Author's Note: Here, have a random iCarly oneshot C:!
"And next on iCarly…" Carly says with excitement. We're almost done with the webcast. It's been a really fun one and I don't really want it to end, so I decide to go against the script and improvise.
"We're going to play tug of war!" I say, interrupting her sentence. I jump up and down like a little school girl. I love webcasting.
"No we're not!" Carly says to me and rolls her eyes. She knows I always kid around like this, but I'm totally serious right now.
"But it sounds like so much fun doesn't it!?" I clap my hands together. "And instead of using a boring old rope… Freddie, come here!"
He gives me a look, letting me know that I'm up to no good. Freddie switches over to the stable camera on the ground in front of us. I grab his arm, pulling him over to me and Carly. He unwillingly follows.
"We're going to use Freddie! First one to rip off his arm wins!"
"Sam, wait, what?!" He resents my game, trying to take his arm back.
Carly smiles at my immaturity. "Sam, we can't show violence like that on the internet."
I frown. "But it sounds like fun…" I let her know I'm disappointed by giving her my best puppy dog face.
"Freddie, go back behind the camera." Carly tells him.
He tries to move. I don't let him. "I would if Sam would let go of my arm." He shoots me a glare as I flash him a grin. "Let go."
"No." I pull at his arm as he tries to move in the opposite direction.
"Sam!" He says in a state of visible annoyance.
"Fine!" I give him what he wants and release his arm, sending him crashing to the ground. "Anyways Carly, what were you saying?" I smile to the camera.
"Uh..." Carly gathers her thoughts as Freddie shuffles up and heads back to his proper place. "Oh right! Next on iCarly, we're going to show a video from a fan who can sing the alphabet backwards…." She pauses for dramatic effect. "…While boxing with his parakeet!"
"Is this even possible!?" I question for effect. "Let's turn to the monitor and find out!" We both turn in the direction of the moving screen above the car.
The monitor is brought forward thanks to Fredward, and as he turns the camera off of us and onto the screen, I shoot a quick glance back to him. He plays the video of the kid and the parakeet, and then catches me staring. He glowers from behind his geek cart. I flash him the biggest smile I can manage, and he just shakes his head angrily. My work here is done.
The video stops, Carly and I turn back forward.
"Wow, I didn't think anything like that was possible!" Carly beams as the clip ends and the monitor rolls back to its hiding spot.
"But then again, I never thought Freddie could get any dorkier, but I'm always proven wrong day after day! Both dorky Freddie and that video deserve a…"I hit the applause button on my famous remote.
"Of course they do!" Carly agrees. "And to end the show, Sam and I are going to play a little game! Sam?"
On my cue I press the second button from the top on the remote, signaling for a little Mexican piñata to descend on the set. "It's time for…"
"Blind folded piñata wars!" We say in unison, clearly in a state of enthusiasm.
"Sam and I are both going to blindfold ourselves…" She says as she grabs two bandanas from behind her. I take the red one from her hand; it matches my outfit. "…And use these tennis rackets…"
I dash off camera for only a second and grab two rackets. I wave them around somewhat violently in the air. "And the first one to break open the poor little donkey gets all the candy!" I pass a racket to Carly. We tie the blind folds around each other's eyes, which is proven to be complicated. When we are ready, we drunkenly feel our way to either side of the piñata.
"Okay Freddie, we're ready!" Carly announces.
"In five, four, three, two…"
We both let out a barbaric battle cry and begin whacking the crap out of the helpless piece of cardboard. I swing repeatedly at the thing, making a mental note not to hit Carly.
"I'm getting the candy!" I yell to her as I bash the little donkey.
"No way Sam!"
We send playful insults back and forth until we hear something break. Excited, we rip off our bandanas and are suddenly fighting each other to the death like two giddy four year olds at a birthday party. I push her over and she pushes back, both of us darting our hands out and claiming the candy for ourselves. Out of the corner of my eye I see Freddie turn the camera on himself, and I feel bad for the people online who need to look at him.
"I'm gonna make sure they don't kill each other. We'll see you next time here at ."
"Give me that Snickers bar back!" I shout to Carly as I grab at her arm.
She tries to swat me away with her left arm, but fails since she's a righty. "Then give me back my Starbursts!" She laughs back at me.
"…And we're clear." Freddie reports as he looks over to Carly and I giggling on the ground. He gives us a sigh to let us know that we're an embarrassment.
We stop arguing and our laughing subsides as the fight begins to get old. "Want a Hershey kiss?" Carly hands him a little piece of chocolate.
"Unfortunately, that's not the kind of kiss I'm looking for." He takes it anyway, unwrapping the shiny silver aluminum.
"Well good thing you took it 'cause that's the only kind of kiss you'll ever get from her." I say to him with a mouthful of sugar.
"Shut up." He glares back at me.
"No fighting children." Carly says, sensing a fight before it erupts.
Before I have the chance to respond, my phone beeps in my pocket. I dig through the candy and pull out my phone. A text message.
"Ooh." Carly mocks as I begin to respond, clicking away at the little numbers. "I wonder who that could be." She says to me in a sly tone although she knows who it is.
I give her a punch in the arm.
"Who is it?" Freddie asks, completely oblivious to everything.
"Sam's boyfriend."
"He's not my boyfriend!" I say trying to defend myself. "He's just a friend."
"A friend who happens to have a huge crush on you?" She gives me that look. That 'you are so into him' look.
