She never thought she was nothing special. She wasn't much of anything really.
However, that not what her superiors said. Petra Ral had been scored 9 th and thus she knew she could have been pulled into the safety of Wall Sina. But she didn't pick that life.
Petra wanted to do something, wasn't that the point of joining the military in the first place? So despite her father's worries, she joined the Scouting Legion. Many of her friends went in the Garrison and she was a bit lonely at first, but things got better.
(Only after so many things)
It seemed everyone who was in the Scouting Legion had two personalities. One being the usual citizen, while the other was a broken hard shell of a person just trying to make it another day. She could tell, deep inside, that everyone like that way.
Then she got to meet Captain Levi, humanity's hope. Truthfully…. He wasn't what she was expecting of a man with a title like that on his head. Other than his short height, about an inch or two taller than her, Captain Levi had a strange habit of keeping things in order and clean. It was rather compulsive really, but she went along with it.
Petra wasn't sure exactly what to make of the man. He also had the tendency of the new guys, brats. It didn't matter if that person was older than the average 15-year old. Captain Levi was also always so serious, Petra had never seen him in anything other than his signature scowl.
Captain had loved his coffee. She never saw anyone drink it for every meal, at least, the meals she saw him at. He always was holding the cup by the rim and at most times, simply staring deeply into the mug. It was almost as if he was looking for something hidden there.
Once he had caught her staring at him while he was hovering over papers during a meeting. Petra was just standing alongside the wall, opposite to him, and she saw the way he was gazing into his mug. The Captain's inky black locks of hair had leaned over the cup, and for some reason, she was memorized. His eyes were a deep cloudy grey, the shade was so similar to thunderstorms during a tempest…
(She could've fallen into them and have never come out)
It was obvious he didn't get much sleep according to those dark rims around his eyes. But it made sense for humanity's hope to be… stressed? Tired? Anxious? She couldn't place a finger on it, but it would make sense if it was something… distressing.
It was silly, now that she looked back at it, yet it still happened. Something occurred at that instant she was staring at him, Captain looked up. Petra's mouth had gone dry, her chest felt like someone was resting on her, and she couldn't pull herself from his solemn grey eyes.
"Cadet Ral." He said in an almost bored tone, and her stomach flew backwards. Damn… he was going to get mad for her stupid gawking.
Her fist flew over to her heart and stood tall. "Sir!" she responded and she could feel her heartbeat buzzing against her hand.
The man lifted his mug up towards her, and said in a complete monotone voice, "Go make me more." Her mouth fell open at this and it took her a moment for this bizarre order to come through her brain.
When she finally snapped out of it, Petra yelled out, "Sir!" and hurried to grab his coffee cup. He just watched, and his gaze felt like a bag of ice being poured down her naked back. As she scurried away, towards the kitchen, she could feel the silent glances of pity or envy shot her way by the other newbies.
He just drank it without another word. Levi didn't say he liked it, but he didn't say he did not like it either.
(It was something Petra would remember)
The next day she was picked for the Special Operation Team, with Captain Levi as its commander.
Suddenly, it almost seemed like everything changed…. (just a little bit). She realized why he was humanity's savior, and all without seeing him draw a sword.
It was her first mission outside Wall Maria, and everything was quiet, oddly at ease. Petra paused for a second to watch the rising sun on the horizon. They had risen early to leave, because according to that women scientist (she had only seen her once prior, apologies to Hanji) Titians were not active at night. Petra prayed that this statement was true.
The morning break was humid, and thus, her squad didn't wear the dark green cape of the Legion. She wondered who exactly asked the Captain for permission not to wear the cape, but to whoever had the courage, she sent a silent thanks.
The heat, even in the early morning was a hot one, and Petra was thankful for not having to wear it. She glanced behind her, and easily spotted Captain Levi on his horse, wearing the piece of uniform. She paled slightly when he looked at her and quickly turned forward.
