Underneath the starry sky of Gravity Falls, deep in a spooky part of the woods where some old signs read "This Way to Mystery Shack!" and "Cheap?" lay the statue of Bill Cipher. It had some bird and squirrel droppings collecting on, along with some brave gnome graffiti. His hand was raised towards some unknown guest or friend. Soos had only once played around with the idea of having patrons at the Shack pay 50 bucks to shake hands with the once chaos god.

That night, three people did come to shake hands with the devil. The air distorted and swirled in a perfect circle, and a hole opened. Beyond the circle was a long, stone bridge leading to a tall tower of black and white stone. Spaceships, dragons, and fairies flew around it, and three hooded figures strode out. The portal closed after them. One hooded figure had thick antlers stabbing through the cloth of his hood and a skeletal mouth just visible under the cowl. The second was much taller than the other two, and pale eyes shown in the night like two sick moons. The third was much shorter, with piercing red eyes.

The third visitor strode up to Bill and spoke to the other two, "Take your positions and cast up the barrier. I want to make sure that he cannot escape, nor alerts this world to our presence."

"Understood," the first said with a silky voice.

"Sauron," the third said, to the second. "Once we have taken this chaotic triangle for a test drive, I want you to be his mentor. Switching to my side can be a little jarring. Show him the ropes."

"That might be a little impossible," Sauron rumbled from within his hood. "A creature like Cipher doesn't change what it is just because it is in a different environment."

"Yes, but he can be directed towards a useful goal, for us," the third replied. "Barrier up!"

The two threw up their hands and chanted. A black fog covered them and made a dome around the gathering, preventing all magic from escaping. The third grasped Bill's hand and shook it, the stone beginning to come to life.

"Bill, I summon your soul through this link within your corpse and pull you forth!"

The third yanked hard and Bill's ethereal form flew out of the statue.

"Woah! Woah! Hey! Oh… Oh my, Gravity Falls! I'm back! I'm really back! Ha! I have returned and, oh wait a moment."

The chaos demon looked down at his hands and body, and then back to the statue.

"Nooooo! This is all wrong! My spell, the incantation, it called for the Axolotl!"

"I decided to take his place," the third said. "I am here to collect you Bill. I have a proposition for you, a mutually beneficial contract that I think you will find most tempting."

Bill looked at the red eyed man for a moment, and then at the other two. He started laughing.

"Oh boy, I didn't think I would meet you in the flesh! Well, I'm not in the flesh, but you are! Squishy, squishy! So the Cheap-cheap and some has been villains from old stories are here to propose something to me. Shoot. Maybe I'll take you up on it. Maybe…"

The red eyed man laughed back at him. "So, you do know about Tscheapwhetzars, huh? Very nice."

"Of course I do! I was a great admirer of the work the old ones did, causing wars and assassinating people all over the place, stealing worlds, destroying lives. Great stuff! And then people like you came along."

"I may take that as a compliment, you know."

"Well don't," Bill snapped. "Say what you were going to say, and then I'll be out of here."

"No can do," the Tscheapwhetzar chided.

"We have you trapped, Cipher," the first said.

"Well, it isn't old Hornsy, who got sucked into a cauldron. Nice going there, you ol' fart bag," Bill gave the Horned Kinga thumbs up.

"Before I let the Horned King stuff you into the Cauldron, Bill, here is my offer: Come work with me to hunt down some creatures, rebel rousers like yourself, but who have no finesse."

"That is indeed a serious crime," Bill simpered.

The Tscheapwhetzar continued, "And in return for your services, I will give you free reign in how you conduct your part of the operations, and you will have a chance to get back at the Pines for what they did to you." He then gestured at the statue. "Should you fail in that endeavor, I get to decide when your next meeting with them will be. Fair?"

Bill tapped his foot in the air and then said, "What if I refused? I could always wait for my actual spell to kick in."

"You could be waiting a very long time," was the answer.

"I play the long game, bub," Bill replied.

"Your long game was already lost," Sauron spat. "Things will be very different from what you expect. Believe me. Take this chance for freedom. It might just be the best thing you ever did."

