Scary Movie: YGO Cast!
(Bakura is at home making Swedish Meatballs when the phone rings)
Bakura: Hello?
Voice: What are you doing?
Bakura: Nothing much. Just making some big, juicy balls.
Voice: Wow! I love balls!
Bakura: I'm making 100 of them for the kids in my neighborhood at my sleepover.
Voice: Do you like scary movies?
Bakura: Yes! But I tend to get scared and wet my pants…
Voice: What's your favorite?
Bakura: Umm… Dora the Explorer: Illegal Immigrant!
Voice: What the hell?
Bakura: And Gigli. That too.
Voice: Would you like to be in a scary movie?
Bakura: No thanks. After seeing The Exorcist, that was it for me and pea soup.
Voice: Too late! (the voice chops off Bakura's head)
Bakura (severed head): That was not nice! I'm gonna sick my hommies on you and they'll give you a rump kicking.
Voice: Their already dead. I put them into prostitution and they all got shot the first night!
Bakura: I guess I'll die then.
(He dies. Go figure!)
(We go to Yugi's house)
Tristan: Guess what movie I brought over!
Yugi: Don't tell me it's reruns of Captain Planet.
Tea: Did you know that the voice of that Planet guy was charged on count of statutory rape, drug possession, and getting on google.com and typing the phrase "gangster"?
Joey: What's the movie about?
Tristan: Well, there's this sexy looking girl. Then she like chants this saying over and over and over. "Martha Stewart's going to hell. Martha Stewart's going to hell!"
Yugi: Then what?
Tristan: Well, when I watched it, someone called me and said "You're gonna die in 7 days!"
Mai: That was me, you jackass!
Tristan: Really?
Yugi: Let's watch it!
(They put the tape in)
Tea: Yugi, I'm scared…
Yugi: Don't worry. If you die, I'll make sure and bury you in a pink casket.
Mai: Look!
(The first scene shows up.)
Yugi, Joey, and Tristan: WOW! Look at those buns!
Mai: Their just honey-glazed rolls!
Boys: But their sooooo good!
(Then a fat chick comes on the screen)
Yugi: Eww! That chick is ugly! Wait! It looks like Mai!
(They all look at Mai)
Mai: Hey! I was in a time of depression and gloom!
(They still look at her)
Tea: Waiting for Gucci shoes to go on sale is not a time of depression.
Mai: Only for people who are sexy like me.
Tea: Oh shut up!
Mai: Don't be hatin', player hater!
Tea: What?
Mai: You heard me, foo. I kick some schizzie from your manizzie!
Tea: That's it! (Tea throws a knife at her. Mai then pulls a "Matrix" and takes the knife and chops off Tea's legs.)
Tea: You bitch!
(Then Tea pulls a Matrix, cuts off Mai's head, swings it around her head. Then she gets it stitched and normal speed resumes)
Yugi: Stop fighting!
Joey: Yeah! Well, we could make this interesting and get a mud pit…
Mai: Tea, you'll never win! I am sexy and you are a slut.
Tea: SLUTS ARE BEAUTIFUL!
(Yugi brings in some vodka)
Yugi: Let's all settle down and have a nice shot of vodka.
(Mai picks up a shot and drinks. It spills through a hole in her neck.)
Mai: Why are there stitches in my neck?
Tea: Maybe you got neck herpes or something.
(They fight again.)
Joey: It's no use! What do we do?
Yugi: Watch this. I'm an expert.
(He pulls out two grenades)
Yugi: Look what I brough! Chocolate!
Mai and Tea: YAY! (They chew on the grenades and blow up.)
Joey: No more shouting! You think of everything.
Yugi: It's kind of cold in here.
Joey: Yeah, and I took our coats to the dry cleaners.
(They look at the deceased girls' corpses)
Joey: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Yugi: Gross!
Joey: No, not that! Let's make coats from their flesh!
Yugi: I don't swing that way. Besides, there's not enough material to make two coats.
