There's no reason to cry over spilled milk.
Unless you're a total bitch, which it just so happens she was.
"ANOTHER!" Haineko shouted across the bar at the bartender despite the fact he was three inches away from her. Unsurprisingly she got the attention of not only him, but the entire bar. All the while Tobiume sat next to her nervously clutching a cup of water with both hands. Haineko plopped back down onto her stool, but not before belching into his face.
"Uh-yes.. right away ma'am" he said hiding his mixture of contempt and disgust with professionalism.
"Dun call me tat, I ain't old" she slurred, the alcohol emitting off her was much stronger than that perfume she loved to flaunt along with her assets.
The bartender fixed another drink in front of her as she watch over him with hungry eyes.
"God yer cute" she said.
The bartender stopped pouring and looked to her. Tobiume snapped her head to Haineko with wide eyes and a look of utter shock and anticipation. She had expected some disastrous reaction after what had happened today and while this was exactly what she had in mind, experiencing it first hand was more nauseating and painful than the hangover Haineko would likely have tomorrow. So she would play Captain on this sinking ship tonight to see what she could salvage tomorrow.
"Uh.. thank you" he finally responded "Here's your drink" he gave it to her
"Pour it into my mouth." she licked her lips "Feed me" she let her tongue dangle out probably in some strange attempt to be sexy, but she just looked deranged.
"Um." The bartender stammered. "Why don't you just take it" he slid it before her. She however made no attempt to take and instead kept her tongue out. A drop of spit fell of the tip of her tongue and fell onto his hand. Retracting his hand he attempted to wipe it off. Dropping his eyes from her Haineko lunged forward and forcefully grabbed him by the collar.
"C'mon handsome-" she burped into his face "let's get dirty, right 'ere"
"That's n-not really appropriate right now-"he stammered, being reasonably uncomfortable at being man handled by this bat shit insane and drunk woman.
"Fuck being appropriate!" she cut him off. Tobiume got up to tug on her arm urging her to calm down as people were starting to stare, again. "This'll be much better than paying for those drinks" she slurred trying and failing to seduce him.
"Look I could lose my-" Haineko again didn't let him finish and forced her lips onto his. However during the smothering he wasn't filled with the intoxicating passion of a sloppy potential of a lusty one night stand. Instead he was filled with her vomit projecting into his mouth which was now being used as a barf bag.
Pushing off of her him he immediately vomited behind the bar stand with a mix of both her and his vomit. Growing pale he slumped off to the bathroom, vomiting at each step he took.
"Fag!" Haineko called to him as he fled. With eyes shining like stars and slobber exiting her mouth she reached over at the bottle he left behind. But before she could grab it Tobiume grabbed her and pulled her back down to her seat, although she ended up falling off it. "Damn, nother one got a way" Haineko rambled on the floor.
Tobiume stood over her incomprehensible friend as she rolled around on the floor.
"Uh maybe it's time we call it a night?" she suggested nervously rubber her fingers together in an overly sweet tone that matched her owner.
"Another!" she cried from the floor with a raised fist "I wanna forget this day" she pouted and spoke in a melodramatic fashion.
"I don't think this is the best way to go about it"
Haineko cocked her head to a nearby table "Look at that guy! He's hot" she purred. Tobiume looked up to see Soi fon Captain of the Second Division and head of the stealth force.
"Haineko that's a woman" Tobiume stated calmly
"Don't make no difference" she said as she began crawling towards her. Tobiume grabbed her tail and pulled as hard as she could, but she was having a difficult time doing such. But mustering all her strength she gave-by her standards- a mighty tug that forced the ash cat to pull back and land on top of her.
Trapped under her she could make out even more perverse ramblings.
"Aw look at those studs?" she smacked her lips together "I'll do both of em". Tobiume dug herself out from under Haineko to see the two "studs".
Marechiyo Ōmaeda was gorging on a plate of food with his zanpaktou. Before Haineko could stumble towards them Tobiume tried again to discourage her.