"I dunno… Destroying an entire dimension was a real party! If you think I might be able to do that again?"

"It might be in the cards," the Tscheapwhetzar admitted with a small smile.

"And I can get back at those Pine," Bill asked eagerly. "You swear it?"

"Yesssss," the Tscheapwhetzar hissed, bearing his teeth in a maniacal grin.

Blue flames erupted around Bill's hand. "Then- we have ourselves a little deal."

Red lightning flowed from the Tscheapwhetzar's hand as he took Bill's and it coursed through the ghost. "We have made a Contract."

Mark Epstine awoke to the sound of that blasted alarm clock ringing. He brought his fist down painfully onto the nightstand, missing the clock as it danced to the edge and plummeted to the floor. The annoying sound continued to drone on until Mark rolled out of bed and onto the floor to retrieve the clock. It was 6:30 in the morning and there was no reason he should be up this early for school, except to complete his daily ritual of texting Wendy. In fact, he did this at least three times a day: Once in the early morning, again at noon, and ending the day with an attempt at starting a late night conversation.

Wendy Corduroy had been hands down the best thing that had ever happened to him. She had also been the one to deliver him his greatest heartache. The tall, beautiful, and impossibly cool redhead had been his girlfriend for the last few weeks of the previous school year. They had talked about trying a long-distance relationship since she had been bound to go to her cousin's logging camp upstate. However, she managed to get a job at the local tourist trap, the Mystery Shack. He had been super happy about that, because that would have meant that they could spend the whole summer together. Unfortunately, she began avoiding him and would never return his calls or texts. It was like she was always at work or with that gang of hers, because he could never catch her at home either.

But Mark remained undaunted as he continued to reach out to her. They had had such a fantastic time dating at the end of school that he couldn't figure what had happened between them. He had to get her back! But then he received the worst news possible, she was dating Robbie Valentino! They became an official couple at Stan Pines' cheap carnival. He might have had a chance, but had to work and his dumb boss hadn't let him get time off. Those had been the worst days of his summer vacation, when those two were together, and Mark had even lived through being turned to stone and being made a part of a throne to some god of chaos!

And then Wendy and Robbie inexplicably broke up. Mark had heard that Wendy's employer Stanford Pines and one of her coworkers had facilitated the breakup. They were able to prove to her what Mark had known all along, that Robbie was a good for nothing jerk. She could do better. He had tried extra hard to be there for her after her break up. He had shown up at her house with some ice cream and tried to comfort her. She had let him know that it was sweet for him to think about her. That had made him feel like he was dancing on cloud nine! But then she started talking about this other guy, Dipper Pines. Apparently her boss's great nephew was the other employee who had helped break them up. At first she had raged about how this twelve year old had butted in and not taken her feelings into consideration, having the audacity to ask her to come bowling seconds after she had broken up with Robbie. But then she calmed down and laughed in a somewhat embarrassed wat and told him, that she knew Dipper had a crush on her. And to his incredulity she told him that she had actually found it somewhat cute! Sure, she didn't necessarily reciprocate the feelings, but she had to admit that looking back at everything so far that summer, Dipper had been a true friend, even if somewhat misguided at times.

"You know what Mark," she had said. "Thanks for coming; talking has helped get my thoughts all lined up. I can see now why Dipper did what he did. It wasn't the best. But I can't stay mad at the little dude. I don't think there is a single other person in Gravity falls who I could have as much fun with as him. He means a lot to me."

She had said that last part more to herself than to him. Mark exploded with rage.

"What!? You can't be serious Wendy! That little twelve-year-old is presumptuous and self-centered. Much like Robbie. He is no good for you!"

"Hold on Mark, where is all of this coming from," Wendy had asked in sudden surprise.

"Wendy, I care so much about you, and it hurts me to see you get treated this way by guys who only want to use you up; who are in any kind of relationship with you just for themselves! I won't stand for it!"

"Look man, these guys are my friends, and my problem. I've broken up with Robbie and I won't go back to that mess. But I don't think he's as bad you are trying make him seem. And you hardly know Dipper!"

Mark replied heatedly, "I can't believe that you would even entertain the feelings of a toddler twelve year old!"

