Ok, I decided to have a little fun with our fictions. Total mockery. But, it's in Total Love. :) I am not making fun of anyone's writing, cause quite frankly, i think most of you write better than I ever could. I just remembering seeing something like this for Third Watch (my once beloved show), and I thought it was kind of amusing, so, I tried it for SN. I have no idea if anyone's done it yet. If so, then that's cool, we'll see how different ours is. The fact that I mentioned some of the fics I've read, proves I'm a fan.. cause.. yeah.. I hardly remember anything at all. But, I've got a ton of fics on my favorites, and I check for updates everyday. So, this is in Total Love, like I said. And sadly.. no one owns their hotness, but them. Boy.. doesn't that sound like the lead in to something raunchy.
So, I guess that's a disclaimer? Hm. Ah well, loooooveeee you writtterrrrsssssss. See, I know how to be Dean. 0:) ENJOY & review. It makes me all warm inside to see the reviews. And yeah.. be nice, cause this is meant as a joke, and what seems like my trashing the fics, is actually my admiring them.
"Dude.. again with the damsel thing?" Dean stares at Sam, the annoyance pratically steaming off of him. They are reading the current updates of fics, no site in particular...
"What? I can't help what they write. It's not actually me, anyway. Jerk."
"Bitch."
"See? This is why they're always trying to kill you."
"So what's your excuse for always needing attention?"
"I do not always need attention!"
"Name me one fic where you don't have me fawning over you at some point or another?"
"I.. uh..."
"Yeah, I wouldn't fawn over you. I'd kick you in the side and drag you on. You're supposed to be a hunter, Sammy."
"I am a hunter, and it's Sam."
"Yeah, what's up with you correcting me in every fic like that, too? You know I know you hate it, right? Why the hell do you think I do it?"
"God, you're an ass."
"Yeah, but a pretty ass."
"I really don't wanna talk about your ass anymore."
"Hey, you're the one that said it."
"Yeah, and now I'm the one trying not to."
"Good one..."
"Bite me."
"You'd love that."
"Dude.. we're brothers."
"So? Apparently we're hot enough to make people want us to go at it."
"And you're rising to the challenge?"
"Ha!"
"God.. I didn't mean-"
"No, no, that's classic. AC/DC classic, man."
"Yeah, and why do you always try and beat me when I go for the radio? What's up with that?"
"Dude.. didn't you pay attention to the first episode? My car, my music, shotgun shuts-"
"Yeah, that wasn't clever then, and it's still not-"
"I'd love to see you do better, bro."
"I could without even thinking."
"Then do it, college boy."
"Ok, and that's another thing. Why am I always college boy? Or geek boy? You can't think of one nice thing to say-"
"So not doing chick flick moments."
"Yeah, and why do you call them that-"
"Because every chick flick movie has the lead character breaking down at some point and looking like a total wuss."
"They're not a wuss just because they have feelings, Dean."
"Yeah they are."
"God, who raised you?"
"Yeah, and what's the thing with the whole I blame myself for what happened-"
"Oh God, I know. Every nightmare I have is either about Jess-"
"Dude and that scene that they always have following. You waking me up, why do you always wake me up, man?"
"I don't! I'm not even doing half of what they-"
"And the fact you're all 'I'm ok, let's get going,' so annoying."
"Hey, you never talk about your feelings either, Dean."
"You haven't listened to a word I've said, have you?"
"How about you? You're always interupting me-"
"Oh, poor Sammy. I wanna talk, so I say something-"
"No, Dean. You're always interupting-"
"Kind of like that time I wanted to hang around that waitress-"
"See! You're doing it again!"
"Doing what?"
"You're a slut, man."
"Whoa. When did I become the victim?"
"If the situation calls-"
"All I said was the waitress was hot, and we were allowed to have fun. What's wrong with that?"
"Cause we were trying to save people, Dean. And your chasing ass could've waited a while."
"Hey, it did wait. You didn't let me do anything with her anyway. We had to get moving. Who knew if Dad could be there, wah wah-"
"Man I'm so tired of him telling us what to do, and then saying we can't see him. Or watching us. Dude, that's just creepy."
