Part I.

One

My daddy likes ADAM and the special little needles. He shows me all the time what they're like and how they work. You have to put them in your wrist just right, he said, but then his wrists started getting bad marks so he needed to use other parts of his arms. I don't have marks on my arms. My arms are not like Daddy's.

My mommy used to like the ADAM and the needles, too. She was nice sometimes because she'd put fire on things with her hands and then we would use it to make dinner. Other times she was really mean. When she was mean she threw lots of things around the house and sometimes she threw them at me and Daddy. That didn't happen for very long because some people in uniforms came to our house and then I wasn't allowed to live with my mommy and daddy anymore. I cried for a long time when they told me that, and they said it would be okay and I was going to a new place to live, an orphanage.

There was a bad man at the orphanage. Big room, lots of beds, lots of girls like me, disappearing one by one. Doctors sometimes, giving us things to smell that made it hard to think. No mommy, no daddy, just the bad man and once, the lady. The movies play on repeat all day and night and...

I...

I have a hard time remembering.

Two

I have another daddy now. He's nicer than the other daddies because some of the other daddies do scary things with their hands. Mr. Bubbles doesn't do that. He lets me talk to him while he does important stuff like fighting the bad people. If you have a bad daddy you have to be very, very quiet and hope he will forget about you.

Mr. Bubbles doesn't forget about me. Lots of times a day he comes to the hidey hole to get me and then we look for angels. He takes care of all the strangers who come. Things are very mean and nasty when I'm getting ADAM, but after that I remember that things aren't scary. When I get tired he puts me back in the hidey hole. I am getting better at this. All good girls gather.

Sometimes lots of strangers are there, like when I am getting ADAM. They are scary, but Mr. Bubbles says they can't hurt me. He uses his special hand powers on them. That makes me laugh. Sometimes he makes them dance and sometimes they think they are my daddy.

I'm very good at showing Mr. B where the angels are. I can smell the rose petals from very far away and that makes him happy because I share my ADAM with him. I'm a good girl. The posters say so.

There are lots of girls like me. Sometimes I see them walking around with their daddies. They want for-real daddies just like I do. We're not supposed to talk to each other. If there is a girl in the hidey hole, all you are allowed to do is sing little songs with each other because singing is not talking.

We are always being watched.

The bad dreams come. I wait for Mr. Bubbles to knock on the hidey hole. When I have more ADAM in my tummy, it will feel better again.

Three

Sometimes I see lonely daddies. There is a difference between lonely daddies and mean daddies. The lonely ones are the looking ones who go back and forth to hidey holes looking for the girl that belongs to them. I think they are sad.

The mean daddies are the ones you have to be very quiet for. Sometimes they come up to Mr. Bubbles and me and they try to hurt us. I don't know why they do this – I'm a good girl – but you're always safe with your daddy. That's Mr. Bubbles's job, to keep me safe. I get ADAM for him and then we are both happy.

I'm tired, I want dream time, but Mr. Bubbles is moving me along. We have a job to do. I have to be a good girl, and more ADAM will make me feel better.

I do not remember ever being so tired. I pull the needle out of the angel and drink down my ADAM. I think it tastes like cherries. What is a cherry? I'm not sure, but I think I must have had one once or twice before.

Too many gathers. I can feel the juice from the angels sloshing in my tummy. Mr. B takes me to the hidey hole again, and I am glad it is empty. I want to sleep for a long, long time.

Four

It isn't safe today. There was an angel, but when I went to help him, I stepped in glass. It was red on my feet. I don't want to lose any ADAM. Mr. Bubbles let me be careful about that, because I had to make sure there was no glass in there, like I learned once a long time ago. When there wasn't any more, my feet had rose petals.

We are in another room and water is dripping from the ceiling. I put my feet in the water and the rose petals float away. I think they are not so bad.

The people who want to hurt us have friends today. I don't like them. I just want to gather ADAM for Mr. B, so I yell to him and he makes them dance. Today they try to pick me up, but I scream. My daddy will protect me.

First it hurts. Then it stops hurting, but my arms have rose petals. Mr. Bubbles is taking me back to the hidey hole. I don't understand why. We have hardly done any gathering today. Maybe it is because of the scary people. He leaves me here and goes to do some more work. I wonder what he does when I am not there.

My tummy hurts again. I hope Mr. B will come back soon so I can get some more ADAM to make it feel better. It hurts so much that I cannot sleep, so I start crawling. I hope I will be able to find him this way. I need Mr. Bubbles with me or I cannot gather ADAM, but I'm not sure where he is.

There is another part of the hidey hole with a daddy coming toward it. He doesn't see me, I am invisible. Maybe if he saw me he would let me have some ADAM to help me. Everything is very fuzzy.

The daddy has a girl like me on his back. I hope she comes in so that we can sing the song about the House of Upside-Down. I like that one the best. She is being very, very quiet. I hope he is not a bad daddy. It is getting harder to see him. I crawl forward some more and he sees me. I should go back.

There is not enough ADAM. I think I decide to take a nap.

Five

It is very cold and very hot. And then it is soft everywhere. I think someone is trying to smother me. You cannot smother a girl like me because we only grow rose petals. I have to get back to Mr. Bubbles. Somebody is touching my forehead.

"She is with fever. Two, perhaps three days."

It is a lady's voice, and she might be a mommy. We are not supposed to see the mommies, only our daddies when they come to get us. My daddy will come back and make her dance and keep me warm. Then she will be an angel and I will help her and drink her ADAM.

I need ADAM. I am shaking all over. My daddy will come soon and rescue me from the bad mommy.