The Captain wasn't that much old than her. From what she had heard, only 7 years, making him… Petra quickly counted the years, 23. She blinked, this proclaimed genius was only 23… She silently wondered if she would ever see him fight. Oh well, perhaps one day.
Her squad was stationed at the edge of what was once a town, or the remains of one. From past knowledge and new discoveries, Petra had found out that there was actually quite a few of these small settlements outside Wall Maria. (She wondered who once lived there.)
Petra felt a slight worry in her stomach as the sun was starting to stretch its light across the clearing. The worry was confirmed when she saw them.
A small group of 4 meter titans were only several meters away… They swayed from one side to the other as they walked on in oblivion. The titans were so foul, their bodies were spattered in different shades of color, one that stood out the most was the rusted tint of dried blood, and this particular group smelled like rotten flesh. It made someone behind her let out a small muffled gag.
Everyone had stilled at the sight and went silent, no one wanted to start something that would end up in blood. Her body went numb while her mind had gone into a panic. Fear consumed her entirely. The sudden and overpowering emotions made her ears deaf to everything around her. Her ears went mute as her thundering heartbeat became the only sound being heard. Petra stared at the monsters that were responsible for the human race living like rats. She questioned everything that had lend up to this point.
Her mother dying at the hands of titans, her father's constant worry and effort to keep her from the same fate, her stupid rebelling in form of signing up for the military, actually being good, the fierce feeling of justice followed by getting herself into the Scouting Legion of all things, staring at stupid Captain Levi's handsome face and getting caught, making that thoughtless cup of good coffee, and getting herself thrown into his squad.
Oh God, she was going to die.
A weight landed on her shoulder and all that kept her from letting out the scream bubbling in her throat and yanking out her swords, was a hand clamped over her mouth. Petra's heart had already been close to jumping out of her chest and falling to her feet right there, so this experience only added to her cracking sanity, and caused her knees to tremble and fall into the person behind her. All of the sudden the noise came flowing back into her ears as if turned on by a switch.
"Be quiet." Captain Levi hissed low in her ear. Petra hadn't realized that she had been whimpering.
(She was really really really embarrassed now that she thought about it, but she was a 16 year old fresh out of training, surely it was understandable….)
Her whole squad stayed in that position, for what seemed like hours, until the titans disappeared from view and Levi finally released Petra from his hold. Unfortunately for her, Levi was the only thing holding her up, so once out of his grip, she slumped to the dewy ground.
Her head suddenly felt heavy and her neck buckled at the weight. Petra stared blankly at her lap, still frozen in plain fear. Lips parted in thoughtful questioning at her actions a second later.
Petra Ral had went through that hell they called training just to fight the titans, but at the first sight, she went blank.
"Damn…." She mouthed the word. The shape of it tasted bitter.
She blinked her eyes and stared at her lap. A loud gasp was shoved from her lungs as she realized there was a large stain there. It ran from her crotch to mid-thighs, with coloring only several shades darker than her tan pants. Petra's mouth hung open at what had happened. No… nononononononono….
The word raced through her brain, followed by, This can't be happening no this can't be happening. This is impossible, no, not to her, not here- Just because she was that scared?!
Levi gazed down at her and tugged off his cape. He tossed it down at her lap, and turned away without another word to be said. Petra jerked her head up, and watched him leave. Her squad turned their own heads to look at him pass when he paused. His kept his back to the rest of them and said in a monotone voice, "Don't piss yourself next time." She suppressed a squeal at his words. She felt her face turned bright crimson at his declaration.
(At that moment, she had thought she was never going to live this moment down)
Petra swallowed back her own set of words when she noticed it, she wasn't the only one who had- an accident. She spotted him standing, his own legs trembling under him, but unlike Petra, who had a support, he stood there awkwardly. His hands twitched at his sides as it seemed he was tiring in vain to snap out of his shock.
