Here's my new story. I hope you like it. Somewhat of a songfic based on Breathe Me by Sia. Rated M for dark themes and sexual references and slight sexual contact. R&R Don't forget to check out my other story, Loving You, Loosing You. The link is on my profile.–Alice xoxo.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Simple as that.

Chapter 1:

"Alice," my best friend, Bella said as she walked into the bathroom on me – my fault for leaving the door wide open. "Do I have to hide every sharp object every time I leave the room?"

She stared at the pair of tweezers that I was dragging across my skin. The way her voice sounded I could tell that she was holding her breath. The sight of blood makes her sick. She walked over and took my new cutting tool out of my hands. The blood dripped out of the cut and into the sink.

My cutting isn't that much of a surprise to Bella anymore. In the past two or so months that I've lived with her she's probably caught me in the act a hundred times. The first time she saw it, she cried and said, "why Alice? Why?"

Well, only because it's the only fucking way I can feel! After being a victim of both incest and molestation. After being almost beaten to death from my own mother. Watching myself bleed is the only way to know that I'm alive. Just like that song Iris. You bleed just to know you're alive.

I was lucky to have Bella. She was my family now. She was my foster sister since I was nine until I was granted emancipation when I was 17. And Bella was 19 then and had her own place in the small town of Forks, Washington. She welcomed me happily and then. But since she found out that I was a cutter, she's been treating me like I was a fucking kid. Why don't you just sit me in front of the T.V. and make me watch fucking Hannah Montana?

"Get cleaned up," she said, "people are coming."

I pulled the sleeves back up so they were coving the cuts and scars that were all over my arm and wrist. "Who?" I asked.

"Edward and his brother, Emmett. Emmett's girlfriend, Rosalie and her brother, Jasper."

I sighed. I really didn't like being around other people. It was because of people that I have a fucking "mental problem."

Bella leaned against the doorframe as I turned on the water to let the blood run down the drain. "Just be nice ok?" she whispered. I noticed that the tweezers were still in her hand. I nodded. "And could you wear something a little less…" her voice trailed off as she thought of something to say, "slutty?"

I looked down to examine my clothes. A red corset with black lace. A leather skirt with fishnets underneath. Red knee-high boots. And red sleeves on my arms. I certainly didn't think what I was wearing was slutty.

I raised one eyebrow – something that I perfected years ago. It creeps people out because it screams 'what the fuck are you talking about?' louder than I can make my voice.

"Fine, don't change," she spat at me before heading towards the stairs to go down and get ready, "just be down before five."

When she was away, I grabbed the bottle of hairspray out from under the sink and sprayed a large amount onto my sleeve. After I put the container away, I ran the hairspray-coated sleeve under my nose and breathed in heavily. After a few huffs I was starting to get dizzy.

I heard the front door open downstairs and Bella greet the people who came in. I heard her call up that stairs for me. She sounded far away, but loud, like she was standing right in front of my face. It was kind of creepy.

I inhaled again and the room literately spun. "ALICE!" Bella screamed again. "GET DOWN HERE NOW!"

"LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!" I said back. She shut up then and I heard her murmur words like, 'sorry,' and 'she's usually not like this,' to our guests. I breathed my sleeve in one more time. Whatever that's in it that makes me high was starting to run out.

I sighed and began slowly walk down the stairs. I had to hold on to the railing or else I would have tripped. Even so, I stumbled on the last few steps. God, I was turning into Bella – the girl who literately trips over a fucking flat surface.

I staggered to the kitchen table where everyone else was already at and eating. I sat next to the only person in the group who I've never seen before. He must have been Rosalie's twin brother, Jasper, who I have heard about. I tried to look at him, but every time my eyes focused on anything, the room spun. The only thing I could tell about him was that he had wavy blonde hair and he looked like that guy from the fucked-up vampire chick flick that everyone is obsessed with.

"Alice," Bella said in a rude-sarcastic way, "so glad you could join us."

I put my head down on the table, not even stopping to notice the nice dinner that Bella took the time to make. I wasn't hungry. My head was screaming in protest and I felt like I was going to get sick.

"Are you going to eat something?" the unfamiliar voice next to me said. He had a southern accent that made me wet my panties.

I looked at him and shielded my eyes from the harsh light above. "I cant fucking eat. I'm fat," I said as nicely-but-sternly as I could.

He looked at me up and down and raised and eyebrow – exactly like I could – and said, "no, your not. Eat something."

"Did you eat anything at all today?" Bella asked, cutting into our conversation.

"I CANT FUCKING EAT, ISABELLA! I'M FUCKING FAT!" I screamed, jumping up. Everyone stared at me but Bella didn't even flinch – not even when I used her full name. She just remained calm. I was the exact opposite. I could tell my face was red and the angry tears pricked at my eyes. I blinked them back. I was not going to fucking cry. I'm not a fucking baby.