"Don't think that you have any idea of how I feel," Wendy shot back. "But I can see now why you really came here. It wasn't to comfort me or try to be understanding, you only want to get back together! I thought you could take a hint, mark, but apparently I was wrong. And you screaming in my face for no good reason shows that you are not the friend I thought you might be."

Mark spluttered a little at this and then retorted, "You're just feeling emotional after everything that has happened to you. You need some time to sort it out, and then you'll see that I am right."

"No, you're not Mark."

Wendy had then gone to the door and motioned for Mark to leave saying, "You'll want to get out of here before my dad finds you."

That had been no idle threat and mark had quickly left, feeling once again devastated. On his way home, he convinced himself that he had been right and that it would just take Wendy some time to come around and see things his way. He resolved that he would continue to keep in touch with her. Hence his daily ritual of texting her.

For the rest of the summer, mark learned that Wendy had entered into no other relationship, which meant that there was still a chance for them to work out. He had to believe that it was possible. Now they were well into the new school year. He had a math class and English class with Wendy, which made his heart soar whenever they were together. However, she was usually hanging out with those guys Lee, Nate, Thompson, Tambry, and Robbie. He hadn't been able to get some one-on-one time with her yet and it was already October! But Mark still held out hope that things would change between them.

Mark finished sending his "good morning" text to Wendy and got himself ready for school and ate some slightly stale cereal as he expectantly waited for his phone to ring with a return call or text from the lovely redhead. Nothing came. He then got into the rickety, old pickup his dad had given him and drove off to the high school.

As he passed by the front doors of the school, the bulletin on the lawn reminded students that the Halloween dance was coming up in two weeks. The school was already crammed full of decorations and props. Gravity Falls really, really loved Halloween. The halls were decked with bats, skeletons, and pictures of jack-o-lanterns, provided by the Ridiculously Artsy People Club. Creepy candle stuck out of the walls and the smell of candy corn permeated the air. Steamers of bones draped over the lockers, making it difficult for the students to access their books. He passed by Robbie's locker which looked like Death and a couple of heavy metal bands had a New Year's party inside. Robbie was arm-in-arm with Tambry and chatting away with Wendy. Mark felt the swooping sensation within his stomach that he felt whenever he passed by his ex-girlfriend.

Wendy had stopped wearing her customary logging hat and had swapped it for a baseball cap with a blue pine tree on it. Mark had wondered why she would change hats. She had always told him that she had loved her older one, because of how cool it made her look and feel. It was also manly enough that it clashed wonderfully with her amazing feminine features. He wasn't a huge fan of the change, but on Wendy, anything looked perfect. He wasn't able to catch what they were talking about, but he imagined what it would be like it Wendy was talking about him.

Que unrealistic daydream:

Wendy looking like Sandy from Grease: "Oh Robbie, Tambry, I must declare that I have rediscovered my love for Mark Epstine! Here he comes now!

Wendy throws herself into Mark's arms and kisses him.

Tamby turning to her phone: Status update, Wendy and Mark make the couple of the millennium. Can't wait for the wedding.

Robbie throws himself to his knees exclaiming: Mark is so worthy of your love Wendy! I never was! Please forgive me for dating you!

Everyone starts clapping and cheering as Mark carries Wendy off throws the front doors of the school to a park limousine. Soos is playing the trumpet on the lawn.

Mark continued on his way to his first class with a stupid grin on his face.

When lunch began, Mark made his way to the back of the school clutching his homemade lunch of peanut butter and banana sandwiches and some celery sticks. He spied Wendy and her gang under a tree and crept through the brushed along the back fence to get close enough to eavesdrop on them. He settled down and quietly unpacked his lunch as Nate and Lee were talking.

"And so Nate was all like, 'But Mr. Stevenson, my dad was drinking some pretty strong coffee this morning and like spilled it all over my homework. It's so smudged, I just couldn't in good conscience turn it in!' Hahaha, how lame is that?"

"Yeah, but the old fart bought it," Nate retorted with a laugh.

"And how long did it take you to come up with that lame excuse," Robbie drawled.

"All morning," Nate admitted. "But it was still better than the crap Lee tried to pull!"