Oluo, she remembered the 29 year old from his flashy introduction- a large grin eating his features, a thumb jerking towards his face, and a speech about how he would become someone to help humanity retake the world outside the walls. He was lively but obviously full of himself.
It wasn't until the Captain said those words did he finally managed to break from whatever trance he was in. The man stumbled back and looked down at his lap. He sported a similar stain her own. She felt herself blush from her neck to the roots of her red hair. Petra shared his humiliation, and all on the first day no less.
She turned back to her own lap, and blushed deeper at the sight of Levi's dark green cape there.
"Son of a bitch!" Petra heard Oluo curse loudly from somewhere behind her.
When everything was said and done, Petra had washed the cape countless times before returning it to the Captain. He seemed nonchalant about the whole ordeal, but just as she was sure Captain was going to dismiss her, he said, "I didn't choose you because you were in the 10 ten Ral, I don't give a shit about rank."
Petra must've looked stunned, because his eyes half closed in to what looked like to her- slim enjoyment. "I picked you for my squad simply because you have a goal," her mouth opened but at his shrugging shoulder, she closed her mouth, "I don't care what it is, but if you want to stay with me, you better keep a fucking tight grip on that."
She blushed, kept her lips together, and glanced at the floor. Petra looked up and kept her eyes straight on his, she placed her hand over her heart in salute. "Sir, I apologize for what happened! It will never happen again, sir!" She said in a firm voice and stared deeply into his eyes.
(Being in his squad came with many experiences. She learned right there how he could give humanity hope, even if he himself could not figure it out. )
He raised a brow at her, yet his expression hardly changed.
"Good. I don't want pussies on my team, understood Ral?"
"Sir! I understand, sir!"
Despite the situation, Petra found herself forcing a grin off her lips.
He dismissed her afterwards, and they had many more experiences together. Different things rushed by here, things ranging from trusting one another to fighting in sync to embarrassment to an understanding to slow friendship, and finally- somehow love. It had felt like Petra had taken a wrong turn on some corner between logic and heart.
Years have passed since her first mission. Many things have shifted from that day, and not just the status of the human race. Levi and her were so close now, some nights, she would manage to off to his room, making sure to silently pass Eren's room. Petra would always treasure the expression on his face when she appeared through the door, or the way he would look as he drank her coffee. Now at most times, he would hold the cup over his mouth to hide the tiny smile.
(so close….so close…so close…)
On the day of the 57th exposition, Petra had leaned against the side of the house's brick wall, staring at the waking sun off in the distance. She had always made sure to never miss one of these if she could help it.
The heat of the cup in her hands suddenly reminded her of its presence. Petra lifted the cup, fully aware that she would need it for today. The drink was slightly sweet but strong in flavor. There were faint footsteps from behind her and Petra had waited until she felt someone lean on the wall next to her.
Petra smiled and turned her head towards him. She felt the roughness of the bricks rub against her scalp. "Want some?" She asked, holding a big smile on her face, and offering the cup to him. Levi scuffed at her remark, when didhe not want some of her homemade coffee?
He took the cup and drank from it. "Ready for today?" He questioned gruffly.
Petra grinned. "Born ready poobear." She joked and blurted into snorts of laughter at his unamused look. They had been trying out pet names, yet what really had made her break out in glee was he almost called her 'sweetheart' at a meeting with Erwin. To Levi's credit, he made up for it well.
Levi stared into the mug, and the sight had brought back memories of a long time ago.
She poked fun at him and told him what was running through her mind. But instead of a corner of his lips turning up like they would usually do, his frowned deepened, and an equally deep thinking gaze was planted in his gaze.
"What?"
Levi looked up from his cup. "Just be safe." There was an undertone to that, an order.
Those words passed through her mind as she stared up at the sky. She could only see patches of it through the giant trees. Petra couldn't feel her body, it had gone utterly numb. She had been too slow, she heard Oluo scream at her Move up, but she just couldn't. For some reason, she couldn't move fast enough.
