(originally posted on tumblr.)

she likes to hate me

He was an idiot. No, worse. An idiot who clearly underestimated her temper. She had told him, warned him that she would melt his face off if he dared to come close again.

And yet here he was, standing in the middle of the road, like a lamb come to slaughter. Admittedly, it felt good to be the one in control this time. It felt good to smell his fear and see his apprehension.

He was playing up the "human Kai" act with a lot of gusto. But she knew that beyond this unconvincing façade, he was genuinely wary of her, wary that she would unleash her dark magic on him.

Qetsiyah's spirit ran through her gleefully.

"You can stop pretending. There's no one here to see your pathetic puppy face," she spat, pushing him back a couple of inches just by flicking her finger.

Kai breathed out and clasped his hands nervously in front of him. He looked, for all purposes, just as remorseful as he had at the rave. She couldn't believe Damon had had the nerve to bring him there. In any case, she was getting thoroughly fed up with this transparent ruse. Not for nothing, but she had graduated the Malachai-Parker-bullshit course a long time ago.

"If you don't disappear right now, I'll make sure you won't be able to walk for a week."

He stood his ground, eyebrows scrunched together in concern.

Bonnie flicked her wrist once and he keeled over, one hand pressed to his chest. A dark stain was already growing between his fingers. He moaned again when she gave him an aneurysm.

His brain sizzled and singed. There was only fire beneath his eyelids.

"Shit," he spat as his T-shirt ran with blood. She had given him two punctures; one for his heart, another for his stomach. She wanted him to feel what she had felt. And then some.

"Giving up so soon?" she taunted.

The words echoed sinisterly between them. Kai lifted his eyes and cracked a bloody smile as his whole body shook with pain.

"Yeah…I am. I deserve it. All of it," he muttered, wiping his mouth. "So, don't hold back."

Bonnie wrinkled her nose. "I won't."

She pushed him on his back with the tip of her boot. Her magic was ravaging his body, but he just lay down and closed his eyes.

She pressed the heel of her boot into his chest.

"Na-ah. Eyes open. I want you to see this."

Kai obliged. They shared a rather intense stare which seemed to make her pause for a moment, enough for him to open his mouth and say,

"I heard what you told Damon. I never wanted to abandon you –"

Bonnie's eyes blazed with fury. "You've got a nasty habit of eavesdropping, don't you?"

"I – I was concerned," he spoke between haggard breaths.

"Ugh, save it." She pressed her heel deeper into his chest.

One of his hands reached around her ankle and gripped her calf. Bonnie at first thought he was trying to get the upper hand on her, but he only squeezed the flesh of her leg and looked into her eyes with supplication.

"You have to believe me. I wanted you to come with me. But you weren't going to let me."

"Oh my God! You are actually blaming me for the trauma you inflicted."

He felt the deviant magic coursing through her in sweeping waves. He could no longer hold onto her leg. He looked up and saw that the clear night sky had turned gray and stormy. But he didn't have much time to contemplate the weather. She was subjecting him to an incredible amount of pain.

Kai screamed and caved in on himself, twisting into a fetal position.

"You stayed there for months! I lived there for decades!" he yelled. "If you'd been in my place, you'd have done the same!"

"No, I wouldn't have!"

"What are you doing now?" he asked, panting.

Bonnie opened her mouth to respond, but the cutting remark she was about to make got lost in the confusion in her head. She looked around, startled by her surroundings. They were on campus. Anyone could see them. She should care.

"I –"

Kai was an ugly sight. He looked like a doll which had been tossed around by an angry child. His face and shirt were covered in blood. But his eyes – those perfect cobalt eyes – were untouched. And he still looked at her with remorse.

Bonnie choked on a sob of fury.

"Why won't you fight back?! Why are you being like this?!"

"Bonnie, if I could go back and change what I did -"

"Stop it! Stop it right now!"

"But you have to believe me -"

"No! I want – I need you to be who I know you are!"

Kai swallowed. "You need me to be the guy who tortured and abandoned you?"

Bonnie fought back the tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. "Yes."

"That would make it easier, wouldn't it?" he laughed bitterly. "Well, join the club. I want that guy to be back just as much as you do."

Bonnie bent down and grabbed his jaw roughly.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying - he has taken an indefinite leave of absence."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "You don't fool me. I know you're in there somewhere. I know your real face. I always will."

Kai gasped, not because her nails were digging into his stubble – although they were – but because her words stirred something inexplicable in him.

Ever since the merge with Luke, he had felt halved, erased, forgotten. He hadn't told a single soul, but he entertained the ludicrous, but very possible fear that he might disappear altogether. Malachai Parker would be corrupted by Saint Luke until no genuine piece of him was left in this body. It was already happening. Otherwise, he wouldn't feel so much about this one girl who had entered his life by accident.

But here she was, after all this time, after all the pain, promising him – no, telling him that he would not disappear. That she would not allow it.

He wanted to reach out desperately and show his gratitude. But since the best he could do was move his head, he leaned forward into her touch and rubbed his cheek against her palm.

Bonnie's breath hitched in her throat.

He looked up at her bashfully, embarrassed, but at the same time, content with his vulnerability. At least he had chosen this weakness, unlike all the other moments when Luke had burst through and taken control of his emotions. He watched the way her lips parted in surprise. He thought he caught the tip of her tongue. He wished…he strained his neck to get closer. If he could capture her lips, he knew she would understand. She would understand why he'd left her there. She would understand that this reality filled with people and parties and alcohol was a prison without her.

Bonnie saw what he was about to do. She let him go so fast, you'd think she'd been burnt.

She took a step back, wobbling unsteadily on her feet. Her magic was swirling at the tip of her fingers, but she reined it in.

Kai raised an eyebrow. And grinned, although his whole face hurt, although his heart wasn't in it. He stretched his lips and revealed his teeth, feeling at once grotesque and heroic. He was doing it for her. He was giving her what she wanted. Needed.

"I don't blame you, Bon. Who wouldn't want to commit this handsome mug to memory?"

And strangely, it worked. Something lit up inside of her. Something akin to satisfaction. He was once again the Kai she had grown to hate. It's hard to break these patterns once they're set. And Bonnie Bennett, Kai realized with chagrin, had become too accustomed to the psychopath. She couldn't let him go.

He understood. No matter how much he had changed, she preferred the demon boy.

He laughed a hollow laugh. Under different circumstances, it would have been perfect.

Cruelly ironic how their timing was so off.

Fuck.

I like a girl, and she likes to hate me.

But he decided there and then that he didn't care. As long as she never stopped, he would lie under the heel of her boot. Forever.