"Which was," Wendy prompted.

"My homework got eaten by the VCR," Lee said lamely.

The others had a good laugh, before Thompson asked, "So, Mr. Stevenson didn't buy that one?"

"Come on Thompson, stop being so slow and get with the slacking times for a change," Wendy chided good naturedly.

"Sorry guys, I just have never been in a situation like that before."

"That's because Thompson isn't too cool for school," Robbie teased. "Ha! I just made that one up!"

"And speaking of not cool, what is that you have in your lunchbox Thompson," Nate demanded.

"It's just a tuna sandwich."

"Duuude, that is so gross," Wendy says before making fake retching sounds. "That was the awful thing I've been smelling all this time. I thought it was a new deodorant Thompson was trying out."

"Forget the tuna sandwich, look at Thompson's lunchbox! Man, Pony Heist might have been an okay movie, but why are you walking around with that lunchbox," Lee laughed.

"Come on guys, as manager I get free merchandise for the films we show," Thompson said defensively. He was the manager at the local movie theater.

"We know that, but you're supposed to toss all of the craptastic stuff, man," Nate replied.

Thompson just huffed before he then asked, "Uh, Wendy, is that a letter sticking out of your pocket?"

"On no, don't you try and change the subject," Wendy said.

"Yes, it is a letter," Tambry replied. "She was reading it in Biology earlier. It's from Dipper and Mabel. She wasn't able to put it down."

"Thanks Tambry," Wendy said flatly.

Mark took special notice to this and inched forward slightly still reaching covertly into his bag and munching on his lunch.

"So what do the squirts have to say," Robbie asked.

"Eh, not much. They miss this place and hanging out with all of us. Well, maybe not you so much Robbie. School has been a bit of a bummer, because once again they don't have the coolest group to hang with." This earned some whoops from Nate and Lee. "They said it has been hard to keep the adventures from the summer to themselves, because they know no one will believe them. So they are anxious to come back next summer."

"That's all? I would have thought that by now Dipper would have written you another confession of love by now," Robbie said.

"That would explain why she couldn't put the letter down earlier, like I said," Tambry commented dryly.

There were two soft punches and Robbie and tambry both yelped, "Ouch!"

"Oooh! Look at Wendy getting all defensive right there," Lee teased.

"Come on guys! There's nothing like that between us," Wendy protested.

"That's not what the look on your face said when you held hands with him during Weirdmageddon," Thompson said.

The other teenagers suddenly hushed him.

"Come on man, you should know that the law says we are not supposed to talk about that anymore," Robbie insisted. "At least not out in the open."

"Sorry for being the only rebel here" Thompson apologized hotly. "But come on, you must have seen it too, you guys. Come on, back me up here!"

Mark couldn't see what was happening, but he could envision the friends all sharing significant looks with one another.

Wendy sighed and said, "Alright, let me read the letter to you, and you will see what I mean. There's- Wait. What's that sound?"

Mark froze. He was munching on his celery. He had forgotten not to eat it while eavesdropping. Some hands reached through the bushes and pulled him out roughly. Mark was thrown into the middle of the friends and lay on the grass, looking up to see a very put out Wendy.

"Mark, come on man, this is totally uncool! Why are you hiding in the bushes and listening to us," she asked a little upset.

He couldn't say anything. Like the others, he didn't believe what Wendy had been saying, and he didn't trust himself to not blow up again on her like he had earlier in the summer after she broke up with Robbie. So he kept his trap shut.

"Dude, you just take a hint and let Wendy be! She's not going to get back together with you," Robbie said heatedly.

Wendy gave Robbie a flat stare before turning back to Mark and saying, "Look man, it's over between. I'm sorry Mark, but you have been annoying me this whole time with your texts and calling and I haven't forgotten how you got angry with me earlier about who I choose to like."

"So you do like that Dipper kid," Mark suddenly blurted. He then realized his mistake and faced the ground, blushing furiously.

"Not cool Mark. Not cool at all. Come on guys," Wendy said leading her friends away.