First the pain had explode from the inside, she was pretty sure couple of ribs had broken through a lung. The feeling in her legs had completely disappeared in a blink. Then inch by agonizing inch, the sensation left her all together. She could tasted the sharp metallic taste of blood in her mouth. Petra could feel it smeared on the side of her face, there was blood mixed into the eye on that side. Things already looked blurred and glazed, but in that eye, there was nothing but darkness.
Petra's other eye started to fade as the seconds crawled by in her hypersensitive awareness. Why couldn't she have followed his simple order…?
(Just be safe….)
This was surreal… she can't die… none of them should…
This made no sense.
A tiny tear sprouted from the corner of her eye and fell into her hairline, never to be seen again. Not now, she still had… so many things to do. Petra had promised to make the guys a brew of her best coffee and sweets when they returned from this. She had planned to show Eren how to clean a room only once for approval from their Captain.
She had to live to see him. He ordered, he gave a fucking order, she had to see him, and laugh at the expression he would make when he heard what had almost happened to his squad- to her. Petra sent her father the letter, she finally had the nerve after so long, to tell him that she and Levi were-
Her eyes fly open as a gasp is torn from her lips. She stares up at the ceiling, her eyes watch the ceiling fan turn around and around. She notices that her hand is clutching the fabric of her shirt, right over her heart. It beats hard and fast against her palm.
Izelle turns her head and spots him sleeping next to her, unaware of her… dream? Nightmare? It's at this moment that she notices her panting, it's quiet leaving her mouth, but to her ears it sounds monstrous. She's vaguely surprised that he hasn't heard.
"Elijah… Psst, Elijah, wake up." She nudges him and keeps bothering until a grey eye opens to her.
"What?" He grunts with sleep. A lock of dark hair slashes over his eyes and Izelle gently, tremblingly, reaches over to brush it out of his eyes.
He's wide awake now, staring at her through normally solemn eyes, however now, they hold a grip of worry to them. "What?" He repeats.
Izelle's mouth feels dry, her eyes drift from his face to the ceiling once again. Every once and a while, strips of light appear from the headlights of passing cars. She turns back to her new husband and whispers out, "I had a dream." Elijah's face is a mixture of confusion, relief, and slight amusement. She feels frustrated now, he doesn't understand, this dream… "It was horrible."
He senses her discomfort and reaches to touch her, but Izelle stiffens. Elijah frowns and when she starts to speak again, the words come out shaky. "We lived in a horrible world where these… monsters lived. They ate humans just- just- argh, for no reason at all! And all the people left in the world lived behind walls," she started, her hand left its grip on her shirt to brush back orange tresses from her sweating forehead.
"You were there. You were like captain in the military. I was on your team… I loved you. Loved you so so much." Elijah bit down in her lip as tears started to form. "But we would go and fight the monsters and… one day, I didn't make it. I- I think we were going to get marri-," She chokes on her tears and covers her face with her hands.
Elijah tugs her close to him. "Stop crying," he mutters tenderly into her hair. He presses his lips to her temple. "We're here… not in some crack induced parallel world, and you didn't die, and we did get married, four months ago actually. We still owe shit loads of money too if you've forgotten." He rolls his grey eyes in gentle mockery.
"It-it felt so real," Izelle whispers back and hugs him tightly against her.
"And this doesn't?"
Izelle blinks her brown eyes and stares at him. She feels where his thumb is drawing lazy circles on her throat, the sweet warm from their shared blanket, and the press of him next to her body. They fit perfectly, like two pieces of a broken mirror.
"It's real." She confirms and calms her crying. She feels Elijah smile against her head.
"That's right."
Izelle snuggles closer and nods, "Yea, real..." Then slowly, almost missing it, she starts to drift off back to sleep. She can feel her husband starting to relax himself and fall asleep with her.
(This is her real ending.)