I look over to her with narrow eyes, then over to Freddie, almost expecting him to have some sort of comeback. But strangely, he looks calm. A bit uneasy, almost.
"Well, I never said I have a crush on him!" I think about it for a moment, and then decide to run a little experiment. "Well," I look down at my hands, pretending to be embarrassed. "Maybe a bit." I have no intentions of dating this kid ever. He follows me around from class to class, and I thought he was nice once before he found out where my locker was and started slipping in love notes. He's cute, but he's a total creep."
"I knew it!" Carly pointed her finger at me, excited that she is right.
"Who is it?" Freddie asks.
I look up to him. "Wouldn't you like to know."
He says nothing back. An awkward silence falls over the room. I stand up, and then break the silence. "Who thinks we should celebrate a great webcast with some smoothies!" I announce. I love using iCarly as a reason to get food.
"Sounds awesome! We haven't been to the Groovy Smoothie in like, a week!" Carly jumps up with me. "I think that's a record!" She turns to Freddie. "You in?"
"Naw, I actually have some stuff I need to do at home."
"Like polish your jewelry box?" I say to him.
"No." He glares. "I have things to do."
"Okay, whatever you say." I tell him as I pass them both. Being impatient, I'm usually the first one to the elevator. "Let's not stand around like the elderly now, come on!"
I'm followed by Freddie and Carly as we head to the first floor, to where Spencer is doing…something. And this something causes there to be a need for a surplus amount of plastic fruit. We stare at him awkwardly as he acknowledges our entrance.
"Sick show tonight you guys!" He calls from over his shoulder.
"Thanks." Carly smiles. "But I have to ask, what's the deal with…?" She motions to the fake fruit next to a pile of hot glue gun sticks.
"Oh, I'm making a giant fruit basket." He tosses an orange in the air with the intentions of catching it, but misses by a long shot. "…Out of fruit. For a farmer's convention."
"We have farmers out here in Seattle?" I ask as I continue walking to the door.
"No, I need to ship it off somewhere." Spencer reaches over and grabs two more oranges. "Where are you guys going?" He asks as we stop in the doorway.
"The Groovy Smoothie, we'll be back in an hour or so. See ya, Spence!" Carly waves him goodbye as she starts to close the door.
"Wait! Watch me juggle!" We look out the door as Spencer tosses the three oranges in the air. He juggles smoothly for about half a second before it all crashes down on him once again. "…Never mind."
Carly laughs. "Bye Spencer."
"Bring me back a Strawberry Star Fruit Spectacular!" He asks before we leave.
Carly opens the door once again. "Star fruit? No blueberry? Are you feeling adventurous today or something?"
"Well yanno, after looking at all this fruit I realize that blueberries aren't very exciting."
"True that! I'll see you in a bit!" She closes the door and turns around to face me and Freddie. "Okay, let's go."
"Want us to bring you anything Freddie? Or will you be too busy knitting with your mommy?" I say to him in a voice that was meant to leave a burn.
"Ah!" A voice comes from behind us. We all turn at the closed door to Carly's apartment with confusion.
"…Was that Spencer?" She asks.
"I think so…" I say.
"Hold on a minute…" Carly says as she spins back inside.
I turn back to Freddie. "So anyways, want us to bring you anything?"
He looks to me. "No. Why would I want you to bring me back something? You'd probably poison it or something." He crosses his arms over his chest.
"Chill, I don't have any poisonous substances on me today." I joke. He doesn't look like he's in the mood for jokes.
"So, who's this boy you're talking to?" He asks me once again with a casual tone.
I raise my eyebrows and smile. "Like I said earlier. Wouldn't you like to know?"
"Yes, I would. That's why I asked."
"Well, too bad."
"Are you actually going to go out with him?"
Eww, no! But I can't blow my cover. "Maybe." I saunter from one foot to the other, my motions proving that I have a secret that I am not planning to tell.
"…Are you ever going to give me a straight answer?"
I smile wider. "Maybe. Now why don't you go take a tick bath, or whatever it is that you need to do."
He frowns. "I am not going to take a tick bath! I have homework to do, that's all!"
"Oh, yeah, okay."
"And why are you always mocking me? You make fun of me all the time and don't you get bored after a while?"
His question catches me off guard. But I also think it's kind of a stupid question. Me? Getting bored of making fun of Freddie? Yeah, like that's ever going to happen.
"It's bad enough you make fun of me just when we're hanging out, but do you really have to make a joke out of me while we're on the show too?"
I enjoy his ranting. He decides to continue when I don't answer.
"You know what? I'm sick of it. Why can't you just leave me alone? You're always tooling on me and I never fight back. And I'm tired of it. It's all I can think about, whenever I know I'm going to be chilling with you and Carly, I know I'm just going to be taunted. And I know you're going to always make me feel like crap. When we're in school, I feel like you're just going to pop out of nowhere and try to murder me or pull a prank or something. Did you know I had a nightmare once with you in it?"
I continue to smile.
"Wipe that grin off your face!" He says to me, and I can't tell if he's actually mad or not.
I don't wipe this grin off my face.
"Why are you smiling like that?" I can tell he's growing a bit nervous.
"I just think it's funny."
"What's so funny about all of this?"
I shake my head at his stupidity. "Because, even though you always tell me that I'm annoying, or that I'm a nuisance, or I'm mean to you, you don't realize something."
He grows completely confused. "What don't I realize?"
"You don't realize that…" I stop moving around and stand still in front of him.
"I'm always on your mind."