"Eh, what?"
"You know.. the whole 'i'm watching you thing', that keeps happening to us when people write."
"What watching thing? Who's watching us?" Dean reaches for the knife under his pillow.
"Ha! I so called that one."
"So, who's watching us?"
"Oh."
"Yeah?" Shaking his head, Dean lowers the knife, "It's like talking to a five year old."
"There's the condenscending tone again."
"The what?"
"You're always treating me like a kid."
"Since when?"
"Since always."
"Man, you're cranky without your fifty hours of sleep."
"Like I ever get any! You, however. How come you always get the good sleep?"
"Dude, I get attacked all the time, and you're bitching cause I manage to catch some z's once in a fic?"
"That's more than what I get!"
"Cause you're the damsel."
"For the last time, I'm not the damsel."
"You are so the damsel, Dude."
"Stop calling me Dude."
"I can't help it. Someone's writing this, I'm just saying what they tell me to."
"See? Another thing. Why are you always somebody's puppet?"
"Yo, Sammy, piehole, what do you think you're doing right now?"
"Oh."
"Gotcha."
"You act more like a kid than I do in these things."
"Do not."
"Do too."
"Do not!"
"God!"
"Yes?"
"Dean, shutup."
"Why don't you make me?"
"I'm killing the writer of this."
"Hey, I like what I'm saying. Except the whole repeating of the 'Dude' thing. That's kind of annoying." Dean receives a harsh smack to the back of his head.
"Ha!"
"Man, totally playing favorites."
"Maybe she just finally realized how annoying you really are."
"I'm so not annoying. She loves me."
"So that's why she just smacked you?"
"It was a love tap."
"Yeah, like being attacked by bears is just a hug, and being shot is just a kiss-"
"You need to write us better lines."
"Yeah.. I don't know where she was going with that one." Sam falls off the bed, due to an 'unexpected' kick in the back.
"Ha! She only smacked me."
Mumbling, Sam sits up, rubbing a hand on his back, and glaring at Dean.
"I hate these things."
"Tell me about it." They both hear a faint giggling in the distance.
"I think they enjoy torturing us."
"Hey, who's this us, you're talking about? They torture you the most."
"Ha! Yeah right, man. You're always the one that's throwing your dumb ass in front of me-"
"Cause you have no idea how to defend yourself, Damsel."
"I'm not a Damsel!"
"You are so a Damsel."
Both frown at each other, and Sam sighs, "Hey, we already said that.. like twice."
"Well, maybe she's getting bored with us."
"Uh-oh." Dean stares at the reaction Sam gives him.
"Why Uh-oh?"
"Dude.. you know what fangirls do when they get bored.." Suddenly, as though Sam's realization (a very bright one, might I add), dawns on him, Dean's eyes get wide.
"No way. I'm not getting shot again! I didn't like it the first hundred times it happened, no way!"
The giggling returns in the background, a slightly demonic twist to it.
"Well, I guess I'll see you in one of those weird time warp places.. or demensions." Sam nods thoughtfully, "I have to say that's creative. I never would've thought of it-"
"Sam, we're about to be shot, beaten, stabbed, and murdered, and all you can think about is how creative they get about it?"
"Well hey, there's nothing we can do about it. And they usually don't kill us.. they just-"
"Make us think the other is dead, until the other breaks down, and then oh oh! Look at that! Amazing recovery!"
"So you do watch Oprah?"
"Why does everyone think that?"
"Cause.. you do?"
"I watched it once! Once."
"Oh my God, you admitted it?"
"Shut-up." Dean quickly thinks of a comeback, but when a good one doesn't enter his mind (cause hey making fun of myself as well gets hard), he says the first thing that comes to mind, "At least I'm not put in Spidey boxers or always seem to be feeling up on me. That's just wrong, man."
"Like you'd deny any sexual contact with anyone-"
"Uh yeah, like my brother?"
"Yeah.. it's kind of weird. The whole Wincest thing."
"The whole what thing?"
Sam, smirking, leans forward, as though to tell Dean a secret.
"Wincest, man. That's what they call it. Winchester plus Incest-"
"Ok, ok!" Dean waves his hands, throwing himself as far as he can away from Sam, on his own bed.
