Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

This is a very funny story and a very perverted one. I hope you like it. ;)

Bella POV

I wake up at Edward's house,

"Hi Bella. Do you want to be fucked by Jasper?" asks Edward, "Let's go, I will drive you there. Come on, let's go."

"No! Edward, what is wrong with you?" I ask.

"No... you're right Bella. Let's get married, then you can fuck Emmett."

"What is wrong with you, Edward? I'm going home right now. I'll see you tomorrow, creeper." I say and start to walk away.

"Come back Bella! Wait!" I watch as he grabs my shoulder and turns me around.

"What on Earth is wrong with you Edward? Thats it, I'm going crazy. Take me to the nut house."

"But why, Bella, when you can get married to me. Come on."

Edward pulls me onto his back and sprouts wings. Next thing I know, I'm at Alice's and Edward proposes to me with a peanut. Then Jasper rides in on a very fat unicorn singing, "Da da daaah! My little pony! So fat and so lonely! I love unicorns that hump rocks!"

Okay, I'm obviously in some kind of dream.

Emmett comes out naked and says,"Hey Bella, I'm waiting for you to come over to my room so I can hump you." he holds up a goat, "And then this mountain goat can rape you. So hurry up and get married."

What the Hell is going on?

I see Alice come out with Charlie.

"Bella..."

"I...I...Dad, I can explain."

"No need Bella. You will have goat children and Emmett will feed them."

"Oh! This will be so great! I'll get the bed ready!" Alice says.

"Don't I get a say in this?" I ask.

Alice looks at me, "OMG, you're right Bella. What was I thinking? You need me to get it on tape. I'll hump you leg while you fuck the goat. And I'll lick you're eyeball. So don't worry, I'll take care of you,Bella. We can drink toilet water. Come on."

Next thing know, a goat is humping my chest, Emmett is humping the goat and my face while Alice tapes it and licks me while, also, humping my leg.

I'm scared and crazy.

What is going on?

I hope you liked this chapter. I will try to add at least one chapter a week.

Review!

Love y'all!