"Maybe we can just go home, go to bed and forget all of this" she smiled nervously
"Teh" the ash cat spat "That's easy for you to say, you didn't get dumped today" she stuck out her tongue.
"I don't think you were ever officially together" Tobiume cringed as she told her the truth of her situation even if she didn't want to know it.
"Whadda you know" Haineko ignored her and sulked, but suddenly she glared towards Tobiume, intimidating her greatly.
"W-what is it?"
"You did this!" she exclaimed
"What?" she let out shocked and confused.
"You did this!" she repeated even more infuriated than before "You probably plotted this whole thing out!"
"What! No" Tobiume flailed her arms "That's not true I-"
"You had the hots for him just like me!"
"Haineko that's ludi-"
"But you never had these!" she said grabbing a hold of her sizable chest "You never could compete with me!"
Tobiume stood up now, certain to show her friend the truth among her drunken stupor. Sure she liked Hyorinmaru just as much as she did and yeah she would like to be with him just as much as she does. Haineko likely thought because her own master and his were in a relationship that they should be too, but he didn't seem to warm up to that idea when she brought it up today... or in the manner she told him. So he told her off and they've been here ever since.
But right now she wasn't with him and even though Haineko came on to him a little strong (stronger than usual) she thought it was right to stand by her friend.
"Haineko. Your talking crazy. You're under a lot of pressure. Let me take you home and I'll-"
"Thieving bitch!" Haineko screamed like a Banshee, shot up grabbed Tobiume, lifted her over her head and launched her out of the nearest window.
And that was the last thing she remembered before everything went black.
Then she saw a blinding white light. She covered her eyes with her hands. God was it bright. God did her head hurt. But worst of all, despite all her attempts to forget she still remembered what Hyorinmaru did to her yesterday.
Dazed and confused but never removing her hands from her eyes she picked herself up from… where ever the hell she was now. All she could make out was a soft bed she was laying in.
"Whoa whoa hold up there!" a woman's voice called frantically to her. She felt a pair of large hands placed on her shoulders. "Calm down" she said with a reassuring tone "just put your hands down" she said taking Haineko's hands off her eyes which brought the painfully bright light.
Shrieking she brought her hands back up to her face. Although through blinding light she managed to make out that the person talking to her was the Squad 4 lieutenant Isane Kotetsu which also meant she was in squad 4; after what she barley remembered about last night this seemed more than probable. This also explained why her hands were so fuckin big.
"Uh-here" she heard her fumble around with something. She then slowly lowered Haineko's hands only with more difficulty this time. But when she finally did she found they were shielded by some obnoxiously large(and ugly) sunglasses which led Haineko to assume they were Isane's. "Better?" she asked.
Haineko just shrugged and picked herself up off the hospital bed realizing she had much bigger things to deal with now. "I gotta go now"
"You can't do that!" Isane exclaimed and put her hands up to stop Haineko, but it didn't do much good as she just kept walking. "You need to lay down and rest and we have to run some tests to see if you're fit to leave. Then we and then we have to fill out all the paperwork and then file i-"
"Are you still talking?" Haineko snapped startling the timid lieutenant. "I'm leaving" she said before storming off but stopped when she noticed something interesting and vaguely kind of familiar.
Tobiume was laying a hospital bed, but unlike Haineko she was completely hooked up to life support.
"What the hell happened to her?" Haineko asked.
"Oh it was awful. She was found like that. She's in critical condition and we don't know if she'll wake up" Isane said, nearly on the verge of tears.
A new wave of emotions came over Haineko. Despite their little gimmicks and banter Tobiume was one of her closest friends. She didn't know what she'd do without her "Who did it?"
"Well witnesses say you did that to her" Isane told.
"Huh?" Haineko let out "I don't remember that" she walked off leaving them.