Nate and Lee gave Mark threatening looks and Thompson who was normally a reasonable fellow refused to even pay him a glance. Tambry began typing on her phone and speaking as they left, "Notice to all: Mark Epstine likes to hide in bushes and listen in on conversations. Status: social reject."

"Burn!" The boys chanted together.

Tears began to leak from Mark's eyes and he hid himself for the rest of the day.

When Mark finally got back home, he threw himself onto his bed and mumbled into his pillow, "I just wanna die. If I can't have Wendy, any chaos god can just come and devour me, or whatever."

He lay there for an undetermined period of time and then he felt the ground shake a little. But he was so absorbed in his feelings that he barely registered it. Then suddenly, a voice spoke to him softly, "Mark Epstine, my new shaman. Why do you lay there so dejected and distraught?"

Mark bolted upright and looked around his room. There was a shadow walking along the walls that looked like some scrunched up fellow in a cloak with tattered feathers poking out at odd angles. Or at least, that was his first impression of it.

"Uh… Hello? Who are you?"

"I am your god, Mark Epstine. Though I can see that everyone here has by now long since forgotten me. That accursed Bill Cipher, he dissuaded the people of this valley from believing in me. But I have come back to claim what is rightfully mine!"

"That still doesn't tell me who you are," Mark said uncertainly.

"I am the god Madladl," the shadow responded.

"That sounds mad."

"Indeed I am, Mark. Indeed I am." The shadow repeated, "And you are my shaman."

"What does that mean? And what on earth is going on here?"

The shadow sighed heavily before proceeding, "Very well, time for a history lesson."

"History is my worst subject," Mark grumbled.

"Silence! Just listen to what I have to say," Madladl hissed. "Once, I was the god to the people of this land. They worshipped me and in return I shielded them from the strange things of this land and made the soil bounteous. I taught them in all forms of magic and how to read the stars and seasons. In return they offered me the love and virgins of their people.

"But then he came. That terrible demon, Bill Cipher. He promised the people even greater knowledge and power than what I had given them. He silenced me by casting a spell that sealed me in the Earth. He then recruited my shaman and tried to get the people to open a portal between this world and his. I was powerless to do anything, and do make sure that i would never rise to interfere with him, he erased the very memory of me. Even in death, his spell was not broken, until today. I do not know what caused it, but i am here now, to reclaim all that is rightfully mine."

As the shadow spoke, visions of the past flew past Mark's eyes, and he saw everything in exquisite detail.

"And what does any of this have to do with me," Mark asked aghast.

"You are distantly descendant from the line of shamans who served me. As you can see, I am still but a mere shadow, however, you as a shaman can restore me to full strength. I will reward you most handsomely if you do," Madladl said smoothly.

Mark began thinking wildly and asked, "You can grant me anything?"

"Yessss."

"Then I want Wendy Corduroy," Mark said forcefully. "I want those friends she hangs with out of my way. I also want this Dipper Pines done away with!"

"Agreed," the shadow said gleefully.

"But…."

"But what?"

"Why me? Why am I to be your shaman?"

"Because not only is your birthright, but you feel all of the pain necessary to motivate you to do the unthinkable, and bring a god back into this world."

On the other side of the world, the Stan of War II was docked in cold St. Petersburg between the Caesar Salad and Smirnoff. Ford sat on the rails and cleaned a stake before placing it into a small case with different size stakes. He harrumphed as his twin, Stanley, came topside.

"You obviously took your time staking that vampire," he groused.

"Oh, I staked her alright. In more ways than one," Stan, wobbling his eyebrows in attempted sexiness.

"Seriously!? You are too immature for your own good sometimes, Stanley!"

"Hey, selection back in Gravity Falls wasn't the best. I had to out of town to find even a female spider willing to bite into me!"

Ford pinched the bridge of his nose, "At least you got her through the heart, right?"

"Of course I did! It's on the right side, right?"

"It's the left!" Ford jumped up, and had s take in his hands in a second.

"I was joking! Geez! Here's your stabby majig anyway," Stan said, throwing the stake to his brother.

Ford caught it deftly and they glared at each other for a moment. They then burst out laughing at the same time.

"I can't believe you slept with a vampire, Stanley! Hahaha, just how desperate of a man are you for adventure and hot babes?"