Joey: (evil eye) That can be arranged…
Yugi: Oh crap! (Joey chases Yugi around the house. Then Joey trips and get his legs caught under Yugi's statue of Buddha.)
Joey: Help me!
Yugi: No!
Joey: Please?
Yugi: Okay! (Yugi, being a full-fledged heron scout cuts off Joey's legs with an axe)
Joey: Thanks! Wait! I can't walk! Damn you!
Yugi: Don't jabber me! Don't jabber me!
(Yugi escapes into the wood. DUN DUN DUN!)
Yugi: These woods are really dark… and creepy! Eww! I stepped in something! Oh. It's just Bakura's spongy remains. Bakura!
Bakura: Hey Yugi!
Yugi: What are you doing? Who did this to you?
Bakura: I did.
Yugi: You committed suicide?
Bakura: No! I was shaving my legs with a machete!
Yugi: And you lost your head in the process?
Bakura: Okay, I didn't chop off my head. But the shaving my legs is the truth! I really don't understand how I can talk to you without a head and all.
Yugi: Who did this?
Bakura: I don't know. It could be one of those IRS people.
Yugi: You mean Joey?
Bakura: Don't call him that! It's "He Who Must Not Be Named"!
Yugi: Oh shut up!
Bakura: Is he dead?
Yugi: No, but I "gimped" him.
Bakura: Heron scouts?
Yugi: Yeah. But don't worry. We can go back to the house and pour salt on his open wounds!
Bakura: Okay, I guess…
Yugi: Let's move!
(They go back to the house)
Joey: You bastards are back! Help me!
Bakura: Okay!
Yugi: No! We're supposed to torture him!
Bakura: Yes, but a good heron scout shows fellow peers honesty and integrity.
Yugi: What does that have to do with him?
Bakura: Nothing. LET'S KILL HIM!
Joey: Wait! May I recite my favorite nursery rhyme?
Bakura: Yay! A nursery rhyme!
Yugi: It better be good.
Joey: Okay. One day, there was a chicken.
Bakura: Did he have a banana?
Joey: No. Then the chicken when to his friend's house and had to go to the bathroom.
Bakura: Why?
Joey: Because people use the bathroom when they need to.
Bakura: Why?
Joey: Well, when your bladder gets full, you tend to want to excrete the liquid contained in it.
Bakura: Why?
Joey: SHUT THE HELL UP!
(Bakura does so.)
Joey: Now! The chicken went to his mom's house to eat supper. When he got there, him momma took his coat. Then he sat at the table. His momma brought him a bowl of Chicken Noodle Soup.
(He pauses.)
Yugi: So?
Joey: Chicken noodle soup!
Bakura: I'm confused.
Joey: ARGH! His momma got the chicken from the dad! THAT'S INHUMAINE AND GROSS!
Bakura: Since when has chicken been in chicken noodle soup?
Joey: That's it! (Joey pulls out a knife)
Yugi: Put that knife back!
Joey: No! (He then chops off his own head)
Bakura: He sure isn't a good killer.
Yugi: I am!
(Yugi lunges at Bakura. Bakura pulls out a WD-40 can and sprays it in Yugi's eyes)
Yugi: OUCH! YOU DUMB FRUIT!
Bakura: Can you cut down on the profanity? I have the ears of a virgin.
Yugi: Shut the *&^* up, you little *@&*&#*&*(&#*(&#*(&*(#&*(@&*#*(#*(&#*(!
Bakura: Why such hate?
Yugi: @*@&#*#&*@()()())@(@*()*()&*(&#^^!
Bakura: If you say so!
(Bakura pulls out a lighter, lights it, and sprays the WD-40)
Yugi: Ha! Too bad for you, I use flame-retardant hairspray!
Bakura: Oh really?
(His hair is on fire)
Yugi: AHH!!! (He runs over to the toilet to extinguish the flames, but it is filled with gasoline)
Bakura: This is great! All I need is some snacks. (He gets some popcorn) Oops! Forgot the topping!
(Yugi explodes)
Bakura: Yummy! That will do just fine.