Title: Dim
Rating: R
Summary: What defines who you are? When circumstance calls for it, you can't help but be changed, for better or for worse.
Note: My first R fic. Aren't you so proud?
He felt as though he'd never be dry again.
Never had he seen rain so thick it threatened to snap him in half. His upper body sagged under the constant pressure of beating raindrops; his white hair was drenched and cumbersome and served only to drag him down further.
Through the oppressive curtain of wet, the faint outlines of a building appeared.
His step quickened.
There! He yanked the door open and stumbled inside, pulling the door closed again with visible effort. Relieved at actually being able to stand upright, he scrutinized his surroundings. It was rather like a hotel lobby. Red carpeting, fading in some spots, ran down the floor to a set of stairs. To the right, there was a desk, and under normal circumstances, Ryou might've thought it a check-in desk.
In fact, it probably was.
There was a doorway on either side of the wall behind the desk, and a potted plant (obviously fake) by the door, where he now stood. Cautiously, Ryou walked past it, to the desk behind which nobody stood.
Odd.
As he approached, there was a flurry of noise, and a young boy stepped out from the right-hand hallway, smiling brightly. And _what_ was he wearing? Black leather, with enough straps to keep an army tied up.
"…hi," Ryou said, quietly. He felt as though he should know the boy, but at the same time, he didn't feel as though they'd met before. And with that outrageous hair, the boy would probably have been hard to forget.
"Hey!" His smile was wide, maybe a bit too wide, clashing with a strange look in his eyes. Ryou didn't get much of a chance to contemplate when he continued. "Is this your first time?"
Ryou shook his head, hesitantly.
"Alright then," the boy uttered, taking that to be a yes. "My name's Yuugi, what's yours?"
Yuugi.
Was that supposed to sound familiar?
"Ryou Bakura."
"Hai, Ryou-sama." Yuugi jotted something down on a violet post-it note. "Do you like pain?"
"…uh?"
"You are a dom, aren't you?"
"Iie?"
"Oh, that's strange. I usually get paired with the doms."
"Um."
Yuugi paused. "Yes?"
"What's a dom?"
The boy opened his mouth. Closed it. "A dominant? As opposed to a sub? A submissive?"
"…oh…"
"So are you a dom or a sub?"
"Uh?"
"Do you tend to take the initiative?"
"No?"
"Okay, I guess you're a sub. So, are you masochistic?"
"…uh?"
Strangely, Yuugi didn't seem frustrated when Ryou continually failed to answer his questions.
"I mean, do you like it when people hurt you?"
"No…"
"Okay then!" Again, he scribbled something on the post-it note, opened a large book, and stuck the note on a page. "I've signed us out for room 21," he announced, grabbing Ryou's hand and tugging him along.
"…Right."
Ryou allowed himself to be led up the stairs, to room 21, too weirded out to even ask what was going on. Yuugi entered after him, closed the door, and carefully locked it. "Any preferences I should know before we begin?"
Begin what?
"Iie."
Yuugi nodded, pushed him backwards. Ryou was surprised when the backs of his knees met something, and he fell, onto a… bed. "Just tell me if I'm doing something wrong, Ryou-sama," Yuugi breathed, undoing the buckles at the sides of his shirt. Then, he slipped it off over his head.
Now would, perhaps, be a convenient time to ask exactly what was going on. Instead of words coming out of his mouth, though, he found his question muffled as Yuugi's lips met his.
At the same time, Yuugi easily relieved Ryou of his garments, leaning in for a kiss frequently enough to keep Ryou dazed.
"St… stop…" Ryou breathed, gasping.
"Hm?"
"I don't… This isn't…"
Yuugi paused and looked at Ryou. "You can trust me. I won't hurt you."
"H… ai…?"
And it felt… good. Yuugi tasted… good. And he wanted more, which wasn't… good. Wasn't… right. Confused, torn between how good Yuugi was at kissing and how wrong it was to be doing this, he didn't refuse when Yuugi began stroking his waist.
"Is this okay, Ryou-sama?" he asked, breathlessly. For a moment, Ryou had no idea who Yuugi was addressing or what he was talking about. "Too fast? Too slow?"
"Ii…" Ryou began, but he didn't finish, as Yuugi's tongue meeting his bare stomach was enough to elicit from him a gasp.
~~
The blinds were mostly closed, but the sun's rays still managed to draw bright lines across his face. Moaning, Ryou shielded his eyes, rolled over, and smacked his head into his nightstand.
That woke him up.
Gingerly, he rubbed his head, sitting up, and glared at his alarm clock. It was only 6:00. Why was he already awake?
Phantom kisses brushed across his chest.
And that was when he remembered exactly what he had been dreaming about last night. Blushing furiously, he made a dash for the shower.
About an hour and a half later, Ryou walked briskly out the door, bookbag in hand.
"Ohayo goz— Bakura-kun! Are you okay?"
Ryou clutched his quickly reddening face, various scenes from last night's dream replaying in his head. "Hai, Yuugi, I'm fine."
"You sure?"
Nodding a bit too hastily, he forced a smile and walked just a little bit faster.
~~
"Ryou-sama," Yuugi greeted cheerfully. "How are you today?"
How had he wound up back here again? Momentarily, he considered leaving, but Yuugi was already leading the way up the stairs. And the moral problems that had seemed so terrible in glaring daylight were now all but wiped away.
"I'm… fine," he responded weakly. "Just… fine."
Yuugi nodded. Ryou noticed that he was wearing all white today, the picture of innocence. "Ready?"
