This is a story that took place a long, long time ago in a faraway land that I can't remember the name of right now. This land was ruled by a cruel Queen...or Tzaress or Ruler or whatever you want to call her, who had a young cousin. This cousin was beautiful and fair, but pretty much dumb as a post. The Princess Nazz was her name, though everyone who disliked her called her the 'Daughter Of The Dragon"...the Dragon being Queen Sarah, of course.

Also in this kingdom were many peasants, of course, and our story focuses on one in particular...who we'll visit now.

~*~*~

Let's see...about the time the royal proclamation was given, our hero, Ed, was...well...asleep. You see, Ed was the youngest of of three brothers, and his two other brothers were a lot smarter than him. A LOT. At least according to their parents. Anyway, his two brothers tease tease and taunt him all night, and so when he was supposed to be doing his chores, he fell asleep with his head in the chicken feed.

"Wake up, you idiot! You're supposed to be feeding the chickens, not sleeping with them!"

"Huh?" Ed grunts, lifting his head, coated with chicken seed, and looking at his borthers through half-lidded eyes. "What'd I do?"

"You almost missed the royal proclamation, peasant boy."

"What?! Lemme see it!"

"Mom and dad have it, you fool. Try and keep up."

With that, the two boys raced off, leaving Ed in the dust with the squawking chickens. Pulling himself up, he dusted his green jacket and brown pants off, beginning the long trek back to his house.

~*~*~

When he got there, drool immediately began to pool in his mouth, for he could smell his mother cooking one of her famous feasts - rolls, meats, brandy, and potato pancakes, plus so much more. Passing the window into his parent's bedroom, he sees his father packing bags full of gorgeous clothes, fancy jackets, and gold belts. "Whoa..." Ed breathed, stopping in his tracks for a moment before running full-speed into his house. "MOM! DAD! Food and pretty things, please!"

His mother, standing at the stove, didn't even turn, but merely waved a hand at them. "It's for your brothers, my simple lamb. Go sit down and I'll read the proclamation to you."

Singing, Ed moved to the table and sat down with a thump, beginning to read he parchment for himself (since he was clearly capable of doing so).

Attention all my royal subjects-

The Princess Nazz is ready for marriage-

and so, in the intrest of finding her a suitable husband,

I royally decree that any man

who shows up at my door in a flying ship

will get the girl,

no questions asked.

And

HURRY UP!

Queen Sarah

Ed reads this last bit aloud to himself disbelievingly. "A flying ship? but those only are true in the comics!"

"Shut your mouth, before your curse your brothers' trip!" His mother scolded sharply, wrapping the food up in a blanket.

"Brothers? They're going?" Ed asks, turning and watching the food disappear into a basket, drool dripping out of the corner of his mouth.

"Of course, dummkopf (I APOLOGIZE FOR SPELLING! THAT'S SUCH A COOL WORD!). They're leaving right away."

"But mom, I want to go too!" Ed cried, leaping to his feet.

"Oh, Ed, of course not," his mother cooed, walking by with the basket and giving her youngest boy a sharp pinch on the ear. "You'd be eaten by wolves before you even left the house."

Sitting back down, Ed watched in a daze as his parents gave his brothers the wonderful feast and clothes, and his father blessed both boys with a smile on his face.

The brothers left the house and walked down the road, and their harsh laughter rang in Ed's ears for hours.

And his brothers were never heard from again.

~*~*~

Some times passed, and finally, Ed decided to make the journey for himself, for he wanted his father's blessings and his mother's wonderful food. When he told his parents, though, they both laughed. "What? You'll get lost before you take three steps, simple one!" His father giggles, shaking his head.

His mother, though, was a bit nicer, and finally conceded to let him go. "But if you get eaten by wolves, don't you even think about coming home."

Ed got very excited, expecting a warm goodbye and his father's blessing for the journey - but all he got was a small leather bag full of stale breadcrusts and a wave as he left. A sigh escaped his lips as he followed his brothers' footsteps.