Having remembered Tobiume also vied for Hyorinmaru's affection she took this as a good thing; now the playing field was leveled, in her favor. The emotions having passed through her she casually just walked out of the barracks leaving them behind. But not before tossing off the sunglasses and discarding them to the ground, shattering them.
"Aw, those were my favorite sunglasses" Isane sulked.
Down and a little depressed Haineko went to the only person she knew she could talk to about this. She strolled through the 10th division all the while many of the men tried to get her attention, but she paid them no mind as she walked by them. She walked up to the office of the Captain and Lieutenant of the Tenth division. Having no reason to knock as she lived there herself she kicked open the door.
"Rangiku! I gotta talk to y-"
"OH Shit!" Toshiro shrieked and pulled off of Rangiku.
"Captain" Rangiku whined and pulled him back down. Haineko had walked in on both of them laying bare assed on the couch with Toshiro balls deep in his lieutenant, but of the three in the room he was the only one clearly distraught by being caught like that.
That and the fact that she left the door wide open.
"Close the fucki-"Toshiro was cut off as Rangiku shoved his head in between her exposed chest. His muffled cries could still be heard as she casually turned her head over to her manifested Zanpaktou.
"What's up?" she chirped
"I got a problem" she let out as she strutted over.
"Well c'mon and sit here. Let's talk about it" she said casually despite their very compromising position. As Haineko sat on the coffee table next to the couch as Rangiku pulled Toshiro's head up "C'mon Captain, you can keep going, I can do both" she said trying to encourage him with his head still squished between her breasts. But of course to him this wasn't an ideal situation.
"Are you fucking kid-"she shoved in back down and the rest of his outburst was cloaked by her breasts.
"So what's up?" Rangiku turned back to Haineko who sat with her legs crossed on the table acting just as casual as Rangiku about the whole situation. She bobbed her leg over the other deep in thought. Her question unanswered, feeling ignored and losing her libido despite Toshiro still being inside her, she asked again only a little more aggressively. "Bitch, what you want!?"
Haineko turned her head to her "Wha? You say something?" Rangiku snarled at her "Sorry" Haineko let out with a degree of vulnerability she didn't show that often. Her eyes dropped from Rangiku's to the floor.
"Is something wrong?" she asked arching her head to get a better view of hers. Haineko turned back to her.
"Well…" she bit her lips "Something… one thing"
"Aww, come on tell me everything" she said bringing up one hand to tenderly take hers. But when she brought up that arm up it released Toshiro who sprang up in outrage only to be put back down by Rangiku's other limb. "Us girls gotta stick together"
"Weeeellll" Haineko dragged on the word "I really want to get Hyorinmaru"
"Welcome to my world" Rangiku smirked as she tousled a squirming Toshiro's hair earning some curse from beneath her skin.
"Yeeeeeah" she rolled her eyes "But I want his Zanpaktou"
"So why don't you go get him?"
"Already tried. He's not interested" she told biting her nails.
"Well, do you want to join in? I'm sure Captain won't mind, it'll be like there's two of me" Rangiku said before turning to pick up Toshiro's head "Captain are you feeling adventurous?" she asked puckering her lips.
He took in a deep breath "FUCK-" she pushed his head back down and snapped her head back to Haineko "You were saying?"
Haineko looked over her soul reaper counterpart as she shoved the naked master of the zanpaktou she wanted into her bosom like there was nothing at all wrong with this situation. "How did you two get together?"
"Well let's see?" Rangiku thought back and spoke in a tone too sweet for Haineko's liking "He was a third seat originally, then he was promoted to Captain" she began waving a finger around as she connected the dots "then we were working together a lot more often and then we fell in love and then we started banging and now were naked on the couch as I recount all that to you" she ended with a glistening smile although there seemed to be some malice to it.
Haineko just looked on with a raised eyebrow "Well that's a little vague" she scratched her chin "How'd you seduce him?"
Rangiku now raised an eyebrow "Weren't you listening? I didn't-sort of" she added recalling all of the times he bumped into her chest, purposefully or not.