Sitting with a smug look, Sam raises his eyebrows up and down at him.
"What the hell was that?"
"What? You don't wanna?" Sam licks his lips, and Dean's mouth drops.
"Oh my God! What's wrong with you people!"
"Hey, you're the one that said we must be hot for them to want us to go at it."
"Yeah, but, God.. aren't there any limits?"
"In the fanfiction world? Hell no."
"God... maybe I won't be so hard on the show's writers from now on. Even if you do get more angst."
"I do not get more angst. Dude, you just got done with a whole episode about you being sick-"
"I got like five minutes at the beginning with getting electrocuted & then lying in a hospital bed. Hows that an entire episode-"
"We spent the whole episode hunting the Reeper, just because you felt guilty-"
"Dean Winchester, never feels guilty-"
"Man, you seriously need to memorize more of the script. And, you need to check out more the fictions."
"Why would I do that? They're always trying to kill us."
"It's all in fun. And besides, you usually get the chick, or the smart ass comments anyway. I'm the one that gets totally screwed with being the Damsel."
"Ha! You admitted you're the Damsel."
"So?"
"So? I get called every name under the son-"
"Actually, she's done a pretty good job of not making us swear in this fic-"
"Yeah.. I found that odd, too. She's a sailormouth most of the-" Dean doesn't get to finish his sentence, for, a sudden wind knocks him off his bed, sending him crashing to the ground.
"Finally. It took her long enough to shut you up."
Dean, looking hurt of pride, but nothing else (cause after all, he's tortured enough.. well ok, he's tortured in other fics), finds his way slowly back up to the bed.
"And I was being nice-"
"You're hardly ever-"
"Shut up!"
"Ok, that's another thing. How come we're always arguing? I'm either leaving you stranded, or you're being a complete ass, which, thanks to the writers is true to life-"
"Oh to hell with you-"
"-and we always end up away from each other at some point in a fic."
"Not every fic."
"What?"
"I said, not every fic. Maybe she shouldn't make you deaf next time."
"No, it's not that I didn't hear. I just.. you read?"
"Hey! I read stuff all the time-"
"Name one book-"
"Ah! Stop being Joe College. God. I hate when they make you like that."
"What can I say? Someone has to have the brains."
They both look at each other, before Dean puffs, "You sure that wasn't my line?"
"Yeah.."
"I think she's getting our personalities confused."
"Well, if she'd stop writing, then she wouldn't have that problem. But, like you, she's a stubborn ass."
"Oo.. maybe we could get married, and have a bunch of little Sammy's-"
"Sam! It's Sam! If I seriously have to correct that in one more fic, I'll-"
"Wait for me to save you, when you try being the hero and get caught-"
"Hey!"
"Dude, totally not me. Blame her."
"Stop writing! I don't wanna do this anymore, man." Sam hears a clearing of the throat, and corrects himself, "Ok, wo-man. Ok? Can you stop writing? It's not even funny anymore."
"Not that it ever was." Dean knows that as soon as that has been written, he's in trouble.
"Come on! How's it fair if you're making me say this crap?" The Wo-man reconsiders smashing Dean over the head with the semi-expensive, but appauling purple and teal flower vase, conveniantly placed next to his bed.
"Man... now who's the favorite?"
"Hey, I've gotta get some recognition somewhere."
"Oh please. You're always getting the women, Dean. Like they can't stand seeing poor wittle-" Wo-man sighs, realizing they will continue bickering, even without her making them do so, and silently summons a spirit to attack them. At least they'll have something to do in the next fic she plans on abusing them with.
We leave Dean and Sam in the hotel room, as the spirit enters their vision. We can hear screams, but we are no longer aware of what is going on in the room.
Wo-man giggles, triumphantly skipping off with her Jensen blow up doll, leaving the other great Authors to pick up where she left off with the torturing.
THE END.
Sucked? Good. It was a total joke that came to me, and it was fun to write. Besides, we need some comic relief, and I'm still waiting for most of you guys to update! Yes, I do read most of the stories.. how else would I have gotten some of the situations? I love your guys' writing :)