Dear Mayor,
This is the worst city on Earth! You call yourself a mayor? Well I say we elect someone else! The economic value of this city is dropping like an anvil off the Petronas Towers! I would rather live under an overpass than here!
The crime rate is too high, the pollution is causing acid rain to kill every living plant organism thing everywhere, you're taxing existence out of us, there are three airports right next to the library, some chick fell off a cliff last week because it looked so much like a road, our sadistic teachers give us F's in every subject, melancholia is spreading because there's a sign over City Hall that says there is no meaning or purpose to life, insomnia and blackouts are major problems due to the 58 railroad tracks that cross the city, and the newspaper said it was Monday instead of Tuesday so we skipped Independence Day!
You know what, I'm going to America. Would you like a soda?
Sincerely (not really),
Odd Della Robbia