He thought about shaking his head, but Yuugi was already sucking tenderly on Ryou's fingertips.
Shivering, he submitted to the touch, telling himself it was wrong, but unable to resist. It felt so wonderful… No! What was he thinking! It couldn't feel good. Couldn't. Had to… stop…
Ryou pulled away slightly, and Yuugi instantly stopped. "Am I doing something wrong, Ryou-sama?" Ryou hurriedly tore his gaze from Yuugi's anxious eyes.
"I… iie…"
~~
"Bakura-kun? Are you sure you're okay?"
Staring very, very fixedly at his desk and the way his arms were draped a bit two casually over it, Bakura was very, very grateful that he was wearing a turtleneck, because if any more of his skin had been exposed to Yuugi's scrutiny, he thought he might just die of shame.
"I'm fine, Yuugi-kun," he said, not quite evenly, more softly than usual, as if afraid that his voice might break under the strain of keeping his body in check and his face from revealing more than he really wanted to.
There was a scraping sound as Yuugi pulled up a chair. "Are you sure? You really don't look well…"
Of course I don't look well, we've been doing inappropriate things in my sleep for going on two weeks now, and I still haven't mustered up the courage to stop.
"I've just been having… troubled dreams lately, that's all," Ryou murmured, smiling as well as he could. "I'm fine, really." Apparently, it was enough.
"Hai," Yuugi smiled back. "If you're sure. But, if you ever need to talk about it, you should stop by the game shop." Then, maybe seeing the alarmed look on Ryou's face, he continued hastily. "If… if you don't want anybody to know, it's okay. We keep a spare key in the potted plant by the back door, so if you want, Jii-san won't know… Come anytime, I sleep lightly." He stopped long enough to frown slightly. "That is… you don't have to, but if you want to get it off your chest, you can trust me. I won't--"
Ryou's breath caught. So like that first night. He was almost certain Yuugi's next words would be "hurt you."
"—I won't tell, I swear."
"Thank you, Yuugi, but I'm not ready to talk just yet." (Ryou was absurdly proud of how calm his voice was.) "We'll see, ne?"
~~
The dream should've ended already. Ryou had never stayed in the dream world after they'd finished their… activities. Yuugi was lying nearby, breathing heavily, back turned to Ryou and body curled slightly in a defensive posture.
Quietly, Ryou watched, wondering if the other boy was sleeping.
He didn't think so. Yuugi's breathing was rather uneven, even hitched.
"Ne, Yuugi?"
The addressed started, jerked his head up. "Ryou-sama! Gomen nasai, Ryou-sama, I had thought you were leaving…"
"Yuugi, were you crying?"
"No!" Shaking his head fervently, he sat up straight. "No, why would you think that?"
"It looked like you were crying…"
Yuugi looked away.
"Yuugi," Ryou persisted gently, "were you crying?"
"…no…"
"Honestly?"
"I… I guess I was crying inside."
"But not outside?"
"I learned long ago not to shed tears for things that can't be helped."
"Why were you crying, Yuugi?" He wanted to ask, what can't be helped?
Quietly, barely audible: "You don't think I chose this life for myself, do you?"
"Wh-what?"
"It's nothing, Ryou-sama," Yuugi said, shaking his head.
"No… you said…"
"What I said doesn't matter." Politely but firmly, he nudged Ryou to the door. "Goodbye, Ryou-sama."
~~
It was just after midnight when Ryou woke. He stared at the darkened ceiling for a long, long time. When the moment passed, he got up, got dressed, and stood in his room, staring blankly out the window.
You don't think I chose this life for myself, do you?
Of course not. What had he been thinking? Yuugi wouldn't willingly… do… that. So why…?
Money? Blackmail?
I learned long ago not to shed tears for things that can't be helped.
Ryou walked to the door, resting a hand on the icy doorknob. Shaking his head, he turned around and walked back to his bed, and rested a hand on the already-cool sheets.
Before he could climb in, though, he looked back up and stared at the door again. Uncertainly, he opened it.
The kitchen was bathed in milky white moonlight. Ryou pulled on a coat, and sat in one of the chairs by the table.
You can trust me. I won't hurt you.
But Ryou was hurting him. How could he not have known?
You can trust me. I won't tell, I swear.
Yuugi could definitely keep a secret. He would understand. If… if he agreed, it would be okay, wouldn't it? If he agreed, it would mean that earlier… that earlier, in his dream, wasn't… wrong.
And suddenly, Ryou needed it to be right. He needed to know that he wasn't guilty of anything, that Yuugi felt the way he did.
He hovered hesitantly at the foot of the stairs. Could he really do this? Could he really tell Yuugi?
You can trust me. I won't tell, I swear.
But it wasn't even that. It was just that… if Yuugi said… no…
You can trust me. I won't hurt you.
~~
Which one was Yuugi's window? All of them were dark. Did he really want to wake Yuugi for this?
…It's important.
Taking a few deep, shaky breaths, Ryou made his way around the Game Shop. There was, indeed, a potted plant in back. It was something like a small tree.
It looked just like the potted plant in his dream.
Ryou shook himself out of it, and reached down to touch a leaf. It was real. The plant in his dream was fake. Calm. Down.
Slowly, Ryou knelt by the plant, and rifled through the dirt. Roots, leaves, a few pebbles, and… the key. He picked it up and stared. It was not an unusual key. The metal felt quite cold as he clenched his fist around it.
Even more slowly now, he stood, eased his hand open, forced himself to look at it; then he took a deep breath, dusted it off, inserted it quietly into the keyhole.