"What I'm surprised about is that you didn't, you old geezer. You ain't getting any younger. Who knows how long we'll able to pick up murderous chicks? Gotta live life, bro!"

"I prefer my women to have umm, more hands…" Ford turned away and tugged at his turtle neck.

"What," Stan gasped.

"I know! I know! It's an odd fetish I picked up traveling the multiverse," Ford said hurriedly. "I'll try to get accustomed to Earth's women again, I swear!"

"It's not that! Had you told me this sooner, I would have known just the place to take you!"

"Not the spider lady!?"

Stan narrowed his eyes and demanded, "When did you become a mind reader, Sixer?"

Again, the brothers laughed and clapped each other on the backs. It was a job well done.

"Well, now that we have the misnamed Harpies of Hell poofed to dust, we can get along with our journey," Ford declared happily.

"Gladly! All this Russian is making me feel like the Cold War is back on."

"You're in Russia," Ford stated flatly.

"Yeah, that's the problem! Take me back to the good ol' world of capitalism, where there are suckers who pockets are just waiting to be picked!"

Just then Ford's weirdness detector began beeping off the charts. The brothers rushed to check it out.

"I actually have no idea why I bother. I can barely understand half your gizmos," Stan said.

"If you applied yourself, they really are not that hard to use and read," Ford protested.

"Keep telling yourself that smarty pants," Stan grumbled, but with a wink.

"Oh no, Stanley… These readings are back at Gravity Falls!"

"Wait, come again? I thought we had cleaned that entire mess up? What could be wrong now?"

Ford tapped his glasses and said, "I feared that Bill's evil could prove to be too great to be vanquished even by death. There was always the chance that he might somehow find a way of cheating that solution and coming back. This power surge is almost at his level. It could be him trying to come back into our dimension."

"But I erased him! Along with my memories! He shouldn't be able to come back!" Stan punched the cabin's wall.

"But we got your memories back, and if we could do that, he might have also found a way back. We have to check it out, now!"

"And here I thought we could finally get some treasure, after picking up some hot babes," Stan sighed.

"Hey, I still need my hot chick. And no spider women!" Ford insisted.

"No promises, Sixer," Stan shot back. "By the way Ford, since we are going back in the direction of the good ol' US of A, you need to know that we shouldn't mention to Mable what we did here."

"I should say not, Stanley! They are kids! They shouldn't know about what or with whom you have sleeping!"

"No, not that. Mable is all about vampires. You know, the sparkly kind. She would hate u," Stan gulped.

"I can confirm that those kind of vampires only come from the worst dimension imaginable. Even Bill Cipher hesitated to attack that realm."

"Let's change the subject and get outta here!"

The Stan of War II revved to life and they made their way out of the harbor and down the river. Just as Gravity Falls drew all weirdness to itself, the town called its boys back to it.

Dipper and Mabel walked up the steps to their school, faces bright for the adventures of a new day. Some people cat called them. They had gotten quite the reputation for their antics and crazies stories of what happened over the summer, but who cared? They had each other still, and they had grown up so much over the last few months. Though, they hadn't grow up quite that much, Mabel was happy to say.

"You know what bro, I have this feeling like something really big is coming," she said happily.

"Really? Because I feel like we are missing out on something big," Dipper said, his happy face now sliding off.

Mabel slugged him lightly on the shoulder. "Don't be like that, bro bro. Come on, whatever it is, we will face it with courage, grace, all the teen appropriate jokes, and my grappling hook!"

"Mabel! How many times do I have to tell you not bring that!?" Dipper pulled Wendy's hat down as Mabel brandished her gun, which she had speedily swiped from her pack.

"What the principle doesn't know can't hurt him," she smiled and laughed. "Onwards Dipper! Onwards to adventure!"

"Well, now that you mention it, I am certain Mrs. Barnes is a werewolf," he laughed back.

"Oh, please Dipper. Weird stuff other than you happening out of Gravity Falls? Highly unlikely."

"Except for you," Dipper countered.

"Guilty as charged! Bwap Bwap!"

Together, they laughed and entered their hellish middle school, ready for another day's adventure.

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