It would be so easy. Just walk forward. You'd probably black out before you ever hit the water. Or rocks.
You will your feet forward one step.
But, wouldn't you wake up when you hit the water? Or would it snap your spine and neck on impact?
Another step.
But what if you hit a branch or something on the way down? That would be painful… Then again, some people find this fun, don't they?
Step.
Maybe you can just distract yourself until you walk off. Keep thinking these silly thoughts.
Step.
But now you're getting anxious.
Step.
Your gut is squirming like you have stage fright.
Step.
Why? Afraid your hair will be messed up—
Step.
—when they find your body?
Step.
Cod you are so—
Step.
—vain and—
Step.
—completely self absorbed—
Step.
—uncaring—
Step.
—ignorant—
Step.
—sadistic—
Step.
—ugly—,
Step.
—friendless,—
Step. Step.
—intolerable,—
Step. Step.
—maso—
Step. Step,
—chistic—
Step. Step.
—and—
Step. Step. Step.
—cod damn—
Step. Step. Step.
—lonely
Run.
Your eyes focus on the far wall, blocked mostly from view by your comforter and a giant pile of laundry, half of which is scarves. A hand lays in blurry view near your face and it's just then you realize you're not wearing your glasses. Where the Hell did those things go? When? You squeeze your eyes shut, wanting to be able to see properly, but also not wanting to move. You just want to skin into your blankets, seeking their heat and security. Didn't you read somewhere that people liked being wrapped up because it reminded them of the safety of the womb?
sharks eat their siblings in the wwomb until only one is left
And suddenly you find yourself out of your blankets, standing next to your bed and sliding your glasses on! It's around one, though it's so cloudy it looks to be much later. Maybe you should go see a movie. Do something distracting and time-consuming.
As you walk about your apartment, pulling on clothes and shoving a bagel into a paper bag, decisions you never really made fall into place. Things hit you like plot twists in Twilight: expected, always known in the back of your mind, yet an initial total shock.
You are so fucking stereotypical it's sad.
You're not sleeping at all, laying in bed all day, letting your house fall apart, yet getting OCD over the kind of bag your bagel is in. Not to mention you're eating a bagel. A bagel isn't anything. The fuck is wrong with you? This is just…pitiful. So sad it's beyond pitiful.
With a disgusted look at the bag and the bagel, you drop it into your skin and cram it into your garbage disposal. There we go, perfection.
With the sounds of your bagel being mutilated in the background, you look back at the phone you'd previously been talking to Kar on. Shit was getting serious. It was time to call in…a clown.
-caligiousAquarius [CA] began pestering terminallyCapricornious [TC] at 1:47 PM—
CA: gamz
TC; woah it's you motherfucker
TC: WHAT DO YOU WANY
CA: wwait wwhat gamz did your keyboard break or somefin
CA: something
TC: nah motherfucker
TC: JUST FEELING A DIFFERENT
TC: mojo
CA: wwell wwhatevver i havve a bit of a problem
TC: WHAT THE FUCK WOULD THAT BE
CA: uh wwhale
CA: fuck just that that is my problem goddamn fef
TC: what about her bro
CA: evverythin i cant evven make fish puns anymore theyre too coddamn good fro me
TC: WOW
TC: this is so motherfucking unreal
TC: ERIDAN GOT SOMETHING RIGHT
CA: gamz wwhat are you evven talkin about i get things right all the time
TC: bro what did you want to talk about
CA: right fef gamz she totally hates me not evven doesnt wwant to be my moirail but total hate wwhat do i do
TC: WEH WEH LOOK AT ME I'M ERIDAN AND I'M FRIENDLESS
CA: gamz wwhat the hell are you on
TC: cry me a rivver ampora
TC: I MEAN, YOU KNOW I'M YOUR FRIEND
TC: but almost everyone else hates you.
TC: YOU REALLY SHOULD GIVE UP ON FEFERI.
TC: shes way too good for you. way too beautiful.
TC: AND WHAT ARE YOU?
TC: fucking ugly.
CA: gamzee what the hell are you talking about im getting serious here man shut it
TC: AWW, DID I HURT YOUR
TC: feelings?
CA: uh kind of
TC: DO YOU WANT ME TO KISS IT AND MAKE IT FUCKING BETTER
TC: do you honestly think
TC: THAT WILL HELP?
CA: gamzee im gonna go now this is getting a bit creepy
TC: no, wait. im just messing with you bro
TC: LIKE I ACTUALLY THINK THAT
TC: i love you bro
CA: wwhat are you on
TC: LOVE AND MIRACLES MOTHERFUCKER
TC: but here's what you don't get. those other
TC: BITCHES
TC: don't love you. they just want to use you.
CA: wwhat could they evven use me for
TC: GOOD MOTHERFUCKING QUESTION
TC: you are pretty useless
CA: gamz
At this point, you completely check out of the conversation. Gamzee is way too high. He's your constant, the ace up your sleeve—your high best friend who loves everything and everyone. Not some jackass. So what the Hell was he on today? Sure, it's 4/20, but still…
Then again, when people are drunk, aren't they more inclined to say things they wouldn't otherwise? Express their true feelings? He didn't fuck up his spelling, so you doubt he was drunk, but maybe Gamzee was on something that had a similar affect… Did he really hate you, then? Sure, the Juggalo said they loved you, but couldn't that have just been a weak attempt at not pissing you off? Maybe he really did need to use you for something?
Great. Just fucking great. As if your life wasn't already bad enough, now you had the one person you thought actually genuinely liked you, however little he did, breathing down your neck about how ugly you where? Are we five?
You rake a hand through your hair, the purple streak getting a slight curve to its shape. This was bogus. What the Hell are you even around for anymore?