New little fic I was thinking about. Sorry for the lack of updates lately!
Enjoy, I own nothing, and reviews are nice!
With eyes on the floor, Cartman and Butters unbutton their shirts and slowly slide them off. They make tentative eye contact, and the corner of Butters mouth turns upwards into a half smile, but it isn't enough to keep the nerves away.
...
"You guys already screwed?" Cartman asks his friends, practically screaming the question at them in the library after school.
"Will you keep your voice down?" Kyle snaps at him.
"It's no big deal. How long did you and Butters wait before your first time?" Stan asks him.
Cartman doesn't reply. Instead he looks down at the book before him and pretends the conversation never happened.
Stan and Kyle turn to each other. Kyle thinks it's funny that for all his bravado, Cartman's still a virgin. Stan thinks it's sweet.
...
Butters is sitting on Cartman's bed as the brunette stands, unbuckling his belt.
"I can do that," Butters says. His voice is soft, he's afraid if he speaks any louder, Cartman will hear the quiver in it.
"Sure." Cartman steps towards Butters, who slowly and deliberately unbuckles his belt. Butters concentrates on his task, unbuttoning and unzipping the pants, so his hands won't shake.
...
"You slept with her? But wasn't that your first date?" Butters asks Kenny.
The two are outside a convenient store, drinking slushies.
"First date? It was a one-night stand, Butters. Neither of us want to date, we just want to have some fun, y'know?" Kenny says as he jabs at his frozen drink. "You put on a good act, but you really expect me to believe you and Cartman don't have crazy monkey sex when you're alone together?"
"Oh, uh, yeah, I guess," Butters sputters. He kicks a pebble that's next to his feet.
Kenny stares at him, an eyebrow raising when he notices the blush on Butters' cheeks.
"Oh," Kenny says, embarrassed for his friends.
...
"Lay down," Cartman tells Butters, who does as he's told.
Cartman gets on top of him. He undoes and pulls off Butters' pants so now they're in their boxers and briefs respectively.
Slowly, Butters lifts himself up and kisses him. Cartman wraps his arms around the blond and the two make out for what feels to them like hours.
...
"Isn't it suppose to be a big deal for chicks, though?" Cartman asks Bebe and Wendy while on a double date at Benigan's.
"No," Bebe answers simply.
"Girls want it just as badly as boys. And why would we wait any longer than you two? I mean, we did start dating roughly around the same time you two started," Wendy explains.
"Yeah, I guess it wouldn't make sense for you guys to wait longer than us," Cartman says, his voice trailing off.
Butters eats his fries methodically, praying for the conversation to end.
Bebe pinches Wendy's thigh and smirks. "How precious."
...
Cartman trails kisses from Butters' mouth down his chest and stomach until reaching the hem of his underwear. In the back of his mind, Butters registers pleasure, but he's too busy staring at the ceiling and biting back tears to really feel it.
Cartman gulps and gently tugs Butters' underwear off. He sees he's only gotten a little hard, and assumes he'll probably get all the way there once they get started. He sits up on his knees and pulls off his boxers. Butters looks down and feels the air get knocked out of his lungs when he sees the brunette's erection. Cartman isn't that big, but Butters still can't imagine that going inside him.
...
"You're thinking way too much about it," Lisa Berger tells Butters one afternoon as they work on a science project together. "It's a normal human experience. It should be fun and not calculated. Just let yourself go."
"Maybe I am thinking too much about it," Butters admits. "It's just, I want to make Eric happy. I want him to know I love him, I want to show him that I do. But, I can't shake these nerves."
"While you're doing it, maybe then the nerves will go away when you realize it's just not a big deal."
"I guess I can try."
...
Cartman leans over to kiss Butters some more. Butters puts his hands on the brunette's shoulders and squeezes down when he feels his erection bumping into his entrance.
"You ready?" Cartman asks, pulling away to look at him.
Butters looks at Cartman, his brows furrowed. He opens his mouth to say 'yes,' but nothing comes out.
...
"Yeah, Tweek and I were really getting worried we'd be the only virgins in this school, but it finally happened this weekend," Craig tells the table full of guys.
"I was freaking out, man, but in the end, it was pretty awesome," Tweek says, smiling at Craig.
"You guys shouldn't worry about being the last virgins in the school or whatever," Token tells them. "I mean, Nichole and I have been dating since forever and we barely got there a few months back. Everyone's ready at their own pace."
"True, but I don't think anyone's a virgin here anymore. Good thing you guys finally went for it," Clyde says.
"A-agreed," says Timmy.
The boys are all ignoring Butters and Cartman, who quietly eat their lunches, their fingertips touching underneath the table.
...
"Ye-Yeah, I'm ready," Butters manages to say, his voice strain. He tilts his head to the side so he won't cough in Cartman's face. "I'm ready," he says, with more confidence this time.
Cartman looks at Butters, his own brows furrowing as he watches his face. He looks down and a strangled noise comes out of his throat.
"Are you okay?" Butters asks, cupping the brunette's face with his hands.
When Cartman looks up, grinning.
"What are we doing?" He asks, laughing.
"What do you mean?" Butters asks, his voice cracking.
Cartman sits up on his knees, still smiling, as he reaches for his discarded boxers.
"What are you doing?" Butters asks, sitting up and quickly finding his own underwear. He doesn't want to be exposed if Cartman isn't.
Cartman is smiling and shakes his head. "We're not ready for this, Butters."
"I mean, maybe we're a little nervous, but it'll be over soon."
"Sex shouldn't be something that we should describe as 'it'll be over soon.' Sex should be something we both really badly want and it should be fun." Cartman crawls over next to Butters and kisses him on the cheek.
"But… I really love you," Butters whispers. Tears brim in his eyes as he runs a few fingers through Cartman's hair. He does love him, and he feels like a failure for not being able to show him how much.
"I really love you, too," Cartman says. "And how much we love each other isn't dependent on how much sex we do or don't have."
"It's just…" Butters covers his mouth before a sob can escape.
Cartman shushes him and pulls him into his arms.
"Yeah, I know," Cartman says, rubbing Butters' back. "But we're not here to impress the rest of the school or to compete with them or to have sex with them. This is our relationship. It should be special and we shouldn't hold it up against some arbitrary timeline. I'm not ready. You're not ready. Let's not be ready together and do other stuff instead, okay?"
Butters nods and wipes away tears with his finger. "Okay," he whimpers before giggling.
Cartman cups Butters' face and the two continue kissing.
Butters reaches up to hold the hand Cartman is holding his face with.
"What if we're never ready?" Butters asks, looking down.
"Than we'll just kiss each for the rest of our lives and when we die we'll go to heaven because we never had anal sex."
They both laugh at that.
Cartman leans over and kisses Butters on his forehead. "Don't worry about it. We'll be ready someday. Maybe we'll wake up tomorrow and the nerves will be gone. Maybe this time next year. Maybe the night we graduate college. Maybe we're not ready until our wedding night. Who knows? Who cares? All I know is, when we are ready, I'm sure we'll both be so glad we waited, instead of being forced into some awkward situation neither of us wanted."
"I love you. I'm so happy I'm with you," Butters says, leaning his forehead against Cartman's.
"I love you too. And I'm happy I'm with you," Cartman says.
They kiss and hold each other for the rest of the night until they drift off to sleep.