I do not own Detective Flack Jr. or anyone from CSI: NY.
Susan is mine and mine alone.
Not making money out of this.
When she left him three years ago, it was raining.
He shouldn't have been surprised that it was raining when she came back.
She was soaking wet and as she sat down in the chair he also noticed something was off with her, she was nervous. A trait he never thought she would possess.
"What brings you here, Susan?" Don asked leaning against the wall and crossing his arms.
She sighed and she looked up at him, how she could have been so stupid, she thought to herself.
"You," she said softly.
Thunder roared as he met her gaze and the rain seemed to be falling harder now.
"Why now?" he asked, genuinely curious.
"Because I was stupid, I should have never walked away from you. We were good, everything was great and then when you proposed that fateful day, all my fears came into the surface. I got scared and left everything behind, left you. I've now realized just how wrong I was, and for that I am sorry." She put her head down trying to calm herself. She didn't want to break down.
He wanted to reach out to her and try to calm her, but he knew she didn't want that. He sat down at the chair across from her and studied her tense form before shaking his head.
Yes, it was true when she left he was crushed. He couldn't figure out what caused Susan to change and leave him all he wanted was to marry her, love her. Maybe that had been his mistake, he was blinded by his love of her that he failed to notice that she wasn't ready and when he proposed instead of feeling elated she felt pressured. He wanted to understand her, but he knew that she was epitome of mystery. It had taken him awhile to figure out that he never truly knew her. She camouflaged herself so she wouldn't have to break those walls she surrounded herself with.
He let out another sigh, "I forgave you a long time ago, Susan." He looked at her as lightning lit the room and saw her internal battle.
She smiled although it didn't reach her eyes, "Always forgiving, Donnie. Always," she silently mused.
"Is that why you came here, to seek forgiveness?" he asked.
She shrugged, "Maybe, could be that I wanted redemption… a second chance…"
She let that hang in the air, for it was true, that she wanted him back.
He cleared his throat and looked at Susan once more, it didn't escape him that she looked vulnerable, but nonetheless she was telling the truth. Her eyes were filled with nothing but love for him.
He dropped his gaze, it was the love he once felt for her. The type of love that he couldn't reciprocate, unrequired.
"I'm afraid that I cannot give you a second chance, Susan." He said breaking the silence that had settled.
She let out a tired and defeated sigh, "I don't blame you," she said in a monotone voice.
He looked at her, "I've moved on… There is someone else." He didn't know why but he wanted to reassure her that it wasn't her. It was circumstance, they just weren't meant to be like he once thought.
"Who is she?" she asked genuinely curious.
"Her name's Charlotte," it didn't escape her notice that the corners of his mouth lifted into a smile.
She dropped her head and took a deep breath she had to control herself, she couldn't fall apart now. No, she had to be strong. After all, she had brought this upon herself. It was too late to think about the what - if's, what was done was done and it couldn't be undone no matter how much she wanted to turn back time.
He noticed her tense demeanor, "Susan?" he reached to touch her hand but she recoiled and placed her hand on her lap.
"Susan," he said again, "none of this is your fault, please don't blame yourself." Trying to reassure her because it wasn't her fault, he never once blamed her. Not once.
She gave him a weak smile, "It's easier said than done."
He opened his mouth to speak but she held up a hand to silence him, "I am glad for you, Don, I really am. I am glad you moved on, I see it's helped you. You even look different. I don't know, maybe a glow that you have on your eyes. You're happy. You're a man in love."
His eyes widened, it was true he was happy; everything seemed to be going well with his life. It wasn't difficult for anyone to see how much he cared about Charlotte. He cherished every time he spent with her and in the two years they'd been together, only Charlotte had professed her love for him. He had yet to reciprocate his feelings. He cared about her more than anyone, and he was eternally grateful for helping him move on.
Susan laughed softly as thunder roared, "I take it that you haven't told her how you feel."
He scratched his head, "No, I haven't. I mean, I feel it, it is there but when I want to say the words, they just don't come out."
She put her head down, "I'm sorry I made you wary of others. It was never my intention."
He sighed, "I guess with your departure, I just became more guarded with my emotions. It's taken me a long time to fully open up to Charlotte, but she has been patient and understanding."
She noticed the smile that played on the corners of his mouth as he said that and she knew she had lost him forever. And that realization hurt more than she wanted to admit.
The thunder roared once more and she let out a soft chuckle and shook her head, "You're going to be fine. You'll tell her when you're ready and from what you've told me, she isn't going anywhere. She is definitely a keeper, Don."
She won't run like I did, she thought to herself.
She sighed and tried to keep her composure although it was wavering.
If only I hadn't been such a coward…
But she couldn't dwell on the 'what if's'. Don was happy and it was radiating off him in waves, the glow in his light blue eyes. Somewhere in the back of her mind she recalled a memory when his eyes once glowed for her…
Let go, you have to let go…
"Are you alright?" Don asked, breaking Susan's thoughts.
She looked at him and smiled, "I'll be fine." She sighed and stood up just as the thunder roared, she had to get out of there, and she couldn't let Don see how much this was affecting her.
She walked to the door and once she opened it she turned to Don who was looking at her with something keen to sympathy, like he wanted to reach out and embrace her but opted not to. For that she was glad, she didn't want sympathy, she didn't want him feeling sorry for her.
"Good-bye, Don."
"Good-bye, Susan."
She walked out of his apartment, the rain greeting her once more, tears falling freely now – mourning a love that was lost.