It does no good to dwell on dreams and forget to live

This was the one thought that echoed through James Potter's head as he sat on a bar stool, some place in muggle London, buying shots of the strongest alcohol they had. It was one of Professor Dumbledore's favourite lines to quote, but at that moment in time, James disagreed. Instead of living his life, he spent every evening thinking, and consuming enough alcohol to drown a small horse. He thought about the short and glorious few months he spent with Lily Evans in his arms, too perfect to be reality. He didn't want to keep living if every day was going to be so painful, he'd rather live inside his head, the life he created with the only woman besides his mother he'd ever loved. His friends had different ideas on how to help him cope. Sirius suggested he should get his leg over as many women as he could. Remus suggested that he should throw himself into his work for the Order. Peter suggested he should spend more time with his friends. He could see the sense in his friend's ideas, but he couldn't concentrate at the meetings, he couldn't contribute enough with his friends, and he just couldn't get Lily out of his head. In every girl he saw, he didn't think about whether she had nice eyes, rather whether she had Lily's eyes, or Lily's smile, or Lily's figure (she never did). But James chose his own path; he got drunk, then staggered home, where he fell fully dressed onto his couch, and slept there, before repeating, in the hope that it would ease the pain (it never did).

James turned away from the bar, surveying the people all swaying together on the dance floor. Stood to the side of the floor was a couple, the man laughed, placing a soft hand on the arm of the female, who bowed her head slightly. James watched as her hair caught in the light, lighting up like fiery embers. Her hair was the closest to Lily's he'd ever seen, and squeezing his eyes shut, he turned back to the bar, ordering another shot, and gulping that down. This was his latest coping method; every time he compared a girl to Lily, he had to drink a shot. But when he turned back around, his gaze fell upon her immediately. Her dress was white, shining almost against the black backdrop of the club, and it caused her pale skin to glow. He willed the girl to turn around, so he could convince himself that she wasn't Lily, but she continued to face away from him, conversing rapidly with the man who couldn't tear his eyes from her. James's palms grew sweaty, and he glanced down, quickly wiped them on his jeans, before turning back, transfixed to the couple. The man glanced over at James, his eyebrows furrowing slightly, before turning back to his companion. Her head whipped round as though her name had been called, and she looked James directly in the eyes. He froze. He couldn't breath. His heart was pounding in his chest. Spinning round, James tried to think of what to do. He had to get out of there. He couldn't see her. He wasn't ready. Not yet.

"James?" There was a gentle tapping on his shoulder, and James paused before he turned around.

"Lily." He croaked, his throat dry.

"Don't I even get a kiss for good behaviour?" He teased, offering up his cheek.

"Ok, just the one." She giggled back, cupping his chin and pulling his face down to meet hers, as their lips grazed with the softest touch.

"I thought it was you." The girl broke out in a smile, and James felt the all too familiar tugging sensation on his insides. "How are you?"

"I'm sorry." Lily blushed, pulling away. "Was that a little too forward?" Gnawing down on her lip, she avoided James's eyes. He chuckled warmly at her anxious expression.

"Evans, I've wanted you to do that still we were 11."

James smirked, raising an eyebrow, and Lily faltered slightly.

"Right, of course. I'm sorry." She stepped a little closer, and the scent of her washed over James. Not any perfume she wore, but her. It swam around inside his head, and he turned away from her, placing both hands on the bar and exhaling deeply. "I never meant to hurt you, James." She added.

"But you did." He said, his voice empty of emotion, and Lily nodded, stepping back.

"I am sorry, James." He couldn't let her just walk away. James Potter was far too masochistic for that. And he was angry. He wanted an explanation.

"Lily wait." He spun around, grabbing her arm. "Why did you say yes to me in the first place?"

"I..." She trailed off, then shrugged her shoulders. Her voice was quieter when she spoke again. "I thought I could fall in love with you."

