Lying alone, touching my skin.
KaoruxHikaru
Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran High School
Type: Yaoi, twincest
A guy like me, and I can't hold it in.
xox
I can't remember when or how or why but, I just started having these thoughts.
These thoughts of me and you.
Who we were.
Why we were.
When we were.
How we were.
Where are we, anyway?
Trapped in a society that bans our-- well, my feelings and actions.
xox
Why are you lying there, Kaoru?
Just lying there.
Your not asleep, I know it.
Your weeping into your pillow and I dare not try to comfort you.
Its not that I wouldn't love to, Kaoru.
You just have to understand.
Your too good, too good in so many ways.
I fear, that if I touch you, I might jump into some fit and start well--
I wouldn't want you to know what I would do.
Because I don't think I would know what I would do.
xox
My blood has turned ice cold, Hikaru.
It's not warm anymore.
I'm not warm anymore.
Why is that?
Is it because I've excepted the fact that maybe I can't hold you?
I can't help but cry, even if I know your telling me to stop.
I know your watching me and frankly, I don't care anymore.
All those things you said, they're just running right through my head.
I'm lying alone, inside at least.
I can only feel my own ice cold touches.
xox
With a hic and whimper, Kaoru brought his head up from the pillow to wander to the shower. He was freezing, despite the warm, summer night.
The events from earlier coiled around his mind. Flashback after flashback.
'Kaoru...I can't -- I...we're brothers Kaoru, brothers.'
'N...No! Hikaru, no! Please...please...don't..you said...you said we'd be together forever...'
'As brothers, Kaoru. And besides, you know well that I love her. I can't love you!'
xox
The whole afternoon was nothing but a black and white, freezing land. For Kaoru at least.
He had done it.
After the many, many months of storing courage and repeating the lines over and over, he had said it.
He had confessed everything to Hikaru.
And Hikaru?
Hikaru plain out rejected Kaoru's feelings.
And Kaoru cried, those real, beautiful tears for the first time in a long while.
He knew he would be crying, but he had wanted to be crying tears of joy. Not sorrow.
xox
"Kaoru.." I couldn't help but whisper his name as he got up. "Kaoru, come here."
It was a rather blunt command, and I could see he wasn't going to come to me easily.
Well, I couldn't blame him.
He was turned down.
By me.
He was hurt.
He was aching, he was crying.
Because of me.
It was un-bearable to watch him like this. Staggering and swallowing his cries as he reached the bathroom door. He was falling, right in front of my eyes. And I couldn't catch him, not this time.
I was scared.
I was terrified.
And part of me wanted to run over, scoop him up in my arms and just...just.. kiss him, yes kiss him. Kiss him and reasure him to no end that I really did love him.
But there was another part of me, a more mature part. A more firm part. Which told me to love Haruhi, to only love Haruhi. And to let...to let Kaoru fall all the way down, without anyone to catch him.
xox
I didn't want to go to him anymore.
He was the one who let me go.
So, I'll do the him the favor of never having to face me again.
I'll just... whatever.
I don't care.
"It's funny, isn't it Kaoru?" I whispered back, bitting back every sob that threaten to come up. "Funny, oh so funny. We played lovers for such a long time. And then when something like this happens-- well, you choose her. I can't blame you, I'm a horrible person."
"Kaoru! You know thats not true!" he bit back, standing and rushing over to me, grabbing my arm.
It burned. His touch hurt, burned and felt so warm at the same time, though.
I didn't move, I let myself stand there. I let him cradle me in his burning arms.
I llet him start crying.
xox
Damnit, why am I crying?
He's the one who was crying!
Is it just...well, what is it?
Do I really love him?
My mirror-image?
Is this, this pain of seeing him so sad and rejected a sudden feeling of love or some brotherly thing?
"Hikaru."
His voice was so...distant. I had to hold him closer.
"Kaoru." I said his name over and over again until he broke away.
"Its fine, Hikaru." he choked out. "I'm fine, I'll get over it."
xox
"I'll move on..."
Yeah, right. Like I could move on after this?
It was stupid.
But he was just...so warm, I was compelled to just stay with him.
"Kaoru," he said again, slowly and painfully, it was killing me. "I..I don't know...I don't know, I don't think I could..."
He was babbling, and I hated it.
I had to shut him up.
And so I did.
xox
He kissed me, hissing a soft 'Shut up' right before doing so.
That kiss. It was...
xox
It was...
xox
"...Probably the warmest thing I've ever felt.."
They both couldn't help but whisper into the night.