You
By: Kurai No Tenshi (Kurainotenshi666@yahoo.com)
Rated: R for language
Author's Note: If you like the Trowa/Quatre pairing do not read! This will only upset you. I wrote this at the urge of my love, Lis and she hates Trowa with a passion. She believes he would be a cold and dispassionate lover. After writing this, I think she may be right. I'm writing this, along with many other short little ficlets, trying to get back in GW gear to write my sequel to A Soldier's Love.
You don't look at me anymore. Why? You act as if I burn you with my touch. Sometimes I yell at you, scream, hurl insults, just hoping you'll look at me. I wish you would beat me, just so I could remember what it was to be touched, what it was to feel your hands on me. It's been so long since we were together. Sometimes I wish you would tie me down and rape me. Well, it wouldn't be rape, not really. Perhaps I could tie you down.
I remember when you used to look at me, your eyes gliding over my slender frame, sliding over every inch in appreciation. Then would come that look, that hunger. Yes, I remember the last time you got that look. I remember how you ripped my clothes away. How you fucked me. I remember how you looked at me afterwards, as I lay there. You were disgusted.
I never realized the difference between fucking and lovemaking before that day, but as you looked away from me, averting your attention from my naked form, I knew. Lovemaking was soft, sweet, gentle and slow. Fucking was hard and fast, and afterwards you felt dirty.
Do you think I'm dirty now? The inches between us now might as well be miles. I find the courage to cross them, reaching out a hand to stroke the back you have turned to me. No response. I slide from the bed, and my feet reach the floor. They carry me out of our room, down the hall, and within mere minutes I am outside. It's cold, but I don't mind. Above stars light the heavens, little perforations of light.
I glance back at the house. A light goes on. Curtains move aside, and a face peers out at me. It's not yours. Eyes sweep over me, taking in my form. A second figure appears, places a hand on the shoulder of the first, and then both are gone. And I'm alone. The light goes out.
I'm surprised to see a light come on in the hall. Then there are lights downstairs. The front door opens and Heero emerges, wrapped in a bath robe of midnight blue. He carries me a second.
"You must be cold. Put this on."
I slip it on, not saying anything.
"Where's Trowa?"
I shrug, even though I know where you are, physically, anyway. It's been a long time since I knew where you were emotionally, if I ever knew at all.
"Quatre. You're crying."
I press my fingers into the flesh beneath my eyes. They come away wet, but I don't bother to brush away the tears, just wipe my fingers on the robe, wrap my arms around my body. "Yes, I am."
"Come inside." He grasps my shoulders, leads me up the stairs, into the house. It is warm inside and I sit. Duo brings me hot chocolate. Wufei brings a blanket. They sit with me until my depression passes, until I snap out of it. Then I smile, and the guilt comes. I shoo them off to bed, and go upstairs myself. I take my place in bed beside you, my distant love, and drift off. Morning will come with disappointment and regret, but for now I'm okay.
Author's Note: *sniffle*
Author's Note: If you like the Trowa/Quatre pairing do not read! This will only upset you. I wrote this at the urge of my love, Lis and she hates Trowa with a passion. She believes he would be a cold and dispassionate lover. After writing this, I think she may be right. I'm writing this, along with many other short little ficlets, trying to get back in GW gear to write my sequel to A Soldier's Love.
You don't look at me anymore. Why? You act as if I burn you with my touch. Sometimes I yell at you, scream, hurl insults, just hoping you'll look at me. I wish you would beat me, just so I could remember what it was to be touched, what it was to feel your hands on me. It's been so long since we were together. Sometimes I wish you would tie me down and rape me. Well, it wouldn't be rape, not really. Perhaps I could tie you down.
I remember when you used to look at me, your eyes gliding over my slender frame, sliding over every inch in appreciation. Then would come that look, that hunger. Yes, I remember the last time you got that look. I remember how you ripped my clothes away. How you fucked me. I remember how you looked at me afterwards, as I lay there. You were disgusted.
I never realized the difference between fucking and lovemaking before that day, but as you looked away from me, averting your attention from my naked form, I knew. Lovemaking was soft, sweet, gentle and slow. Fucking was hard and fast, and afterwards you felt dirty.
Do you think I'm dirty now? The inches between us now might as well be miles. I find the courage to cross them, reaching out a hand to stroke the back you have turned to me. No response. I slide from the bed, and my feet reach the floor. They carry me out of our room, down the hall, and within mere minutes I am outside. It's cold, but I don't mind. Above stars light the heavens, little perforations of light.
I glance back at the house. A light goes on. Curtains move aside, and a face peers out at me. It's not yours. Eyes sweep over me, taking in my form. A second figure appears, places a hand on the shoulder of the first, and then both are gone. And I'm alone. The light goes out.
I'm surprised to see a light come on in the hall. Then there are lights downstairs. The front door opens and Heero emerges, wrapped in a bath robe of midnight blue. He carries me a second.
"You must be cold. Put this on."
I slip it on, not saying anything.
"Where's Trowa?"
I shrug, even though I know where you are, physically, anyway. It's been a long time since I knew where you were emotionally, if I ever knew at all.
"Quatre. You're crying."
I press my fingers into the flesh beneath my eyes. They come away wet, but I don't bother to brush away the tears, just wipe my fingers on the robe, wrap my arms around my body. "Yes, I am."
"Come inside." He grasps my shoulders, leads me up the stairs, into the house. It is warm inside and I sit. Duo brings me hot chocolate. Wufei brings a blanket. They sit with me until my depression passes, until I snap out of it. Then I smile, and the guilt comes. I shoo them off to bed, and go upstairs myself. I take my place in bed beside you, my distant love, and drift off. Morning will come with disappointment and regret, but for now I'm okay.
Author's Note: *sniffle*