food sitting where Charlie usually ate his dinner, when he got home to do so. Her eyes were rimmed red and slightly puffy, a sure sign that she had been crying. Charlie didn't know where to start.
"Renee, what's wrong? Did something happen to Bella?" In a sick way, he hoped that was all it was. Was it wrong that he hoped his daughter had a problem rather than the fact he was losing the love of his life quicker than he could have imagined?
"No. Bella is perfectly fine. She went to bed again without saying good night to her father. But of course, you wouldn't give a damn unless she was stealing from the local supermarket, would you? You know, she needs you in her life, Charlie," Renee spat out in a harsh whisper sarcastically.
"You know there is nothing I can do about my schedule, Renee. I've told you that so many times. If I could change it, I would. I can't. I'm the Chief. They need me," Charlie responded desperately trying to get her to understand.
"They need you? What about your daughter and your wife? Don't you think we need you? Don't you think we want to see you once in a while? To have a husband to sleep next to at night? A father for Bella? You don't get it Charlie. I can't do this. I thought I could, but I can't," Renee sighed out, losing the venom in her voice.
Charlie was never scared. He dealt with criminals daily. He had been shot at numerous times and never flinched. But having his wife, the love of his life, tell him that she couldn't be with him anymore killed him. He never thought it would happen. In a way he was naive to think that Renee would have stuck by his side while he was out working all day, everyday. She was always restless, never sticking to one thing for very long before getting bored. Charlie just didn't think he would become that thing.
"Please don't do this. Don't leave me. I promise, I will go to the station right now and tell them I have to work less. I swear, I'll do it. It doesn't mean anything if you're not here with me," Charlie responded, pleading, kneeling down and taking her hand.
"Charlie, just stop. There's nothing you can do to change my mind. I've thought this through more than once and I'm done. I can't stay in this God forsaken town for another day. I need to be free. I need to be able to fulfill my needs for once and honestly; you're not doing it anymore. Bella and I are leaving tomorrow. I found a place in Arizona," Renee explained while getting up from the table and walking towards the bedroom.
Charlie followed after like a prisoner heading down the green mile, hoping that she was just kidding around, that she was just trying to scare him. He got to the bedroom and Renee was putting the last of her things into suitcases. She didn't even acknowledge him when he walked into the room and sat on the bed. It was really over. She would be leaving tomorrow and never coming back. There was no going back, no chance to change anything. Charlie was losing everything and he didn't know what to do. He had never been through something of this magnitude before. Usually, he and Renee would argue and then he'd bring her some flowers or something nice and she would be fine. She always seemed to love lilies and chocolate. But he knew this time there would be no gifts that could rewind back the clocks so he could fix what he destroyed.
"I'll sleep on the couch," Charlie whispered to Renee hoping she would at least learn to forgive him for what he did.
Renee didn't respond so Charlie picked up a pillow and blanket and headed to the living room. He always thought of this room as the family room. If he closed his eyes, he could see Renee and him laughing, while setting up the Christmas tree. It was Bella's first Christmas. He had gotten Renee a knitting kit, one of her new hobbies she thought she'd be great at. She was thrilled when she unwrapped it all. Her eyes lit up with joy. Of course, she got bored of it after a week and Bella ended up with only half a hat. He had thought they were happy then but apparently, it was just him who was happy. The more he thought about it, the more upset he got. He told himself before he got home that he wouldn't cry. That he would stay strong because he was still a man. A man that was losing everything, but still a man. He decided to try to sleep, knowing that he wouldn't get much of it and before he knew it, Renee and Bella would be leaving on a plane to get far away from Forks and him.
Morning came sooner than anticipated. Charlie heard Renee waking Bella up and finishing her packing. He didn't know if he should help her walk away from him or if he should just leave. What would make it easier for her?
"Charlie? Are you awake?" Renee asked quietly from the door way.
"Yes, I'm awake. Do you need any..um help with anything?" Charlie asked. Unsure he could even handle being in the same room with her while watching her pack up the life that they once shared.
"Can you help me bring this out to the car? Our plane leaves in a few hours and I'm running behind," Renee asked sighing while heaving a suitcase behind her.
"Sure. I suppose I can do that," Charlie responded, defeated and lost.
While carrying the suitcases out to the car, everything caught up with him. Renee was leaving, taking Bella and never coming back. She was taking his baby girl and who knows when he would see her again. He was mentally trying to prepare himself all morning for when they would leave but would he ever really be ready? Would he be able to say good bye to Renee and wish her the best? He didn't know. All he knew was that he was dying, he was sure of it. A man could only live so long without his heart, minutes maybe. Right? His heart was leaving for Arizona shortly and he would never be the same again. Once you lose the love of your life, you never find the same love again. At least, he knew he wouldn't. It was over for him.
Renee walked outside with Bella in her car seat, obviously barely awake. Charlie looked up from the trunk to see her walking towards the back seat to put Bella in the car.
"Can I have a minute with her, please, Renee?" Charlie begged with what he had left in him.
"Of course, I have a few things left to get in the house," Renee responded walking back towards the front door for the last time.
Charlie looked at his beautiful little girl. Her brown hair and brown eyes. She was her father's daughter that was for sure. He didn't know when he would see her again so he studied her face with precision. He knew he didn't have much time before Renee would be back out here and ready to leave.
"Bella, you most likely don't understand a word I'm saying but I need you to know, I love you. I always will. Things might not have worked out for your mom and me but I will always be your father. You will always be with me. I love so much, baby. So much," Charlie whispered, his voice cracking with unshed tears, kissing Bella lightly on the forehead.
Renee walked out of the house just as Charlie was backing out of the back seat. He took one look at her and knew that he wouldn't survive this. He couldn't. There was nothing he could do to stop her and she was leaving in minutes. Charlie knew nothing of the logistics of saying good bye to the one woman he thought he'd be with forever. Renee solved that problem for him, as usual, when she slowly walked over to him and wrapped her arms around him.
"Good bye Charlie. Don't worry about Bella and I, we'll be just fine. You will always have a piece of my heart. I just can't be unhappy anymore. You'll find love again. I know it. I will call you when we get to Arizona. We'll try and work something out so you can still see Bella, I promise." Renee spoke hesitantly into his ear while he hugged her to his chest as tight as he can, as if he could hold onto her for just a little while longer. That if he held her tight enough, this would all disappear. Renee shrugged out of his hug and walked towards the car, eyes red and puffy and gave a slight wave as she got into the car.
"Good bye Renee, I love you. Always," Charlie said to no one as he watched the car back out of the drive way. It was over. Charlie ran his hand down his face noticing tears welling up in his eyes. He wouldn't cry. Not now. He lasted this long. But he couldn't help but feel the way he did. Everything he had was gone. Over in a matter of what seemed like seconds. His world would never be the same. Never. He heard the house phone ringing so he glanced once again towards the way Renee had left, noticing the rear lights of the car fading and walked into the house to answer the phone.
"Chief Swan, here," Charlie answered.
"Chief, we need you down at the station, as soon as possible. We're swamped and I don't see it getting better anytime soon," responded one of the officers.
"I'm on my way," Charlie said, hanging up the phone and getting into the cruiser.