"Lily Evans, I am pleading with you here. I thought giving you some space would help, and this time, you came to me, and I thought we had a chance. But you won't let me in. Lily, just talk to me. Please Lily, all I'm asking is for you to say yes." The atmosphere in the Heads Office was heavy, and James surveyed the girl in front of him with sudden clarity; if she didn't say yes to him now, she'd never say yes to him. The seconds ticked by slowly, and James could slowly feel her slipping away from him, until she whispered "yes", and suddenly James could again picture their entire life.

"But you couldn't." His hand fell from her arm, his question sounding more like a statement on his lips.

"I tried James, I really tried." She was almost whispering now, and her face had contorted slightly, her eyes glazing over.

"You broke my heart, Evans. One day, I wake up and there's a sodding letter on the pillow where your head should have been, and you were just gone? Don't I even deserve a god damn explanation?!" He'd been drinking for a while, but his emotions had soon worn off the alcohol, his rage was pure in his eyes. Lily looked to the floor, her eyes blinking back tears as she fidgeted with her hands.

"Sorry." She whispered again, and James chuckled darkly. This caught her attention, and she looked him dead in the eye. "If I told you in person that I couldn't fall in love with you, then you'd beg me otherwise. You'd convince me to stay, and James I'd make you miserable. I could never do that to you-"

"Don't you dare!" He interrupted, getting to his feet and facing her. "Don't pretend you were doing this as a favour to me, Lily. You did this for yourself!" She grabbed his arm, and James cursed the way his heart still pounded at her touch, as she dragged him away from the bar to a more secluded spot, and turned her back to him, running her hands through her hair.

"Ok." She muttered, turning back round to him. "You fell in love with your idea of Lily Evans, and as much as I tried, I couldn't stop feeling like you loved the idea of me more than you actually loved me."

"That's bullsh-" She held up her hand, cutting him off.

"I felt like I couldn't love you back, when you never actually loved me in the first place. And maybe I was wrong about that, and maybe I was wrong to break up with you, but I did, James. And I'm sorry, but please, I don't want you to be miserable." Lily took a deep breath, and calmed down, her shoulders slumped in a defeatist attitude. James wanted to hold her in his arms, to smother her with kisses, to never let her go, but instead he averted his gaze.

"I have no idea where your feelings came from. I fell for the idea of you when I was a child, and I fell in love with you as a person when I was yours."

"Lily please, open the damn door!"

"She doesn't want to see you, James! She made it clear ok?"

"No it's not ok!" He yelled, pounding on the door to her sister's flat. "She can't just leave me in the middle of the night and expect me to let it be! I love her!" His voice cracked as he slumped forward, resting his forehead on the wooden wood. "I love you." He croaked. "Please Lily, I love you. Give me a break, Lils. Please."

Shaking his head, he let out a breath, then walked away, glancing back over his shoulder. "I wish you had given me that chance, Lily." He was barely aware of his own footsteps taking him back towards the bar, as he ordered one last drink before paying his tab. Getting to his feet, he glanced around, his eyes looking for Lily whilst his brain told him not to. He'd just get hurt, again. He found her anyway, stood alone by the coat rack. She wasn't looking at him, rather at the floor, and James didn't realise when he'd already started to walk towards her. He wasn't far from her when she turned slightly, and smiled at the man from earlier, who was holding her coat in his arms. His smile matched hers in size, but it didn't reach her eyes like it did his. James waited, and Lily looked over at him, her eyes dead behind her dark lashes, before she stood on her toes, wrapped an arm around her partner, and kissed him. The blood drained from his body as his blinked back tears. His insides were in knots, but James just stood, watching as Lily drew back from him, and glanced at James, then left the dark club. James continued to stand there for a few moments, before he headed outside, finding it easier to breathe with the cold air biting at his skin. Resting against the wall, James thudded the back of his head continuously against the wall. He couldn't even hate her, he reflected, as he felt a section of his heart detach from the rest of him, and sink slowly.

His friends always told him she'll break him in two.

A/N: And on that cheerful note!

No seriously, this was requested by an anon and is based on the song, Sometime Around Midnight by The Airborne Toxic Event, so good choice anon because I love that song. Please feel free to tell me how much I suck for this, I cried when I wrote it aha.

Reviews are having chocolate cake in the fridge to drown ones sorrows in.

Emily:)