"Well when'd ya start banging?"
Rangiku's eyes rolled up as she thought back "Sometime after Aizen got defeated" she shrugged, not exactly remembering when.
"That long?!" she exclaimed and spat all over Rangiku's face
"Well a relationship takes time to develop" she said wiping her spit off
"I don't wanna wait that long" Haineko grinded her teeth.
"What about love?" Rangiku asked sweetly
"What about it?" Haineko asked, the idea sounding foreign as if it wasn't a big factor in her decisions. "I just wanna get him in the sack" she admitted.
"Well…"Rangiku was almost at a for words and patience for that matter. Damn she was a handful "Have you talked to him again?" she suggested, hopefully getting her to leave considering this conversation was going nowhere and a threesome was unlikely "Maybe if you go talk to him he'd warm up to the idea"
"I'm not su-"
"Just go and apologize" she urged "He'll appreciate that at least"
Haineko blew some air from her mouth, blowing hair from her eyes. This conversation had been proven pointless, well almost pointless. She'd keep that idea for a threesome out there.. oh and the apology part. She just had to play the rest of this cool.
"Ha" she huffed "Whatever bitch, that'll never work" she waved her hand and stood up "I'm outta here". Placing her hands behind her head she walked out of their office to find Hyorinamaru and apologize to him.
Rolling her eyes at her zanpaktou Rangiku turned her attention back to something much more appealing.
"So" she pulled up Toshiro's head "Where were we?" she asked in a sultry voice and an accompanying smile.
Grinning he answered "Well we-"he turned over wide eyed to see the door wide open with all of his subordinates looking in "AAHH!"
After leaving the 10th division office Haineko was determined to find Hyorinmaru to put the bad times behind them and (hopefully) good sex fueled ones before them. She thought of all the places she would be but she quickly came to the conclusion he would likely not be doing any of the things she would. Pondering as she walked she changed her tactics. Now she tried to think of the most boring placing a person would be at.
Apparently the answer was rounding a corner.
Haineko distracted by her pondering knocked into someone as she turned a corner. Already pissed off, she was ready to let off some steam on someone who probably didn't deserve it.
She backed up from the person "HEY! Who the Fu-" she stopped mid-sentence when she realized the person she bumped into was exactly the persons she was looking for; the manifested Hyorinmaru.
She noticed that his usually calm, composed and dreamy eyes showed a hint of emotion when he saw her. That emotion being scorn, likely from their encounter last night.
The whole time he regarded her she just kept her mouth gaping open looking like a damn fool.
"Haineko" he finally spoke breaking the silence, his voice as cold and distant as he was.
Haineko shook her head "Hey Hyorinmaru! Where have you been, I've been looking all over for you" she babbled to him. He did not seem all that impressed at that, in fact he had been both expecting and loathing it.
"Have you?" he questioned "Well I thought I made it clear to you last night after your…." he stopped, trying to find the most appropriate yet least embarrassing word for her sake "improper behavior last night both last night and most of the time I am uninterested in-"
"Yeah I heard you last night" she aggressively cut him off and received a cold glare in response. Immediately regretting it she faltered for a moment. Too embarrassed to look him in the eye she began looking around nervously at anything but his cold stare. That's when she remembered what Rangiku told her. "Actually I wanted to find you-"she began rubbing her hands together "because i-I.. well I"
"You what?"
"I wanted to apologize to you". Finally looking him in the eye again she noticed a change in him. The malice left his body and while he retained his serious demeanor, she could make out a genuine appreciation of what she just did.
"Well thank you Haineko" he said "I'm glad you said that. Now we can continue to have a positive relationship. I appreciate you realizing the error of your past actions"
"So you forgive me?" Haineko asked, trying to sound as helpless as possible.
"Yes" he nodded. But before he could take a breathe and enjoy her heartfelt apology Haineko spoke up
"Yeah great, can we make out now?" she said dropping the sorrow from her voice.
