29 September 2019
"I always knew you'd end up in the supply corps." Ben Krieg was pouring wine for his ex-wife.
Cap'n Jaspers was packed but the maitre'd had had no trouble finding a table for two regulars.
"Are you trying to be cute? 'Cause it's not working. It's still a sub, Ben."
Katie took out the box containing her new collar pins.
"I remember when those were just a couple of butter bars." Ben was feeling nostalgic for the old days when things were simpler. "You got what you wanted."
"Uh-uh," she shook her head, "this is just a stepping stone."
"What's next, total world domination?"
"Mmmm, Admiral."
They both looked up to find two uniformed midshipmen standing at the table.
"Can I help?" Asked Katie. Not because she wanted to help but because she wanted them to take the hint and leave.
"Sir," said the older of the two, "I was in your lecture today and I just wanted to say thanks for taking my question..."
"Thank-you, Mr...?" She prompted the young man, peering at his name badge.
"Jalinski," he finished for her.
"Thankyou Mr Jalinski. Now, as you can see I'm eating dinner with my friend and I would appreciate some privacy."
Midshipman Jalinski looked apologetic but breathlessly persisted. "One more thing Sir, I just wanted to shake your hand because I didn't get a chance earlier."
"Shake my hand? Why ever..."
"Because you sunk the seaQuest, Sir."
"My commanding officers sunk the seaQuest, sailor."
"Still, everyone thinks you are pretty cool, Sir."
She couldn't argue with that. She held out her hand and shook each of the young men's hands warmly.
It was Ben's turn to shake his head. His eyes crinkled in amusement as she lapped up the appreciation.
"Thank-you Sir." Jalinski and his friend proceded to slink away, slightly embarrassed.
"That was odd," said Katie, with a mock-worried expression.
"How does it feel to be famous for sinking her rather than fixing her?" He asked as they watched the Mids walk away, slapping each other on the back. They had been like that once.
"Wierd. How does it feel not having to salute me?"
"Wierd, Jonathan got over your promotion yet?"
"He had his chance but we're still speaking, if that's what you mean."
"Any regrets? I mean, you'll miss the boat if not the personnel."
"Nah... It was easy. I don't want to be like Jon. He'll never leave that boat."
"You are unbelievable. Anything gets in the way of your career and it's..." He drew his hand across his neck in mock execution.
"I'm ruthless, so shoot me." She shrugged as her phone beeped with another incoming e-mail. "Sorry, civil engineering keep pestering me every time I hit the eastern seaboard."
"Bridger still taking your advice?" he asked as she rapidly read and replied to the message.
"It's becoming a bit of a joke now that he designs something and I come along and rip it all up and start again."
"I don't think you've left at all." He knew she would know what he meant, she couldn't resist getting involved with the re-building. The look she gave him spoke volumes but there was one distinctive note in her subtle expression. The very fact that they were sitting there together proved she had trouble letting go of anything. He wisely changed the subject. "Ok, enough about you, let's talk about me."
"How did your interview go? Wait a minute, you didn't wear that suit you had made in Singapore did you?"
"No...You are looking at the US state department's newest foreign service officer."
"Oh my God! I'm so proud of you!"
"Try not to sound so patronising," he said looking around, but the only person who noticed her excitement was the ever-present wooden pirate statue in the corner, staring right through them with his painted features.
"It's going to be hard work, Ben."
He rolled his head around languidly to signify his annoyance. "You just can't resist taking a dig at me."
"It wasn't a dig. I'm just warning you."
"It's 90 percent paperwork, a pay cut and I'll have to go back to college. I don't know, if I'm going to have a fresh start I may as well use my powers for the forces of good."
She said, "something I heard a long time ago stuck in my head, and I think it's because it reminds me of you. It was Isaac Newton, he said 'I do not know what I appear to the world, to myself I am only a boy playing on the sea shore, and diverting myself now and then, finding a prettier shell or smoother pebble than ordinary. While the great ocean of truth lay undiscovered before me.'"
"Are you trying to tell me I'm a child and you're a pebble?"
"I'm trying to say that I think you've found your niche in the world, Ben. People don't 'get' you, but I think I've figured it out. You try to extract meaning from something which is frightening and unfair and that's beautiful."
"You come out with the strangest things."
She took a sip of her wine, filling the natural pause in the conversation. She didn't take her eyes off him as she set it down again and said, "will we still see each other?"
"If you want to. It won't be easy, with us both travelling so much."
"Deja vu. This feels so familiar."
"Look, honey, over the last year or so... I think we've both realised we're not who we thought we were."
"Meaning?"
"Well, you know. Oh, what the hell..." and he took a deep breath and plunged in... "Would you consider taking me back?"
Katie almost choked on her shrimp. "That was absolutely the last thing I expected you to say."
"Actually, even I didn't know I was going to say that. Why do I get the idea it wasn't well received?" he said, hoping it would do something to calm her shocked expression.
She reached out and laced her fingers through his, unselfconsciously. Somehow it was more intimate, made her words mean more. She looked at him, more saddened than anything. She wanted to, oh she wanted to, but there were just too many reasons why not. That was just her brain, but the flinching she felt deep inside and the fluttering of her heart said otherwise.
"Ben, we simply cannot be together." She obeyed her brain. "It's like world war four when we are. The only way I can keep you in my life is if we don't keep re-visiting that place. I'm trying to be your friend, please don't keep doing this to me... It's... it's also kind of pathetic."
"We could make it work."
"This works better. This is nice. Don't spoil it."
And, she thought, although she would never say it out loud, she could control things.
"I can't live like this any more."
"And I can't live like that, Ben. You were checking out the waitress the moment we arrived. I can't trust you. You get bored too easily."
"I can change."
"You're only gonna push me away if you pursue this. You don't love me, you're just in love with the idea of being in love, remember?"
Yes, he remembered. He remembered how he had lied to make her life easier. Now he couldn't take it back.
"I've screwed up again haven't I?"
"No. Let's forget about this conversation, hey?" She was giving him a way out. She was even willing to forget that he had just made a total fool out of himself.
"So, is that a 'no'?"
"Yes... Yes it's a 'no'."
"I don't want to lose you again."
"You're not going to."
"You're too forgiving."
"Don't rub it in."
In that moment Ben knew, if he wanted to carry on seeing her then he had to compromise. He forced his way through the lump that threatened to rise in his throat to say, "Come on, drink up. Tonight we celebrate."
"What are we celebrating?"
"The great ocean of truth that lay undiscovered before us... " he said, eyes sparkling, and then, remembering Katie's students, "Hey, how come no-one ever asks to shake my hand?"
"Maybe they're afraid you'll play some kind of trick on them. Your reputation precedes you in this town."
"Ok then, they can have my autograph."
"The only thing you're signing tonight is the bill."