The Jasper dude next to me put his hand over top of mine. "Alice," his voice made me calm down, "you got to eat something. You don't want to get sick, do you?" He talked to me like I was a five-year old.

"I don't fucking care. I don't want to get fat," I spat back at him.

He rubbed my wrist and his magic calming effect starting working again. "You wont get fat from eating, beautiful, just eat something. Please?" His eyes looked sad and I could tell that it was just a secret weapon. But I really didn't care! I fucking melt when boys cry.

"Ok," I sighed, sitting back down and getting a piece of bread. I ate it quickly and stood up again. "Ya'll happy? I ate." I took a sip of the water that was on the table next to my clean plate before I ran all the way back upstairs to the bathroom and leaned myself over the toilet, stuck my finger far back enough in my mouth that the bread I just ate came back out.

I brushed my teeth when I was finished, just to get the taste – and smell – out of my mouth before I went back downstairs. When I did – the table was already cleared and everyone was just sitting around talking.

I sat back down next to Jasper and he smiled at me. None of them had the slightest inkling of what I just did.

We talked for a while – about stuff that I was too high to remember. Suddenly, Jasper looked at his phone and then at Rosalie. "Rose," he said, "We gotta get home so I can finish packing."

"Packing?" I asked. I sounded like a little fucking kid whose parents were leaving them. Not that I don't know what that feels like. "Were are you going?"

"I gotta go back home to Philadelphia. I was just here for the weekend." I must have looked sad because he also added, "I'll come back again soon, darlin'.'"

He and Rosalie left. Edward and Emmett were soon to fallow (but not before Edward and Bella made out, Emmett practically screaming "Getta fucking room, love sick puppies," and they pulled away with red faces.)

I went back upstairs when everyone was gone and sprayed my sleeve with hairspray. Bella caught me.

"What the hell are you doing?" She asked. I didn't answer with words but I inhaled the contents of my sleeve. The room spun. I had to hold on to the sink for support but continued to breathe in the fumes.

I looked at Bella. "I keep hearing this waa waaa waa inside my head."

She walked over to my and pulled my wrist away from my face. "That's your brain cells popping."

I tried to pull my wrist back but she had a strong grip on it. "Your hurting me!" I said, even though it really didn't.

"You're going to hurt yourself, Alice. Stop it!" Bella took the sleeve off my arm and I grabbed at it, trying to get it from her.

"What the fuck are you doing? Don't touch my stuff! Give it back!" I said, pulling at the sleeve. She held it above her head so I had to jump for it, since I was so short. But jumping wasn't such a good idea, because when I did, it made my head hurt. "Give. It. Back." I said through my teeth.

"No, Alice. Stop it!" I jumped up one more time but this time, I fell backwards and hit my head. It didn't even hurt. In fact, my whole body felt numb. I started laughing. I was laughing so hard that I started snorting. Which made me laugh harder. "Alice, you're scaring me."

"Hit me," I said, "I'm serious, I can't feel anything, hit me!" Bella grabbed me and pulled me up off the floor. And then she hit me. Across the face. It made me laugh again. "Again, do it harder! I cant feel anything this is awesome!"

"I didn't hit you for your enjoyment, Alice. Snap out of it." She held onto my wrist tightly. It really started to hurt.

"Stop! You're hurting me, Bella. Let. Go. Of. Me."

"I thought you said you couldn't feel anything." She squeezed tighter.

"Well that hurts!" I cried, "Let go of me. Ow! Stop!" I said. She let go of me and then started crying.

"Alice," she said calmly. "I can't deal with you anymore, I'm only 19. I can't take care of you anymore."

"What are you saying? Are you fucking kicking me out?" I asked. Bella didn't answer, she just nodded. "I'm sorry."

She shook her head. "It's to late for that, Alice. I can't take it anymore. You have to leave. I just can't take care of you anymore."

"I'm not a kid, Bella. You don't need to take care of me."

"Well, apparently I do. If you're going to get high off my hairspray."

"I'm sorry," I whispered again.

"So am I. Pack your stuff," she said sadly.

"What? Your making me leave tonight?" I cried. Bella looked down, unsure of what to say. I sighed and walked out of the bathroom to my bedroom and threw my clothes and other few things I own in a garbage bag.

Bella waited by the door for me to say goodbye. "I'm really sorry, Alice," she said. "I'll always love you. You'll always be like a sister to me."

"If you love me so much, then why are you kicking me out?" were the last words I said to her. As I walked out of her house, I heard her start to cry.

--

Nothing against Hannah Montana. Or "that fucked-up vampire chick flick that everyone is obsessed with." I'm obsessed with that. too.