He narrowed his vision onto her "Excuse me?"
"You forgive me, great. Let's fuck and forget about it" she said brushing herself against him, pressing her chest into his.
"No" he said sternly
"Don't' you mean yes?" she questioned playfully
He pushed her off him and she fell over to the floor "No"
"Ooh so you like it rough too" she licked her lips from under him.
Rolling his eyes he took in a deep breath and released an aggravated sigh.
"You should be a gentleman and help me up" she said as she brought her foot up slowly tracing his leg up to his groin. Backing away from her extended foot he then walked around her as she remained on the floor. "Where are you going?!" she asked but he did not respond "Wait for me!" she said getting on her knees but he rounded a corner leaving her alone. With him gone there was only one thing she thought she could do. "FAG!" she shouted so loud it echoed through the halls of the division.
The rest of the day and night was much what her previous one was although since Tobiume wasn't there it was a lot more productive.
Drinking, pity fucks, and a one hell of a bad headache.
Luckily though she didn't wake up in the fourth division so she didn't have to deal with their bullshit. She found the dumpster more appealing than that place for some reason.
Stumbling she eventually made it back to the tenth division. Some nice guys from the eighth division even helped her get back. Sure the felt her drunken body up but she felt that was a pretty good reward for helping her get home.
Once she was in the barracks she had an easier time getting around and she made her way to one of the people she deemed responsible for her current state. Slumping up to the 10th division office she gave a kick so mightier than yesterday's, that is cracked a whole into the wall.
Luckily this time the Captain and Lieutenant weren't in the middle of activities..yet.
"Hey Rangiku I gotta talk to-"
"Damn it!" Toshiro roared form behind his desk, being able to see the crack in his wall from there.
"What's up?" Rangiku asked casually from her personal office space; the couch. "How did everything go yesterday?"
"Horrible" Haineko whined and stomped her foot on the floor. "He rejected me again"
"Oh" Rangiku said mournfully "That's horrible. Captain" she turned to her boyfriend/superior officer "Could you talk to your zanpaktou about this?" she said with wide puppy dog eyes.
"Do you not see the damage to my fuckin' wall!" he shouted at them and pointed to the indent in the wall.
"Oh Captain, you're so materialistic" she waved him off "It's only a wall"
"The repairs are coming out of your paycheck" he said before turning back to his paperwork.
Rangiku's eyes bugged open "Captain I need money to by stuff!" she whined
"And you're not materialistic?"
"NO!". The whole time these two bantered Haineko's head went from one to the other, but she decided there were bigger things for them to worry about.
"Yeah money, wall whatever" she cut Toshiro off from his lecture "Let's get back to me!"
Rangiku put a hand to her chin and began pondering this delicate situation her zanpaktou was in and how to handle it. She snapped her fingers coming up with the perfect idea.
"You should sleep with somebody else!" she exclaimed.
"Oh god" Toshiro dropped his head into his hands at her horrible advice.
"Already did" Haineko admitted "Can't remember who though?"
"Oh" he groaned through his fingers.
"You can't just do it with some random person at a bar!" Rangiku said getting up "It's gotta be with the right person"
"Yeah and who's that?" Haineko questioned, doubtful of her counterparts sage advice; it hadn't served her well before.
With a mischievous smile Rangiku's eyes drifted across the room to the only other person there. Haineko's soon followed and they both regarded the young Captain who had since gone back to his paperwork.
With devilish smiles now on both of their faces, in unison their eyes came back to one another.
"Just think, it's the perfect candidate" Rangiku said.
"I couldn't agree more" Haineko grinned. They both turned towards Toshiro and walked towards his desk.
"Hey Captain, could you do use a huge favor?"
"What?" he said already exhausted from their verbal banter from before, but not as nearly as he'd be later.
"Can you tell us who's breasts are bigger?" Haineko asked.
Before Toshiro could make any response both of them jumped over his desk and onto him.
The door was left open the entire time.